by Amber Lacie
“I don’t think I’ve ever had church wine before. Do all churches have the same kind of wine?”
“I’ve never thought about it. I mean, my mom is Catholic, so the communion wine was always kind of bitter. I never understood why my friends were so excited to try it once we were old enough. I think it tastes like cough syrup.”
“If cough syrup tasted anything like wine, I would never have a cold. In fact, I would probably be immune to colds.”
“You and half of the female population.”
“Women are smarter than men. Just accept it.”
“I have many ways to prove you wrong, but I’m not going to argue with you. Women are clearly always right.”
“This is true.”
“Which makes me smart for not arguing.”
“Smart, or safe and out of harm’s way? Either way, I give you props for knowing when you’re not going to win an argument.”
“Thanks.”
We sat on the couch taking turns drinking from the bottle until it was empty. Anytime his body came close to touching mine, the hairs on my arm would stand upright, like his body was charging mine with electricity. August placed the opening of the empty bottle and blew across it. A low note spun out of the top of it.
“How do you do that? I’ve tried to so many times, and it never works.”
“Here, take the bottle.” Our fingers barely touched as I took the bottle from his hands, but it was enough to make my heart jump. “Now, place it just underneath your bottom lip. Now, blow steadily across the top of it, but make sure just a bit of air goes inside the neck.”
I was skeptical at first, but then a soft note came from the bottle as I followed his instructions. “That’s so easy. I’m kind of disappointed I couldn’t figure it out before.”
August gently pulled the bottle down from my hand and set it on the table in front of us. “Arls, I don’t know how long I can sit here, pretending to just be your friend. This is hard for me.” Hazel eyes stared at me, but I couldn’t match his gaze. My eyes were looking everywhere, except at him. “I know it’s hard for you, too. When my mom called and said your dad passed away, I wanted to come here right away. I told her I was going to make you fall in love with me and bring you back to California with me.”
He tucked a strand of hair behind my ear, and softly brushed my bottom lip with his thumb. “Do you know what she told me?” Swallowing, I shook my head no. “She told me to wait. She said you were strong, and that you would need space. I remembered after Daniel died, how quickly you shut the world out, and I didn’t want you to shut me out again. The next time I talked to her, she said she saw a for sale sign on your dad’s place. I knew I had to come here, and see you before it was too late.”
“You could have called first.”
“True, but you would have run. I was serious when I put my offer down on the house. All you have to do is accept it.”
His hand cupped my cheek and I pressed my face into it. “Are you real?”
“I think so.”
It’s not fair. He would touch me, and I would lose all grasp on reality. I gently pulled from his hold on me and walked back into the kitchen to open another bottle of wine. “Should we use glasses this time?”
“No sense in dirtying up any now.”
Once I got the bottle uncorked, I walked back over to the couch and sat down beside him, making sure this time to be a little bit farther away. “I grabbed a white wine this time.” I took a swig and passed it to him. He didn’t crinkle his nose this time, but the slight frown he had afterwards told me wine wasn’t his drink of choice. “Sorry. I don’t have anything else here, unless you want apple juice or milk.”
“This is fine.”
“August, I don’t want you to buy my dad’s house. My childhood was nothing, but lies. The only good memories I have are the band practices you guys would have in the garage. Daniel’s not there anymore. I have his guitar and a few things I wanted to keep. That’s all I need. The house could be torn down tomorrow, and I wouldn’t care.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah. I stumbled upon some revelations earlier, and I was finally able to see how clearly everything was fucked up. Want to hear something crazy?”
“Let me take another sip of that first.” He tipped the bottle to his lips, and stared straight at me. “I’m ready.”
“Lilly isn’t my mom. She’s my stepmom.”
“When did you find out?”
“Today. My dad wrote Daniel and I letters, but he never gave them to us. Turns out she was just a greedy whore, and once she spent my real mom’s money, she left us.”
“Wow.” August took another swig from the wine bottle and passed it back to me.
