The Girl He Left Behind

by Shilpa Suraj

  ‘Okay. Sorry. Our mistake.’ It was a bit like placating a hungry lion. ‘Do you want to get dinner or something?’

  ‘No, thank you. I’m not hungry.’

  ‘But you haven’t eaten all day!’ Watching Adarsh gesture violently towards the door with his head, Minty gave up. Walking over before he dislocated something, she opened the door and turned to look at Ryan.

  ‘So I’ll see you around then?’ she asked a trifle uncertainly.

  ‘Yes.’ His face softening momentarily, he said, ‘I won’t leave without saying goodbye.’

  Watching Adarsh and Minty leave, he shook his head. After the door closed behind them, he pushed back from his desk and went to stare out of the window. So she wasn’t here. What did it matter if she was or wasn’t? Shoving his clenched fists into his pockets, he let his mind wander back to their last conversation. She didn’t want him. Not anymore. Feeling the pain of that knife through him again, he swore and grappled with the rising tide of his emotions.

  ‘Damn you, Sia.’ The hoarse whisper seemed to mock him in the empty room.

  * * *

  Lost in thought, Ryan made his way slowly to the McDonalds across the street from the office. It was late and it looked like the burger joint was winding up for the night. Maybe he could coax one of the servers into letting him buy just one burger. He needed a quick bite to eat before he fell into bed and tried to forget the gnawing pain that never seemed to leave him. Fighting the fatigue that seemed to burrow through his very bones, Ryan made it halfway across the deserted parking lot before he heard a familiar voice.

  ‘I always thought the bitch was frigid but it turns out she’ll only spread her legs for the right incentive.’

  Recognizing Ajay’s voice, Ryan ignored the distasteful words and continued forward to the closed take away section only to come to an abrupt halt at Ajay’s next statement.

  ‘It’s not like she has virginity issues, being divorced and all.’ Months of rejection deepened the derisive sneer in Ajay’s voice as he continued. ‘Apparently Sia’s ice queen act melts at the first warming sight of money. Did I tell you guys I saw her kissing that advertising guy behind a wall outside the nightclub one Saturday? She was practically inhaling him. All that touch-me-not frost just melted into a puddle.’

  Ryan let his bag slide slowly to the ground as he walked back a few steps and took in the scene. Four guys, he noted, all chuckling at their imbecilic wit. Ajay was leaning against the nearest wall and casually glanced over when Ryan stepped closer. A flush of colour slowly spread across his cheekbones as he straightened to face him. The rest of them turned too, looking straight from Ryan’s set face to Ajay’s wary one.

  ‘You want to say that again to my face?’ Ryan invited. The menace in his voice had the onlookers taking an apprehensive step back.

  ‘Sure.’ Confident of his own size and gym built body, Ajay gave him a cocky grin. ‘She must have rocked your world that night. That body of hers looks like-’

  Reaching casually across, Ryan grabbed his shirt and hauled him forward. Gripping the edges of his shirt, he twisted and tightened it to press against his windpipe. Whatever he was going to say about Sia’s body was lost in the choking noises he made as he struggled for air. When he looked like he might pass out, Ryan let go and dropped him to the ground.

  ‘Apologize.’

  Ajay came off the ground in a roar of injured pride. Gauging the distance between them, Ryan just sidestepped his charge and watched his forward momentum pitch him face first to the ground. Superior size and strength he might have but Ajay didn’t know that Ryan had grown up brawling. When you fought off bullies and abusive fathers for survival, size didn’t matter and you didn’t fight fair but you always won.

  ‘Get up. You want a fight, you’ve got one.’ Stripping his suit jacket off and throwing it to one side, Ryan loosened his shirt sleeves and waited for the lumbering ox to get to his feet.

  ‘Don’t interfere.’ Ajay warned his friends. They didn’t look the least bit inclined to get involved.

  ‘I’m going to kill you.”’

  All damaged ego, Ajay pushed himself off the ground.

  ‘Yak, yak, yak. Are you going to stand there talking me to death or actually do something about it?’

