“Look at my handsome grandson! I finally get to meet you! You are so big!” she says, her words rushed.
“Well, hello to you too, mum,” I say in mock indignation. She doesn’t even glance up at me as she kisses Jye on his cheeks repeatedly. Finally, she looks my way, her hazel eyes narrowed on mine. “You'd think I raised you better, Sasha Crawford! Keeping my grandson from me for this long!” even as she lectures me, she walks forward and wraps me in her arms.
“I missed you, mum,” I tell her honestly.
“Missed you too, baby,” she whispers.
“Where’s dad?” I ask her.
“He’s away at work, he’ll be back next week,” she tells me. My dad is working in the mines as an engineer, so he’s away for weeks at a time. He usually works there for two weeks, and then gets one week off.
“Come on, let’s catch up on everything,” my mum says, steering Jye and me into the kitchen. She pours us both a drink, and then we get talking about everything we’ve missed in the last two years.
***
Chapter Two
Sasha
Chase came to my parents' house this morning, just as he said he would. We’re now in our new apartment, and I love how modern and spacious it is; it's perfect for Jye and me. My bed, chest of drawers, and television are already moved in. I went shopping and bought a new bed for Jye, along with more toys and clothing since I didn’t have room to bring everything back from Scotland. I’m cleaning and organizing Jye’s room and when there’s a knock on the door, I assume it must be either Layla or Chase so I open it with a smile. When I find myself face to face with a familiar tall, handsome, blond man, I freeze.
“James?” I say, my eyes darting all over him.
“Hey Sasha, you look good,” he says without emotion.
“What are you doing here?” I ask him. I’m not ready for this confrontation yet.
“Chase told me that you need to see me, and it’s urgent. What’s going on?” he asks, looking concerned. I swallow hard, and play with my hair, like I always do when I get nervous. This is the moment I’ve been dreading. But I need to face this, and there's no time like the present. I want to be furious with Chase for telling James without warning me, without letting me do it in my own time, but I know if the situation was reversed I'd do the same thing.
“Look, James, come inside, there’s something I need to tell you,” I start. His forehead crinkles and his face takes on a concerned look. He walks inside and I gesture for him to take a seat, but he remains standing. Okay, then. I open my mouth to tell him, but before I can, Jye himself runs out.
“Mamaaa!” he squeals with pleasure, dragging the new stuffed toy I bought him today behind. When he sees James, he stops dead in his tracks, checking out this new person. My gaze trails back to James, who is staring at Jye with a shocked expression. His mouth pops open, and then closes with a snap. I can almost see the moment he pieces it all together, because his expression turns tortured. He swallows noticeably before speaking.
“How old is he?” he asks in a quiet tone.
“Sixteen months,” I tell him, now looking at Jye instead of facing the accusation in James’ eyes.
“Are you fucking shitting me?” he mutters under his breath. Jye walks over, curious, and stands next to me. He stares up at James and frowns, cuddling his toy tiger closer to his little body.
“What’s his name?” he asks me, never taking his eyes off Jye.
“Jye,” I say softly, my voice catching.
I bite my lip as he gets down on his knees, and sits back on his heels, eye level to Jye. I blink furiously to stop the tears from falling down my cheeks as my eyes begin to tear.
“Hello, little man,” James says, his gaze raking over every inch of Jye. Jye stares at him for a moment, with his head tilted to the side, as if in deep thought. Then he takes his toy and offers it to James. James smiles at Jye before taking the toy and thanking him. Jye hugs my leg once, before running back to his room. James stands up, but keeps his eyes on the floor.
“What the fuck, Sasha? How could you do this to me?” he bites out through clenched teeth. I squirm under his intense gaze.
“James…” I start, but he cuts me off.
“No, Sasha, do you hate me so much that you would keep my own son from me? Hell, I’ve missed out on everything! Fuck!”
“I tried to call you, James! I left messages, and don’t get me fucking started about when someone actually picked up the phone! After that I stopped bothering,” I hiss defensively.
“What are you talking about, I never spoke to you, so who did you talk to?” he asks, confused.
“It doesn’t matter, it’s in the past, and it’s too late to change it,” I say quietly.
James doesn’t say anything to that, because he knows it’s the truth.
“He’s beautiful,” he tells me.
“I know, he looks just like you,” I respond. His eyes close for a moment, and he takes a deep breath.
“Peaches,” he says randomly.
“Huh?”
“I want to be in his life, Sasha. I want to be there for him,” he says, changing the subject.
“Okay, James,” I agree. He sighs with relief, as if he was expecting an argument from me.
“How are we going to work this out?” he asks.
“Let’s start slowly, okay? Whenever you have a day off from work, you can come over and spend some time with him. When he gets comfortable with you, we can take it from there, okay?” I ask him, hoping he agrees.
“Okay,” he says, rubbing his hand over his jaw.
“I’m sorry, James,” I whisper.
“I can’t believe you kept him from me,” he says.
“Well, I'm sorry for that too, but I know you have a girlfriend, I don’t want to cause complications in your life,” I tell him .
James shakes his head at me. “Do you think so little of me?”
Before I can respond he says, “I’ll be here tomorrow.” Then he turns around and leaves.