“I know.”
“Where’s your real mom?”
“She died when Daniel and I were born. Lilly jumped into the picture soon afterwards and just milked my dad for all he was worth.”
“If she wasn’t your real mom, then why would he let her come back so many times?”
“That, my dear friend, August, is the million-dollar question that no one will ever have an answer to because my dad decided to be a coward and write shitty letters. He should have told us to our faces.”
“I have to agree with you. He was probably a coward, but I would’ve been, too. Have you seen you when you get upset? Entire worlds burst into flames.”
“Shut up. They do not.”
“Really? Because I vividly remember you chasing Andrea down in the parking lot at school when she caught us kissing.”
“That was different. Besides, nothing burst into flames.”
“I don’t know about that. Every time I kiss you my skin feels like it’s on fire. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not a bad thing. It’s a good thing. It’s a––I want it to happen all the time thing.”
“That’s dumb.”
“Why?”
“Because it is. It doesn’t make sense. Why would you want to touch something that burns you?”
“Come here.” He motioned for me to scoot closer, but when I refused, he moved closer to me, taking my face in his hands. “This is why.” My breath left my body as his soft, warm lips pressed against mine. My mouth opened, letting him in and everything disappeared except for us. The magnetic charge I had always felt between us came rushing back, and just like magic, it swept me off my feet. The way he would hold me with his hands grasping my neck, while his thumb traced my skin, and his lips danced with mine, engulfed my senses.
Kissing August wasn’t anything like kissing Ben. With Ben there was a side of danger to it. His power was intoxicating, and it drowned out everything, until I was lost in a void. With August, everything disappeared, except us. It was like we were the only two people in the world who knew what love was. It circled us, dancing between our touch and our kisses. Ben was danger and lust. August was love. He was everything, and I hated how much it scared me.
My flesh prickled under his touch. His hands slowly wrapped around me as I leaned back taking him with me. Light, wet kisses traveled across my lips and down my neck. His breath was quick and fast against my flesh as he pulled my shirt over my head. “Baby, this is more than friends. Don’t you see that?”
“Yes.” I pulled his mouth back to mine and nosedived into heaven. Screw trying to do what I thought was right. Screw trying to be in control of everything. Fuck it all. “August, please.”
“Fuck. Me. Tell me what to do here, Arls. I don’t know how far you want to take this.”
I didn’t know how to tell him what I wanted, so I sucked his bottom lip into my mouth and dragged my teeth across it. His arms tensed, pulling us closer together. The rough feel of his shadowed jaw across my skin, the taste of the wine on his lips, the magnetic pull of his touch—all of it had me coming completely undone.
A moan fell from his mouth as I tossed his shirt to the floor. He leaned over me and I stilled, taking in the sight of him. Tattoos spread up both of his arms. Words wrapped around his rib cages. I couldn’t make th
em all out, but the sight of my name etched just below his heart didn’t go unnoticed. He was incredibly sexy, and he had chosen to be with me. It didn’t make sense in my head, but it didn’t need to. In my heart, I knew we belonged together.
“You are so fucking sexy. I wish you could see you like I do. Your lips are plump from mine, your skin is alive with color, your breasts are trying their hardest to stay in that black lace harness you have on, and your hair is scattered around your head like a fucking halo.”
“It’s not a harness. It’s a bra.”
“I don’t give a fuck what it is. It needs to go. So do these pants and what’s underneath them.” I squealed with delight as he jerked my hips up, pulling my jeans down, along with my underwear. “Take that off. I can’t handle this anymore. I need to touch all of you.” My fingers reached behind my back, unclasping my bra, and then I dropped it to the floor.
“There, no more harness.”
“Good.” My entire body was assaulted with kisses. His lips ran up and down my arms, across my stomach, down my legs and back up, stopping just above the tiny shaved patch of hair between my thighs. “Open your legs.”