  Taking in Ajay’s stance even as he calmly taunted him, Ryan felt his surge of adrenalin wash the fatigue away. Ducking under Ajay’s wildly swinging arm, he welcomed the pain that sang through his arm at the first punch he landed. The guy had a jaw like granite.

  ‘Ready to apologize yet?’ Breathing hard, he held on to his side and took in the fact that their audience had backed up several steps. ‘Guess not.’ His attention snapped back to the fight as Ajay got back up and came forward again.

  A steady stream of curses interspersed the thuds and grunts echoing in the parking lot. Taking his share of hits, Ryan settled into the fight. Elbowing Ajay in the nose, he finally pushed him, staggering, against the wall. Keeping an arm under Ajay’s chin to keep him upright, Ryan waited to catch his breath before saying ‘Don’t make this any worse for yourself Ajay, all I want is an apology in front of these assholes.’

  Conceding defeat, Ajay nodded.

  Easing his grip, and letting Ajay slide down in front of his feet, Ryan stepped back

  Gasping, Ajay looked over at his friends. ‘I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said what I did.’

  ‘And?’ Ryan pressed.

  ‘I won’t do it again. I didn’t mean anything by it. It was just harmless fun.’ Looking hopefully up at Ryan, he waited to see if that was enough.

  Letting the harmless fun part slide, Ryan nodded grimly. ‘Next time you won’t be so lucky.’ Turning to the gaping hangers on, he ordered ‘Get him off the floor and take him home’ Scrambling to obey, the guys hauled Ajay to his feet and bundled him into a car. They left in a squeal of tyres that resonated in the otherwise quiet of the night.

  Ryan watched the taillights fade into the darkness before painfully lowering himself to the ground with his back to the wall. Clutching his ribs, he clenched his jaw and tried to ride out the waves of pain that were no longer just figuratively sweeping through him. Staring into the dark that only a dim streetlight tried valiantly to dispel, he flexed his fingers slowly. He was bruised and bloody and sitting in mud and dirt. Look how far he’d come in life, he thought with an ironic smile. All the way back to square one.

  Chapter 17

  Holding an ice pack to his rapidly blackening eye, Ryan contemplated the bottle of Scotch on the table in front of him. Settling in to the task for the night, he poured himself another hefty measure and sipped slowly. An hour later, he’d made steady headway and was more than halfway through the bottle. It didn’t seem to be helping with the churning in his gut, he thought a bit hazily. Restlessly, he grabbed the television remote and channel surfed trying to find something to watch. Settling on an old episode of ‘Lost,’ he tried to get his errant mind to concentrate. He saw the light from his phone’s display flashing and threw a pillow over it without bothering to check who was calling.

  He was halfway through pouring another glass when a knock sounded through the room. Looking over at the television wondering if the sound had come from there, he stared in puzzlement when the knocking on the door started again.

  People didn’t even let you get drunk in peace. Muttering, he put the bottle down and picked up his glass. Maybe if he just ignored whoever was at the door, they would go away. Swallowing hard, he glared at the door when the knocking resumed. He was going to kill whoever it was. Swearing, he walked over and yanked the door open with a snarl already forming.

  Blinking in confusion, the snarl died on his lips as he stared at the apparition on the other side of the door. No amount of gaping like a goldfish helped in vanishing Sia’s mother from her position on the threshold.

  ‘Can I come in?’ Leena asked gently.

  More blinking ensued as Ryan tried to get his brain to work. Looking down at the glass in his hand, he shoo
k his head a bit to see if it helped clear the haze of alcohol. When that didn’t even help make sense of her presence at his doorstep, he reached out a tentative hand.

  Stepping forward, Leena grasped his hand and held her arms out for a hug. In one quick stride, Ryan had his arms around her and his face buried in her shoulder. She hugged him back just as tightly and then pulled away to frame his face between her hands before saying ‘Let me get a good look at you.’ Taking in the black eye and the stiff way he held himself, she made a mental note to whack some sense into him at a later point.

  ‘I probably smell like a distillery.’ Definitely wasn’t at his best, Ryan thought ruefully, as he scrubbed a hand through the stubble on his chin. ‘Come in please.’ Leading the way into the room, he tried not to scramble around like a madman picking up the debris of his drunken marathon. Swiping a few papers off the only chair in the room, he settled her in before trying to pick up whatever he could.

