Show No Fear (Rising Goddess Book 1)

by Tamara White

The raw emotion in his voice almost has me running back into his arms. I force myself to stand my ground, though. Then Alex reluctantly moves away from the door, pressing another button in the wall to lift the shutters. The moment the door is free, I race out of there, trying to escape them and the damn mating bond.

  After arriving back at my dorm room, I grab some clean clothes, knowing I need to shower and clean myself up. My mind is going a mile a minute, wondering what the hell to do, as well as what Seth would want for me. Part of me wants to call Drew to ask him for advice because he knows more about matings than I do, but I can't. If I call him, it’ll be like admitting I need him, which I will never do. Plus who knows how he would react to that kind of news?

  My heart feels raw, wanting nothing more than to go back to my new mates and bask in their scent and comforting touch. But my iron will is keeping me here.

  Maybe one day I will forgive them, but that day is not now.

  It’s been just over a week since I walked out on Kaden and Alex. A week since I noticed my scent change due to their claiming. And a few days since I started panicking for a different reason.

  I can’t believe I’m in this position, I think to myself as I walk up and down the aisles, hoping no one from campus spots me. The last thing I need is for my current predicament to get back to the college, or worse yet, the fraternity. If they found out, I'd never be able to escape them.

  I look around, pretending to glance at the tampons, when secretly what I really need is an item just to the left, shelved with the condoms and lube. Kinda ironic they keep pregnancy tests right next to condoms, don't you think? I mean it’s like a blatant reminder that 'you should have made him suit up' to all women who find themselves in this situation.

  There’s no real reason to think that I’m pregnant, but I just have to see the proof for myself. Like if I don't confirm that I'm not, then my cycle won't start or something. I'm not late yet, but there’s just this gut feeling deep inside me telling me everything has changed. Telling me that there’s a little life growing inside me.

  Part of me is blaming stress from my classes for making me think this way, but my scent has become slightly sweeter, which is what I was always told happened either during a mating or a pregnancy. On top of that, there’s my sore boobs and overly emotional state.

  I remember Seth telling me something about that when we were discussing having children. I had asked how I would know if I accidentally got pregnant and he explained that my scent would change. He said it already had once when he first claimed me, even though I still registered as human to both him and Drew. Apparently in addition to that change, when a female wolf got pregnant, her body would begin to put out a distinct scent to alert other wolves to her delicate condition.

  It's not like I could actually be pregnant, though. The pill is over ninety-nine point nine percent effective if taken religiously, which I do. But even so, there’s still that nagging point one percent that’s taunting me.

  "Katie?"

  Fuck. I close my eyes and hope she won't come closer but I should know better by now. This past week, Emily and I have become surprisingly close, hanging out whenever we have a chance so we can talk about wolf things. She's eased into the wolf world a lot better than I had expected, which has made me feel suspicious. Some of the things she’s seen and gone through would have been too much for me to handle the first time around, but she just accepts them all easily, never questioning things. It’s beginning to set alarm bells off.

  Why does she now so easily accept the truth about Colby and the rest of the wolves, especially after her initial freak out?

  I remember asking Seth and Drew thousands of questions, but she has been very quiet about the whole wolf subject whenever we meet. Like she’s happy to hear me talk, but seems to have no questions of her own to ask.

  When I asked Colby how she was settling in, he reassured me that she was fine. Though when Colby and I talked about introducing her to the Alpha, we both realized she seemed dead against meeting him. Colby was worried because she would have to meet him eventually, just like I would. However, Colby admitted to me that he thought one of the other pack members told her about his Alpha, because she seemed to know more about him than Colby or I had told her. The only time I mentioned Alphas at all was when I healed Kaden, so I’m not sure where she got her information. But the way she had talked about their Alpha as if she knew him personally, unnerved both Colby and me, although I know he didn’t want to admit he was worried his mate might be hiding something. I reassured him there could be another explanation, that maybe one of the pack members was trying to be helpful by telling her stuff, but I didn’t really believe it.

