Harlequin KISS August 2014 Bundle

by Amy Andrews, Aimee Carson, Avril Tremayne

  * * *

  Frustrated and furious, Leo went down to the beach after Sunshine had left.

  No—she hadn’t ‘left’; she had run away, as if all the demons of hell were after her.

  He needed a swim to snap his tortured brain back to a modicum of intelligence. And he hoped the water was frigid. He hoped—

  Oh.

  Oh, God.

  There, a metre from the water, skewed in the sand, was the urn Sunshine had tossed aside last night.

  And it was more effective than a swim in frigid water ever could have been.

  Because it brought back every heartbreaking moment of that scene on the beach as the woman he loved had finally found the courage to say goodbye to her sister. The way she had given herself to him so sweetly afterwards, with gentleness and acceptance and yearning, and a heated desire that had seemed insatiable.

  The contrast to this morning was not pretty.

  He ran his hands over his head. Today was the anniversary of Moonbeam’s death. And what had he done? Pushed and pushed her, without even giving her a chance to think. All but demanding that she strip for him, forcing her to kiss him, telling her he would take whatever he wanted, when he wanted.

  It had been his survival instinct—alive and kicking—telling him to go his own way, get his own way, no matter what she wanted.

  But seeing the urn was a concrete reminder that his way was not hers.

  She had taken two years to farewell the sister she adored. She wasn’t ready to love anyone else. Was too scared of the pain of it and too guilt-stricken to reach for what her sister could never have.

  And he didn’t have the right to force the love from her.

  Not the right, and not the power.

  She didn’t want him to have all of her, the way he craved.

  And if she couldn’t give him her all, he was going to have to find a way to settle for nothing.

  ELEVEN

  ‘I will have you again, and there will be nothing friendly about it.’

  Those words had been going around and around in Sunshine’s head incessantly for four long weeks, until she’d started to wonder if she’d be too scared to go to the wedding.

  She hadn’t even been able to pluck up the courage to go to the airport to meet Jon’s flight, because she was so certain Leo would be there—ready either to pounce on her or ignore her, and she didn’t know which would be worse.

  Now she’d finally got to see Jonathan, he didn’t waste time on small talk. She barely had time to slap a Campari into his hand as he took a seat on her couch before he fixed his eagle eye on her across the coffee table and asked, ‘What’s going on with Leo, Sunshine?’

  ‘What do you mean?

  ‘Only that you went from mentioning his name in your emails to the point where I wanted to vomit to complete radio silence a month ago. And he did the same to Caleb.’

  ‘Oh.’

  ‘Yes, oh. I did warn you it wouldn’t be hands across the water singing “Kumbaya” at the end.’

  ‘Strictly speaking, that’s hands around the campfire.’

  ‘I will build a campfire and throw you on it if you give me internet facts in the middle of this discussion. What happened?’

  ‘It was the four-times rule.’

  Jon rolled his eyes. ‘Yes?’

  ‘I wanted to stop at two, because I was...liking him too much, I guess. And he didn’t want to stop.’

  ‘But you stopped anyway?’

  ‘Well...no. I couldn’t seem to resist.’

  ‘And the problem is... ?’

  ‘That I just... I can’t stop. Wanting him, I mean.’

  ‘So have him.’

  ‘You know I can’t do that.’

  ‘What I know, Sunny, is that you tell yourself a lot of crap! How do you know it’s too painful to love a man when you’ve never done it? And don’t hide behind the four-times rule. It’s easy for you to pretend you’ve always stopped at one or two or even none because you’re scared of caring too much. But the truth is you stop because you don’t care enough! Which brings me back to Leo and the fact that you obviously finally do care enough. What is the problem?’

  ‘I’m scared.’

  ‘Sunny—love is scary. Not just for you, for everyone.’

  ‘He doesn’t love me. He only wants me.’

  ‘So make him love you.’

  ‘You can’t make someone love you.’

