Exes and O's

by Joy Argento

  Charley looked at her and shook his head.

  “What?” Ali asked.

  “You know,” he said, holding up the list of exes Ali had made. “I’m starting to see a pattern here.” He handed Ali the list. “Tell me what you liked about any of these women?”

  Ali looked it over. “Brenda. Hmm. Brenda had a nice smile.”

  “I remember Brenda. How many times did she actually smile at you?”

  “All the time—the first few weeks.” Ali hadn’t realized that her kindness didn’t seem to extend beyond that.

  Charley unbuttoned the top button on his plain cotton shirt. It was much less feminine than the way he usually dressed. He would have at least three buttons undone before the evening was over. Alcohol tended to cause him to overheat. “Anything else?”

  “The sex was good,” Ali said. Although it had always been on Brenda’s terms, when and where and even how they were intimate. Ali tapped her chin. There didn’t seem to be anything else she liked about Brenda.

  “And how long were you with her?”

  “Eight months. She broke up with me through a text.”

  “So, a short-lived smile and decent sex was all she offered you and you stayed for eight months?”

  Ali shrugged. She wasn’t liking this conversation. “Screw her,” she said.

  “You’ve already done that, and from what you’ve said you liked it.”

  “Ha ha. Not funny.”

  A loud ding announced another Facebook message. Ali jumped.

  “Guess they can’t wait to tell me what’s wrong with me,” Ali said. “I don’t like this game.”

  “It’s not a game, baby. It’s a learning experience. So far we’ve learned that some of the women you’ve been with aren’t very nice people.” Charley leaned over her shoulder, grabbed the mouse, and clicked on the message. “It’s from Janet. Let’s hope she’s a little nicer than April was. Let’s see…” He scrolled down reading out loud. “Did you ever love me? She said no. At any point, did you see yourself spending forever with me? No again. No to her ever being jealous.”

  “This is torture. Do we really have to do this?” Ali interrupted him.

  “Hun, this is important. Now, where was I?” He scrolled farther down. “No regrets. Oh, listen to this.”

  Ali put her face in her hands, lowered her head to her desk, and banged it against the wood a few times.

  “The question was—what’s the worst thing you think I did.”

  “Do I really want to know?” Ali’s voice was muffled against her hands.

  Charley didn’t miss a beat. “There wasn’t anything you did that was bad. In fact you were too good. Or maybe I should say too mild. You never demanded or really even asked for anything. You just went along with whatever I wanted. You bent over backwards to make me happy. You and I were never right together, but you didn’t seem to notice that.”

  Ali picked her head up from the desk and brushed a few strands of hair out of her eyes. “What. The worse thing I did was try to make her happy?”

  Charley stood and put his hands on his hips. “You are missing the point here.” He shook his head.

  “What’s the point then? What am I missing?”

  “You didn’t even consider yourself in that relationship. She makes it sound like you were beating a dead horse. Like you were chasing after something that was never going to work.” He gently lifted Ali’s chin until she was looking into his eyes. “Are you getting this?”

  “I didn’t chase her. I didn’t chase any of them. What did she say about my friends? Did she say she liked you?” Ali really didn’t want to be having this discussion. She never should have agreed to this crazy ass idea.

  “Unimportant.”

  “I thought you said it was important what they thought of my friends.”

  “No. That’s what she said. She answered the question with one word—unimportant.”

  “Oh.”

  “Ali, are you seeing a pattern here, or not?”

  “We’ve only gotten two responses so far, how can there be a pattern?” She drained the last of her fourth margarita.

  “What did you like about Janet?”

  Ali rolled her eyes. “She was very pretty, nice—um—nice and pretty.”

  “Did you feel a connection to her?”

  A connection? Ali hadn’t even thought about having a connection—with her—or—wait. Wait a minute. Was that the pattern? She’d had a series of relationships with the women on that list, but did she feel a connection to any of them? Yes, she had had a connection with Madison. But apparently Madison hadn’t felt the same. Their whole relationship had been one big fat lie. Forming real connections was hard after that. Maybe she never really tried to find a connection. Although according to Janet, she tried too hard at everything else.

  “Ali?”

  “Huh?” Ali mumbled, still lost in her thoughts.

  “Connection?”

  “I’m tired.” She needed time to think about this. Time without Charley staring into her face waiting for an answer. “And more than a little drunk. Can we call it a night and pick this back up tomorrow?”

  “I’m just trying to help you, Ali.”

  Ali stood and gave him a tight hug. “I know, and I love you for it. But my head is spinning, and I need to lie down, because the room is spinning faster than my head is. Make yourself comfortable in the guest room. You know where everything is.”

  Ali had just laid her head on her pillow when there was a knock on her bedroom door. “Who is it?” She laughed as if it was the funniest thing she ever heard.

  Charley popped his head in. “Can I come in?” He didn’t wait for an answer before opening the door fully and stepping in. He set a full glass of water on the nightstand. “Darling, you need to drink this before you go to sleep. All of it.”

  “Yes, Mother.” She laughed again.

  “How’s your head?” He sat on the edge of the bed.

