by Joy Argento
The server arrived before Ali had a chance to answer. “Another round.” Madison read her name tag. “Linda. Please.”
“Can I just get a glass of water?” Ali added.
“Bring her water and another margarita.” She brought her attention to Ali. “I hate to drink alone.”
Linda waited, her attention on Ali.
“That’s fine,” Ali said. “And bring a glass of water for my friend here too.”
Friend. It seemed wrong for Ali to refer to her as friend. They had been so much more than that once. They weren’t lovers anymore so that didn’t fit. Girlfriends? No, they certainly weren’t that. But friends didn’t seem quite right. Acquaintances was far too casual a word considering what they had once meant to each other. Too much thinking and not enough drinking. Another drink would dull her mind and help stop the train of thoughts that were invading her good time.
“Where’d you go?”
“What?”
“You were somewhere in your head for a bit. What were you thinking?”
“That I’m glad we can sit here together and have a drink.” Close enough to the truth. “Or four.”
Madison giggled. What? I don’t giggle. Must be the alcohol. Maybe I should slow down. Linda arrived with their drinks as if on cue. Madison took a long sip. It went down easy. Maybe too easy.
“Water might be a good idea before you down that,” Ali pointed out gently.
Madison took another long sip before grabbing her glass of water. “Yes, Mother.” She giggled again. Damn. If Ali minded the comment, she didn’t show it.
Madison finished the water in record time and returned to her drink. She was already over her self-imposed three-drink limit. She wasn’t sure why and she didn’t feel like analyzing it. She had done enough analyzing for tonight. “Tell me about your life in Syracuse. Do you like it there?”
Ali sipped her water. “It’s okay. You know how it only takes a little snow to close things down here?”
“Yeah.”
“It takes a couple of feet there before anything shuts down.”
“That’s interesting, but I want to know about your life, not the weather.” They really hadn’t spent much time learning about each other’s lives over the past week. That was probably Madison’s fault. She really hadn’t cared to know too much about Ali and even more, she didn’t want Ali to know about her life. Not that she had anything to hide.
“Okay. Let’s see. We’ve already established that I don’t have a goldfish.”
Giggle. Stop it!
Ali smiled. She seemed to be enjoying Madison and her foolish laugh. “I don’t have much of a social life. Writing is pretty solitary and doesn’t offer much of an opportunity to make friends.”
“That makes me sad.”
“It’s not that I don’t have any friends. I have a very good friend, Charley, that I’m close too.”
The sadness was pushed out by jealousy. Oh my God, Madison, stop it. This needs to be your last drink because obviously you’ve lost your mind. “And is Charley a boy or girl?” She was well aware of the fact that she sounded like she was in middle school.
“Interesting question.”
“Why? Are there other choices?”
“Actually, there are. Charley was born male but has a female side too.”
“Left or right?”
“What?”
Madison plowed on with her silly question, despite the fact that her head was starting to spin. Or was it the room? “Is his female side on the left or right?”
“Top.”
“Oh shit. I didn’t even think of that.” Madison laughed. “I’m sorry. I think I’m a little tipsy. I really do want to hear about Charley—and your life. Is he gender fluid?”
“Yeah. Sometimes he presents as male, but more often as female. We went to college together.”
“You went in Syracuse, right? Your mother told me that much. But that was it.”
“Madison, I’m so sorry about that.”
“Stop apologizing. I already forgave you. Ali, I’m not happy with the way things turned out, but we can’t undo it. We can just move forward. Now—Syracuse? That had been your original plan if I recall.” She recalled a lot. There wasn’t much about her time with Ali that she didn’t remember. It had been the best time in her life—until it wasn’t.
“Yes. Syracuse University. I stayed when I graduated. I did a lot of odd jobs until my writing took off.”
“I’m so proud of you. You made it. You did what you set out to do.”
Ali shook her head. “I may have done all right with my career, and I’m very grateful for Charley, but the rest of my life is a mess.”
Madison found that hard to believe. Ali seemed so put together. “How so?”
Ali finished her water and took a sip of her fourth drink. “You don’t want to hear about my pathetic life.” She raised her hand to get the server’s attention.
“Yes, I do.”
Linda was there in a flash. “Can we get a pepperoni pizza and an order of cheese sticks?” She turned to Madison. “Is there anything else you’d like?”
Madison hadn’t even thought about eating. They’d had an early dinner and her stomach growled at the mention of food. “Let’s get the homemade potato chips. They are to die for.”
“Sounds good. And more water, please.”
Linda wrote the order on her pad and disappeared into the crowd of people that had gathered without Madison’s awareness.
“So?” Madison sensed Ali’s reluctance to talk about her life and wondered if she should let it go.
“You know that letter I sent you?”
Madison nodded.
“Charley suggested that I write to my exes because I had somehow messed up relationship after relationship. He thought maybe I could gain some insight as to why.”
“I have a confession,” Madison said. “I didn’t read past the first part.”
“And then you threw it in the trash can and kicked the can, I’m guessing?”
“Something like that.”
