My Husband's Lie: A page turning and emotional family drama

by Emma Davies

  I rest my cheek against the toilet seat, scarcely caring that this isn’t the most sanitary place for it to be. It’s the least of my worries. I’m searching my memories for any inkling that something was out of place, any suggestion that there might have been… and then I stop. What am I doing?

  I sit up straight, tucking my hair back behind my ears. How could I even consider such a thing? My father was the most kind and loving and perfect dad anyone could ever wish for. There’s no way he could have done anything like this; he’d have abhorred what happened to Georgia as much as I do. I was heartbroken when he died; my daddy, the man who had been there for me through everything, the good times and the bad. Yes, he’d hugged me, and kissed me, ruffled my hair, stroked my face. But I’d been glad of it, just as I am when I see Drew with our girls, just like a father should be. And I’m suddenly rocked by grief and anger that anyone might have thought these things about him. That he’d had to endure the torture that all this would have brought. That he died and I no longer have him to comfort me.

  It takes a while for my tears to subside to the point where I can even think of moving. I reach for the toilet roll and wipe my face, flushing the loo and getting unsteadily to my feet. I gulp water from the tap, swirling it around my mouth and spitting it into the sink, watching it disappear as I run fresh water to wash it away. My insides feel scoured out, like I’ve swallowed acid.

  ‘Thea?’ Drew’s voice is hesitant, wary with anxiety.

  But the sound of it still explodes into the quiet house. I freeze. I had forgotten he was even in the house. But what do I say? What can I say?

  He moves closer. ‘Thea?’ he says again. His hand slides around the back of my neck. ‘Hey, what’s wrong?’ And, turning me round, he wordlessly pulls me in.

  ‘I’m sorry.’ I shudder, trying to hold back my emotion, and I really am. I’d give anything not to do this now, but his love is breaking a hole in the dam that’s been holding back all my fears and worries from the last few days.

  ‘Hey, come on now. What’s this all about? Did something happen with Anna?’

  I sniffle against his chest, confused momentarily by his words, until I remember that’s where he thinks I’ve been. I still have my jacket on. But my conversation with Anna seems so far away, it’s as if it happened to someone else. And yet… Her words come rushing back to me and the realisation that she knows about this too hits me like a blow. I can feel the images in my head building again, the words forming in my throat. Words that I need to get out and off my chest where they’ve been lying heavy. But how do I say them? If I speak them it will make them real.

  Drew’s hand is stroking my hair. He can feel the rising tide within me. ‘Thea, sweetheart. Jesus, you’re scaring me now. What’s this all about? Has something happened. One of the girls…?’

  I manage a shake of my head.

  ‘Then what? Come on, Thea, tell me.’

  ‘I knew I was right,’ I begin, looking up at him. ‘I knew something was wrong… people in the village… everyone really… even Anna. And now I know why…’

  ‘Thea, love, that doesn’t really make any sense…’

  ‘How is that possible? That other people could know when I didn’t? My own dad, Drew, how could I not know?’ My voice is rising as I speak, beginning to stumble over the words.

  His arm stiffens slightly. ‘What are you talking about?’

  ‘I knew that people were talking about us. You made out that I was imagining things, but I knew I wasn’t. And the article too… It was hidden, Drew. Someone left it in our house. Someone who knew its secrets…’ I stare at him. ‘Oh, but that’s it! Stacey doesn’t know about that… so she has it all wrong…’ I feel a surge of hope flare. ‘It was the Campbells, don’t you see? I knew I was right.’

  Drew’s grip on my arm strengthens. ‘Thea…’ His face is close to mine. ‘I know you’re upset, love, but you’re babbling… And I can’t make head nor tail of what you’re saying. Start at the beginning.’

