The Girl He Left Behind

by Shilpa Suraj

  When she didn’t speak immediately, he said ‘Whatever the reasons you started volunteering for, I think what you’re doing is amazing.’

  Looking anywhere but at him, she said ‘I think you should leave now.’

  Taking in the remote expression on her face, he accepted defeat for the moment and stepped off the porch.

  He waited till she had the door open and had taken a step inside to say ‘I’m going to beat you at Scrabble® next time. Watch the lion roar.’

  ‘Ooh, I’m so scared.’

  Slapping a hand against his heart, he gave her a wounded look. ‘Don’t you think it’s time the ‘ooh’ jokes stopped?’

  ‘Not a chance,’ she said with a small smile before shutting the door in his face.

  Chapter 13

  Swearing viciously, Ryan lifted his finger to his mouth to staunch the bleeding. He’d managed to slice it while using his Swiss army knife to pry open a suitcase that was jammed. It seemed a fitting end to the day he’d had. Rotating his shoulders to try and relieve tense muscles, he exhaled hard. He had just got back from a two day run to Mumbai. He had a business to run and a multitude of clients who needed handholding. He needed to get back to his home and his business and most importantly, he had to remember that home was Mumbai. The Trends Now pitch had been approved and his team was more than capable of handling its execution without him hovering. He had no reason to stay. No reason other than Sia.

  Hearing the subtle knock on the door, he walked over to open it for room service. Pulling it open, he’d walked halfway back into the room for his wallet before his brain registered that it wasn’t room service.

  Sia stood on the threshold looking like she’d rather be anywhere else. He seemed to be conjuring her up an awful lot lately. Maybe for an encore, he could try thinking of Megan Fox. Feeling his bad mood disappear, he raised an eyebrow and waited.

  Holding up the folder she carried, she said ‘I brought the storyboard with me for the new campaign. Adarsh was working late at the office and he wanted you to see it urgently. He was going to drive here, drop it off and drive back to the office. The approval meeting is set for the first hour tomorrow morning and he didn’t want to email it because the impact gets diluted and your hotel is on my way home, so I offered to drop it off.’ When the babbling finally trailed off into silence, she took a deep breath and waited. When Ryan only continued to stare at her without saying a word, she said ‘I guess I should go then.’

  ‘Aren’t you going to give me the storyboard before you go?’ Holding out a hand for it, he smiled.

  Flushing, Sia held it out to him from the safety of the threshold. When he made no move to come forward and take it, she was forced to take a few tentative steps into the room to reach his outstretched hand.

  Shoving it at him, she said ‘Okay. I’ll go now.’

  ‘Stay.’ He said absently, already unzipping the folder and scanning the images. ‘You can give me your opinion on this. Dinner should be coming up any second now. I’m sure there is enough for two.’

  As if to punctuate his statement, there was a discreet rapping on the door heralding the arrival of room service. Sia watched as the waiter pocketed his tip and left with the door shutting behind him with a decisive snap.

  The aroma of butter chicken wafted up enticingly. She’d skipped lunch for a meeting and was starving. Trying to ignore her stomach’s jig of anticipation, she said ‘I don’t want dinner, thank you.’

  ‘You’re not hungry?’ Walking over to the tray, he started uncovering the steaming dishes.

  ‘No.’ She said, just as her traitorous stomach growled.

  Grinning, Ryan held out a papad. Accepting defeat, she took it and perched on the side of the bed.

  Joining her on the bed, Ryan spread the storyboard printouts out and stared at them. Biting into her papad, she watched as he frowned at the images. With his hair all mussed, in faded track pants and a plain t-shirt, he made her mouth water even more than the dinner laid out. He looked so very handsome. Stressed out but handsome. Wondering what had etched those lines of strain on his face, she shifted her gaze from him to the papers spread out on the bed.

  ‘They look good.’ Finishing her papad, she wiped her hands on the napkin carefully before touching the papers.

  ‘Hmm, I’m not so sure about the image on this one. It’s too much of a cliché.’