“I don’t blame you. I had no idea I had hurt you. I would have set it on fire if I had been in your position.”
“Did you get responses from your other exes?” Other exes. Madison didn’t like the thought of Ali being hurt in other relationships—or even having other relationships.
“I did. I realized that I was never invested. The companionship was nice, but I never really connected with anyone.”
That didn’t seem like the Ali she knew. “Did you figure out why?”
Linda reappeared with a basket of thick, light brown potato chips, two small plates, and a bottle of ketchup. “Pizza and bread sticks will be out in a bit.” She poured water into each of their glasses.
“Partially. I have more thinking to do on it.”
“What have you figured out so far?”
“I didn’t figure it out until I came back here and saw you. It was just reinforced once I knew that you hadn’t cheated on me,” Ali said once the waitress left.
Madison was pretty sure she knew where Ali was going with this and considered stopping her. But she was the one who had asked the question, and to stop her now just seemed cruel.
Ali knew she shouldn’t reveal too much, but Madison had asked. She owed her the truth. “I had never gotten over you. Not totally anyway.” There it was. It was out. She studied Madison for her reaction. Whatever she was thinking, it wasn’t written on her face. Asking her outright seemed out of the question. Time for a change of subject. “When did you take over the donut shop? And who changed the name?” If Madison minded the sudden change of subject, she didn’t object.
Madison gave Ali the details, the storm that ruined the original sign, the new name, her dad dying and Madison and Jenny stepping up to run the place and losing her
mother two years later. “I run the day-to-day stuff and Jenny handles the business end. If you recall, math was not my strong suit in school.”
Ali laughed. “I remember sneaking you the answers to math tests stuck in a gum wrapper. I think that’s what made you fall in love with me.” Uh oh. She wasn’t sure if she had overstepped. Madison more than likely didn’t want to be reminded of when they were together, not after what Ali did to her.
“There were so many more reasons than some test answers that made me fall in love with you,” Madison said.
Ali felt herself flush with heat as she stared into Madison’s brown eyes and Madison stared back. The eye contact felt so intense. Almost too intense. She wanted so badly to kiss her. She leaned forward but stopped herself in time. Madison, however, continued the movement Ali had started until their lips met. The kiss lingered for what seemed like an eternity but was only a few moments. Ali wasn’t sure which one of them broke the contact, but it was over as quickly as it had begun.
Oh shit, Madison thought. Did I really just do that? Damn alcohol. No. It wasn’t the alcohol. Not totally anyway. It was how hot sexy Ali looked with her low-cut shirt and just enough makeup to make her skin glow. It was the memories of loving her in high school and everything they had shared. It was a connection she, like Ali, hadn’t truly felt with anyone else. Her lips tingled from the contact.
“Umm. Pizza and breadsticks.”
Madison turned her head and looked up at Linda, balancing a pan of pizza in one hand and a basket of breadsticks in the other, a flustered look on her face.
Ali moved the basket of potato chips, which they hadn’t touched, to the side and Linda set the rest of the food down. “Can I get you anything else?”
“I don’t think so,” Madison said. “Ali?”
“Huh? Um, what?” She was obviously flustered by the kiss.
“Do you need anything else?”
“Ah, no. Thanks.”
Linda pulled a handful of napkins from the pocket on her apron and set them on the table. She left without another word. Seemed that kiss knocked everyone out of kilter. The thing was Madison didn’t regret it. She knew she should. She knew it couldn’t happen again, but for a few short seconds, she was back in high school and she was kissing the person she loved. It happened. It was over. Madison didn’t plan on talking about it. She hoped Ali didn’t either.
Ali silently pulled a slice of pizza from the pan, put it on a plate, and set it in front of Madison. She took another slice and took a large bite, chewing slowly, almost thoughtfully. “Sooo,” Madison let the word linger. “My sister, Jenny, was never much for working at the donut shop when we were kids. Oh sure, she would stop in to get donuts to eat…”
Ali was still silently chewing the same bite.
“Ali?”
“Yes?” At least she brought her eyes up to Madison this time.
“Nothing. I was just talking about the donut shop.”
“I always loved hanging out there after school.” And just like that, Ali was back. “Your dad was always so nice to me. I often wondered if he would be as nice if he knew we were more than friends.”
“I did tell them you know. About us.”
Ali seemed surprised. “You did?”
“Yes. It was a few months after you left. They said it didn’t change anything. They cared about you. Of course, they weren’t happy about the way you left without a word.” Madison regretted saying it as soon as it came out of her mouth.
“I’m sor—”
Madison put up her hand.
“Sorry about saying sorry.”
Madison laughed. “I accept your apology for apologizing.”
Ali laughed too. Madison was relieved. Guess she hadn’t shocked Ali too bad with that kiss. She just wanted to get back on track with her. Keep it light. Madison took a bite of her pizza. “Mm. This is good.”
“Do you come here a lot?” Ali asked between bites.
“No. I almost never go to bars.” Unless I am meeting a date from online. And then it was usually the gay bar at the edge of town.
