The Girl He Left Behind

by Shilpa Suraj

  ‘What?’ The frank astonishment in Sia’s voice had his eyes shooting up to hers. ‘Who the hell told you something as stupid as that?’

  Raking his gaze over her, Ryan took in the surprise, confusion and complete cluelessness. As enlightenment slowly dawned, he said, ‘No one. I just pieced it together. I guess I got the wrong end of the stick.’ Dropping his head into his hands, he let the happiness at being wrong take over.

  Dimly, he heard her ask, ‘Pieced it together from what?’

  ‘From some things people said.’

  ‘What did people say and who exactly are these people?’

  Relief making him light headed, he answered before his mind caught up with his tongue. ‘Well Ajay and some of the other guys from work said something about you being very frigid and touch me not about stuff.’

  With a deceptively bland expression, Sia said, ‘Oh? And that made you think I was raped?’ His brain starting to work again, Ryan tried to find a way to yank out the foot he’d jammed into his mouth. ‘Well, no. But the way you flinch when I get too close to you and the other day you said you didn’t want to sleep with me …’ Trailing off, he realized there was no way he could recover from this one.

  ‘Oh damn. Of course! Because the only reason someone wouldn’t want to sleep with you would be because they were raped.’

  Shit. He’d made a major mess of this.

  ‘Get out.’ The calm in her voice didn’t in any way detract from the heat in the words.

  ‘Sia.’

  ‘Please.’ When he didn’t move, she jumped off the bed, walked past him and held the bedroom door open.

  ‘You’re overreacting.’

  ‘You heard some imbeciles talking about how frigid I am and added that to the fact that you think I flinch when you get too close to me and the fact that I wouldn’t jump into bed with you and you decided I was a rape victim?’ Her voice rose towards the end shattering the calm façade she’d managed to maintain till now.

  Following her, he came to stand in front of her. ‘What exactly are you so angry about? I know you haven’t told me the whole story about your marriage and I seem to have jumped to the wrong conclusion.’ Running an aggrieved hand through his hair, he raised his voice as well, ‘First you won’t tell me anything and then you crucify me if I get it wrong. You would save us both a lot of time if you would just explain things to me. Obviously, I’m too simple minded to figure it out on my own.’

  ‘I don’t enjoy sex, you idiot.’ She yelled. Great, now even the neighbours had probably heard her. In the deafening silence that followed, she tried desperately to steady her choppy breath while ignoring the fact that Ryan seemed to have turned into a statue.

  Humiliation coursing through her, she heard herself say, ‘This is what the last few days have been about, haven’t they? None of this was about being friends again or being a part of each other’s lives again. The day I came back from my parent’s home. That was the day you came to this conclusion.’ Piecing it together, she shook her head at her own naiveté. ‘You see me as some kind of victim and you’re labouring under this delusion that everything that has happened to me in the last six years has been your fault. My marriage was a mistake, my mistake. My choices, my decisions and my consequences. Yes, if you hadn’t left I would never have ended up married to someone else but it was still my decision to marry someone else. You weren’t there and that more than anything else should tell you that you had nothing to do with it. I am not your responsibility. I am not your problem to solve and I most definitely am not the wounded chick you need to tend to and heal. I am neither your duty nor your obligation. Now for the last time, get out.’

  ‘Like hell I will’ He managed to croak.

  ‘Do you have a problem understanding English?’ Suddenly acutely conscious of the fact that she was wearing nothing but a nightshirt, Sia tried to move past him.

  Grabbing her arm, he hauled her back to face him. ‘Did this morning scare you?’

  ‘No. I actually enjoyed it. That would be a first. I’m more scared I’ll disappoint you Ryan, than anything else.’

  Her last sentence ended on a shriek as Ryan’s hand snaked around her waist and he swung her up into his arms. Dumping her unceremoniously on the bed, he loomed over her.

  ‘Are you an idiot?’

  ‘Excuse me?’ Outrage coloured her voice as she shoved herself upright from the bed almost colliding with his head.

  ‘Well, I know you’re not uneducated or unaware of the facts of life so that leaves me with idiocy.’