  “I don’t know. It’s been flying around the room and I haven’t been able to catch it.”

  “That good, huh?”

  Ali sat up and grabbed the glass. “I definitely drank too much. How come your head is still attached to your body? You had as much to drink as I did.”

  “Baby, I’ve easily got an extra hundred pounds on you. Besides, I’ve been drinking since I was a toddler. You’ve only been drinking since you were a teen.”

  “Liar. You told me you didn’t have your first drink until college.”

  “Just trying to see if you’re paying attention.” He stood. “Now drink that water and get some sleep. We’ll check in the morning to see if anyone else answers your message.”

  Ali had almost forgotten that they were in the middle of untangling the truth about her love life. Almost. She knew she had a lot to think about, but she didn’t have the strength to do it tonight. She needed her wits about her for that. She finished her water and fell into a fitful sleep. Her ex-girlfriends paraded through her dreams shouting out their opinions of her. When she ran out of exes, various celebrities joined the parade. Jennifer Aniston was particularly harsh. When Madison Parker entered the picture Ali sprang up, fully awake. What the hell had she just done?

  Chapter Two

  Madison Parker set a cup of coffee in front of her sister. Jenny liked to get to the donut shop before it opened to go over any business they needed to take care of for the day. Madison would have preferred meeting at the end of the workday but gave in to her older sister’s wishes. They had grown up in the donut shop, helping their dad after school and on weekends. When their father died five years ago, they took over, with Madison running the day-to-day operations and Jenny handling the financial and clerical side of things.

  Jenny sported a new, shorter haircut that swung freely just above her shoulders. Madison liked it and wondered how s
he would look if she ever decided to cut her own long hair.

  Francis had been in the back for the last two hours making the donuts for the day. Marco Parker, Madison and Jenny’s father, had hired him more than eighteen years ago. The shop had been called Marco’s Donut Shop then, but a freak lightning strike damaged the sign breaking off the first four letters. It wasn’t long before everyone in town started referring to it as O’s Donut Shop. When their father got around to getting the sign fixed, he adopted the new name and O’s Donuts became official. Madison added cream and two packets of sugar to her coffee and glanced at her watch. The move didn’t go unnoticed by Jenny.

  “Somewhere you need to be? Hot date maybe?” It was a running joke that Madison was getting tired of. She hadn’t had a hot date, or any date for that matter, for going on two years. She just didn’t have the interest. Her last relationship left her hurting more than she cared to admit. Hurt seemed to be a running theme in her love life.

  The truth was she was hoping to get a quick run in before the shop opened. It always helped clear her head. And if there was anything she needed today it was a clear head. They were hiring two new employees and she hated the interview and decision-making process. They had been shorthanded for the last couple of weeks, and Madison was getting sick of working the extra hours.

  “Ha.” She shook her head. “No. I’m done with dating and done with women for that matter. Don’t need the drama.” Or the heartache.

  “Maddy, don’t be like that. Just because your last relationship didn’t work out doesn’t mean there isn’t some fantastic woman out there just waiting to meet you.”

  Madison ignored the comment. Jenny sorted through the pile of papers and mail on the table in front of her. She pulled out several sheets. “The electric bills from the past two months have gone up. It doesn’t appear to be an increase in business. I’m thinking the oven is pulling more power than it used to. It is almost twenty years old after all. Maybe we should look into the cost of a new one.” She paused, shuffled through the papers again, and retrieved an envelope. “Oh, and this came for you yesterday. No return address.” She handed the envelope to Madison.

  The postmark was too smudged to read, and she didn’t recognize the handwriting. Probably just junk mail, disguised as a personal letter. She pushed it aside.

  “Aren’t you going to open it?”

  “No. How much did the electric bill go up?” She was never going to have time for that run if they didn’t get on with this.

  They discussed the pro and cons of a new oven—decided against it for now—and what they were looking for in a new employee. Jenny wouldn’t be available for the interviews today, and Madison assured her she could handle it on her own. They wrapped up with only ten minutes to spare before it was time to open. No run before work today.

  Jenny gathered her papers, slipped them into a folder, and grabbed a fresh donut from the rack before heading out the door. Madison rarely indulged in their wares, preferring salads and vegetables to sweets. She sometimes envied Jenny’s carefree ways.

  “Hey, boss.” Valerie had come in through the back door for her morning shift. She grabbed her apron from the hook on the wall and tied it around her waist. Her bleached blond hair was pulled neatly into a ponytail, giving her an even more youthful look than her twenty-something years. She had been with O’s for over two years, and Madison knew they’d found a gem when they had hired her.

  Madison slipped the envelope with no return address into her back pocket, greeted Valerie, and turned the sign on the door to OPEN. Several regulars made their way in. Some sat at tables, and a few made themselves comfortable at the counter. Madison set two coffee cups in front of a couple of elderly gentlemen at the counter and poured them each a cup of coffee. “How are you doing today, Joe? Tom?”

  They graced the donut shop with their presence almost every morning. Madison loved listening to their stories and advice. She envied their obviously close relationship. They’d been together for over forty years, having to hide it from the world much of that time.