I obeyed, letting my legs fall apart and I was rewarded with his hot mouth. His tongue circled my clit and I almost fell apart. My body was reeling from the high he had me on. Every worry in my head disappeared and I had perfect clarity. He was it.
The absence of his mouth brought a soft cry of protest from my lips as I opened my eyes. My rock god was in front of me, kicking off his shoes. I watched his fingers as they popped the first button on the jeans and slowly pulled down his zipper, revealing his tight gray boxer briefs. Holy fucking shit. A smile slowly dragged across his lips as he looked down at me. I couldn’t handle the wait of not being able to feel him. Just as I was getting ready to yell at him to do something, his body leaned over me. He braced himself with his elbows around me and his forehead rested on mine.
“The last time we did this you ran afterwards. No running this time.” His long eyelashes brushed against my face as he placed a soft kiss on my lips.
“No running.”
“Promise me.”
“I promise.” I was prepared to say it again, but I didn’t need to. Instead, the feel of one of his hands sliding between us caught my attention. I met his gaze and watched as his eyes darkened with need.
THRUST! Fuck. THRUST! Oh, my God. The feeling was like riding to the highest peak of a rollercoaster and just when I started to fall, he would slam back into me, lifting me back up again. My name was a plea on his lips as I dug my nails into his arms, trying to pull him deeper into me. The walls crashed around me and I was lost in the stars. Galaxies were destroyed and reborn around me as I fell back into his arms. My name was like a prayer that fell from his lips, anchoring me to him, bringing me back to reality.
His body encased mine and his head fell to my shoulder. Heavy breaths filled the room. August tucked a few strands of hair behind my ear, and his hazel eyes held mine as he smiled. “I’ve never been to heaven, at least not that I can remember, but I have no need for it. Not when I’m with you. Nothing will ever come close to how I feel when I’m with you. Every breath I take with you is an answered prayer. Your arms are my golden gates.”
“August, I don’t know what to say.”
“Don’t say anything. Just let me stay here with you.”
“I don’t want you to go, but can we at least move into the bedroom? I’m kind of stuck to the couch.”
August chuckled, as he pushed himself off the couch. “Lead the way.” He held out his hand for me and helped me unstick myself from the leather couch. I started to pick up the mess we had created when he stopped me. “Leave it. Let’s go to bed.”
I was walking through my apartment, completely nude with August following me to my bedroom. Just the thought of him being here with me, made me giggle at how crazy it sounded.
“What’s so funny?”
“I don’t know. You? This? If you would have asked me yesterday what I would be doing today, I never would have guessed this would be it.” The pillows and sheets were already sprawled across the bed. I had the awful habit of never making it. It seemed pointless since I was just going to sleep in it again. I propped a couple pillows up by the headboard, grabbed the sheets, and motioned for him to join me.
“How is that funny?”
“I don’t know. I guess I’m trying to adjust to the shock of it all.”
“Hmmm.” His long legs slipped in behind me. The warmth of his body cradled mine as he wrapped his hand around my waist, pulling me closer to him. “What is it that shocks you? The fact that I’m still head over heels for you, or the fact that you’re sleeping with someone famous.”
“Shut-up. Don’t be so full of yourself.” I dug my elbows into his side, and pulled his arm tighter around me. “I guess, I’m just shocked by how easily you fall back into my life. You show up and bam, you’re my world again.”
“That’s because we just fit together.”
“August, what you said to me earlier…was that a song?”
“No.”
“It should be.” My eyes grew tired and I laced my fingers with his hand laying over me. “Can you write it for me? Maybe it could start with a C note.” A yawn escaped my lips. I pretended not to hear the slight gasp he had let go of at my request. I wasn’t going to fight this anymore. Tomorrow, I will start working on how to make this work. I want to keep him.
Laundry. I could never understand why there was so much of it. How many clothes did Jack need to wear a day? Why did his wardrobe choices always surpass mine? Why did I stick my hands in his jean pockets? What was on my hand? A shiver crept down my spine as I tried not to gag at the brown slime slicked on my fingers.
