Holding Her Close

by Lexi Ryan

  “She’s a mess,” I told Cade when he walked into the room. He turned on his heel and pulled out his phone, dialing Gormong. From what I could pick up from that conversation, they were not expecting her to do the interview, nor were they happy about it.

  Two days ago, Tom called me, demanding to know if Courtney had told me anything about the night she disappeared, wanting to know what I knew about the investigation. The call left me with a bad feeling in my gut, but I decided I shouldn’t tell Cade about it. He’d only use it as further evidence that Tom should be a suspect. Tom might be an asshole, but he’s no rapist.

  Yesterday, I broke down and called my agent for news on my role as Trista. Helen’s still unsure, and the publicity from the case seems to make her even more hesitant to allow me my role. “She just doesn’t want the film to be tainted with all this drama,” Merriellen said, making me wonder yet again if it will ever feel like she’s on my side. And then she started talking about renewed interest in Roommates, and an hour later she had a potential movie script couriered to me. “There are some big players interested. Helen’s decision will be irrelevant if this movie happens.”

  Ten days, and other than a script for a movie I have very mixed feelings about and Tom’s weird phone call, it’s been a bunch of nothing. The Daisy Stalker hasn’t sent any more letters or flowers. My friends and I have been unharmed, not accounting for harassment from certain members of the press.

  Ten days, and I’m losing my flipping mind because Cade treats me like there’s a psycho waiting right outside the door, so when my phone rings and it’s Courtney asking me to come to her house to hang with her and Jo and their husbands tonight, I am all over it. “We’ll be there,” I promise without asking Cade.

  I call out the plans to Cade through the office door and rush off to take my shower before he can protest. There’s nothing he can do to keep me in this house another night. I need to get out.

  * * *

  Cade

  Oh fuck. I am so screwed.

  Janelle walks down the wide marble staircase, and I can’t remember how to breathe.

  Hands off. That’s my plan. Keep my hands off her and my head on straight.

  I know I’ve been testing her patience by keeping her cooped up for the last week and a half, and as much as I wanted to make her stay home tonight, she’s just stubborn enough that I fear she’d go without me if I tried. So there she is, dressed in a little black number that hugs every one of her curves and makes my hands itch to roam, explore, touch. Claim.

  Keeping my distance for the last ten days has tested every inch of my willpower. Knowing she’s sleeping a room away, hearing her laugh with Jamaal, watching her curled up with a book and a glass of wine—every second with her makes me want her that much more, but I’ve had this big house and plenty of space to put between us. Tonight, I won’t. At a party with her Hollywood friends, I’ll have her by my side and have to pretend to be the loving boyfriend. This will require flirting and touching.

  Fuck, am I screwed.

  “What?” Janelle asks. She frowns as she looks down at her dress—one of those short, tight, second-skin things that was created with the purpose of making men’s heads explode. “After living in my yoga pants lately, I thought it might be fun to dress up a little. Is it okay?”

  I swallow hard. “It’s perfect.” I hold out my hand, encouraging her to come down the remaining steps. That was a rookie mistake, though. Her hand in mine sends electric waves of energy through me. One simple touch and I’m reminded how much I need this woman, how time with her has made that need slingshot past physical into an ache for something more.

  Maybe she’d like me to warm her bed until I go home, to fill our nights with slick skin and hot hands and passion better than anything either of us has had before. Maybe I could make her forget that bastard ex of hers, make her realize she deserves so much more. The only thing I know for sure is how much I want to try.

  * * *

  Janelle

  Cade’s silence on the drive is so intense, it’s practically ominous. His shoulders are drawn up around his ears and he’s practically coiled in on himself, as if he wants to stay as far away from me as possible.

  When we get to Courtney’s, Davis gives our name at the security gate out front and the guard flips through a couple pages to find our names before waving us through. So much for an intimate dinner. My stomach sinks with disappointment. I hoped tonight might be an opportunity for me to reconnect with my old friends, but it looks like it’s just another loud party with a who’s-who guest list.

