by Amber Lacie
Jim took a step towards me as I started to slip on the sidewalk. Stupid February weather. The snow seemed unable to decide if it was going to stay or melt. “Let’s do this before you do something stupid, like getting yourself killed by falling off a sidewalk. You’re nuts, you know that?”
“Shut up, Jim.”
“Should we tell someone where you’re going? Maybe that new baby daddy of yours?”
“I said, shut the fuck up.”
He put his hands up in the air in front of himself and took a few steps back. “Alright, alright. Since when did you get so bossy?”
I glared at the man questioning me. He ran his hand over his face and shook his head. Not only had I surprised him, I had surprised myself. I followed him, as we walked a few blocks before hopping into a car. I should have known there would be a car close by, but then again, I had not planned any of it. The only goal I had was to get Ben to stop watching me. He needed to let me go. When I woke up that morning, I had no idea any of this would take place.
I rested my head against the window of the sleek black car. What I had hoped would only take a few minutes, took closer to two hours. The anxiety of confronting him was just starting to dull. Ben was still beautiful as ever. How was it possible for a person to age without showing it? The dimple in his grin seemed deeper when I had approached the Plexiglas window, preventing us from touching. His smile dimmed when I didn’t return it.
My heart sank, knowing that what I had to tell him would cut him. Our eyes briefly met, and I realized behind the window he wasn’t powerful anymore. The danger was still there, but it didn’t lure me like before. August was right when he told me we belonged together. I could feel it resonating through my body as I stared at Ben.
I was surprised at how calm he was when I asked him to let me go once more. My hand had innocently splayed against my stomach, while my engagement ring twinkled under the fluorescent lights. I knew the moment he saw my movements, I had broken him. His face darkened and his eyes grayed with sadness. He could have done or said anything, but instead, he smiled softly.
‘I knew when I had you it was too good to be true. I kept telling myself that one day, someone else would come along and give you the life I couldn’t, the life I threw away. I guess I should’ve listened. I guess I should’ve done a lot of things. Take care of our son. I love you, Gemini.”
His broken words echoed in my mind as I replayed the scene in my head. The way he sat the phone down and walked away, without looking back, gave me hope that he would hold true to his word this time. As the car pulled up in front of my apartment, I prayed for him to let us go. Everything I wanted was inside that building. Nothing else mattered.
I opened my door, and stepped out onto the curb. There was no need for goodbyes with Jim. He always enjoyed a clean break from things, and I was hoping this would be one for him.
The numbers on the elevator slowly lit up floor by floor as I waited for my exit. Once the doors were open, I made my way inside my apartment. I had just slipped off my boots, when August walked into room.
“You’re back.”
“I told you I would be.”
“Right.” August stood against the wall. Somehow, his shadow seemed taller than him. “Did you get what you needed?”
“Yeah.”
He nodded his head. “That’s good. Funny thing happened today. Blake happened to text me right after you sent me that message, telling me you had to pick something up.”
I swallowed. I could tell by the anger in his voice, he knew I had lied to him.
“He said he and Walker were out getting breakfast when they spotted you talking to some guy on the corner. He said you looked pretty pissed off. You even pushed the guy away from you, but then something even stranger happened. You followed the guy. Then, you disappeared for two hours and I haven’t heard a word from you since.”
“August—”
“Let me finish. I want to know who it is you felt the need to defend yourself against, so I can kill them. Then, I want to know where you were.”
The coat on my back felt heavy, so I shrugged it off and laid it on the back of the chair. “Are we doing this standing, or are we going to sit?”
“So, there was another guy. Jesus Christ. I’m so fucking stupid. How long has there been someone else?”
“What? You’re not making any sense. If you want to know where I was today I will tell you. Hand me my bag.”
“Why?”
“Just fucking do it, okay. Everything’s already ruined so what’s the point of surprises?”
August walked over with my purse in his hand and he slowly passed it to me. I dug through it, feeling only with my fingers, as I looked him in the eye. “You should sit.”
“I don’t want to sit.”
“God damn it, August. Just fucking sit.”
He sat down on the couch with his hands resting on his knees. The couch looked so small compared to him. Hazel eyes looked up at me. He thought I was going to leave him. It was so far from the truth.
“Don’t say a word until I’m done. Yes, I pushed a guy on the sidewalk today. If you must know, his name is Jim. He took me to see Ben today.”
“Are you fucking kidding me? Ben? THE fucking Ben? Why? Am I not good enough for you?”
“This is why I said don’t say anything. You’re looking for something that isn’t there.”
“Then explain it better.”
My feet paced back and forth as my hands twisted around the thin white box they were holding. “Jim worked for Ben, or he still does, I don’t know. That’s not the point. I knew he was watching me. I would see him occasionally, but whenever I got close enough, he disappeared. So today, I waited. Once he showed, I made my move. I told him to leave me alone, to leave us alone. I told him to tell Ben to let us go. I didn’t want him in our lives.”
“That doesn’t explain why you followed him, or how you ended up seeing Ben.”
