Scandalous Temptations

by King, Kelsey

  Harlow shrugs out of my grip and puts her jacket on one of the chairs near the corner of the room. She smells amazing, fresh from the shower, and I want to bury my nose in her damp hair.

  Finally, Harlow says, “Nothing’s wrong. I’ve just been thinking a lot these last couple days. Well actually, months.” When she crosses the room and grabs a bottle of booze from the mini fridge, I don’t stop her. From the sound of it, she’s had a hard, long day, and alcohol is a good way to unwind. It’s not like she’s breaking my bank by taking anything from the fridge, either.

  “Mind handing me one?” I ask. She tosses a bottle my way, and after popping the cap, I clink my glass against hers. “I think I know what you need,” I say, stepping closer again.

  Harlow gives me a look, but like before; she can't hold the sternness of it for too long. As I approach her, her expression softs. I guide her to the bed and take a seat beside her. “What are you doing?” she asks.

  “You just let me get your mind off things, okay?”

  I dip my head and begin dotting kisses along her neck, working my way down toward her breasts. She doesn't argue when I lift her top and kiss the edge of her bra. Instead, she moans softly, her head falling back. I ease her bra off her shoulders and watch as her breasts are revealed, as beautiful as I remember them being in the hallway.

  “Mm,” she murmurs, holding onto the back of my head as I began to flick my tongue over the sensitive nipple hardening before my eyes. I bring it into my mouth and suck, encouraging her. She tastes fresh, so clean that I can’t help but want to make her dirty again.

  I move down to the floor and slowly begin to part her legs when she suddenly closes them and pulls her bra back up and shirt down. The mood instantly changes, and I look up to see if I did something to upset her or turn her off. Rather than meeting my eye, she looks across the room at nothing in particular.

  “Harlow, what’s going on? You said you had a lot on your mind. Talk to me.”

  She bites at her bottom lip but doesn’t say anything.

  “Is it work? Is Kristen breathing down your neck again?”

  A head shake. That’s not the answer.

  “Something with your family, then? I know you said your mom can get on your nerves a lot of the time.”

  Another shake.

  “Talk to me, Harlow. Is it…is it us?” I hate the idea that our relationship is bothering her, but it’s a valid question. When I see Harlow nod slowly, I feel my stomach begin to sink to my feet. “What about us?”

  Finally, she says, “I don’t think this is such a good idea. I think we made a mistake.”

  “You mean back at the hotel, don’t you?” I ask.

  “Yes. What we did was incredible. I can’t stop thinking about it. But I also can’t stop thinking about how dangerous this all is. We have so much to lose, and I think it’d be stupid to let our feelings put all of that at risk.”

  “Where is this coming from? Just a few days ago, you were really excited to meet in person.”

  She stands up with her beer, turning her back to me. “I know I was.”

  This doesn’t make any sense to me. Before, we’d planned on spending so much time together, and now all of a sudden, she wants to change her mind and what? End things? “What changed then?”

  Exasperated, she spins around. “I don’t know, Liam. I wish I could tell you, but I don’t know. I’m—I’m scared that we could get in trouble. I’ve worked my entire career to get to this position, and I don’t want to throw it away—”

  “Jesus, being with me is throwing it away?”

  Harlow sighs. “No, I should've worded it better. I care about you, Liam, but I also care about my job. If Kristen were ever to find out, do you know how pissed she'd be that I was sleeping with one of our writers? She'd fire me on the spot. All my hard work, gone. And do you think I'd be able to work at another publishing house in New York? If I were to call someone in my contact list right now, I'd probably end up with five different rumors about various agents and editors and authors. You know how we all love to gossip. I'd never live it down.”

  I can’t even argue with her there. I’ve heard stories about authors for years, some of them career-ending. As much as I care about her, I don’t want her risking everything, reputation included, just so that we can spend a bit of time together.

  “We can put this on pause and then continue when I get back home?” I suggest.

