by Amber Lacie
Daniel was flipping a silver guitar pick in his fingers, talking to Brenden, when a tall, lean boy in a leather jacket walked up and slapped Brenden on the back. My lips parted as I tried to catch the breath escaping my chest. His light brown hair was long enough to tuck behind his ears, but it didn’t quite reach his shoulders. A lopsided smile formed on his lips as he gave me a wink. Shit. He winked at me.
My gaze scattered to the ground in front of me, as I tugged on the strap of my purse. “Daniel, I should go.”
Ignoring me, my brother reached his hand out to introduce himself to the boy I was certain I had never seen before. “August, right? Brenden hasn’t stopped talking about you. This is my sister. You’ll have to forgive her. You see…we are below her in the totem pole of coolness. She’s probably trying to find a way to escape as I talk. Isn’t that right, Arlo?”
“Shut up. You’re such an asshole sometimes. I’m just looking for Andrea. She should have been here by now.” Shoving my shoulder into Daniel’s, I reached my hand out to the new boy.
“Arlo?”
Our hands touched and a weird feeling crawled over my skin. It wasn’t a warning, of sorts, more anticipation of things to come. “It’s Arlington. They call me Arlo, for short.”
“August Knight. They call me August.”
While my hand was still gripped in his, Andrea walked over and took note of the awkward conversation. “Arls, can we go? Seriously, why can’t you just meet me at my locker like any other normal person?”
“Sorry. It seems I have to go.” I said, unlocking our hands before linking my arm with Andrea. After taking a few steps, I glanced back over my shoulder, my stomach doing a little twirl when I see that his gaze was still on me.
“Arls, who is he and why is he with Brenden? Out of all the scummy people, he really chose the lowest one.” Shifting her books in her hand, she pushed open the door to our homeroom class and I followed her in. She was still talking, but I wasn’t listening. Something about that morning changed the way I began to see things. I’m not sure if it was August or Daniel’s solemn expression that morning when I was getting dressed. All I know is––it would change faster than I could handle.
Fall faded into winter, and my days were spent in classrooms, while my evenings were spent at practice. The school year was flying by. Every morning was the same; Daniel and I would walk in, meet up with Brenden, and August would walk over, his gaze always catching mine. One thing was certain, Brenden seemed to have his hold on Daniel. I’m not sure what it was that pulled those two so closely together, but Brenden was the magnet and Daniel was the metal.
One winter morning, I was kicking snow off my boots, leaning against the wall by the gym while waiting with Daniel. Brenden didn’t show. Maybe he was sick, maybe he was too high, or maybe something else had happened. All I know is from that moment on, Brenden was placed gently in the background of Daniel’s mind. Instead, he was replaced by August.
August was adjusting the chords on his guitar, while Daniel was mimicking his every movement. The only difference was…August was making music. Daniel was playing something that might one day be music––with more practice, but it was nothing compared to the notes flowing easily from August’s fingers.
Although, August didn’t have Daniel’s undivided attention, he definitely had mine. I was captured like an insect in a Venus flytrap. There was no escaping. Andrea walked over and sat with us for a few minutes. Though, when she got up to leave, I didn’t follow like I had for the years, months, and days prior. Instead, I sat on the floor with my feet tucked under me as August tweaked the strings on his guitar.
August and my brother became inseparable. Brenden was still there, but he didn’t compete with August. Every day after practice I would rush home to see if August was still in the garage with Daniel. They would help my dad with whatever bike or motor he was working on, then they would leave the huge bay door open and play music until late in the evening. I often found myself sitting in the garage, finishing my homework on a workbench, while tapping my foot along to the music.
One night, Brenden was belting a song over the loud music, when he suddenly stopped. “Stop. Stop. I can’t do this. This guitar rift is good, but the song is all wrong.”
Daniel’s eyes went wide as he looked back and forth between August and Brenden. Something must have happened earlier, and I was either too lost in my own world to notice, or perhaps it was my focus on August that blinded me from everything else.