  The house is lit up, and music pulses from the backyard. Cade helps me out of the car, his mouth drawn into a tight line. He scans the front of the house, and I can practically hear his brain taking inventory of the half a dozen sports cars lining the circle drive.

  “Do you want me to stay?” Davis asks.

  Cade nods. “I could use an extra pair of eyes.”

  I frown at him. “These are friends, not suspects. And anyway, Courtney has her own security on staff tonight. Let Davis have the night off.”

  The men exchange a look, and Davis nods. For a few days now, after no new developments in the case, I’ve had to wonder if maybe we’ve heard the last from our stalker. How long will Cade stay—how long will he put his life on hold waiting for this guy to make his move? But to look at his posture now, the creep might as well be waiting for me behind the nearest bush. I know without them saying that Davis isn’t going anywhere.

  I shrug. All I care about right now is having a good time tonight. I’m so sick of being stuck in that big house, dwelling on what might or might not happen next, and trying to ignore the way Cade avoids me at all costs.

  We head up to the house and are met at the door by Courtney’s butler. He leads us to the back of the house where accordion doors are open to the cool night air. The party flows from the massive living room onto the back patio and pool area. At first glance, I can’t find Courtney or Jo, but see at least a dozen other people milling around with glasses or wine and bottles of beer.

  “What the fuck?” Cade mutters as he scans the crowd for potential rapists and psychos. “I thought it was going to be the two of them and their husbands?”

  “Courtney’s always been social,” I explain. “Historically, her small gatherings turn into bigger gatherings. I’m not sure she’s capable of arranging an ‘intimate’ get-together.” I smile so he won’t see how disappointed I am, how hurt that I’m not part of her inner circle anymore.

  Cade lifts his chin. “Let’s find her. You can say hi and we can get out of here.”

  I prop my hands on my hips. “Seriously? What did I do?”

  “I’m being cautious, princess.”

  “You’re being unreasonable. Nothing has happened. We don’t know if anything else will happen. I can’t stand another day imprisoned in that house, and I want to unwind a little.”

  Our argument is cut short when someone calls, “Elle!” Courtney bounces across the room to me. “You made it!” She’s holding a massive glass of wine and wraps me up in a one-armed hug, rocking back and forth.

  I hug her back and squeeze my eyes shut as I breathe her in. “Are you okay?” What a stupid question. Of course she’s not okay.

  The smile falls off her face, and she shrugs. “I don’t want to think about all that tonight. I just want to enjoy some drinks with my close friends.”

  Cade grunts but doesn’t say anything.

  “I understand completely.” I ignore Cade’s decision to channel his inner caveman tonight. It was only a matter of time.

  Courtney shifts her focus to Cade, who’s poised and ready to tackle all the imaginary bad guys filling the room. “And you’re Cade? The boyfriend?”

  He offers his hand. “Nice to meet you.”

  Courtney drags her eyes over him, from head to toe. “Well, aren’t you delicious? No wonder she’s been keeping you to herself. She doesn’t want to share.” With a laugh that’s as artificial as h
er double-D cups, she licks her lips. “I wouldn’t want to either.”

  I roll my eyes. “Step off, Court. He’s taken.” Tonight I’m glad for the lie if it will keep her hands off Cade. Courtney might be married, but that’s never stopped her before.

  “Elle!” Jo calls behind me. She rushes across the room and nudges Courtney playfully to the side so she can hug me. She, too, has a wine glass, and her cheeks are flushed, as if she’s already half tipsy. “I’m so glad you could come!”

  “Me too.”

  The smile falls off my face when I see Bella has followed Jo over, and she waits behind her, a small smirk on her face.

  “Hi, Bella.” My stomach flips. I didn’t know she’d be here, though I guess I should have expected it. “How are you?” Again, a stupid question. And I feel disgusting for asking it. Tom is leaving her because he wants to be with me, and even though I didn’t ask him to, it makes me the other woman in our screwed-up dynamic.