  The look on her face isn’t a good sign. “I… I can’t do long-distance relationships, Liam. I wish I could, but I need someone here.”

  I raise my arms out of frustration. None of this is making sense. “Well if you don’t want me when I’m here and you don’t want me when I’m gone, what the fuck do you want to do? Is that why you came over here? You wanted to break things off with me?”

  She chews on her lip, her eyes welling with tears. Instinctively, I want to reach out and touch her, but I don’t. I stay planted where I am, my eyes never leaving her. I need answers. I can’t coddle her or take care of her, especially when she’s made it so obvious that she doesn’t want me to touch her.

  “I guess…I guess, yes. I think we should stop seeing each other.”

  Fuck. I tried to prepare myself, but it still hurts hearing her say that. For the past four months, she’s all I’ve thought about. Before I went to bed, when I woke up, and every other minute in between. But now it’s all over.

  “Jesus,” I groan, sitting on the bed and putting my head in my hands. “Fuck.”

  “I’m sorry,” she says softly.

  I can’t even speak. I feel frustratingly helpless. I can’t tell her not to leave me and put me before her job. I can’t do that to her. But I don’t want to just accept this. I can’t let her get away right when I’ve just started to fall for her. “I think we should just talk this out before we start making rash decisions,” I say.

  “No,” Harlow shakes her head. She wipes her eyes and puts her drink on the table beside the TV. “I’ve made up my mind, Liam. I’m sorry, but…I can’t do this anymore.”

  “Fine.”

  It’s the only thing I can think of saying. I watch as Harlow grabs her coat and puts it on. She ties the front on her way to the door. Before she leaves, she looks back at me. Her eyes are puffy and swollen, her eyebrows knit together like it physically hurts to walk away.

  “I’m sorry,” she says. She closes the door without another word.

  This is a nightmare. It wasn’t supposed to be this way. We were supposed to be together. We’d keep it a secret until we were finally able to tell the world. Everything had been laid out so carefully, and now? It’s all over. In a flurry of anger, I grab my bottle and throw it at the wall. It shatters into pieces, beer streams racing down the wallpaper. I could yell. I could break everything in this room.

  Instead, I grab my suitcases and start packing up. There’s nothing here for me anymore. There’s nothing here for me at all.

  11

  Harlow

  Katie and her siblings come screaming into the kitchen and bump Britney’s chair, causing her to spill a bit of her coffee. She scowls and grabs a napkin, and I can’t help but laugh at how rambunctious the kids are. There are times when I envy my older sister and the family she’s built, but this certainly isn’t one of them. The kids are out of school for an extra day, and Britney’s clearly ready for their regular schedule to resume.

  I can't blame her. We'd initially planned on going out today, but this morning she called me and told me there was no way she could leave them alone so we could get lunch. Instead, I volunteered to pick up Chinese food and come over to eat with her.

  Between sips of coffee and bites of her Chow Mein, Britney looks at me suspiciously.

  “What?” I ask, smiling slightly.

  “Something’s bothering you. Is it that guy that Mom told me about?”

  I groan and roll my eyes. Of course, Mom couldn't just let our private conversation be private. There's no telling who all she's told
. I make a mental note to give her a piece of my mind whenever I get the chance. Britney gives me an expectant look.

  Giving in, I shrug. “Yes, it’s about that guy.”

  “Who is he?”

  Out of all the people I know, Britney's the one that wouldn't judge me. Tyler might give me a look and speak to me with his Big Brother Voice, and Mom would have a fit if she knew I was having trouble with my client. But Britney? We've kept secrets for each other since we were little.

  “He’s Liam,” I admit, too ashamed to look up and meet her eyes. I don’t even have to see her to know she’s scandalized, probably with a huge smile plastered on her face. She loves finding out other people’s drama, just like Mom. The only difference is, she doesn’t try to include herself in it or sensationalize it.

  “No way,” she says.

  “Yes way. I know, I know. It’s wrong, and that’s why I broke things off with him.”

