by Reese Ryan
“She must’ve been devastated.”
Jamie shrugged, her eyes not meeting Ellie’s. “I don’t care.”
“You don’t mean that. You’re just angry.”
“I am angry, and I have every right to be. Doesn’t anyone get that? I’m the victim here,” she said, instantly recoiling at the word. Victim. She hated that fucking word.
“Of course I do.” Ellie placed a hand on her arm. “But just because we have the right to do something doesn’t mean it’s the best thing for us, or for the people we love.”
Jamie jerked her head in Ellie’s direction. “I don’t love Josephine.”
“Yes, you do. She’s your mother. You’ve always loved her. Beneath that hurt and anger there’s always been a little girl desperate for her parents to love her. That doesn’t make you weak, Jamie, it makes you human. We all need love, and we have every right to expect it from the folks who bring us into this world.”
“And what happens when we don’t get it?” Jamie raised her eyes to Ellie’s, her voice and her heart breaking. “Then what? What happens when you’re so broken you don’t know how to love someone else or to let them love you? What happens then?”
“Then you find a way, and you learn how to love. Learning to love is like learning a language. Maybe you didn’t learn Spanish as a child, but there’s no reason you can’t learn it now. It’s the same way with love, because it’s just another language—a way to communicate with others, even without words.”
Jamie stared past Ellie out the window, mentally, emotionally and physically exhausted. Yet there was another feeling she hadn’t expected. Relief. The same way she felt after a good long heave, her body emptied of the poison that was making her sick. “Can I stay here tonight? I don’t feel like going home.”
“This is your home.” Ellie smiled, her hand on Jamie’s cheek. “And as long as I’m here, it always will be.”
Chapter Twenty-One
Jamie sat across the table from Miles’s sister, Kari, at Lola’s. She was glad Miles had offered to have lunch with them. The idea of meeting his sister alone was slightly terrifying. With him there, she’d been able to get more comfortable with Kari before he’d gone back to work and left them alone. Still, the moment he was gone she’d felt like she was sitting under a hot spotlight, waiting to be interrogated.
“I love Michael Symon and I’ve always wanted to eat at one of his restaurants. I’m so glad we came here. My braised beef was fantastic,” Kari finally said, breaking the awkward silence that’d filled the space Miles left vacant.
Jamie relaxed a little. “It’s too bad Michael isn’t here today. He’s a really nice guy.”
“I did hope to meet him. But—” she patted her belly underneath the table, “—this will do nicely.”
Jamie checked her cell phone again. It felt like the time had been standing still since the moment Miles left. Kari seemed nice enough, but there had to have been a reason she wanted to have lunch with her so desperately. And it wasn’t just to make nice with his brother’s girlfriend. She shifted in her seat and jammed her hands in the pockets of her sweater. “I know you wanted to stay and split dessert, but I’m stuffed. I seriously could not eat another bite if my life depended on it.”
“No worries.” Kari waved her hand. “I’m dying to have that warm chocolate banana cake and an almond cappuccino. I’m not one of those girls who don’t eat. Besides, I’m not very big on sharing anyway.” Kari summoned the server and placed her order. At the last minute she changed her cappuccino order to a glass of chardonnay. “It’s a little early in the day to start drinking, but I need to take the edge off if I’m going to spend the rest of the afternoon with Queen Lucinda.” She kneaded the back of her neck. “Still, I don’t want to give you the impression I’m a lush. I’ll save that for my mother.”
Jamie offered a polite smile but didn’t laugh. She liked Kari, more or less. But for all she knew, this was a test to see if she’d start bashing Lucinda. She wasn’t going to bite. They weren’t friends, and she wouldn’t let Kari’s easygoing manner lull her into thinking otherwise. “How long will you and Mrs. Copeland be in town?”
“Just for the week. But that’s probably a week too long for you.” Kari smiled sympathetically. She placed her hand on the table near Jamie’s, but didn’t make contact. “Don’t let my mother intimidate you.”
“I’m not intimidated by her.” Jamie tapped her fingers lightly on the table. “But it’s pretty obvious she doesn’t like me. Which is fine. I get it. Maybe I’d feel the same way if I was her.” Jamie took a sip of her watery soda.