  A rush of breath escapes me. ‘For goodness’ sake, there’s no time… I have to go back and show Stacey. Tell her what Anna said about Mr Campbell, prove to her that this couldn’t have anything to do with my dad…’

  But Drew isn’t about to let me go. ‘Thea…’

  ‘Okay… Look, I met Stacey in the village shop just after we’d moved in. She’s lived here all her life and it was clear she remembered me, but I couldn’t work out why she’s been looking daggers at me ever since. Even before what happened when Lauren hit Leo, I knew there was more to it than that. And when I was over at Anna’s this morning she told me that I was right; people are talking about us. And I’d had enough… so I went to see Stacey and she… well, she…’ The words catch in my throat. I look up at Drew, swallowing hard. ‘She showed me this.’

  I’d been clutching the yellowed sheet of newspaper as I’d run back to the house and at some point it must have fluttered to the floor. I pick it up, the movement causing my head to swim.

  ‘It’s a newspaper article about that girl that was molested, a bit like the one that I showed you. Except that it must have been from later on because it said that a man was being questioned about what happened. My dad, Stacey said… But he can’t have been, Drew, I mean that’s ridiculous. My dad would never…’ My voice is rising, but it sounds strangely like it belongs to someone else. ‘In any case it wasn’t him because it must have been the man who lived here before us – Mr Campbell – don’t you see? Anna said he was really creepy and his wife must have been the one who hid the newspaper I found. It all makes sense…’ I trail off, my words chasing each other around my head.

  Drew looks like he’s about to cry. ‘Thea, why are you doing this to yourself? You’re chasing shadows, trying to prove a point that isn’t even there.’

  He stops suddenly, eyes widening as he realises what he’s said. ‘And I know why you’re doing it… So do you, if you’d only admit to what you’ve been thinking.’

  A tear rolls down my cheek.

  ‘This isn’t going to go away, and no amount of wishing is going to make that happen. Think about it logically for a minute. If Stacey has a newspaper article about the attack on Georgia and she mentioned your dad, that dates it to when they were living here. So how can it have anything to do with these people, what did you call them, the Campbells…? Because if it did it would mean that they were living at Pevensey the same time as your mum and dad. That’s not possible, Thea.’

  I’m watching his lips. I can hear his words but they’re not making sense. I shake my head. ‘No, that’s not right…’

  Except that it is. I know it is. My heart contracts with fear.

  ‘What did you say?’ I ask slowly. ‘About the article. What did you say?’

  Drew frowns. ‘I don’t… I just said that if Stacey has an article about Georgia then—’

  ‘Yes… Georgia. You said Georgia, except that I didn’t mention her name just now…’

  ‘Didn’t you?’ His brow furrows. ‘Well then I must have remembered it from before.’

  It’s possible, I suppose. But even as I think it, something clicks within me, like a circuit completing itself. I raise my eyes to look at him. I never mentioned her name before.

  We’re close. One of his hands still cradles the back of my neck, the other enfolds my hand against his chest. We’re locked in and there’s nowhere for either of us to go.

  ‘You knew about this?’ The words tear from my lips. ‘You knew and you didn’t tell me?’

  He’s not looking at me. Not properly, his eyes are ever so slightly adrift. Just like everything else.

  I push at his chest, scrambling to be free. His answer explodes inside my head and I can’t think straight.

  ‘Thea!’ He pulls against me, trying to keep me close to him. ‘Oh God…’ His hands are clutching at me. ‘How could I possibly have told you, Thea? I didn’t find out until after your father died, I swear. Before then I was just as in the dark as you.’

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nbsp; I slap at his arms, eyes wild. ‘That’s no excuse and you know it! How could you even think of keeping something like that hidden from me? I was his daughter for Christ’s sake.’

  But Drew’s voice is broken. ‘Thea, your father had just died, what was I supposed to do? Just drop it into conversation one day… Oh, and by the way your father was accused of being a child molester… You took his death hard enough as it was, how could I possibly have added to your grief?’ His words are choked off. ‘I don’t think I could have borne hurting you that much.’

  ‘My father was not a child molester,’ I hiss, my jaw aching with the force with which I’m clenching it shut.

  ‘Thea…’ His voice is soft, pleading. ‘I loved him too…’

  A sob breaks free. ‘I just don’t know how you can live your whole life and not know something like that,’ I say. ‘How does that even happen? Was I really that stupid, that blind to what was going on around me?’ I want to ask if I’m still that blind, but I don’t.