  Staring daggers at him, she moved away and leaned against the headboard. Taking in her white face, tightly crossed hands and legs and the lip that was getting chewed to pieces, he sighed.

  Striving for a more moderate tone, he grabbed her ankle eliciting another squeak and pulled her into his lap. ‘You know that making love is so much more than just the mechanics of it. A bad experience does not-’

  ‘It was my only experience.’ Her flat voice cut him off midsentence.

  Exhaling hard, he let loose a stream of unprintable curses that told her exactly what he thought of her ex-husband. Ignoring the fact that she was as stiff as a plank of wood in his lap, he wrapped his arms around her before lowering his forehead to rest against hers. Closing his eyes, he prayed for the right words.

  ‘Sia, I’m sure whatever you went through was horrific. But you really can’t base the rest of your life on-’

  ‘I don’t need or want your condescension or pity.’ The stiff words lit a fuse under his temper again.

  ‘You think I pity you? If there is a God in heaven he should be sitting there pitying me. You stupid fool.’ Toppling her from his lap back onto the bed, he followed her down. Feeling the length of him press against her, Sia wriggled. ‘Please don’t. You don’t need to prove anything to me.’

  ‘Actually, I need to prove something to myself.’ Stemming any further protest with his lips, Ryan teased hers open as gently as he could. Keeping himself on a tight leash and his hands where they couldn’t wander, he used only his mouth to show her how he felt and to coax a response out of her. When he felt the shudder that ran through her now pliant body, he raised his head and looked down. ‘This is your call. It all comes down to whether you want this or not. It will kill me to stop but I will stop if you want me to. Your call.’ He repeated and waited.

  Scanning his tightly drawn features, Sia wondered at the twists and turns her life had taken since Ryan had walked back into it. In all the moments she’d spent wondering where things would end up; she’d never imagined lying in bed with his weight pressed into hers. It felt wonderful. He felt wonderful and she felt more alive in this single moment than she had at any point in the last six years. There was nobody she trusted more to do this with. Making up her mind, she reached up to draw his lips back to hers. Between tiny nibbling kisses, he said, ‘Anytime you want to stop or slow down, pinch me hard. I’ve heard pain is very good at bringing your arousal down to controllable levels.’

  A faint smile was his only response before she slipped her hands under his shirt and all coherent thought fled. Shutting her mind off completely, Sia gave herself up to the moment. Sensation flooding through her, she ran her fingers through the coarse mat of hair covering his chest. She had an anxious moment when he slipped her nightshirt over her head but forgot all about it when he bent his head to close his mouth around her breast. He didn’t leave her in any doubt about his enthusiasm or his undivided attention. The seconds slipped by in a tangle of limbs, sighs and moans. When the moment came and he slipped into her, it didn’t feel awkward, painful or sad. It felt right. It was perfect.

  Later, they lay in each other’s arms in silence. Sia sprawled boneless over his chest with her eyes closed as her breathing slowed and settled. Watching the sunlight streaming through the window play over her body, Ryan ran a gentle hand down her back. When she didn’t move an inch, he rolled her gently to one side, anchoring her with an arm around her waist and keeping her back
to his chest. Letting the peace of the moment wash over him, he fell asleep to the sound of her gentle breathing. He woke an hour later to silence and an empty bedroom.

  Chapter 22

  Dressed in jeans and a pale blue kurta, Sia walked into office a couple of hours later with only one thing on her mind. She’d left a note for Ryan, telling him she had an important meeting and would call him later. She couldn’t wait for work to be over. Hugging the delight spreading through her, Sia did a quick twirl in the middle of the corridor. She felt whole again and not just because she’d made love but because she’d made love with Ryan. Feeling the weight of all her insecurities slide away under the wash of love flooding her, she smiled broadly at anyone who passed her. She was going to spend the rest of her life making up for all the time she had lost.

  Ajay was sipping from a large cup of coffee and lazily flipping sheets in a file when she caught sight of him. Scanning the area, she saw plenty of people at their desk for witnesses. Good. Walking over, she grabbed his cup from his hand and emptied it over his head.

