by Joy Argento
“That was a whole lot of words for not much to tell. Ali, that sounds like love. Or at least lust.”
Ali made her way into the kitchen and put the tea kettle on to boil. “I have to admit so many of my feelings for her are back. I just don’t know what to do with them.”
“Why do you think she kissed you?”
“Too much to drink. Plain and simple. I don’t think it meant anything to her. She didn’t even mention it after it happened. I’m not even sure she remembered it. I got the impression that she doesn’t usually drink that much.”
“They say alcohol brings out the truth.”
“They also say that alcohol makes you do things you wouldn’t ordinarily do.”
The tea kettle began its sharp whistle, and Ali removed it from the heat before it got too hot. She gathered what she needed and plopped a chai tea bag into a cup and poured hot water over it. “I don’t believe I’ve ever heard they say that.”
“You know everything they say?” Ali dunked the tea bag up and down several times.
“Pretty much.”
“Good to know.”
After she finished her tea, Ali set to making lunch. She wanted to surprise Madison with it. She hoped it would make her smile. There wasn’t much she wouldn’t do to see that smile.
* * *
“Good to have you back,” Tom said to Madison.
“We really missed you,” Joe added. “Your sister’s nice, but she just isn’t you. Glad you’re feeling better.”
It was good to be back, especially with her regulars, whom she considered friends. “Thank you. I missed you two as well.”
“What ever happened with your ex-girlfriend? You seemed pretty peeved, pardon my French, when she showed up here. I hope you don’t mind me asking,” Tom said.
“You gave me good advice when you said I should hear her out. We’ve cleared up a few things.” And got close again, she thought but didn’t add. She didn’t want to be answering any questions about her feelings toward Ali. “In fact, she helped me when I threw my back out. She’s still in town but should be going back home soon.”
Madison wasn’t looking forward to that day. She liked having her around. A lot. More than she thought she should. The morning went by quickly, and Madison was relieved that she didn’t have any back pain or even twitches, especially since she’d spent most of that time on her feet. She made herself a sandwich in the shop’s kitchen and sat at her desk to eat a quick lunch. A knock on the door made her look up.
“I brought you lunch.” Ali held up a paper bag. “I wasn’t sure what you had here to eat. I mean I know you serve lunch here but didn’t know if you would want something else. I see you have a sandwich. I can just put this in the fridge if you don’t want it.”
Madison’s mood, which was good to begin with, went up a couple more notches. “I just made myself a turkey and Swiss sandwich. Can you beat that?”
“Does lobster, baked potato, and cheesy biscuit beat it?”
“Oh my God, yes. Are you serious?”
“Hell no. That would be way too much work.”
“I’m not worth all that work? Thanks a lot.”
Ali moved a pile of papers to the side of Madison’s desk and set the bag down. “You are, but I thought comfort food was called for on your first day back at work. I made lasagna, with lots of extra sauce, just the way you like it. Let’s see…” Ali peered into the bag. “And meatballs.”
“Why are you so good to me?” Madison wouldn’t have blamed Ali if she had left her stuck in her car when her back went out after the way Madison had treated her.
“’Cause, I like you a little bit.” Ali held up her thumb and index finger about an inch apart. “Maybe even a little bit more than a little bit.”
“Thank you. I like you a little bit more than a little bit too.” Maybe a whole lot more than a little bit. “I hope you brought enough for both of us.”
“I did. Okay if I go grab some plates and silverware from the kitchen?”
“Absolutely.”
When Madison finished the last bite on her plate, she sat back and patted her stomach. “That was excellent. Thank you so much.”
“No problem. I’m here to work. What do you want me to do?”
“Want to make the donuts?” Madison laughed at the face Ali made. “Just kidding. You can take orders. Valerie will show you how to run the register. I need to catch up on some paperwork, then I’ll be out to lend a hand. How does that sound?”
“I can handle that.”
“Specials are on the board behind the register. Menus are on the tables already.”