  ‘You were a child, Thea. Why would you know?’

  I think back to the letter written by my eleven-year-old self. One that I had also hidden for safekeeping. ‘But I did know,’ I say. ‘I knew something was wrong, and I did nothing about it. I was too scared…’ I tremble as I say it. I’m still scared.

  Drew’s head dips in resignation. ‘I think my mum was terrified when your dad died. As if his death would be a catalyst, drawing attention to speculation about what had happened all over again. Only this time the whole story would come tumbling out and you would find out in the worst possible way.’ He paused, swallowing. ‘She told me so that I could tell you… protect you.’

  ‘But you didn’t tell me… you didn’t protect me.’

  ‘No… I didn’t. But I never asked for her to pass the mantle of safekeeping to me either. And I wish with all my heart she hadn’t.’

  There is silence between us. I know I’m hurting him, but I’m hurting too and I need to find a way to understand how we got here.

  ‘So where was my mum in all of this, Drew? Why didn’t she tell me? She just left me to carry on like nothing had happened, and instead I had to hear it from someone else. I could understand it when I was a child, but I stopped being a child a long time ago.’ I stare at him, knowing he’s not going to answer. ‘I’ve never had a proper relationship with her, now I know why… Is it any wonder when she—’

  ‘She was doing what mums do, Thea; trying to protect you.’

  ‘Really? Is that what it was? Or was she too afraid to say anything for fear of it getting out again? Too cowardly to stand up for what she believed in.’ I trail off. ‘Or maybe she never believed in him at all,’ I say, bitterly.

  ‘Thea, don’t. Your mum loved your dad. Still does.’

  I let his words sink in. I want to believe them, but my only thought is that the person who attacked Georgia was never found. ‘Do you think it’s true?’ I ask quietly. ‘Could my dad have been involved in what happened to Georgia?’

  ‘No!’ Drew’s reply is instantaneous. ‘Don’t go thinking that…’ He breaks off and gives me an odd look as a sudden light gathers in his eyes. ‘You don’t know, do you?’ he asks, his voice picking up. ‘Listen, your dad couldn’t have been involved because he was with my parents that entire evening. They both were, your mum and your dad; they’d gone around to mine for supper. Thea, your dad had an alibi.’

  I stare at him, a tiny spark of hope catching fire. ‘But the papers didn’t say… Actually the papers didn’t say anything…’ I think about the implications of his words. ‘So what did happen then? Why was my dad even accused in the first place?’

  Drew sighs. ‘I don’t know why,’ he admits. ‘Only that the police were asking questions about your dad a couple of days after Georgia was…’ He can’t bring himself to say the words. ‘Well, after she… Anyway, that’s about all there was to it because my parents told them straight away that your dad was with them all evening. Plus, someone else corroborated the story too, so that was that. They’d been visiting the churchyard and seen your mum and dad walking round to mine. I think the police had been following up a few other enquiries as well and maybe they got a lead elsewhere, I don’t know, but after a few weeks it all petered out. My mum didn’t know what happened ultimately, the papers stopped reporting it and obviously no one was privy to the police investigation so… All we know is that Georgia’s mum kind of… lost it a bit, started accusing your dad of all sorts. I think she was even warned about her behaviour by the police but in the end your folks just decided to move. I guess it was easier than having to live with that.’

  ‘And yours did too…’

  I can feel him watching me, trying to deduce what I’m thinking. ‘Yes, but not for a couple of months after.’ He pauses for a moment. ‘Thea, there’s nothing wrong with that… Haven’t we just had Rachel and Gerry up here for the weekend looking to move this way?’

  I nod. ‘I know…’

  ‘But what? Jesus, Thea, don’t go looking for trouble where there is none.’ He softens his voice again. ‘Look, I know how horrible this is… You can’t even begin to come close to getting your head around it, and yes, you should have known. But don’t let your feelings about your dad change. The memories you have of him are the only ones you need.’

  He’s right, I know he is. But I can’t help the way I’m feeling now.