  Looking at the paper he held out to her, Sia tried to resist the urge to reach out and smooth the lock of hair flopping onto his forehead back from his face. Maybe she should sit on her hands. Staring hard at the image and not seeing it, she said, ‘Clichés are clichés for a reason. They work.’

  ‘I guess. Looks fine other than that. What do you think?’ Scrubbing a hand through his hair, he stood and stretched.

  Transfixed by the glimpse of his spectacular abs as his t-shirt rode up, she said ‘Mmph.’

  ‘Excuse me?’ Frowning at the gurgle of noise, Ryan asked. ‘Are you okay?’

  Smoothing the paper she’d mangled, Sia recovered enough poise and control to say, ‘I think it looks great. You look tired.’ Okay, maybe not a whole lot of control.

  Biting her lip, she forged ahead. ‘I’m sorry but you look exhausted and I was just wondering if you were okay.’

  Staring at her with an unfathomable look, Ryan held out a hand and inclined his head towards the food set up on the table. They served themselves in silence and were halfway through their meal before he spoke.

  ‘I gave them the cheque today.’

  ‘Oh.’ With a pang of sympathy for his pain, she tried to think of something to say. ‘You have that kind of cash lying around?’

  Shrugging, he couldn’t keep the edge out of his voice when he replied. ‘I do own a successful advertising agency. It required cashing in on a few investments but yes I do have that kind of cash lying around.’ Wishing her surprise hadn’t stung quite so much, he picked up his glass of water and sipped.

  ‘I’m sorry.’

  Her quiet sincerity had him swallowing hard. ‘That’s okay. It’s a long way from the princely sum of a thousand rupees in savings kept in a box under my bed. I can understand the surprise.’

  ‘You think that-’ Understanding flooding through her, Sia had to stop herself from overturning her glass of water on his head.

  ‘It’s okay, really.’ Mistaking her outrage for politeness, he continued, ‘I understand. It’s why I left.’

  ‘Why you left?’ Sia queried softly. Deceptively calm, she put her spoon down and waited for him to continue.

  ‘That was the night I found out. I went home after dropping you off and walked in on them arguing.’ Getting up to pace, Ryan stared at the ground as he tried to marshal his thoughts into some semblance of order. ‘I should never have let you think we had a chance at a future together. I had no business even dreaming of a future with you when I was just a loser from a poor family with a pathetic excuse for a background. I had nothing much to offer then but after that? How could I offer you anything at all knowing that I was the result of my mother’s single act of defiance? At least before I had a father, an abusive alcoholic of a father but a father. How could I ask anyone to be Mrs Ryan Mathur when I didn’t even lay claim to that name myself?’

  Standing with his back to the room, he looked out of the window. He couldn’t face the pity he was sure he would see on Sia’s face. Talking about this was hard enough without having to deal with her feeling sorry for him. ‘Imagine having kids without knowing whose genes I’d be passing on to them.’

  ‘Because having the genes of that vile, repulsive excuse of a man pass on to their children is every woman’s dream come true?’

  Ryan spun around to face Sia only to get hit in the face by a cushion.

  ‘What the hell did you think I meant when I said I loved you?’ Tears of rage glittering in her eyes, Sia looked wildly around for something else to throw.

  He’d been prepared for disgust, pity and even sorrow but he hadn’t considered anger. It wa
s a bit like being attacked by a sparrow. Fielding another pillow, he tried to make sense of her reaction.

  ‘I loved you and wanted to marry you when I thought your father was a horrible, hateful human being but you thought I wouldn’t want you when I found out he wasn’t?’ she shouted.

  ‘I don’t even know who I am or where I come from? I thought-’

  ‘You thought? That’s probably where all our problems started. With you thinking! Did it ever occur to you, you Neanderthal, when you were doing this thinking and deciding our future on your own that I might have wanted a say in its outcome?’

  ‘Don’t you get it? I had nothing to offer you. Nothing! Everything that was good and true and worth having in my life came from you. Without you, I had nothing. I was nothing!’

  ‘You were my best friend, my confidante and the love of my life. You were never nothing! Not for one single moment, not for one single second. I knew you better than anyone. Every flaw, every virtue and I loved you. You idiot! There was nothing about you that I would have changed. I fell in love with you, the person you were. I didn’t fall in love with your father’s son.’