  Colby and I spent a lot of our free time together and yesterday he told me that he had to tell Emily a little bit about what happened between Kaden, Alex and me. Apparently, she started asking him about claiming, hinting that that was what she thought had happened between us. And while yes it was, it wasn’t really any of her business. Colby thankfully told me he denied that I had been claimed, because he knew it was my decision to tell her if I wanted to. Yet with the way he talked about Emily’s knowledge, I think she somehow knows exactly what happened.

  I suspect she figured it out because I started wearing two braids, one on either side of my neck to help cover my marks. Not to mention the makeup I’ve been using to conceal them. I made the mistake a few days ago of using Frannie’s foundation, but it was too dark and extremely noticeable. I fixed it between classes, but I believe Emily still saw them before I had the chance, not that she should have known exactly what the marks meant anyway.

  "Katie, I'm not going to just go away if you ignore me. I could see from the end of the aisle you were having some trouble," she says, her voice filled with sympathy.

  I open my eyes as Emily approaches me. She plucks a blue box from the shelf and holds it out to me. "These ones are the most effective early on," she whispers, her eyes darting back and forth, as if trying to make sure nobody’s listening.

  I reach out and take the test from her, grateful for her advice because I had no clue what I was looking for. No one ever really expects to be in this situation. Shit, what do I do if it's positive?

  I sway a little on the spot and Emily reaches out to steady me. "Right, you go wait outside. I'll take care of this and then you can come back to my dorm with me."

  I nod absently as thoughts go rushing through my mind. Slowly, I walk out of the pharmacy, hating myself for how vulnerable I feel right now. I only just got into a rhythm with college, but now there could be a baby added to the mix, all because I wanted something I shouldn't have.

  Am I glad I helped heal Kaden with whatever that power was? Yes, absolutely. Would I take that back, just to have escaped their claiming of me? No.

  I couldn’t even fathom that, because even though I’m still angry with how it happened, I realize they were both right. I would have never let them claim me otherwise. Even with time.

  Instead they made the first move, much like Drew did. I think that’s where my fear comes from. Drew claimed me in the middle of a heat, before I fully understood what all of it meant. And while I know neither Kaden or Alex are Drew, and I know much more than I did back then, I still can’t help but worry because they did the same thing he did.

  A few minutes later, Emily comes out of the pharmacy, carrying a little brown paper bag. She stuffs it in her purse and then comes over to me, looping her arm in mine. Then she begins to lead me back to campus with hurried steps.

  "Do you think you could be?" she asks softly several minutes later, as we climb the stairs to her dorm room. I'm glad she didn't ask outright if I was pregnant, because something tells me I would faint at just hearing the word.

  I delayed getting pregnant with Seth, and then when I lost him, I spent months regretting that decision. Surely the world couldn't be so cruel as to give me another man’s child when no such accidents happened when I was with Seth?

  Fuck, then there's Drew. He d
eserves to know about the situation, not only because he’s my mate, but because he’s an Alpha. If it turns out I really am pregnant, I'm going to have to call him because he's going to need to be there for the birth to stop the baby from shifting. I can’t rely on Kaden and Alex’s Alpha since he seems to be pretty flaky, but either way, Drew will have to be told. Fuck, giving birth! Why the fuck did I let myself give in to my desires?

  The halls around me blur and then suddenly, we’re at the door to Emily's room. Shit. I’m really out of it. I didn’t pay any attention to my surroundings on the way up here.

  She pushes me inside and slams the door shut behind us, clicking the lock. My eyes widen at that. I really need to snap out of it, because even with Emily being as nice as she is right now, I know I need to keep my guard up around her. I don’t know what it is, but there is just something off about her, especially in the last few days. She’s been almost hostile towards me whenever Colby and I get together for coffee or lunch. I thought maybe it was just their mate bond kicking in, but Colby said he had noticed her hostility towards not just me, but others of the pack as well.

  I move over to the window, looking out at the quad outside. I can see people milling about and others hurrying to class, going about their day as if their world isn't about to be turned on its head. Lucky them.