“Why? This is so close to your house.”
“My alcohol consumption is usually limited to wine at Jenny’s. I don’t know. I don’t go out much.”
“I asked you before if you had someone special in your life. You wouldn’t answer me, but I assume you don’t, or she would have been the one taking care of you, instead of me.”
Madison had no problem answering that question now. There was no sense keeping it from Ali. “You would be correct. There is no one special currently.”
“But there has been?”
Madison drained the last of her drink, briefly considered ordering another one, but decided against it. God only knew what would happen if she had even more alcohol coursing through her. That kiss might have been just the tip of the iceberg if she were drunker. She was suddenly aware that she hadn’t answered Ali’s question. “Of course. I briefly considered becoming a nun when you left, but the celibate life didn’t seem that appealing. That and the fact that I’m not Catholic.”
“How come it didn’t work out? Any relationship.”
“They just didn’t.” Ali got the sense that Madison didn’t want to talk about it. Maybe she didn’t really know why none of them worked out, just like Ali hadn’t known—until she did. Or maybe she figured it was none of Ali’s business. Maybe it was none of Ali’s business why Madison had kissed her and then pretended like it didn’t happen. But it did happen. And it was electric. She felt more in those three seconds than she had having full-on sex with her last few partners. How was that even possible? It wasn’t. Surely, she must have imagined it. No kiss could have that much power. She was having trouble wrapping her head around it. Maybe another drink would help.
Ali stared at her empty glass as if the answers she was seeking were hiding there. The extra drink hadn’t helped like she hoped. Maybe that was because she wasn’t even sure of the questions.
“Are you ready to go?” Madison asked her.
“Yep. Should we have this food boxed up to take home?” Ali asked. They had barely touched any of it.
“Sure. This is my treat by the way.”
“No. You are not paying for this. That’s just crazy. It’s on me.”
“You took such good care of me. This doesn’t even start to repay you. It’s the least I could do.”
“Do you always do the least you can do?” Ali teased her.
“You are just so funny, aren’t you?”
“I think so.”
“That makes one of us.” Madison waved the server over, handed her her credit card before Ali had a chance to object, and asked for a take home box.
The night air was cool, and Ali was glad she had decided to bring a sweater. They were only a few yards from the bar when Ali stumbled. There was a dip in the sidewalk, she was sure. Consuming so much alcohol had nothing to do with it. At least that’s what she told herself. “Whoa.” Madison grabbed her arm, stopping her from face-planting on the sidewalk. She linked her arm through Ali’s as soon as she was upright again.
“I’m not drunk, you know. You don’t have to hold me up.”
“Well, I am. I was hoping you would hold me up.”
“It would be my pleasure.” Ali smiled in the dark.
“Doesn’t take much to give you pleasure,” Madison said.
The words sent a shiver through Ali. “Oh, if you only knew what gives me pleasure.”
Loaded words. Madison wasn’t sure she should respond. She remembered a great deal that would have given Ali pleasure twenty years ago. But they were girls then. She silently wondered what it would take to give Ali, the woman, pleasure now. There was a small piece of her that wanted to find out. Maybe more than a small piece. But that wouldn’t be fair to Ali. It would only lead her on and end up in more heartbreak fo
r her. Besides, they were both drunk. Drunken sex, while it would probably be great, would just be stupid.
“Thank you,” Ali said.
“For what?”
“Everything. Tonight. Allowing me back in your life. Forgiving me.”
“Thank you back. For all your help. For being the same kind, giving Ali that I used to know.” She left out the word loving, although she thought it. “I had a nice time tonight.”
They got back to her house much too soon. Once inside, she knew they would go their separate ways, she would go to her room and Ali would go down the hall to the guest room. Just feet away but it felt like it was a million miles. Madison felt close to Ali tonight. A feeling she thought she could never have with her again. It was surprising. And somewhat alarming.
Chapter Fourteen
Baby girl, it sounds like things are going well,” Charley said. “Where do you go from here?”
Ali pulled her feet up under her on the couch. It was Madison’s first day back at the donut shop. Ali planned on helping her with the lunchtime crowd. Her back seemed to be fine, but Ali didn’t want her to overdo it.
“I’m going to stick around a few more days, just to make sure Madison doesn’t need any more help. Then I guess I’m coming home.”
“I will be very glad to have you back. I’ve had to drink all by myself, and damn, it gets so lonely without you. I need you more than Madison Parker does.”
“Thanks for the guilt trip, Charley.”
“You’re welcome, sugarplum.”
“I’ve just got so many mixed feelings. I didn’t expect to feel so drawn in. All I want is to be close to Madison and it kills me to know I can’t.”
“Tell me about this kiss Madison Parker laid on you.”
“There’s not much to tell. Her lips were so soft. Softer than I remember. Her breath smelled like whiskey, but sweeter somehow. There was the slightest flicker of her tongue. So light it was barely there, but the feeling…” Ali paused trying to come up with the right words. “The feeling went throughout my whole body. It just doesn’t make sense.”