“Jim told me Ben wouldn’t let me go, not unless I went to him and explained everything. He needed to know why he wasn’t welcome in our lives. Even though I told him before, he didn’t listen to me. I needed to show him. Give him a visual reason to leave me alone, to leave Jack alone, and to leave you alone.”
“And you couldn’t tell me this? I would have gone with you. Why? Why do this behind my back?”
“Because tonight is your party, and I wanted to surprise you, and now everything is fucked up.” Tears brimmed my eyelashes as I looked down at the man I loved. “You, me, and Jack––we’re a family. That’s all I want. It’s everything I’ve always wanted, but then this happened. I wanted to surprise you after we went to Morton’s tonight. Take it.” I held out the white box in my hand, offering it to him. I’m not sure what he thinks of me hiding things from him, but I’m sure he’s not thrilled. Either way, I don’t want to dull what we have with ghosts of my past.
“It’s a box.”
“Yes, I’m aware. Open it.”
His fingers gently pulled the box apart, revealing a white stick, along with a picture of the tiny jellybean residing in my stomach. My stomach and mind were reeling with the possibilities of what his reaction would be.
“When?”
“If I had to guess, Christmas Eve? Though, there’s been lots of times since then. I just like to think it was then.”
“How long have you known?”
“A couple of weeks. I thought I would surprise you on your birthday.”
He sat still, almost stoic. “Arlo, when Blake texted me today, I thought my world was ending.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Come here.” He circled his hands around my waist and pressed his forehead against my stomach. “Don’t hide things from me. Not even the bad ones. I love you. I would have gone with you today.”
“I’m sorry.”
“You keep saying that.”
“Well, it’s true.”
“We are going to have a baby.”
“Yep.”
&n
bsp; “It’s right in there. I put it there.” His eyes twinkled, and I knew he was finally letting the idea settle.
“That you did.”
“That’s my baby.”
“Uh-huh.”
“We’re having a baby.”
“You keep saying that.” I yelped, as he lifted me into the air, spinning me around.
“Because I can’t believe it.” His lips briefly left mine as he lowered me to the floor and ran down the hallway. “Jack. You are not going to believe this.”
I had no intention of telling Jack just yet, but I wasn’t going to spoil the moment for August. He was ecstatic. Jack popped his head out of his room and stared at us as if we had completely lost our minds.
“What? I’m on level seventeen and I already finished my homework.”
“Your mom is amazing. You’re amazing.”
“Mom, why is he going crazy?”
“Tell him, August. You’re obviously not going to keep it a secret.”
Jack looked at me and then back to August. Poor kid had no idea what was in store from him. August was sweet enough to ask Jack for permission to marry me, even if it was after he had already asked me that morning. Jack didn’t know that, though. The thought of August wanting approval from him meant the world to me. This time there wasn’t going to be any asking.
“Your mom and I are having a baby. You’re going to get a little brother, or a sister.”
“Really? Will I have to share my stuff?”
“Eventually, but the baby will be too little for any of your toys for a while.”
Jack smiled up at August and then to me. “Cool. Is this before or after California?”
“After.” I smiled, and he shrugged his shoulders. Then, just as quickly as he walked out, he went back into his room. This whole time I thought I was going to upend his world by bringing August into it, but Jack had surprised me each time.
After August proposed, we had talked about how we were going to merge as a family. I was invested in my work as well as the non-profit I was building in Daniel’s memory. Plus, Jack was still in school. Suddenly, becoming a family of three was a lot to handle, but Jack didn’t seem to notice. He embraced it. I knew he would be taken care of, no matter where we were, so I agreed to us moving to California at the end of the semester.
August already had a home there. He had for years, but since he had come back into my life, he had not gone back. He had a trip planned in a few weeks, so he could start meeting with contractors. He wanted everything to be perfect for our arrival. Everything was falling into place.
The rest of the afternoon we sat, twisted in each other’s arms on the couch. Eventually, I got up to get ready for his birthday dinner. It wasn’t incredibly fancy, but it was at our favorite restaurant. We had rented out the downstairs room for a private party. Only our closest friends and family would be there. The limo would pick us up at seven and Alice and Gregg were gracious enough to volunteer to take Jack home with them after dinner. There would be no reason to call it an early night.
The diamonds in my ears shimmered in the light of my vanity mirror, as soft ringlets draped around my shoulders. My eyes glance towards the man leaning in the doorway behind me. “Are you ready?”
“Yes, are you?”
“I think so.”
“You look so fucking beautiful. What are the rules? Can I tell whoever I want, or do you want to keep it a secret?”
“It’s up to you.”
“I’m a little worried,” August admitted.
“About?”
“Well, when I’m here everything is low key, but when we move back to my place, I can’t guarantee there won’t be people trying to take your picture––or Jack’s.”
“As long as you are with us, we will be fine. I love you.”
“I love you, too. Walker texted me, they’re downstairs in the limo.”
“All right. Let me grab my purse.”
I followed him out of our room and into the living room, where Jack was waiting for us with his backpack slung over his shoulder. After making sure we had everything for tonight, we headed downstairs to the limo. I was never someone who enjoyed over the top gestures, or expensive things, but our ride to the restaurant had me considering the possibilities.