  ‘Ryan.’ Her quiet voice stopped him midway through his mission and he turned to face her with his arms full of papers, old crisps wrappers and even the Scotch bottle. ‘Come sit down and talk to me.’

  Dropping the mess on the bed he went to sit on the table facing her chair. Trying to keep a little distance between them so he didn’t breathe his alcoholic fumes all over her, he waited for her to say something. When she didn’t, he said the first thing that came to mind.

  ‘I’m sorry.’ Voice cracking, he tried to get a grip even as his vision swam with unshed tears.

  ‘For?’ Leena reached behind him for the carafe of water on the table and poured him a glass.

  Holding on to the glass like it was a lifeline; he tried to string a coherent sentence together from the words clogging his throat.

  ‘For hurting Sia. For leaving without saying goodbye. For not coming back sooner.’ Unable to look into her compassionate gaze, he raked a hand through his hair and continued without waiting for her to say anything. ‘As much as I wish things could have been different, I don’t know if given a chance again I would do anything differently.’

  ‘Okay.’ Her calm acceptance had him swallowing hard. ‘Why don’t we just agree to let the past stay in the past?’ Smiling at his expression, she said ‘Tell me what you’ve been up to in all these years. Fill me in on everything. I want to hear all about your advertising agency, your home in Mumbai and anything else you think is important.’

  She watched the lines on his face smoothen out as he talked. The years between them faded away as he described his new life. His passion shone through in both his gestures and his voice as he talked about the business he’d built from scratch. She listened with more than just pride as he described his incredible journey from troubled boy to the successful man he was today.

  Stopping abruptly in the middle of a humorous recounting of his first client meeting, Ryan jumped to his feet. ‘I forgot to ask if you’d like something to drink or eat or something. Would you?’

  ‘Something to drink would be nice.’

  Rummaging through the mini bar he produced a can of Sprite and looked helplessly around the room for a clean glass. Giving up, he walked over to call room service when she stopped him with an outstretched hand. ‘I’m perfectly comfortable drinking from a can.’

  Popping the can open, she took a delicate sip before saying, ‘You look good, Ryan. Success becomes you.’

  Amused to see the colour wash across his cheekbones, she waited for him to sit down in front of her again. ‘I think you should be very proud of everything you achieved. And I don’t think you should apologize for any part of that journey. Every step, every decision you took brought you to this moment.’

  ‘You never asked me if there was a girl in my life.’

  Leena raised an eyebrow in surprise before asking, ‘Is there?’

  ‘No.’ He’d never been able to lie to Sia’s mother.

  Leena’s quiet voice halted his frantic thoughts. ‘You came home for Sia. You can give yourself a hundred different reasons for coming back but you and I both know you came back for her.’

  ‘I hurt her very badly.’ Meeting her eyes, Ryan looked for some hint of condemnation or anger. All he found was understanding. Undone, he pressed her hands between his and tried to explain. ‘My father-’

  ‘I know.’

  The gentle interruption had him tightening his grip on her hands. ‘Sia told you.’ He managed after a moment.

  She nodded before asking, ‘So when are you going to stop punishing yourself for being born?’

  His expression tightening, Ryan looked up. ‘It’s not that simple. I’m a bastard who has no clue who his father is. I’m like the mongrel to Sia’s pedigree.’

  ‘It’s amazing how someone with such a high IQ could be so stupid. Is that what you see when you look in the mirror?’ When he didn’t reply, she continued, ‘Would you like to know what I see? I see a young man who’s made an incredible success of his life against terrible odds. I see a kind, loving, honest boy who it’s been a pleasure to know. You are so much more than the accident of your birth. I told Sia this and I’ll tell you as well. I hate the fact that your actions hurt my daughter but I don’t hate you, Ryan. Life is all about hard choices and sometimes we make the wrong ones. No one is perfect.’

  When he only shook his head in denial, she turned him to face her. ‘For just one day, try to look at yourself through my eyes and tell me what you see. I may not have given birth to you, Ryan, but you will always be a child of my heart. Remember that.’ When she saw him swallow convulsively, she put her arms around him. Hugging him, she murmured the same nonsense she’d soothed her child with countless times. When she felt him finally regain some semblance of control, she pulled back and stroked a hand down his hair.