“Got it, boss lady.” Ali gave a silly salute and headed out to the shop. She memorized the day’s specials, donned the apron Valerie gave her, and had a quick lesson on the register. Lunch customers were just starting to filter in.
“Hi there. I’m Ali. What can I get for you?” she asked a small group of women that had seated themselves in the booth by the door.
“Ali?” one of the women asked.
“That’s me.”
“Ali, it’s Tilly Miller. We went to high school together.”
Ali wasn’t surprised she hadn’t recognized her. Her blond hair was now bright red, and it looked as though she had gotten a nose job. Either that or she had grown into her oversized beak. Ali doubted that was the case.
“Tilly. Nice to see you.”
“I heard you left town without a word to anyone. Your parents up and left right after that. I always wondered if you were all running from the law or something.”
Ali laughed politely. She hadn’t liked Tilly in high school, and that hadn’t changed. “No, nothing like that.”
“As I recall you and Madison had been quite close. It surprised the heck out of us when she came out as a lesbian. Maybe you were trying to get as far away from that as you could. I wouldn’t have blamed you.”
This was Madison’s business, Ali reminded herself. Be nice. “Not at all.” She tossed around the idea of telling dear old Tilly that she was gay as well. But figured if she did that Tilly would more than likely put two and two together and come to the conclusion that she and Madison had been together. She didn’t know if Madison would be okay with that or not. She bit her tongue. “What can I get for you ladies?”
“So why did you leave?” Tilly continued.
“I went to college, Syracuse University.”
“Oh, no wonder you didn’t come back. I would have left this crappy little town too if I hadn’t married Ross Dell. Remember Ross, the football quarterback? All the girls had a crush on him. I’m sure you did too. He wanted to stay. He owns the biggest real estate business in the whole town.”
Ali had the urge to defend Clyde. When she left, she’d blamed the town for her broken heart as much as she had blamed Madison. Since she’d been back, her small hometown had wormed its way back into her heart. “That’s nice. Can I start you with something to drink?”
“So, you’re back and you work here now, huh? Nice. I always thought you were going somewhere. Bet you never expected to end up back where you started.”
That was all Ali could take. “I’ll give you a few minutes to decide what you want. Just let me know when you’re ready.” She retreated before Tilly could say anything else. Madison came out of her office just as Ali reached the counter.
“You look like you’re ready to blow a gasket,” Madison said. “What’s…” She glanced in the direction of Tilly and her friends. “Oh, let me guess. You waited on Tilly.”
“How did you know that?”
“I swear she comes in here just to subtly insult me. Sometimes not so subtly. I’m sure she told you she married Ross and he owns the biggest real estate business in town.”
“Yeah.”
“It’s the only real estate business in town. He inherited it from
his father. Almost ran it into the ground at one point. She’s a piece of work.”
“Why do you take it?”
“Her money is just as good as anyone else’s. Besides, it’s bad for business when you start punching the customers in the face.”
Ali laughed. Her mood lightened immediately. Madison still seemed to have that effect on her. “So, I’m not allowed to hit her?”
“I wish I could say yes. She’s a homophobic snob. I’m sure she called you some gay slur.”
“I didn’t tell her I’m gay. I didn’t know how you would feel if she linked us together.”
“Ali, I decided to be true to who I am a long time ago. I don’t care who knows or what their ignorant opinion is. You do you. Tell her or don’t. That’s up to you. But it doesn’t bother me for people to know we used to be together. I was proud of what we were to each other.”
Madison’s attitude surprised Ali and warmed her soul.
“Looks like you are being summoned.” Madison lifted her chin in Tilly’s direction.
Ali glanced at Tilly’s table. Tilly was waving the menu in the air, trying to get her attention.
“Want me to go wait on them?”
“Hell no. I’ve got this.” She pulled the order pad from her apron pocket and headed back over to Tilly’s table.
Madison had no doubt Ali could handle herself. She watched as Ali made her way over to Tilly’s table, calmly took their order, and returned to the counter.