“No, you wouldn’t.” Kari said firmly. “You’re nothing like her. If you were, my brother wouldn’t be head over heels for you.” She smiled. “And he is, you know.”
Jamie scraped her hand through her hair and tugged it over her right shoulder. “He’s a great guy. And he adores you. He talks about you all the time.” She raised her eyes to Kari’s.
Kari giggled, her eyes twinkling. “You mean he bitches about the guys I date.” Jamie opened her mouth to object, but she waved her hand. “No need to deny it. I know my big brother. And he is a pretty awesome guy. We fight sometimes—usually about the assholes I tend to date—but I wouldn’t trade him for anything. Do you have siblings?”
“Yes and no.” She met the puzzled look in Kari’s eyes with a small smile. “I don’t have any biological siblings, but I was raised by my best friend’s family since I was thirteen. They’re family to me, so it’s like I have two sisters.”
Kari nodded thoughtfully. She seemed hesitant about what she planned to say next. “That must have been very difficult. Do you mind if I ask—”
“My dad took off when I was ten, and my mom...let’s just say she wasn’t a fit parent.” Jamie looked toward the window and took another sip of her cola.
“Oh. I’m sorry,” Kari said quietly. “It sounds like the family you ended up with was a much better fit.”
There was a kind smile in Kari’s eyes, rather than the pity or disdain she’d expected to see there. “I was lucky.”
“Then that’s what matters.” The warmth in Kari’s eyes made her relax.
“Maybe I do have room for a little something,” Jamie said. When the server returned with Kari’s dessert and glass of chardonnay, Jamie ordered the maple crème brulee.
“Are you sure you don’t want a drink? I feel weird drinking alone at one-thirty in the afternoon.” Kari pierced the banana cake with her fork.
“I have to be at work in a little bit, or else I would.”
“You’re a bartender. Aren’t you supposed to drink?”
“Not when I’m working,” Jamie responded, trying to keep her annoyance at bay.
“Well...I wanted a chance to talk to you honestly about my brother without him, or my mother, around. I hope that’s okay.”
Jamie’s back tensed, but she nodded. Where was that damn crème brulee anyway? “Of course.”
Kari put down her fork and placed her hands on the table. “I like you, and it’s obvious my brother really likes you, too—”
“But?” Jamie flattened the soles of her feet against the floor.
Kari bit her lip then sighed. “My brother’s been through hell. That’s why he hasn’t been serious about anyone in a really long time.”
“He’s been through hell, how?”
“He didn’t tell you about Evie?”
Jamie shook her head, a sick feeling percolating in her belly. “Who’s Evie?”
Kari took a long sip of her wine before putting the glass down. “She was his last serious girlfriend. He was crazy about her.”
“So, what happened? Why isn’t he with her now?” She felt guilty for asking, like she was spying on him.
“Evie was gorgeous. In fact, you remind me a little of her. She was a model and she wanted so badly to be famous. She wasn’t fat, just a little curvy, you know. The agency insisted she lose weight. She started taking speed and heroin to help control her
weight and maintain energy on those long, grueling photo shoots. But Evie was the worst kind of addict.” Kari’s shoulders drooped, her stare suddenly distant. Shuddering, she folded her arms across her body, gripping her elbows. “We watched her die, little by little, until she wasn’t Evie anymore.”
“What happened to her?” Jamie was almost afraid to ask, but she had to know.
“She overdosed in a hotel, injected herself with God knows what.” The brightness in her eyes was gone. The corners of her eyes were damp. She sniffed then cleared her throat, raising her eyes to Jamie’s again. “My brother had gone looking for her, but he was too late. She was dead by the time he got there. He wasn’t the same for a long time. It was brutal seeing him that way.”
“When was this?” Jamie couldn’t get the vision of Miles kneeling on the floor next to his dead girlfriend out of her mind.
“At least six years ago.” Kari picked up her fork and poked at her cake again. “He was in a really dark space for a long time. When he came out of it he was focused on his career. Before that, work never meant much to him.”