  “Hi.” She looks from Cade to me and back to Cade.

  “Oh, God,” Courtney says. “I’m sorry. Awkward, huh? Bella is staying with me for a while. But, hey, you two have a lot in common since she kicked Tom’s cheating ass to the curb, too. Bella even bought a condo in the same building as Janelle.”

  “Twinsies,” Jo says.

  “The difference is that I don’t want him back,” Bella says. She tops that gem of bitchiness with an eye roll, and I have to tamp down my hatred for her. I would be pissed about the condo thing if I had any intention of going back to mine. But after the break-in, I’ve already mentally moved out of the place.

  “I thought Tom left you,” Cade says to Bella. “That’s the story he’s telling.”

  Bella snorts. “Of course he is, but I ended it. At some point, you’ve gotta say enough’s enough.”

  “I’m sorry it didn’t work out,” I say.

  “Are you really?” Bella asks. “Or have I done you a favor?”

  I blink at her, and I don’t manage to find my voice when Courtney says, “Ladies, let’s be civil tonight. Bella, focus on the fact that you’re about to be free of that philandering pig.”

  “May he get what’s coming to him,” Bella says.

  Jo lifts her glass taps it against Courtney’s. “I’ll drink to that.”

  The ladies drain their glasses in unison and then giggle.

  Courtney scans the room. “You two make yourselves at home. I need to figure out where my waitstaff disappeared to. It’s like they expect my guests to get their own drinks.”

  Jo starts to follow Court, then stops and grabs my arm. “Hey, did you read the script?”

  I nod. “It felt like being sucked into a time warp.”

  Courtney skids to a stop at the mention of the script. “I know, right?”

  Jo laughs. “I’m practically giddy.”

  “There isn’t even an offer on the table yet,” I remind her. “Don’t get too excited yet.”

  “What do you think?” Courtney asks. “I wasn’t sure I was interested, but if Kopperman gets involved, you know we’ll get a big budget.”

  “You weren’t sure you were interested?” Bella mutters. “You’ve practically been salivating since your agent called.”

  “I’d forgotten how much those characters make me laugh,” I admit. And since it looks like my opportunity to play Trista has been lost, I know I’ll take this role if anyone remotely credible offers the opportunity. The only thing worse than being a pigeonholed actress is being an unemployed actress. It’s been too long since I’ve had a job more meaningful than a shampoo commercial.

  Courtney shakes her head. “It’s insane, you know. When Roommates wrapped up, I wouldn’t have thought I’d be excited about this, but now it’s like I can’t wait to get back to it.”

  I can’t help but notice Bella hanging back, looking a little left out. I know what that’s like. I’ve been the odd man out since she befriended Court and Jo. Then again, with those two, maybe I always was.

  Courtney points to her empty glass. “Anyway, I seriously need to do something about this. Let’s talk more later.”

  “Bella,” I call, before she can follow the girls.

  “Yeah?” She sets her jaw and folds her arms in a defensive stance.

  “I wanted you to know I’m not going back to Tom. Not even when the divorce is final.” I grimace. I feel like I’ve been eating a lot of crow lately, but just because Bella’s a bitch doesn’t mean I don’t owe her an apology. “I’m truly sorry about everything, but I’m glad you’re standing up for yourself. You deserve better.”

  She blinks at me, her eyes widening and her mouth falling open. “Thanks.” She smirks at Cade before looking back to me. “I can see why Tom won’t be getting you back. Way to trade up.”

  When she walks away, I can feel Cade’s eyes on me.

  He draws in a breath and stares at me for a long beat. “Dance with me.” It’s not a question, and he doesn’t wait for a response. He leads me to the patio where several other couples are dancing and takes me into his arms.

  My eyes float closed at the power his presence has over me, how good it feels to be in his arms, how safe I feel when he’s holding me this close.