“How’d it go?” Madison asked.
“She ordered a tuna melt on rye. I told her that anything with tuna was a favorite among lesbians and did dear old Ross know she leans that way.”
“You did not.” Madison laughed. The exchange with Ali had a nostalgic feel to it. It felt like home.
“I did not.” Ali joined in the laugher. “But it would have been fun if I did.”
“I can’t tell you how many times I wanted to tell her to go fuck herself. Maybe one of these days I will.”
“That probably wouldn’t be too good for business.”
“Who knows? It might improve business if I stop serving homophobic bigots.” But today was not the day for that. “You know what to do with the order now?”
“Wad it up and throw it out?”
“Close.”
“I put it on this little turny thingy here. And spin it.” Ali clipped the order where Valerie had shown her and turned it so the cook in the back preparing the food would get it.
“I’m glad you learned the technical terms. When the order is ready, Danny, the cook, will put the food on the shelf near the turny thingy thing and ring the little belly bell.”
“Yep. Got it. Valerie done did teach me good.”
In that moment of levity, Madison allowed herself to acknowledge just how much she had missed Ali. After months of Ali being gone, Madison had convinced herself that Ali meant nothing to her, and she was fine without her. It was the lie she told herself in order to survive the hurt. There was no need for that lie now. Ali was back and standing in front of her. At moments it seemed surreal. “Excellent. I’m done with the paperwork. You can take a break if you want.”
“I only took one order. I don’t think I need to rest quite yet.”
“Yeah, but it was Tilly’s order. That would tire anyone out.”
The bell on the door jingled and a large group came through the door. Without asking, they pushed two tables together and proceeded to sit down. Madison recognized them as regulars. “I’ve got this,” Ali said. “You are the one who should be taking it easy.” She didn’t wait for Madison to answer before waltzing over to the crowd.
The rest of the day went pretty much the same. Ali insisted that Madison take it easy and was quick to help wherever needed. They drove back to Madison’s at the end of the workday, and Ali insisted that Madison sit while she made them dinner. When Madison insisted on helping, Ali relented enough to let her set the table.
“You seem to be doing a lot better,” Ali said once they were seated.
“Thanks to you, I am.”
Ali laughed, but it had an edge of nervousness to it. “I’m sure you would have healed without me. Anyway,” she continued. “I’m sure you would like to get your house back to yourself. I’m thinking I should be heading home soon.”
Madison’s heart dropped to her stomach. She didn’t want Ali to leave yet, but didn’t blame her for wanting to get back to her life. “How soon?”
“Tomorrow.”
Damn. That was very soon. Too soon. “I’ll miss you.” It was the truth.
“I’ll miss you too. I would like to keep in touch if that’s okay with you.”
Of course, it was okay. Madison would have been disappointed if they didn’t. “Absolutely.”
They finished their meal in relative silence. The cloud that had suddenly arrived and floated over Madison’s head drifted downward until it was settled in her heart, surrounding it in gray.
They worked together to load the dishwasher and Ali scrubbed the pans she had used to cook. “Want to watch a movie?” Madison asked her when they were done.
“Sure.”
Madison settled on the couch and patted the spot next to her. She felt the need to have Ali close by. This would be their last night together and Madison was reluctant to let her go.
Ali sat down, leaving only a small space between them. Madison handed her the remote and turned off the lamp next to her. “You choose the movie.”
Ali scrolled through the new releases on Netflix and settled on a movie with Nicole Kidman. “How’s this?” she asked.
“Perfect.” Madison reached over without much thought and intertwined her fingers with Ali’s. Yes, she was really going to miss her. If Ali minded the gesture, she didn’t show it. It wasn’t long before Ali laid her head on Madison’s shoulder. It appeared that Madison wasn’t the only one feeling the need to be close. She found herself having a hard time concentrating on the movie. The warmth of Ali’s hand in hers and the familiar feeling of Ali’s head on her shoulder brought her back to younger days. Better days.