  She puts her fork down and looks at me. “Wait, this is new. Last time Mom and I talked, you two were still super happy, and you were going to talk to him about your feelings. What happened?”

  I catch her up to date on everything that I told him in the hotel room. How I couldn't do long distance relationships. How I wasn't sure if it was appropriate anymore. Every excuse but the one I was too afraid to admit to him. That he might cheat on me like he did with his last girlfriend. That if he did that, I would fall apart entirely and everything we'd built would come crumbling down.

  Britney nods as she listens. Finally, she says, “But you still have feelings for him, huh? That’s why you’re torn between wondering whether you did the right thing or not.”

  She’s a psychic, it seems. “I guess…”

  “I wouldn’t want to be in your shoes. Have you talked to him since he left town a few weeks ago?”

  “Not about anything aside from work.” At this point, Liam must hate me. I said we could still be friends, but after he flew back to Colorado, I knew that I couldn’t even manage that. Rather than chatting like we used to, I’ve limited our conversation to work-related things only. Edits, rewrites, and the like. Nothing about what movies I was watching or how much he wanted to see me. Our late-night Skype calls weren’t even brought up again.

  I hate feeling this cruel, but I know that if I’m going to get over him and put this behind me, I have to tear the bandage off completely. Hopefully one day he’ll understand that I’m only doing it to protect myself from any unnecessary pain that might come my way.

  “I say let the past be the past, and you focus on your other clients. That's the best way to get through a breakup,” Britney says. “You put all your attention on work and don't let him distract you with his charm or his charisma. Not even his gorgeous beard or how attractive he—”

  I throw a piece of rice at her, and she bursts out laughing. The kids come running through the kitchen again, and Britney raises her voice, telling them to take it back to the playroom. Without missing a beat, the kids hurry back down the hall.

  “Thank you for lunch, by the way,” she says.

  “No need to thank me. It’s been too long since we’ve gotten together.”

  She nods and massages the bridge of her nose. “Tell me about it. I feel like I’m losing my minds with these kids. Andrew’s not around to help as often as he used to be now that he’s started working overtime every weekend, so I’m the one having to take care of everything on my own.”

  “Have you considered getting a nanny?” I offer.

  She squints at me. “Seriously? No way. I can take care of them myself. I just need a break now and then.”

  “How about we start making this a regular thing? Every week I'll come over with lunch, and we'll sit and talk. You can take a nap, and I'll help with the kids while you sleep.”

  Britney looks surprised. “You'd do that for me?”

  “Of course! I never get to see them anyways. I feel like it’s a win-win situation for the both of us. So, what do you say? Are you in or are you in?”

  “I’m in.” She laughs, pulling me into a long, firm hug.

  After lunch, I take the kids out for ice cream, loading them up in my car and waving at Britney. Just like she doesn't envy my scenario, I'm starting to slowly realize that I don't envy hers either. I used to be so incredibly jealous of everything she had. She was the perfect mother with the perfect family and the perfect husband. But that's not how things are for her.

  Britney's overworked and underappreciated, like most mothers, and she rarely has a moment to herself. She loves her kids, but they wear her out, and as much as she protests the idea of a nanny, I don't think Andrew can offer much help given his long hours at work. She's always juggling something. Britney's not a perfect mom, she's a real one, and I can finally see past my jealousy. I'm sure she feels the same way now that I've stopped pretending that my publishing job is flawless and as swanky as everyone thinks it is.

  When the afternoon melts into the night, and I’ve dropped the kids off, I grab a bite to eat at my favorite restaurant, scrolling through my emails and trying to solve the ever-growing crises of all my clients. Some have missed their deadlines and others have turned their edits in weeks before I’m ready. It’s always a hassle, but I wouldn’t change it for the world. Once I get caught up on everything and I’ve replied to anyone waiting on me, Liam’s name pops up on my caller ID. I wipe my mouth with my napkin and take his call.

  “Hi, Liam.”

  “Hey, Harlow. I hope I’m not interrupting you. I know you’re quite busy nowadays.”