  “Can’t complain,” Joe said. “No one wants to hear it anyway.”

  “Oh, honey, you can always complain to me.” Tom gave him a kiss on the cheek. “Not that I want to hear it either.” His bald head was in total contrast to his partner’s thick gray hair.

  Madison couldn’t help but laugh. “You two are the best. What can I get for you?”

  They placed their orders and made idle chitchat while they waited. The next several hours went pretty much the same as every other day, except for the job interviews. Madison narrowed the seven candidates down to two. Lea said she could start anytime—yes, Saturday would be fine—and Ellie could the following Monday. Madison ordered new name tags for them and readied the paperwork they would need to fill out when they started. She sent a text to Jenny to let her know the details.

  Her phone rang before she had a chance to leave her office. It was Jenny. Probably had questions about the new employees, she reasoned.

  “Did you have questions about who I hired?” Madison asked without saying hello.

  “No, that’s not why I’m calling.”

  “Everything okay with Patty and Grayson?” Patty was Jenny’s daughter, and Grayson was Patty’s two-year-old son. Not having kids of her own, Madison was very close to them. Jenny was on babysitting duty most weekdays.

  “Everything’s fine. I was just curious about that letter you got. Who’s it from? Who writes actual letters these days?”

  “What? You called me because of that?” Madison shook her head. Ridiculous.

  “Yeah. Call me crazy, but for some reason it just seems strange to me,” Jenny continued.

  “You’re crazy.”

  “Thanks.”

  “Don’t tell me to do stuff if you don’t really mean it.” Madison had forgotten all about the letter.

  “Well?”

  “Hold on.” She pulled the envelope from her pocket, ripped open one edge, and shook out the piece of paper inside. It was obviously printed from a computer. She glanced at the name printed on the bottom. Her stomach lurched and her breakfast threatened to come back up. The phone she’d been cradling between her head and shoulder slipped out and fell hard onto the desk, making her jump. She momentarily forgot about Jenny.

  It was from Ali. Ali Daniels who had broken her heart twenty years ago. Ali Daniels who had disappeared from her life without a single word of explanation. What the hell?

  Madison heard her name being called as if from another dimension, like she was having an out-of-body experience. It took her a few moments to realize that it was Jenny calling her name, still on the phone. “Sorry,” Madison said into the mouthpiece.

  “What just happened?”

  “Um, well…”

  “Madison? Are you all right?”

  “Yeah. The letter is from Ali.”

  “Ali who? Ali your best friend from high school? That Ali?”

  “Oh yeah. That Ali.” Madison hesitated. No need to keep it a secret anymore. She was out now. Jenny knew she was gay. She’d just never bothered to tell her that Ali had been her first love. Her first lover. “Jen, she was so much more than my best friend.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I was in love with her.”

  There were several moments of silence. Madison assumed Jenny was letting that information sink in.

  “Oh. Did she know?”

  Madison took a step back in time, to the last time she saw Ali and the argument they had. She had just turned eighteen. She thought Ali had gotten over it. They had even talked after that. Then Ali was gone. Madison had reached out multiple times after that, but Ali wouldn’t talk to her or see her. She finally gave up, her heart so heavy with pain she could barely manage to carry it around. “Yes. I thought she felt the same. We were together the last two years of high school. Secretly,
of course. I thought we would be together forever.”

  “What happened? I remember you being sad and withdrawn right after you graduated. I thought maybe it had something to do with you coming out and being sad because you were alone.”

  “I was devastated because of Ali. She just disappeared out of my life without a word.” Her hurt had turned to anger over the years. The tightness in her chest told her she had never let go of that rage.

  “Why?”

  Madison shook her head, even though Jenny couldn’t see her. “Damned if I know. Hard to get answers from someone who won’t talk to you.”

  “What does the letter say?”

  Madison realized she hadn’t read anything but Ali’s name. She wasn’t sure she wanted to read the rest.

  “Madison?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “Read it. Out loud.”

  Madison cleared her throat and began to read. “Hi,” Madison paused. “Oh my God, she didn’t even use my name. This looks like some sort of form letter.”

  “Just read it,” Jenny told her.

  She continued. “I know we haven’t spoken in a while. I hope you are doing well. I am working on self-improvement, trying to become a better person and thus a better partner in a relationship. I’m hoping you can help me out by answering some questions for me. I would really appreciate it. Yours truly, Ali (your ex).” Your ex? As if Ali had to explain who she was. As if Madison had forgotten her. Could ever forget her. She certainly had tried.

  Jenny interrupted her thoughts. “That’s awful ballsy. She wants you to help her in a relationship with someone else?”

  “Apparently.” Pretty shitty thing to ask someone. She wadded up the piece of paper and threw it across the office, just missing the trash can. “Fuck. And fuck her. I’m not answering her stupid questions. She can just go screw herself.”

  “Tell me how you really feel?”

  Madison knew Jenny was trying to make light of the situation, trying to help calm Madison down. It wasn’t helping.

  “Who the hell does she think she is?” Madison asked.

  “I’m sorry, Maddy, this has apparently opened an old wound.”