“Brenden, we’ve talked about this. August writes the songs, you sing them,” Daniel said, shifting the guitar in his hand.
“This isn’t a song. It’s some bullshit about a girl. I can’t keep singing these pathetic love ballads. This isn’t me. You need to choose––it’s that pretty boy in his poser Sublime shirt, or me. Choose. And don’t forget…I have control over things you need. Things you can’t get without me.” Brenden’s words were angry and fierce, cutting through the stale air like a steel blade.
Sitting up straight, I gently placed my pen on top of my notebooks. “Daniel?”
“No––you don’t get to talk, Princess. This is between your brother and I.”
My body jerked back as if his words had cut my flesh. Daniel’s eyes met mine and I watched as a puzzle piece clicked into place.
“You need to go. No one talks to Arlo like that.” His voice grew louder, each word falling from his lips like heavy footsteps. “Go! Get the fuck out! I don’t need you. I can make do.”
“Good luck with that. Fuck all of you. Let me know when he fucks her. It’s all he’s ever wanted to do. We both know if he touches your precious Arlo, you’ll come crawling back to me. I fucking know you.” Brenden kicked over the microphone stand, sending a shrieking sound through the speakers. Daniel rushed over to the wall, unplugging the speaker, and silencing the loud ringing in my ears.
Reaching up, I caught something warm on the tip of my finger. Inspecting the teardrop, I wondered if it was from fear of what had just happened, or the fear of whatever my brother was hiding from me. “Daniel, what was he talking about? Are you okay?”
Slowly walking towards him, I held my hand out. He pulled away from my touch, but I didn’t care, I placed my hands gently on his face. His dark eyes met mine and I knew at that moment there was poison slowly taking over my brother. I could see it shutting out his light. What I didn’t know was how to stop it.
“Look at me. Are you okay?”
Sniffling, Daniel raked his hair back from his face. “Do you love me?”
“Always.”
“You’re the only one that does.”
Leaning onto my toes, I wrapped my arms around his neck. “You and me, we’re the same. You cry, I cry. You bleed, I bleed. Remember?”
Daniel tightened his arms around my waist, while leaning his head against my shoulder. “I haven’t made good choices lately.”
“Like what?”
Pushing himself away from me, he walked back over to his guitar and started messing with the strings as though I hadn’t just asked him a question. My arms fell heavily to my side as I stepped closer to him. “What choices?”
“I’ve been taking money out of the cash drawer. When I broke my wrist last year, after that fight on the basketball courts, they gave me some pain pills.”
“That was over a year ago. I’m confused. Is your wrist still bothering you?”
“Not exactly. The pills––they made me feel better. Calmer. I ran out and Brenden got me some more. The first few were on him, but after a while I needed more, so I took some money out of the drawer. That’s why I didn’t say anything about your new clothes and shit. I took the money and spent it on what I needed. I couldn’t get mad at you for the doing the same.”
“What? That is not the fucking same, and you know it. Why? Tell me why.” Anger I have never felt before in my life crept over my body, invoking a rage in my veins so powerful my heart felt like it was going to explode. This was not my brother. Daniel is someone els
e.
He wouldn’t look at me. With a wave of his hand he dismissed me as though I was just a fly buzzing around his head. I’m not a nuisance. I’m your sister. The words echoed in my head, though I didn’t say them. To him, I was not worth listening to. Another tear slid down my face, and I knew this one belonged to the pain in my chest. I was losing my brother and I was helpless.
“Arlo, maybe we should let him be. Come on.” Grabbing my hand in his, August led me from the garage to his car. He opened the door and I slid into the passenger seat of the beaten down Lincoln town car. We didn’t go anywhere; we just sat there, staring out the windshield.
“It’s just some pain pills, right? I mean…we could get him to talk to someone. If my dad finds out, it will be bad. What do I do?”