  "Are you sure you'll be far along enough to test? Maybe you should wait a little longer to be sure."

  I turn around, meeting her concerned gaze. Her blue eyes sparkle with something, but it’s gone before I have a chance to dissect it. If I didn’t know any better, though, I would say it was glee.

  I let out a ragged breath, my hands shaking as I take the package from her outstretched hand. "Wolf pregnancies differ depending on the power level of the mother. If you are just a regular wolf, your pregnancy will last nine to ten months like a human’s would. If you're higher up in the pack, not quite Beta but close, then your pregnancy will last between seven and eight months. But if you're an Alpha, like I am, then the pregnancy will likely only be about sixth months, seven at the absolute maximum. If I am pregnant, I will definitely be far enough along to know by now."

  She nods slowly, before stepping close to me and wrapping her arms around me in what I assume is meant to be a comforting hug, but I don’t feel any kind of warmth from her. It’s stiff, like she’s performing the action because that's what she thinks someone else would do in this situation, not because she actually wants to.

  I take a discreet sniff before she pulls away, and I have to fight not to frown. I could have sworn she smelled of ash. A smell I’ve never encountered on someone before.

  Emily gives me a sympathetic smile. "No matter what the test says, Colby and I will be there with you every step of the way. We’ll help you, no matter what. And if you decide you want to tell Kaden and Alex, then I'll be right there by your side."

  "Thank you, Emily. But let’s just get this test over with first. There's no point in worrying about what ifs if it turns out I'm not pregnant." Because yeah, worrying about the future before even knowing whether I’m pregnant is only going to stress me out more. I just need to know the truth, and then I can figure out the rest.

  "You mind if I use your bathroom? I'd rather not go down the hall holding a pregnancy test," I explain wryly, just picturing how the girls would react if they caught me trying to hide a pregnancy test. No thank you.

  "Oh yeah, go for it. I figured it would be better for you to do it here anyway. That way Frannie won’t bug you, either. I don't have a roommate and if I need to pee during the three minute wait, then I can just go down to the public bathroom at the end of the hall."

  "Okay, well I'll be out in a few minutes then."

  I grip the box tighter in my hands as I make my way into the bathroom that is a perfect duplicate of the one in my own room. Once the door is closed behind me, I pull my pants down and sit down on the toilet. Then I pull out the test, quickly skimming over the instructions. Seems simple... take the cap off, pee on the little test area, put the cap on and wait. Easy enough.

  Once that’s done, I wash my hands and set a timer on my phone before hurrying out of the room, not able to handle the suspense. I'm just thankful it's not one of those tests that uses two lines to show you’re pregnant. I would be forever squinting to see if there was a faint second line in the right light. At least this one gives me a straightforward ‘pregnant’ or ‘not pregnant’ result.

  "So?" Emily asks as I come out into the room.

  "It hasn't been three minutes yet. I just couldn't stay in there while I waited for a result. I mean, I'm sure it's going to be negative because I'm on the pill and it was only just the once. Even if I was in heat, it's just not possible. I'm sure I’m just stressed…” I ramble on before forcing myself to snap my mouth shut. I take in a few deep breaths, hating how I am feeling right now.

  Nervous that it could be positive. Scared because this is exactly what Seth and I wanted to avoid, yet here I am, only a month into college and already knocked up by a wolf that I barely know. Excited, because while a pregnancy does terrify me, I have always wanted children.

  But most of all, I feel heartbroken. If I am pregnant, it’s like I’m spitting on Seth’s grave. Even if everyone else thinks he would want me happy, I can’t believe he would really be happy about this. I mean come on, the only reason he died was because we were arguing over this very thing and my dad got distracted and crashed.

  Before I know it, the alarm on my phone is beeping, pulling me from my thoughts. I left it in the bathroom beside the test, not wanting to see it count down those three crucial minutes.

  It can't have been three minutes already. No fucking way. My heart starts to race and my breath comes in short pants. I can't do it. I can't look at it.