A knot tightened in Jamie’s stomach. “And he hasn’t seen anyone since then?”
The server brought out Jamie’s crème brulee. She dug into it with her spoon, glad for something to focus on other than Kari’s eyes, knowing she was probably thinking of Evie every time she saw her face.
“He didn’t for a while, and when he did start dating again, he kept it casual...until now.” Kari raised her eyes to meet Jamie’s. “So we were kind of surprised he hadn’t mentioned you.”
Jamie spooned more crème brulee into her mouth. How was she supposed to respond to that? “He’s never talked about her,” she said, surprised by how hurt she was by it. Hadn’t she been the one to lay the ground rules? She’d made it clear she didn’t want to discuss past relationships when he’d asked about Ex. The rules had served her well in the past. But she hadn’t been prepared for how their relationship would change, or how it would change her. She wanted to hear all about Evie, only she needed to hear it from him.
“He doesn’t like to talk about it. Sometimes I wish I could wipe the entire episode from his brain. You know, like the Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. He still tortures himself because he thinks he should’ve been able to save her. But Evie was determined. There was nothing anyone could do to stop her.” Kari looked away for a moment then leveled her gaze at Jamie again. “Once she got something in her head, a tractor trailer couldn’t move it.”
“Sounds like you didn’t like her very much.” Jamie studied her expression.
“I liked her fine until she broke my brother’s heart and destroyed his world. He always said there was something about her that made him lose his head sometimes. Something he couldn’t explain. To be honest, I resent her—even now—for what she did to him.”
Jamie stiffened in her seat, her lips pinched, her hands balled into tight fists. “I’m not an addict, if that’s what you’re worried about.”
“Present tense.” Kari took a sip of wine. “But you were. In fact, you got a DUI within the last three years.” She straightened her back against the chair as she watched Jamie’s face.
Jamie’s mouth fell open, her eyes widening. Her breath hitched. “You ran a—”
“Running background checks on the significant others of my family members isn’t my style.”
“Your mother. Of course.” Should’ve seen that coming. The muscles of her face tightened into a scowl as she narrowed her eyes at her new frenemy seated across the table. She’d spent less than fifteen minutes with Lucinda Copeland and the woman had taken it as license to run a background check on her. What should she expect for the Second Act? It was suddenly quite clear to her why Miles had wanted to keep her away from his crazy-ass, controlling mother and run-tell-dat sister.
Kari leaned back against the chair and traced the bottom of her wineglass with her fingertips. “I apologize for my mother. As crude as her methods are, she means well. She’d do anything to protect him, and so would I.” Her eyes, not quite as brilliant a blue as Miles’s, glinted in the sunlight streaming through the window. “I thought you should know what you’re up against.”
Jamie narrowed her gaze. “What do you mean?”
Kari sighed. “The background check? That’s just the beginning. Lucinda won’t give in, but then, neither will he.”
“If I stop seeing your brother it’ll be because that what we’ve decided. I don’t care what your mother thinks of me. What he thinks is my only concern.” Her tone was sharp. Tension knotted the muscles in her stomach and neck.
A broad smile spread across Kari’s face. “Good for you. And good for him, too. You’re exactly what he needs—a woman who won’t take shit from him or my mother. He could use someone to keep him in line, too.”
Jamie was usually good at reading people, but she was still unsure of whether to consider Kari friend or enemy. Feet pressed into the floor, she leaned forward. “If you think I’m good for your brother, why’d you tell me about Evie or the background check your mother ran on me? Wasn’t that an attempt to run me off?”
“Only if you aren’t serious about my brother,” she said quietly. “I love the lunkhead, and I just want him to be happy. He says you make him happy. I can see it in the way his eyes light up when he talks about you. I needed to know if you felt the same.” Kari tilted her head slightly then shoveled another bite of cake into her mouth.
“So, what’s the verdict?”
“There’s something in your eyes, too. You care for him, but it scares you.”
Jamie’s face grew hot. Shifting her gaze toward the door, she took another bite of crème brulee. Miles had neglected to mention that his sister was an amateur mind reader. Worse, she was right. Maybe the woman should hang her shingle and start reading palms.