“Why are you responsible for fixing this? It was Daniel’s choice. Maybe kicking Brenden out was what he needed. You know, like a wakeup call?”
“Maybe.”
That was the first night August would put himself between us. I’m not sure if it was for me, Daniel, or for himself––and it didn’t matter. The dominoes were stacked, and that night they would begin tipping over, creating a cataclysmic display of beauty and pain.
March had arrived, and I had all but lost interest in my sought-after popularity. I was still on the varsity cheer squad––nothing could pull me away from that. Andrea tried her best to pull me out of whatever lustful haze she felt I had fallen in, but even shopping trips and blue slushies at the mall were no match for August.
Daniel was doing better without Brenden in the picture, although I had a sneaking suspicion he was still buying pills. Though, I couldn’t prove it. At least, he was doing better in school. His grades were up, and the light had come back to his eyes a bit, so I never mentioned my worries.
Most days were the same, each one ending with August coming over every day after school. I never understood why he spent so much time in our garage. I mean, didn’t he have a home to go to? I had so many questions I wanted to ask him. It was then I realized I didn’t know anything about him, other than the fact that he could capture my attention with his guitar.
My feet were crossed in front of me, propped up on the handles of the motorcycle I was sitting on. I may not have known much about it, but I was comfortable enough around them to know how to balance myself. Daniel was trying to teach their new drummer, Blake, the new song August had written. The sticks in my brother’s hand banged out a deep rhythm. It was a longer song, but Daniel seemed really into it. He was an excellent drummer, and I couldn’t understand why his obsession laid solely with the guitar. It just seemed to be his preference. Blake watched as Daniel played for a few sets before he finally took over.
They were matching the guitars with the drums, note for note. It was all starting to fall together perfectly. August was leaning against a stack of pallets my dad had piled up in the corner, his head nodding along while his lips mouthed the words. It amazed me how he could write a song, and remember all the words instantly.
I must’ve been lost in my thoughts, as I lay kicked backed on the bike. When I looked up, August was leaning over me. “They’re busy, we need food, and I only have two hands. Come on.”
Sitting up, I swung my feet over the seat and stood in front of him. I knew August was tall, but this was the first time I was standing in front of him face to face. Although in this case, it was more face to chest. A sandalwood scent wrapped around my senses as I followed him out of the garage without looking back.
Opening the door to his Lincoln, I climbed in. He smiled as he closed it behind me. It was more of a boat than a car. It was huge. I watched him as he walked around the car and jumped into the driver’s seat. As if something had possessed me, I scooted closer to him until our hands almost touched.
Tucking his long hair behind his ears, he turned towards me. “What do you feel like eating?”
“I don’t know. Fries?”
“Okay. What else?”
“Maybe a Coke?”
“You are easy to please.” August chuckled as his gaze raked over me.
Shrugging my shoulders, I leaned against the leather seats. Stairway to Heaven spun around us in the car as we sat in the drive-thru, waiting on our order. My fingers nervously twitched beside me. Once we had the food I was able to calm down because I had something to cling onto.
“There’s a box in the back. Do you think you can reach it? I normally stash all the food there while I drive. That way nothing spills.” August said, adjusting his rearview mirror, before pulling out of the parking lot.
“Oh. Okay.” Carefully setting the food down on the floor at my feet, I leaned back between the seats, and grabbed the box. Once I had everything neatly tucked inside it, I placed it back behind August’s seat. “Done.”
“Thanks. It’s not that I don’t trust you not to spill anything, I just wanted your hands to be empty.”
Swallowing a nervous lump in my throat I looked over at him, “Why?”
“This.” Reaching down he linked my fingers with his, and set our hands, locked together, on my thigh. Driving home, he took the long way back to the garage, all the while holding my hand in his. We laughed as we talked about my practices and his dreams of becoming a famous musician. I had no doubt in my mind he was going somewhere big.