She wasn’t sure if she should just enjoy the heat rising in her or extract herself from the situation. She still hadn’t decided when Ali turned her head to say something and Madison squashed her words with her lips. Ali responded, pressing a tongue between Madison’s lips until they parted, as if on their own, letting Ali have full access to her mouth. The heat rose faster than Madison could control it.
She slipped her hand under Ali’s shirt and found what she was seeking. Ali’s nipple hardened under her touch. A surge of moisture soaked her underwear and Madison needed them off. More than that, she needed Ali’s off. She needed all of Ali’s clothes off and wasted no time helping her out of them, breaking their kiss only long enough to pull Ali’s shirt over her head. Madison’s clothes soon followed and joined Ali’s clothes on the floor. They made love with an urgency so intense it was as if their very existence depended on it. They lay in each other’s arms, panting and spent, on the couch, Ali on top, her leg pressed between Madison’s throbbing thighs.
Ali slowly extracted herself and slid down to the floor with her back propped up against the couch. Madison stroked her hair. She closed her eyes against the feelings that were stirring all over again.
“You okay?” Madison asked her.
More than okay. “Yes.”
“I didn’t plan that,” Madison started to explain.
Ali didn’t want an explanation. She wanted what they had just done to speak for itself.
“I’m going to miss you. I guess I got a little carried away with showing you that,” Madison continued.
That was not what Ali wanted to hear. This wasn’t the start of something like she wanted. It was the end. It was good-bye. At least Madison said she would miss her. That was something to cling to. Wasn’t it?
Madison sat up, swinging her legs to the side to avoid hitting Ali. “I’m going to head up to bed.” She swooped up her clothes and detangled them from Ali’s. “See you in the morning.” She went up the stairs without looking back, leaving Ali sitting on the floor, naked, stewing in her own thoughts.
What the hell just happened? Not that Ali didn’t want it to happen. She did. She might have even started it. She wasn’t sure. It was all a blur. What she didn’t understand was why Madison ran away so quickly. Obviously, she regretted it. Ali refused to think of it as a mistake no matter how Madison felt. She’d wanted Madison as soon as she’d learned the truth about Howard. She would take this encounter and tuck it away in her heart, safe from the world and the dust.
She gathered her clothes, slipped them back on, and stayed downstairs until she was sure she had given Madison enough time to fall asleep. She crept up the stairs slowly, careful to avoid the one that squeaked. She tiptoed past Madison’s closed door, changed into her pajamas, and slipped into bed. So many thoughts swirled through her head that she had trouble latching on to any for more than a second or two before the next thought landed on her doorstep.
One thing was clear, Madison was expecting her to leave tomorrow, like she said she was going to. Nothing that had just happened had changed that, as much as Ali wished it would. Wishes got her nowhere. They never did.
* * *
Madison heard Ali creep past her door and wondered why she hadn’t come up sooner. She suspected it had everything to do with what they had just done and how Madison had run away. She hadn’t known how else to handle it. Ali was leaving and Madison wasn’t about to stand in her way.
She had a life to get back to. A life that seemed as far away as the other side of the world. A life that didn’t include Madison. Madison had assumed, maybe wrongly, that Ali had wanted a new start. Another chance to be together. But she hadn’t mentioned it again since their first meeting. She more than likely had changed her mind, especially after Madison had given no indication that it was even a possibility. And it probably wasn’t.
As close to Ali as Madison felt, trying again would probably end in disaster. They had spent way too much time apart. They lived in different worlds now. Wanting to be with Ali, to touch her, to make love to her, was very different than wanting to be in a relationship. That’s what Madison tried to convince herself. She knew she was a coward to run after being so intimate with Ali, but her emotions felt so raw, so exposed. She didn’t want Ali seeing what was going on under the surface. She wasn’t even sure what was going on under the surface. What she did know was that she cared for Ali and liked being with her. A lot. Beyond that she didn’t have a clue.