“I’ll take that as a yes.” There was a lightness in Kari’s voice. She laughed. “I think you’re the smart one. My brother and I wear our hearts on our sleeves. I’d have saved myself a hell of a lot of heartache if I approached relationships more cautiously.”
Jamie sighed. If she was this emotionally drained after an afternoon with his sister, she couldn’t imagine what it’d be like to spend a day with Lucinda. If she was lucky, she’d never have to find out. “I’m still not sure what my takeaway should be here. Aren’t these talks supposed to end with a threat or something?”
“I don’t know. This is my first you’d-better-be-good-to-my-brother talk.” The edges of her mouth turned up in a guarded smile, but then the determination in her eyes returned. “The point is, my brother is one hundred percent into you. If you don’t feel the same about him, that’s fine. But he deserves to know the truth.”
“What if I don’t know how I feel?” Jamie wished she could take the words back as soon as they’d left her mouth. She bit her lip.
“Then be honest about that, too. At least that way he goes in eyes wide open.” Kari’s expression was kind, thoughtful. Jamie wanted to be angry with her, but she couldn’t. Not when she was smiling at her so warmly with a face that reminded her so much of Miles’s. “But if you do love him—if you couldn’t imagine your life without him—don’t be afraid to tell him that, too.”
Jamie thanked Kari for the talk and headed out the door, wondering if Miles was a masochist, determined to love women who were a lost cause.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Jamie had tried her best to mask the relief she felt when Miles called to say he’d put Kari and Lucinda on a plane to New York. He’d broken out in raucous laughter, so she hadn’t done a very good job. It didn’t matter. She was glad they were gone and she could have him all to herself again.
It’d only been a week since that night they’d tumbled to the kitchen floor in her apartment. Still, she’d been so anxious to see him that she’d traded her lucrative Friday night shift with another bartender so they could spend a proper evening together. One that didn’t begin at three in the morning and hopefully wo
uldn’t end in the emergency room.
She pulled into his guest parking space and made her way to his door, where he was waiting for her with a lopsided grin plastered across his face.
“God, it’s good to see you.” Miles pulled her into his arms and kissed her.
She let the duffel bag on her shoulder drop to the floor and wrapped her arms around him. There was no need for a response. Besides, she could barely catch her breath, let alone speak.
“You feel pretty damn good, too.” He slid his hands down her back and rested them on the curve of her backside, squeezing her ass so hard she almost yelped.
Jamie glided her hands underneath his shirt, over the rock hard muscles of his chest. God, she’d missed those pecs. “How’s that wrist, Sparky?”
“A lot better now that you’re here.” He pulled her closer, leaving no doubt of his intentions for the evening. Threading his fingers in her hair, he took her mouth in desperate, hungry kisses, like a starving man presented with a meal. His taste was salty and intoxicating, like a dirty martini. And she planned to spend the rest of the night getting her fill of it.
Jamie broke their kiss and stared at him, both of them panting. She’d had every intention of leading him up the stairs, but from the lust in his eyes and the growing warmth in her body, she doubted they’d make it that far. He stripped off her jacket then grabbed the base of her shirt. For a moment she thought he might rip it—a prospect she found titillating. He yanked her top and bra over her head instead then quickly removed her jeans and panties.
Miles pinned her to the wall as he rained warm kisses down her neck and shoulder. She let out a little sigh as he palmed her breast and took the pebbled tip into his mouth, sucking greedily. When he grazed her sensitive nipple with his teeth, the delicious sensation skirted the edge of pain, sending a jolt directly to her damp core.
She cried out, back arched, her body aching with the need to touch him. Fumbling with his belt, she unzipped his jeans and slid her hand inside. He let out a low growl as his warm, hard length filled her hand. She wrapped her fingers around his thickness, circling the tip—already damp with a few beads of silky fluid—with her thumb. He moaned, his mouth taking hers again as he sucked her lower lip between his. Jamie shoved his pants and boxers below his waist, freeing him. She slid her palm along his shaft. Warmth filled her chest, his muttered approval vibrating against her throat.