  Yelping, he leapt up frantically trying to keep the coffee out of his eyes. Judging from the splatters on her hand, the coffee was only lukewarm. That was unfortunate. Ignoring the curious looks, she waited for him to stop sputtering and meet her eyes.

  ‘What the hell do you think you’re doing?’

  ‘Frigid? Touch me not?’ When she saw his eyes widen with understanding, she raised her voice so people at the neighbouring tables could hear her more clearly. ‘You’ve asked me out on innumerable occasions. I’ve told you every single time that I’m not interested. If you ever slander me or approach me for anything that is even remotely personal again, I will report you to Human Resources. I have witnesses and I have proof. From now on, the only time you communicate with me in any way is if it is something to do with work. Understood?’

  Nodding warily, he wiped another trickle of coffee from his temple. ‘This wasn’t necessary.’

  ‘Oh, I think it was. I’m done being anyone’s victim.’ Turning on her heel, she was already a few feet away when his voice reached her. ‘You really didn’t have to. Your boyfriend already took care of it. I apologized and everything.’

  ‘Took care of it?’ She didn’t even need to query the nonexistent boyfriend; she already knew who it was.

  ‘Can’t blame him though.’ Shrugging, Ajay looked about as ashamed as he could with matted hair and coffee streaks all over his face and white shirt. ‘I would have done worse if I’d heard some guy talking trash about the girl I was in love with.’

  ‘He’s not in love with me.’ Even as she made the reflexive denial, she let the little bubble of hope form and grow inside of her. She needed Ryan to say it before she believed it completely.

  ‘If you say so.’ Clearing his throat, he said with as much grace as he could manage under the circumstances, ‘I’m sorry about the things I said. It was just my ego blowing off some steam. It won’t happen again.’

  Accepting the gesture in the spirit it was meant, Sia nodded before walking towards the bank of elevators. So that’s where he’d got the black eye from. Punching in her floor, she made her way to her cabin. She was going to finish work and then take some time to make sense of the incredible morning she’d had. Banishing the goofy smile plastered on her face, she dialled into the video conference and tried to focus on work. Three quarters of an hour later, she looked up to a tap on her door.

  ‘Coffee?’ Grinning, Minty held up two steaming mugs.

  ‘You heard.’ Locking her laptop, Sia held out a hand for one of the mugs. Taking a deep, appreciative sip, she eyed Minty over the rim. ‘Are you here to applaud me or yell at me for being a tad reckless?’

  ‘A tad?’

  Sia shrugged, ‘I don’t care. A tad, more than a tad. I needed to make my point.’

  ‘You did that quite spectacularly. Apparently, so did Ryan a few days back. Although I suppose some would say his point had a bit more impact?’

  Snickering at her bad pun, Minty put her mug down on the table before she spilled any coffee. Noticing Sia was too preoccupied to join in her juvenile humour, she asked, ‘What are you thinking?’

  Making up her mind, Sia put the mug down firmly before grabbing Minty’s hand. ‘Do I look different?’

  Minty’s eyebrows shot up skyward as she took a closer look at Sia. Flushed face, feverishly bright eyes, fidgety hands that played with the end of her ponytail and a foot that was tapping away frantically under the table came into focus.

  Mystified, Minty watched in silence for a second, ‘Should I even ask? Or would it be better if I just kept quiet?’

  Tap, tap, tap.

  Staring at the foot tapping out a staccato rhythm on the floor, Minty waited for an answer. When none seemed forthcoming, she put one foot down gently on Sia’s.

  Grinning quizzically, she tried again. ‘Something you want to tell me?’

  ‘Ryan and I. We sort of. We kind of.’

  ‘You sort of?’ Trying to not to think of all the ways those fragments could end, Minty waited patiently for Sia to finish a sentence.

  ‘We spent the morning together. In bed.’ Hearing herself blurt it out so baldly, Sia groaned and buried her flaming cheeks in her hands. ‘I don’t know what I was thinking.’ When several minutes passed in silence, she peeked out at Minty through her fingers. A slightly hysterical snort of laughter escaped her as she realized that for the first time in her life she’d completely silenced Minty. Mouth open, she was staring at Sia like she’d sprouted two heads. Or maybe even three.