  ‘The Sunshine Smart I know can—if she wants to.’

  ‘Well, she doesn’t want to.’

  ‘Just think about it.’

  ‘No.’

  ‘Then I’m telling your mother you asked for a book of original haiku poems for Christmas.’

  She sputtered out a laugh. ‘You’re a rat, Jonathan.’

  ‘Pour me another Campari and get me the computer. I’m going to look up Sydney’s hottest models and try to choose Leo’s next girlfriend. And when he nails her I am going to hire a skywriter to scrawl “I TOLD YOU SO” over Bondi Beach.’

  And then Jonathan left his seat, came over to her, lifted her onto his lap. ‘Sunny, darling one, give yourself a break and grab him.’

  ‘How can I when...when Moonbeam...?’

  ‘Moonbeam! Sunny. God, Sunny! Is that what this is about? She can’t have love so you won’t? She never wanted you to throw yourself onto her funeral pyre. That is so not her. And reverse the situation—would you have wanted her to give up living?’

  ‘No. Of course not! And I know she would have loved him...and that makes it easier. If only...’

  ‘If only?’

  ‘If only he would never die,’ she said, and buried her face against his chest.

  ‘Oh, Sunny.’ Jon kissed the top of her head. ‘Would it really hurt any less just because you’re not together? Wouldn’t that be worse?’

  ‘It’s so hard. Too hard.’

  ‘Yeah, life’s hard. So why make it harder?’

  * * *

  Sipping a gin and tonic, Caleb leant back in his chair and examined his brother, head on one side.

  It reminded Leo of Sunshine’s curious bird look. And he couldn’t bear it. He surged to his feet and paced the room, trying to shed some of the nervous energy that had infiltrated his body as the countdown to the wedding—to when he would see Sunshine again—began.

  ‘Now that it’s just us, suppose you tell me what’s going on with Sunshine?’ Caleb suggested.

  ‘Nothing.’

  ‘What happened? Did she fall in love with you and you had to hurt her feelings?’

  Silence as Leo slid into his seat, picked up his drink and took a long swallow.

  ‘Well?’ Caleb prompted. And then his gaze sharpened. ‘Oh, boy.’

  ‘“Oh, boy”—what?’

  ‘It was the other way around. You fell in love with her, and she had to hurt your feelings.’

  ‘Not exactly.’

  ‘Blood from a stone, or what?’

  Leo put down his drink, ran his hands through his three centimetres of hair. ‘We had an agreement—sex only. Four times.’

  Caleb nodded, understanding. ‘The four-times rule.’

  Leo shot a startled look at Caleb. ‘You know about that?’

  ‘Yep. And you obviously agreed to it. Idiot. So then what?’

  ‘And then she wanted...less.’

  ‘She wanted less. Why? You were no good in the sack? Because that’s not what I’ve heard.’

  ‘Because she didn’t want to care about me. Not just me—about
anyone.’

  ‘That is the dumbest thing ever.’

  ‘It’s a long story that I’m not going to go into except to say that she’s not looking for romantic attachments. She only wants to be friends. But I pushed it. I pushed and pushed until I got all four times. But it didn’t work. ‘

  Caleb choked on his drink. ‘She didn’t friend-zone you!’

  ‘She tried. I refused.’ Deep sigh. ‘And I ended up with nothing.’

  Caleb was staring at him, flabbergasted. ‘You are one dumb bastard.’

  ‘Thank you,’ Leo said dryly, and jumped to his feet again, pacing.

  ‘So what are you going to do?’ Caleb asked.

  ‘Get through the wedding. Try to accept it’s over.’

  ‘That’s not the Leo Quartermaine I know.’

  ‘She was up-front from day one and I should have accepted it. The thing with her sister—it was devastating for her. I should have understood and left her alone, but I...’ Stop. Start again. ‘Instead I pushed her and pushed her.’ Stop. Start again. ‘And what right do I have to push her into feeling something she’s not ready for?’