As we turned onto my street, August pulled off to the side of the road and put the car in park. My heart was thumping so loudly in my ears, if he would have spoken I wouldn’t have been able to hear him. His fingers left my lap and traced the skin of my arm up to the edge of my t-shirt and over my shoulder. The smell of mint attacked my senses as he pulled me towards him, with one hand wrapped around my neck. His lips met mine. It was everything I wanted and everything I didn’t want at the exact same time.
My heart burst and guilt crept into my mind. As much as I wanted to acknowledge something between August and me, I couldn’t. Daniel was doing so well, and I couldn’t risk anything setting him back. My heart sank as August rested his forehead against mine.
“For a second, I thought we were on the same page.” Solemn words fell from his lips, pushing my heart a little farther down.
“I was. I mean…I want to be––but Daniel.”
Sighing, August leaned back against his door, dropping his hands into his lap. “I had to kiss you. Every time I see you, my heart kicks into overdrive and I feel like I’m racing to catch up with you.”
“I know.” I knew exactly how he felt. My heart reacted the same way.
“I love your brother, but fuck. What do we do now?”
“I don’t know.”
Nodding his head, he put the car into drive and pulled back onto the road. Not another word was spoken between us as we drove down the street. After pulling into the driveway, I slid out, finding the firm pavement beneath my feet. I turned around to grab the box from the backseat, but August was already carrying it towards the garage. Neither of us brought up our kiss again that night, but I think Daniel knew something was different. I caught his gaze several times that night as he glanced back and forth between August and me.
Time with August passed slowly, yet quickly all at once. Before I knew it, a month had passed since our kiss. When I was with him, time poured through my fingers like sand, but when I was waiting on the next moment to see him, time slipped slowly by like thick tar dripping from a pipe. Unfortunately, sneaking behind Daniel’s back became the norm for us.
August would fold up notes for me and tuck them into the slots at the top of my locker. He wasn’t writing me love ballads, or professing his love with poems. Instead, he would write whatever thought passed through his mind during class. Most of them said how boring the class was and the latest gossip, which he always over exaggerated.
Closing my locker, I looked around for Daniel. He always met me at my locker after school to drive me home whenever I didn’t have practice. I wasn’t sure if we had our schedules crossed or if he just forgot, but he never showed up. Thinking he might have been
waiting in the truck, I made my way to the parking lot. He was nowhere to be found. Walking home wasn’t the best option, but it was my only choice since Andrea was staying after to help with fundraising planning. I could have waited for her, but lately, I just seemed to be in her way.
I had just turned the corner around the building when I saw August, waiting in line at the stop sign to get out. My legs carried me as fast as they could towards his car. He jumped when my hands pounded against the glass. The lock in the door popped up and I slid in, dropping my bag into the backseat. “Never in my life have I been so happy to see you.”
“Not that I don’t love your company, but why are you in my car?”
“Daniel wasn’t there. I don’t know what happened. It’s Tuesday, he should have been there. We only have practice three times a week now.”
Sighing, August took a deep breath and grabbed my hand in his, pulling it to his lips. “His loss is my gain.”
Softly pulling my hand from his grip, I scooted closer to my door. “Don’t. What if someone saw us?”
“You didn’t stop me after English.”
“Well, I’m stopping you now.” Turning my head, I kept my gaze locked on the scenery outside my window while August drove me home. The feelings I had for him were beginning to complicate things. At first, there was the kiss and then there were the notes. After that, we started sneaking touches as we passed each other in the hallways, which turned into soft kisses after the bell would ring. I couldn’t count how many times I had been late to class because I wanted to stay with him a little bit longer. The only problem was trying to keep it hidden.
My stomach sank when I realized Daniel was not home. Where was he? August grabbed my bag and we stepped out of the car. As I walked up to the garage, my dad gave me a questioning look.
“What’s this?” Waving his finger between us, he dropped his grease rag to the floor. “Where’s your brother?”