  She savagely wiped the tears flowing freely now. She’d thought she was cried out as far as Ryan was concerned but she’d been wrong. He’d had no faith, she realized, not in their relationship and not in her.

  ‘Do you realize what people would have said about you if you’d married me? Do you know the talk your parents and you would have had to listen to?’ Ryan demanded.

  ‘Couldn’t have been worse than what I’ve listened to since my divorce. You didn’t know me at all if that’s what you thought mattered to me.’ And that was the crux of the whole mess. Giving up, Sia wiped the last of her tears from her cheeks. Picking up her purse, she took one last look at Ryan standing motionless near the window with the pillow still clutched in his hands. ‘If what people would say didn’t stop me from divorcing the wrong man, it sure as hell wouldn’t have stopped me from marrying the right one.’

  Closing the door with a finality that echoed in her heart, she walked away without looking back.

  Chapter 14

  ‘Ignorance is not an excuse.’ Ryan started to pace in his office while he talked into his phone. ‘I want those reports by EOD. If you don’t know something, find out. I don’t expect you to know everything but I certainly expect you to make the effort to find the answer.’

  Disconnecting the line, he scrolled through his recently dialled numbers before finding Adarsh’s number and dialling. ‘Can you come by my office before you leave for the day? I need to discuss something with you.’

  Tossing his phone on the desk, he pulled his laptop closer to read through the last email from one of his managers in Mumbai. He couldn’t put this off any longer. He had to leave. Preferably tonight.

  Four days. It had been four days since his last conversation with Sia. Four days of her looking through him like he didn’t exist. He’d managed six years of no contact with her but these four days were killing him.

  ‘Deep thoughts always make for a very sexy look.’ Startled out of his introspection, Ryan looked up to find Nisha in his doorway.

  Smiling cautiously, he stood as she walked in. ‘Did we have a meeting scheduled?’

  ‘No. We didn’t. I wanted to talk to you about something.’ Ignoring the chair, she settled herself on his desk and crossed her legs.

  Sitting back down, he leaned back and waited for her to speak.

  ‘I like you.’

  Ryan opened his mouth to reply and stopped when she held a palm up to stop him. Women seemed to be doing that to him a lot off late, he reflected.

  ‘I like you.’ Nisha repeated. ‘When I like something I usually don’t let anything get in my way of acquiring it.’

  ‘Acquiring? I’m not a diamond ring on your wish list.’

  Laughing at his dry response, she played lightly with the top button of his shirt. ‘True. But you’re on my wish list nevertheless.’

  Warily watching her slip the button out of its hole, Ryan pushed his chair back as far as it would go. Standing to escort her out of the room, he held out a hand and said ‘I’m flattered, Nisha, but-’ Whatever diplomatic response he might have come up with was smothered by her lips. Mentally cursing, he grabbed both her arms and moved her away. It was a bit like trying to pry a suckerfish off the side of an aquarium. Hearing a shocked gasp, he looked up with a sense of inevitability to see the receptionist standing in the doorway with a stack of papers in her hand. What was her name again? Sheela, Sheena, Sheeba?

  Dropping Nisha into his chair, he moved towards the door. ‘Thanks.’ He said tersely, taking the papers from her hand and looking through them. Dismissing her with a nod, he shut the door firmly. ‘You can’t do this. It’s unprofessional and completely unacceptable.’ Leaving the papers on his desk, Ryan kept the width of the desk between them this time.

  ‘Oh please.’ Dismissing his objections with an airy wave of her hand, Nisha walked around the desk. ‘I’m one of their top earners and you’re not even an employee.’

  Smiling seductively, she came closer and wound her arms around his neck. ‘But you have a point about us not being able to continue this here. Why don’t you come by my house tonight?’

  ‘That’s not going to happen.’

  ‘Why?’

  He took two steps back to avoid suffocating from the cloying perfume she wore. ‘I’m not interested. I’m sorry if I gave you the wrong idea but this isn’t going to work.’