  Pulling back, Ryan scrubbed his hands over his face, vaguely surprised when they came away wet. Everything about this evening felt unreal.

  ‘So Sia reminds you of pedigree huh? A pug, maybe? Her nose never did grow beyond what she was born with.’

  Chuckling helplessly, Ryan sat down on the bed. ‘She’ll kill us both if she hears that.’

  Pleased with the laughter lighting up his eyes again, she bent to pick up the purse she’d left at the side of her chair. ‘I have to go now. Don’t be a stranger okay? Keep in touch. You know where to find us. And stop fighting. You may be too big for me to knock some sense into you so I’ll try bribery instead. If you’re minus all bruises and black eyes the next time I see you, I’ll bake you your favourite chocolate cake.’

  Still smiling, Ryan nodded. ‘I’ve missed you. All of you. I didn’t realize how much until I came back. I owe uncle and you every good memory I have of my childhood.’

  Her eyes softening, Leena said. ‘You don’t owe family. Whatever happens or doesn’t happen between Sia and you, you’ll always have family here. Come home, Ryan. At the least, come for a visit. Stay with uncle and me. It will be like old times.’

  ‘I don’t think Sia will like that much.’

  ‘Oh honey. Who do you think sent me here?’

  Laughing at the shock in his eyes, Leena gave him a last hug.

  ‘Why?’

  ‘Why don’t you ask her?’ With a quiet smile and a pat on his cheek, she was gone.

  Chapter 18

  Sia sang along to the music blasting through her car as she drove back. There was nothing like a few days with her parents to relax her completely. Luckily, they lived only a couple of hours drive away. She’d spent her entire vacation having lazy conversations with her parents, eating, sleeping and going on long walks. None of it had helped with the messy emotions she grappled with but it made it more bearable. She hadn’t been able to get a moment alone with her mother to talk about what was bothering her over the last few days. They’d tried but a steady stream of visitors had put paid to any meaningful discussion. Mentally shrugging, Sia tried to forget the anxiety and unease that jostled for space instead of her. It wasn’t like her mother would be able to solve the problem for her. No one
could. Warbling loudly, she turned into her driveway only to come to an abrupt halt.

  Ryan sat on her stoop with his hands casually folded across his knees. Unable to read his expression thanks to the dark glasses that covered his eyes, she took in the frayed jeans and open collared white t-shirt he wore. Realising the music still blared from her car stereo; she quickly turned it off and got out. Other than a murmured ‘he’ll be fine’ she hadn’t discussed her mother’s visit with Ryan. Not knowing what to expect, Sia locked her car and walked over.

  ‘Hi.’ The quiet greeting rattled her more than any argument or accusation could have.

  ‘Hi.’ She replied suspiciously, scanning his face to gauge what he was thinking.

  ‘Can I help you with that?’

  ‘With what?’ Sia asked in confusion.

  Gesturing to the bags in her back seat piled till the roof of her car, Ryan said. ‘That.’

  Flushing with mortification, Sia ignored the grin tugging at his lips. Everyone knew she shopped like a maniac when she needed distraction. Retail therapy was her cure for all ills. As someone who’d lugged her bags for years, she knew exactly what was going through Ryan’s mind.

  Not wanting him to discover how many more bags were wedged on the floor of the car, she muttered. ‘I’ll get to it later.’

  Unlocking her front door, she asked grudgingly, ‘Would you like to come in?’

  ‘Considering I’ve been sitting on your front steps for over three hours waiting for you to reach, yes please.’ Following her in, Ryan watched as she dumped her car keys on the side table where they promptly slid off and wedged themselves at the back between the table and the wall. Amused, he yanked them out and settled them safely on the table.

  ‘Would you like something to drink?’ Sia’s voice floated back from the kitchen. ‘I should have something worth drinking in the fridge.’

  ‘Beer?’

  ‘At six in the evening on a weekday?’ Flashing him a faintly disapproving look, Sia bent to rummage through the fridge.