  I walk over to the spare bed and drop down onto it, burying my face in my hands as tears begin to fall.

  Emily comes over to my side and wraps an arm around my shoulders. I’m so jealous that she doesn’t have roommate. I'll have to ask how she scored that kind of arrangement. I'd love to have a room to myself without Frannie there, constantly hovering over me as if I hold the secret as to how she can get her hands on Kaden or Alex. I still don't understand why she is so obsessed with them when she can have pretty much any other guy she wishes.

  "Do you want me to look for you?" Emily asks over the sound of my alarm, which is still going off.

  I nod and look up at her with hopeful eyes. "Yes, please. I just don't think I can do it myself. I’m sure it's going to be negative, but I just need someone else to take a look before I do."

  "Of course, sweetie. I'll go check." She gives my shoulder a squeeze before getting up from the bed and walking into the bathroom.

  Ugh, I can't just sit here, I need to move.

  I begin to pace the room, waiting for Emily to call out that I can stop panicking. Why the hell is she taking so long in there?

  When she finally comes back out, she’s holding the stick in her hand and wearing a smile. I could swear I see a flicker of glee in her eyes, but it disappears before she holds up the test to me. "Um, congratulations?"

  My head spins, thinking she must be mistaken. But when I look at the test myself, that one word answer glares back at me, stopping my heart.

  I’m pregnant.

  "Katie? Come on, girl. Wake up." Colby's voice invades my mind. I open my eyes slowly, squinting at the bright lights above me. What the hell? Did I fall asleep? And why the hell is Colby in my room?

  I inhale deeply, noticing that Emily's scent is strong in this room, that ashy scent more noticeable than before. Why is Emily in my room too?

  That's when recent events come rushing back.

  Fuck, I fainted. After my friend told me I'm pregnant. Fuck, fuck, fuck... What the hell am I going to do?

  Tears spring to my eyes and upon seeing them, Colby lifts me up. He sits down on the bed and cradles me in his arms, rocking me back and forth as I sob helplessly.

  Emily's scent sudde
nly surrounds me, and I feel her hands brushing my hair from my face just before an overwhelming wave of nausea rises up within me.

  "Oh shit, I'm going to be sick." I shove off Colby's lap and rush to the bathroom, landing in front of the toilet just in time to lose the last two meals I had.

  Colby must have followed me in, because he’s there, holding my hair out of the way while I retch. When I have nothing left to throw up, the urge to vomit thankfully seems to subside and I lean back into his hold.

  "Here," Emily murmurs, appearing next to me with a can of ginger ale, which she holds out to me. When the hell did she have time to get ginger ale?

  "Colby brought it with him. I had to tell him, Katie. I'm sorry, but I just didn't know what else to do. When you fainted, I was so scared. I wasn’t sure whether the fall might have hurt you or your baby."

  I nod in understanding and open the can of ginger ale, using it to get rid of the aftertaste of vomit. Ugh why does everything taste overly sweet after you've just emptied the contents of your stomach?

  Colby mutters quietly against my hair, his voice soothing. "Like I told Emily, wolf babies tend to be pretty resilient once they're in there, so there’s really nothing to worry about. It’s usually the getting pregnant part that’s hard for us. Once that happens, though, the female’s body goes into instant defensive mode. The sac that surrounds the baby is practically made of steel, at least when it comes to wolves. Short of being shot or stabbed, no harm will come to that baby," Colby reassures both Emily and me.

  I look up, surprised to see a frown of displeasure on Emily’s face, but it’s gone the moment she realizes I’m staring at her. Shit, I am practically laying in her mate’s arms so I can’t really blame her.

  "Colby, can you help me up?" I ask in a shaky voice. I think I'm in shock.

  He chuckles and moves me out of his lap, getting up smoothly. Then he leans down, grabbing my hands and hauling me to my feet. When I’m standing, he lets go of me. I move to take a step out of the bathroom, but wobble a little. Colby is right there, wrapping his arm around my waist as he walks me out of the bathroom and over to the spare bed. After taking a seat, he pulls me back into his lap.