  Damn. He smells incredible.

  “Do you wear cologne?” I ask.

  “Why?”

  “Because you smell so good, I’m thinking of funding a national campaign to have every man wear what you do.” I sigh. “Then again, that might mean I’d get turned on every time I breathed through my nose, which could be problematic.”

  His lips twitch into a lopsided grin. “I’ve never been much of a cologne man. You’re probably smelling my aftershave.” His gaze drops to my lips and stays there, and my heart flutters in a syncopated rhythm four out of five doctors would probably call a cause for concern.

  “I like it.”

  “You smell good too,” he murmurs.

  “Yeah? Because the way you’ve been avoiding me, I thought maybe I had body odor and didn’t know it.”

  He chuckles and pulls me tighter against him until my head rests on his shoulder, and I can’t see his face anymore. “I’m keeping my distance because I can’t trust myself when I’m close to you. When you’re close, I want to get you naked.”

  Uh-oh. There goes my heart again. “That’s bad?”

  “I thought it was, but now I can’t decide. On the one hand, everything’s too complicated, and sex isn’t known for uncomplicating anything. There’s the investigation.” He swallows. “There’s the fact that we live in different worlds.”

  I could say that none of that matters, but we both know it’s a lie. The truth is, that’s all been on my mind too. Do I want to push Cade into a physical relationship with me if doing so only sets me up for heartbreak? “I thought you liked complications.”

  He pulls back to look at my face and tucks a lock of hair behind my ear. “I don’t want someone I care about to be hurt by them.”

  My stomach dances in acrobatic leaps to the unsteady beat of my heart.

  “One second,” he says, “I’m determined to stay away from you. To keep my hands off you so I can keep my head clear.”

  “And the next second?” I ask.

  “The next second I’m thinking about making you moan and feeling you come when I’m inside you.”

  I lean my head on his shoulder and try to remember how to breathe. “I’ve missed your dirty mouth.”

  He dips his head and his lips brush my ear as he says, “And I’ve missed the things my dirty mouth does to you.”

  Chapter 15

  Cade

  I can hardly think when she’s this close to me. Smelling so damn good and tempting me so damn much. With each breath of her, a million images flash through my mind. Janelle under me and screaming my name; Janelle in the shower, her fist wrapped around my dick as she drops to her knees; Janelle riding me as I tease her nipples. I want to taste every inch of her, to discover how many times I can make her come in one night.

 
; “How long are you going to protect me?” Her voice cracks on the question, and before I can answer—or even mentally catch up—she asks the next. “What if they don’t find the guy next week or the week after? How long are you going to put your life on hold?”

  She’s not the only one who’s asked this. Gormong asks daily, and my boss in New Hope is getting impatient. “As long as it takes.”

  “I think you’ve more than made amends for any karmic debt the thing with Cara made you feel.” She releases a humorless chuckle. “Don’t get me wrong. I want you here—right now, tomorrow morning, next week. But I know how selfish I’m being by keeping you in a town you hate.”

  “Don’t do that.” I brush my knuckles across her cheek. “I came here because of my guilt over what happened with Cara, but this isn’t about that anymore. It hasn’t been for a long time. It’s about you.” I pause for a moment, mentally calculating how much longer we need to stay at this damn party with its too-fucking-many people. “Talk to me.”

  “About what?”

  I shrug. “Tell me about the script the girls were asking about.”

  She hesitates for a minute, as if she’s not sure why I want to know, then she seems to understand I’m trying to distract us both. We both lose our minds when we touch. “It’s a film about the girls from Roommates. It’s part romantic comedy, part reunion movie. They tossed around the idea after the show was canceled but no one was really interested. We’d run our course. But now everyone suddenly cares about us again. At least it would be something positive to come out of all this.”

  “You’d do it?” I brush my knuckles over her bare shoulder, just for the chance to feel her skin. “I thought you wanted to do something different with your career.”