Dinner was amazing. It went by so quickly, and soon we were saying goodnight to Jack. I probably kissed him too many times, and he would yell at me later for it, but it was worth it.
The drinks continued to flow most of the night and August had yet to sit still for more than ten minutes at a time. He was bouncing around the room like a bumblebee in a field of flowers.
Andrea, however, was pouting at the bar. She had been in a foul mood most of the night. I waved to the bartender, ordering a glass of ice water and sat down beside her. “What’s with the face?”
“This old thing? It’s just how I look.”
“Be serious.”
“I’m happy for you. You’ve got a great guy, an adorable kid, and one more on the way. Soon, you’ll be living in Cali, soaking up the sun.”
“Is that a problem? Come with me. I was serious when I asked before, and I’m serious now. Your parents are retired and are selling their house, where you still live. You’re single. There’s nothing holding you here.”
“Yeah, well, there’s nothing making me want to go there, either.”
“I know that’s not directed at me. Stop diverting. What’s going on?”
She let out a breath of air, allowing her shoulders to sink just a bit more. “I slept with Walker.”
That was not what I was expecting her to say. “Wow. When?”
The night after we moved your stuff from your dad’s. You were lost in August. My parents were spoiling Jack, and I was sitting alone at the bar. Jen was off on some trip. I had no one, so I walked my happy ass to the closest bar and got a drink. I turned around and there was Blake, sitting with Walker at a table. Blake noticed me and motioned me over. We had a few drinks.”
“And then you slept with Walker.”
“It wasn’t planned. It was good, Arls. Like so fucking good. I told myself I would walk away. I could handle a one-time thing, you know?”
“I take it, that it wasn’t.”
“Not even close. We started talking and he liked the same things as me. Plus, the sex was good, like really good. Then, they left. We sent each other pictures and everything while he was gone. Then, when they got back, he was like ice. I got nothing. No phone calls. No text backs. Nothing.”
“That’s incredibly shitty.”
“Yeah, I thought so, too. I thought maybe he found someone. Then, he shows up here tonight alone. Jen grew some balls, walked up to him, and asked him if he was seeing anyone. He never answered her. He just looked at me and walked away. What is that even supposed to mean? Am I not famous enough for him? Would he date me if I was a model?”
I turned in my chair to face her. “First of all, fuck him. You’re completely perfect the way you are. If he doesn’t see that, it’s his loss. I’m almost certain this is the part where I’m supposed to have you repeat some mantra of being who you are, and letting people suck on invisible dicks, but I don’t remember all of it. The point is to let it go. If he doesn’t see your worth, he’s not worth your time.”
She laughed, “You said that all wrong. It’s ‘I’m going to be me and anyone who doesn’t like it can suck my eleven-inch invisible cock’.”
“Can’t blame me for trying. I was close.”
“Invisible cocks. Maybe, I came over at the wrong time.” Walker wouldn’t stop staring at Andrea.
I did my best to laugh off the awkwardness. “So, I’m going to go find August. He’s probably looking for me.”
Without turning his head, Walker pointed to the speakers. “He’s waiting by the dance floor for you.”
Nodding my head, I slipped off the chair, leaving Andrea to fend for herself. Whatever was going on between them was none of my business. As I got closer to the other side
of the room, I could see August leaning against the wall. My eyes traced the seam of his pants, up towards the center, where I planned on spending a lot of my time later.
“Baby, my eyes are up here.”
“I know where they are. I’m just checking out my new baby daddy. Is that a problem?”
“When you say it like that, I sound cheap.” He held his hands out for me and wrapped me in his arms, while softly kissing the top of my head. “This is the best birthday I’ve had in a long time.”
“Which birthday was the best before this one?”
“When my parents were still together, they took me to Disney World once for my birthday. We spent an entire week riding up and down roller coasters, and eating junk food. It was amazing. Six months later they got divorced. I think they knew ahead of time, but they didn’t want to tell me. I guess Disney was our last hoorah.”
“That got depressing rather quickly.”
“Sorry. Back to what I was saying––this is by far the best night I’ve had in my life. I only have one favor to ask?”
“What?”
“Can we go home? These people are great, but I just want you naked, in our bed, with nowhere to go for days.”
“Jack will be back tomorrow.”
“Fine, with nowhere to go for the night.”
“Okay. I’ll go home with you.” Leaning up on my toes, I pressed my lips to his. He held my hand as we said goodnight to everyone. He never let go of me, not even when he helped me back into the limo.
We were stopped, waiting for a light to turn green, when I heard a sound. August was lying in my lap with his eyes closed, softly rubbing my stomach. I looked down to brush the hair out of his face when I heard the sound again. I knew that sound. Somewhere, out there in the cold night, someone’s heart was shattering.
My eyes glanced towards a park bench, barely lit by a street lamp. A girl was curled up with her feet tucked into herself. She was wailing. Her sadness crept into my bones, and my heart sank. Just as I was about to show August, a man in a long coat walked up to her. He knelt down in front of her. I wish I knew what he said to her that calmed her so quickly. He held out his hand for hers, but she didn’t move. He took a step back and she followed him into the night.