  His resentment is almost palpable, but I set my jaw and take a calm, relaxing breath. I’m not going to let his feelings get to me.

  “I’ve been busy, yes. Did you need help with something?”

  “I just wanted to tell you that I’m done with the final edit for Secrets.”

  “That's great.” I'm genuinely pleased to hear this. Kristen has been bugging me about getting the last few chapters from Liam, and now I can tell her we're finally done. After this, my time with Liam on this project will be done. That is until he's finished with the sequel. I don't even want to think about that right now. I have my eyes on the prize: after he sends these my way, I won't hear from him for a few months. By then I'll have surely gotten over him.

  “I also wanted to say that you've helped me more than I ever could've hoped for. At first, I didn't like how much you wanted to change, but I see that you only wanted to make this book the best it could be. And I appreciate that. I appreciate you. Everything we did together.”

  Despite everything, his words hit me directly in the heart, and I can’t help but tear up. For a moment, my steak threatens to come back up my throat. I squeeze my eyes shut and force myself to swallow hard. I can do this. I can do this.

  “It was great to work with you too, Liam. I’m hoping things go smoothly with the second book.” It’s cold and robotic, and I almost don’t even recognize myself. He must hate me. If I were in his shoes, I’d hate me. Hell, part of me hates myself right now.

  There’s a long moment of silence before Liam finally continues. “I’ll have the last edits sent to you shortly. Have a good night, Harlow.”

  “You too.”

  I feel my heart break all over again, and I’ve completely lost my appetite. I want to break down completely and let all of my emotions out, but I can’t. Instead, I let it simmer inside me while I wait for the waitress to come around and take my card. Finally, when I make it to my car, I climb inside and press my forehead against the steering wheel, letting out the ache that’s been in my heart for the past three weeks.

  I cry thinking of how Liam must feel. To have me so close and then disappear as quickly as we met. I cry thinking of myself and how much I hate doing what I know is the right thing. I can't risk something like this. I can't put my job on the line for someone I can't even be sure is faithful. It's too much, especially when I've worked for so many years trying to prove myself. I cry thinking of how unfair this situation is and how I
wish I could go back to the start and stop us before we even started.

  If I could, I would turn down his advances from the first time we ever talked. It would save everyone from the heartbreak. But I can’t. All I can do is live with the choices I’ve made and try to learn from them.

  From now on, I won’t even consider messing around with someone that I work with. If anyone else tries even half of what Liam did, I’ll let them down gently, this time sticking to my word. I don’t have room in my heart for another pain like this, and I won’t voluntarily put myself through this again.

  I sit up and wipe my eyes, checking the mirror to make sure I don't have mascara all over my face. When I've gotten a hold of myself, and I'm no longer sobbing like some pathetic woman in a romance movie, I straighten up and center my focus. It takes a moment, but soon my head is back on straight, and I'm able to regain my composure.

  Carefully, I back out of my parking space and head home.

  12

  Liam

  I could’ve sent the last few chapters to Harlow days ago, but I haven’t. I didn’t want to. It’s the last thing keeping us in contact. The last lifeline I have in this. I’ve spent nights lying in bed, staring at the ceiling and wondering where I went wrong with her. I tried to be better than I’d been in the past. I made her a priority. I showed her where my loyalties were. But something inside of her, something she didn’t open up to me about, won’t let her enjoy this. I can’t argue with that, so I’ve stopped trying.

  Instead, I've decided to get the answer I want. No, the answer I need. The reason she pulled away when I would've given her anything in the world.

  My flight is slow, and I wish I could get some sleep and wake up when it’s all over. Early flights usually put me right to sleep again, but I can’t sit still. I bounce my foot incessantly, fidgeting with my tablet and trying to focus on outlining the sequel to Dirty Little Secrets. If I'm honest, though, I can't even look at this sequel in this state of mind. The last thing I want to do is dive back into a world full of tumultuous relationships and scandals. I have enough of that in the real world to last me a lifetime.