  ‘I’m not asking you to marry me. What’s wrong with a couple of sessions in bed? I can guarantee you’ll want more than a couple once you’ve had a taste.’ Loosening another button, she slipped her hand in and ran her nails lightly down his chest.

  Grabbing her hand and pulling it out, Ryan held on to it to keep it from wandering.

  ‘No.’ He said simply.

  Searching his eyes and finding her answer there, Nisha finally stepped back. Smiling wryly, she said. ‘She must be someone very special.’

  ‘I’m just not interested. I’m sorry.’

  Laughing throatily, she gave his chest one last lingering stroke. ‘Sure honey. You just keep telling yourself that.’

  Walking away from him, she said ‘If you change your mind, you know where to find me.’

  ‘I won’t change my mind.’ Spoken softly, the words rang through the room.

  ‘Tell her that. What’s the point of forsaking others if you can’t even have her?’ She walked out leaving him standing alone in silence.

  * * *

  Gossip burned through the office grapevine faster than a forest fire. Sia sipped her cup of vile tasting instant coffee carefully as she sat in the cafeteria listening to the latest recounting happening at the table next to theirs. Maybe it was the conversation and not the coffee that left a vile taste in her mouth.

  ‘I heard he had taken all her clothes off and had her pushed up against the office desk.’ Eyes round, the girl from accounting, Natasha, almost fell off her chair trying to hear more. Radha, the current storyteller seemed to relish the attention from the group of people sitting at her table.

  Rolling her eyes at Sia, Minty turned her back on them and took another determined bite of her salad. ‘Idiots! This is turning into a game of Chinese whispers. Sheela told me that all she saw was a kiss. Aren’t you going to eat anything?’

  Finishing her coffee, Sia shook her head. ‘Not hungry. I have to get back to work. Okay if I leave you to finish your lunch on your own?’

  ‘Sure, but you don’t actually believe all this nonsense, do you?’

  ‘Does it matter?’ Pushing back from the table, Sia left before Minty could continue.

  She had made it halfway to her cabin before she was hailed by another colleague, Ramesh.

  ‘Hey. We need to meet about the new novelist we signed.’

  ‘Okay.’ Pulling out her blackberry, Sia scrolled through her calendar quickly. ‘I have a spot free this afternoon from two to three. Does
that work for you?’

  ‘Sure. Hey, did you hear the latest bit of gossip? Apparently your writer has been having a little fun with the advertising guy.’

  ‘Yeah. I heard.’ Spying Ryan coming down the corridor towards them, Sia tried to end that line of conversation. ‘So I’ll see you at two then?’

  Undeterred, he continued. ‘You know him, don’t you? Back when you guys were kids you were friends or something?’

  ‘Or something. I have to go. I have tons of work piled up. We’ll meet at two.’

  Ryan came to a halt behind Ramesh just as he opened his big mouth further. ‘Do you know more than the gossip doing the rounds? Are they an item now? Do you know him well?’

  Meeting Ryan’s eyes over his head, Sia said ‘No, I don’t know him well. I thought I did but I don’t know him at all.’

  ‘Why don’t you ask me directly?’ Ryan invited, barely banked anger simmering in his voice.

  Sia turned and walked away to Ramesh’s embarrassed sputters.

  She made it to her cabin without any further interruptions. Sighing, she opened her laptop and got to work. She had eighteen unread emails. She was halfway through her first reply, when an expected knock sounded on her door.

  Wiping her face of all expression, she called out ‘Come in.’ She watched in silence as Ryan walked in and swung the door shut.

  Her voice stopped him while the door was still in mid swing. ‘I’d prefer you leave that open. I don’t fancy being part of tomorrow’s gossip headline.’

  Keeping his eyes on hers, he yanked the door fully open and stoppered it before coming the rest of the way into the room.

  ‘I didn’t kiss her.’

  ‘You don’t owe me an explanation.’

  ‘Yet, here I stand, giving you one. I didn’t kiss her.’ He repeated. ‘She kissed me. That idiotic receptionist walked in before I had a chance to push her away’

  When she only snorted derisively, he tightened his slippery hold on his temper and tried again. ‘You know me better than that.’