  ‘The trouble is, Drew, it’s not just me, is it? Stacey has been going around spreading rumours about this, I know she has. And saying that I’ve accused her son of being a bully to try to cover this up. It started almost as soon as we moved here and it’s getting worse.’ I hold his look. ‘You should have told me,’ I say bitterly. I can’t help it, I feel let down. ‘For God’s sake, Drew, we’ve only just moved here. This was supposed to be a dream move for us and now I have no idea where this is all going to end.’

  He pulls away from me. ‘Oh no, no you don’t. Don’t you try to put all the blame on me when all I’ve done is try to protect you. You’re the one who brought us here.’ But his anger hurts even more.

  ‘Because it was the right thing for us to do!’ I retaliate. ‘Or at least I thought so at the time, but then I didn’t exactly have all the information I needed to go on, did I? Because you chose not to share it. And actually, I didn’t bring us here, we both agreed that moving was the best thing for our family. The difference between us is that I made my decision in good faith. You could have said something. You should have said something.’

  ‘I said plenty, Thea, you just weren’t listening. I tried to ward you off gently, made a few comments about how coming back might not be such a good idea. I even showed you the details of a few other houses I’d found, but no, you ignored it all. Short of blowing a hole right through the middle of your childhood, what else was I supposed to do?’

  ‘That’s not how I remember it.’

  ‘No, of course it isn’t, because once you get an idea in your head, Thea, there’s no shifting you. And you never listen! Maybe I should have just told it to you straight… But I couldn’t do that to you. Do you have any idea how hard it was for me? Listening to you babbling on about Pevensey, day in, day out; the dream house and the idyllic childhood. You were so excited, your work was taking off like never before, and all I wanted was for things to be perfect for you.’

  ‘Like they are now?’ I hiss. ‘We ought never to have come back here, Drew, and you should have stopped us.’ There, I’ve said it.

  His eyes spark with anger. ‘No, we shouldn’t have. But whose fault is that? If I’m guilty of anything, it’s of loving you, Thea, that’s all. I know what this place means to you, what it means to us. It’s where we were made for heaven’s sake. So ask yourself, if the shoe were on the other foot, what would you have done? Would you have told me? Or would you have done what I did, and assume that what happened to Georgia took place so long ago that there was no reason for it ever to come to light again?’

  ‘I wouldn’t have taken that chan
ce,’ I say sadly. ‘Because I love you. Were you ever going to tell me? Or were you going to let me live my life, day by day, hoping that I’d never find out? Praying that you’d never have to watch my life implode?’

  ‘Oh, for God’s sake, Thea, now you’re just being melodramatic. I’m sorry no one told you about what happened, okay. And I’m sorry that you found out the way you did. But let’s be logical about this a minute. Your dad wasn’t actually involved in what happened to Georgia, so don’t get so het up about the fact that you should have known – that’s not really the issue here, is it? Nothing’s really changed.’

  ‘Well if you can’t see that it has, then you’re even more deluded than I thought. Everything has changed. I can feel it… But isn’t the real issue here about trust, Drew? I didn’t think we would ever have secrets from one another, but it seems I was wrong. You should have told me about this, long before we even thought of moving, and certainly before it ever got as far as it has.’ I break off as emotion threatens to overwhelm me. ‘And whatever happens now as a result is down to you, and I’m not sure I’m ready to forgive you for that just yet.’

  He holds my look for a moment before glancing away. My heart thumps in my chest for several more seconds before he finally turns back to me. ‘Yes, well we’re here now, so what are we going to do about it?’

  But I have no answer for him.

  Sixteen

  I can’t remember ever spending a night like that before. So close to Drew and yet further away from him than I ever thought possible. An uneasy truce had developed by the time we went to bed but, as soon as we climbed in beside one another, the intimate arrangement of limbs that usually came so naturally had become a journey we had no map for. It felt wrong, and all it had taken was this slight shift to widen the gap between us into something we were unable to traverse. Our speech felt stilted and, as the minutes ticked past, the silence formed an impenetrable barrier. Now, in the early morning, it has become the elephant in the room – an object to be circumnavigated warily, and neither of us know how to achieve this. We’ve never argued like that before.