  ‘We’re never ready—none of us—for love.’

  ‘She didn’t fall in love with me. She wouldn’t let herself.’

  ‘So change her mind.’

  Leo came to a stop in front of Caleb. ‘She won’t do it. She says that she would be anguished in love—live for him, die for him. That’s the only way for her to love.’ He stared at his brother. ‘And I don’t think I...’

  ‘You don’t think you...?’

  ‘Deserve it. Deserve her. All I could say to her the last time I saw her was that I would not be her friend, that I would have her again—and again, and again—and that she couldn’t stop me.’ He was shaking now. ‘That’s the kind of thing someone like Natalie would want to hear, not Sunshine. The Natalie Clarkes are for me, not the Sunshine Smarts.’

  A hopeless, helpless shrug.

  ‘And she ran for the door faster than you could blink. And then I went down to the beach and I saw the urn and it hit me—what she’d been through the night before, when all I’d wanted was to help her find peace. But that morning...the anniversary...I was pushing her because I wanted more.’ He scrubbed his hands over his face. ‘No wonder she ran away from me.’

  Three paces away. Three back.

  ‘As soon as I saw the urn, Caleb, I knew that she would never belong to someone who’s clawed and scraped his way out of hell, who’s learned to grab and take and steal. Well, I won’t steal from her. I mean, who am I to steal from her what she doesn’t want to freely give? Why would I think I’m special enough to—?’ Stop. Start again. ‘Who am I to even want it?’

  Caleb stood slowly. ‘Who are you, Leo? Just the bravest, best, most wonderful—’ He broke off, grabbed Leo in a fierce hug.

  For long moments they clung together. And then Caleb drew back, tears in his eyes.

  ‘Now, I don’t pretend to know the significance of the urn. But I know this: you deserve everything. And I’m going to give you an argument that will appeal to the noble, valiant, chivalrous, gallant core of you that our pathetic parents did not manage to destroy, no matter what you think.’

  He gripped Leo by the shirtfront, looking fiercely into his eyes.

  ‘You know why you deserve her? Because you will look after her better than any other man on the planet. Because you will live for her, die for her. How will you forgive yourself if some substandard joker breaks down her defences—someone who won’t live and die for her? Who won’t throw himself into that freaking abyss you carp on and on about? Think about that, Leo. Think about that.’

  Leo stared at his brother.

  And then he smiled.

  TWELVE

  The wedding day was perfection.

  It was warm, the sun was shining, and the restaurant sparkled.

  A romantic day. A glorious day.

  A day for not throwing yourself at the drop-dead gorgeous man that you were head over ears in love with. Even if every hair on your body tingled the moment you saw him stepping onto the terrace in shoes you’d designed, as if he owned the world and knew exactly what to do with it.

  Even if you wanted to run your fingers through his newly grown hair and slide your hands over the lapels of his sharp and sexy suit, to lean in and take the clean, soapy smell of him into your brain via your nasal cavity.

  Sunshine had thought getting her first Leo sighting out of the way would take the pressure off her, but it seemed to have had the opposite effect. Every one of her senses had sprung to life and seemed to crave something that could be found only in his immediate orbit.

  Despite her wildly thumping heart and her clammy hands she tried to look serene as she made her way around the terrace, greeting, smiling, chatting. Her parents were looking as deliriously happy as usual. They’d brought Leo a batch of carob and walnut cookies. And a homemade diary for next year. And a haiku poem, framed, as a thank-you for inviting them to the beach that morning to see Moonbeam’s final resting place.

  They’d told her that he’d loved everything, that he was wonderful. She’d thought for an insane moment they intended to adopt him!