  ‘Please say something. Anything!’ Sia begged.

  Before Minty could come up with a reply, the door opened and Ryan strode in. One look at his expression had Minty scrambling off the desk and Sia’s foot tapping nervously again.

  ‘Could I have a minute alone with Sia, Minty?’ The suppressed fury in his voice had Minty swallowing the smart aleck remark on the tip of her tongue and nodding quickly. She gave Sia’s shoulder a quick squeeze before sidestepping Ryan and leaving.

  ‘Things have really changed in the last six years.’

  Not knowing quite what to make of the acerbic remark, Sia nodded cautiously. ‘I suppose it has.’

  ‘Six years ago, you would never have left me in your bed and walked out without a single word.’

  ‘Six years ago, you would never have had a chance of being in my bed unless we were married.’ A sense of foreboding creeping over her, Sia’s eyes flashed with hurt. ‘And I left a note.’

  ‘A note? I guess it went missing before I woke up. I’m surprised you didn’t leave some money anchoring it.’

  Shock turning her insides to ice, Sia opened her mouth but found she couldn’t speak. All her gloriously happy plans of this morning crashing around her, she mutely took in the sight of him standing hip shot in the centre of her tiny cabin.

  ‘I thought I could do this but I can’t.’ Suddenly weary, he ran a hand across his face trying to regain some semblance of control. The anger drained away at her silence leaving only gut wrenching hurt in its place. ‘I thought if I could just chip away at all your objections, if I could prove you wrong then maybe just maybe I could get you to fall in love with me again.’

  ‘Ryan-’

  Lifting a hand to stop her, he continued, ‘I thought if I fought for us hard enough, if I worked at understanding your concerns and proved to you that I deserved a second chance it was only a matter of time before I got it. But I won’t be used. I thought I was getting a second chance. I didn’t realize all I was getting was sex. Great sex.’ An ironic smile twisting his lips, he shook his head. Who knew he would be the one demanding respect after a tumble in bed? And that’s all it had been to her. ‘All my life, I’ve had to fight for what I wanted. I’m done fighting for this. I need you to want me and a future with me as badly as I do. I need you to fight for us, to choose us. I want a lifetime with you but apparently you don’t think I even rate a conversation.’

  Forcing word
s past the constriction in her chest, Sia tried desperately to get him to listen to her. ‘I just needed some time to-’

  ‘Well, now you’ve got all the time in the world.’

  Even through her unshed tears, Sia got a clear view of Ryan walking away. Then the door slammed and there was only silence.

  Chapter 23

  ‘Ryan.’ Minty’s voice hailed him from across the parking lot later that night. He’d been working late trying to tie up everything so he could go home and space out in bed. He was going to be on the first flight to Mumbai in the morning. Dropping his laptop bag and suit jacket into the backseat of his car, he turned and waited for her to catch up with him.

  Huffing and panting, she bent over with her hands on her hips trying to catch her breath.

  ‘You really shouldn’t run in those shoes.’ He said, eyeing her stilettos. ‘You’ll end up breaking your neck or something.

  ‘Have you seen Sia recently?’ She managed between deep gulps of air.

  ‘Only earlier today when I threw you out of her office. Why?’ Pulling a bottle of water from his car, he handed it to her. Her face was an alarming shade of red.

  ‘No. I mean, have you seen her post lunch?.’

  Disquiet making the hairs on the back of his neck rise, he asked again, ‘Why are you asking?’

  ‘Because I haven’t seen or spoken to her since. She isn’t answering my calls either on her mobile or her landline. She isn’t in office and I called her neighbour who says the lights aren’t on in her house either.’

  Recalling the look on her face when she said she wanted time, Ryan said, ‘Maybe she just wanted some time alone. She might be driving around trying to clear her head or something.’

  ‘Why would she do that?’ Tuning in to the undertone weaving through his voice, Minty glared, ‘What happened between the two of you?’

  Talking over the guilt and confusion clawing through his insides, Ryan said, ‘Look, I’m sure she’s home by now. Why don’t we drive by her place and check?’