“Boys are so gross.”
“Hey, I take offence to that!” August shouted from the kitchen, where he was making us lunch.
“How can you take offence to a fact? It’s not like I’m just making this up. Science has proven boys are gross.”
“And how is that?”
“It’s in your DNA. It’s part of the whole, men never reaching full maturity until later on in life. It’s bullshit and it’s gross.” I tossed the rest of the clothes in the basket and walked out into the living room, setting it on the coffee table. “Do you need anything washed?”
“Nope. I’m good. You said Jack is coming home around five, right?”
“Yeah. He’s got school tomorrow, so I want him home early.” I walked over to the sink to turn the faucet on, so I could wash off whatever ungodly decay was still on my hands.
“What the hell is that?” August’s face crumpled at the sight of the slime.
“Don’t know. Don’t want to know. I’m going to pretend like it didn’t happen.” He laughed as I finished washing my hands.
How did we get there? How did it feel so normal already? The two weeks he had promised me were coming to an end, and August and I had spent every moment possible together when my crazy schedule allowed it. I was so at ease with him staying over at my place. At my request, he was only there when Jack wasn’t. I don’t know why I was so nervous about the two of them meeting. We had discussed it several times and I felt I just wasn’t ready for it. We agreed on telling him after August’s trip. He wouldn’t be back until after Christmas, and I didn’t want him to pop in and out so quickly in Jack’s life. I wanted my son to get to know August before he took off. Then again, life has a way of making you do things, whether you’re ready or not.
Just then, a familiar laugh echoed in the hallway, just outside the apartment door. “Shit. Fuck. Shit. August, get a shirt on.” I started shoving August towards my bedroom with wet hands.
“What the hell?”
“Don’t ask questions. Just do it. Shit. Shit. Shit. How am I supposed to explain you? Fuck. Hide in my closet. When he goes to bed, I’ll let you out.”
“Baby, stop. I’ll put a shirt on, but I’m not hiding in the closet. I can’t stay in there all day.
Eventually, I’ll need to use the bathroom, or eat.”
Shit. “What if I give you an empty pop bottle? Would that work?”
“Arls, you can’t be serious.”
“But I am.”
“Baby, I love you. You’re making yourself crazy over this. Just relax. Go say hi to your kid and I’ll be out in a second. If it makes you feel any better, you can tell him I’m an old friend, who happened to stop by and surprise you.”
“Okay. Yeah. That’s a good reason, right? Okay. Okay––I got this.” Deep breaths, Arlington. Deep breaths. I wiped my sweaty palms across my jeans and walked back into the living room, where Jack had already dumped all his stuff. My eyes flashed towards the open door on the refrigerator. A mop of brown hair popped up as he grabbed an apple from the crisper.
“Hey, mom.”
“Hey, bud. Where’s Grandma Alice?”
“She stayed home. Aunt Andrea brought me home. She’s in the bathroom.” Fucking Andrea. She damn well knew August was still here. I had texted her that morning, fawning all over him. Her head peered around the corner and I stood there with my arms crossed over my chest, waiting for an explanation.
“He’s still here, isn’t he?”
“Don’t act innocent. You knew he was fucking here. I wasn’t ready for this. How am I going to explain this?”
Andrea shrugged her shoulders and carefully stepped around me as she walked into the kitchen. “Hey Jack, why don’t you get out that picture you drew your mom and I’ll make us some popcorn.”
“Andrea––I’m serious. This is not a time for popcorn.”
“But it is. I’m going to make myself a snack and then I’m going to sit my ass in that chair. I’m going to have a front row viewing of this crazy life that you have. You’re more entertaining than a reality show.” She laughed, as she turned her back on me, continuing with her plans as if I wasn’t having a mental breakdown.
Poor Jack was staring at me like I had lost my mind. I sat down on the couch, taking his picture from his hands and laying it down next to the laundry basket. He sat down beside me and tucked his little body against mine. “Mom, you okay? You look sick.”