  Sunshine was wondering whether to apologise to him about the framed haiku—at least it would be a valid reason to approach him—when, amazingly, she saw him go over to her parents. The three of them looked like a secret club as they whispered together, and then Leo was enfolded in her mother’s arms and hugged almost convulsively. And then her father hugged him. The three of them were laughing, looking so right together. And then Leo kissed her mother on the cheek, shook her father’s hand in a two-handed grip, and moved away.

  Oh, my God. How the hell was she supposed to fall out of love with a man who was like that with her parents?

  He really, really must like haiku!

  * * *

  There was just one thing left on Leo’s wedding to-do list: make Sunshine fall in love with him before the cake-cutting.

  Caleb was sure he could do it. Jonathan had threatened him with violence if he didn’t at least try. And even her parents had given him a few pointers.

  But he knew she was going to be a tough nut to crack.

  Watching her do the rounds in that glistening, shimmering, silver dress, practically floating in those amazing shoes, he had felt his heart both soar and ache.

  She’d painted her nails silver, and was wearing glittery earrings and a matching ring in addition to the swinging sun and moon chain. Her hair was perfect—even the fringe was behaving itself. She was wearing a slick of eyeliner; she’d told him she would way back, when they’d struck their deal, so it was allowed. And deep rose lipstick.

  Gorgeous, gorgeous, gorgeous.

  Five times he’d tried to approach her. Five times he’d lost his nerve.

  The upshot was that by the time everyone was seated they hadn’t spoken a word to each other. Not one word.

  But he nevertheless felt as connected to her as a piano wire to its tuning pin—he was sure if they just got the tension right the music would soar. How poetic was that?

  He was aware of every mouthful she ate during dinner, and every mouthful she didn’t. He heard every laugh. Caught every quickly averted look from those miraculous eyes whenever he glanced in her direction.

  And then Jon and Caleb were moving to the small podium. Standing there, holding hands. Leo started to panic.

  Time was almost up.

  * * *

  Jonathan cleared his throat, tapped his glass, and Sunshine held her breath as all eyes turned to the newlyweds.

  ‘It’s that time of th
e evening,’ Jonathan said. ‘All of you here tonight are close to one of us—and hence to both of us. You’ve shared our journey. You know our story. We are so happy to be home, to be here, to be with you. So happy that we don’t intend to bore you to death with speeches! All we want to do is share with you the vows we spoke to each other last week in New York.

  ‘They’re short vows—but the words are very important to us. So...here goes: Caleb, you are the one. When I look in your eyes I see my yearning...and the truth. When you smile at me I know I can tell you anything and find everything. When we touch I feel it in every breath, every nerve, every heartbeat. When we kiss it is magic and delight. And home as well. When you laugh, when you cry, when you rage, and even when you sneer—because you sure can sneer—I am with you. You are everything to me and always will be. Caleb, my one, this is my vow to you.’

  Caleb blinked hard.

  ‘Oh,’ he said. ‘That’s the second time—and it gets me just as much as it did the first time. My turn: My Jonathan. I have known love before. Friends, colleagues. Most importantly brother—and off-script, because Jon won’t mind, Leo, by God, you know how important you are to me—but never before this love. This love is wrenching. Lovely. Scared. Careful. Proud. This love calms me. Excites me. Reassures me. Delights me. This love is everything. This love—my love—I will not and cannot be without. This love I give back to you—you will never be without it. Jonathan, this is my vow to you.’

  Sunshine, her breath caught somewhere in her chest, felt an acrid sting at the back of her nose. Tears. She was going to cry.

  Because she wanted that kind of love. Wanted it. So much.

  Leo had told her a month ago that he would not be her friend, that she would come to him. But she had been too scared. And now it was too late. Because Leo hadn’t even spoken to her—had barely looked at her today. And she was still too scared.

  She walked quickly towards the entrance, smiling, eyes full of tears. Four steps away. Three. Two. One—

  Her arm was grabbed. She was spun around. And Leo was there. Unsmiling.

  ‘What is it, Sunshine?’ he asked. ‘Did it hit you? Finally? That it’s what you want?’