***
James
I have a son. And he's amazing. He looks just like I did when I was his age, except for that mop of jet black hair. Sasha’s hair. The two of us have created something so perfect, and I had no idea.
I have a son, and I don’t even know him. I feel heart-broken and elated at the same time.
What does he like to eat? Does he sleep through the night? What's his favourite toy? I know nothing. I want to blame Sasha but it isn’t her fault alone. I should have rung her back, fuck. She could have tried to contact me again, though, but I guess there’s no point playing the ‘what if’ game.
My phone rings, it’s Tatiana. I was supposed to be at her house an hour ago. I press reject on the phone because I need some time to think before talking to her. I decide to head straight for my mother’s house. She needs to hear that she has another grandson. Then, I’m going shopping. I have over a year of making up to do.
I get out of the car, and I see the front door of my mum’s house open. She stands just outside of the door, waiting for me.
“James!” she says, her eyes brightening with pleasure as they do whenever she sees any of her children. I walk up to her and envelope her in a warm hug.
“Is everything okay?” she quickly asks.
I sigh. “Come on, let’s go inside and talk."
We both walk in and take a seat in the living room. Mum’s eyes are full of concern and worry. I run my hands over my face, “I don’t even know where to start.” She remains quiet, waiting patiently for me to gather my thoughts.
“You remember Sasha?” I ask her, already knowing that she does. When Sasha and I dated, she and my mother were close. Her eyes light up at the mention of Sasha’s name.
“Of course, how is she? Are the two of you back together?” she asks, her words rushed in excitement. Mum knows all about Sasha and what happened. How she thought I was cheating. I ended up telling my mum everything when she caught me in a moment of weakness.
“Well you know how she was at Kade’s wedding,” I start.
“Oh, yes, we spoke for a bit. She looked stunning, didn’t she?” my mother digresses.
“Yes, she did. We ended up hooking up that night,” I say a little awkwardly, rubbing the back of my neck.
“What does ‘hooking up’ entail exactly?” she asks bluntly.
I groan. She’s actually going to make me say it. “We had sex.”
“Well then just say that, you don’t need to call it something else. The youth of today…” she huffs in exasperation.
“So, Sasha is back in Perth. I told you she was overseas, remember?” I ask her.
“I remember,” she says.
I palm my face. “I got her pregnant that night. She had my child.”
Her eyes snaps to mine, pulling her thoughts away from what I suspect were wedding plans. “Kade’s wedding was, what? Over two years ago?” she asks, her eyes narrowed.
I nod, inhaling deeply, as I watch an array of emotions cross my mother’s face.
“So do you have a son or a daughter?” she asks quietly.
“A son. His name is Jye, and he's amazing, mum. You'll love him,” I say.
“I already do,” she instantly replies, her eyes locked with mine.
“I'll bring him over to see you, okay?” I tell her.
“As soon as possible. Oh, I must go shopping!” she says absently.
“Aren’t you going to ask why she didn’t tell me?” I ask her, my brows furrowed.
“I’m obviously not happy about it. My own grandson doesn’t even know me. There must be an explanation. Right now, I just want to see him, okay? Nothing is going to change the past, I just want to be in his life now,” she says as she leans over and hugs me.
“You're going to be an incredible father, James,” she says, placing a kiss on my forehead. I love my mum.
I’m her favourite.
***
I walk down the aisles of the toy store, picking up anything that catches my eye. Jye had a toy tiger in his hand that he seemed fond of, so I pick up any tiger toys I come across. I also get some toy cars, making sure the age recommendation is accurate. I see a few women eyeing me and sending smiles my way. I bite my lip ring and frown.
Isn’t it weird how women flock to men with children, but men run away from single mothers? Not all men, of course, but hell, I know a lot of men that steer clear.
I see a train set that catches my eye, pulling me out of my musings. I grab it, adding it to my trolley. Once it's overflowing and I can’t possibly fit anything else, I head to the check out. As I’m paying for the thousand dollars' worth of toys, a thought crosses my mind. How has Sasha managed financially all this time? The idea of her or Jye going without makes me want to punch something.
“Any suggestions on where there’s a good kids' clothing store?” I ask the girl at the checkout.
***
Sasha
To say I’m surprised when James drops by later that same evening with toys and clothes would be an understatement. I think he bought the whole damn shop, too.
“James, what is this?” I ask dryly.
“I wanted to buy my son some things,” he says, stating the obvious.
“Right,” I say, drawing the word out. I stare at my living room, now covered in shopping bags. My lip twitches, and I purse my lips together trying to stop myself from giggling.
“What’s so funny?” James asks, obviously offended.
“You are, this is all unnecessary, James,” I tell him, instantly regretting opening my mouth when I see the look on his face. He looks down, suddenly unsure. I realise James needed to do this; he needed to do something, because he’s lost. He's already missed out on so much of his son’s life, and has no idea how to make up for it, how to fit himself into our lives. I quickly backtrack, “But it was very kind of you. Thank you, Jye is going to love all of it, you spoiled him.” When James sighs in relief and his body relaxes, my heart melts.
“Where is he?” he asks softly.
“He’s asleep.”
“Can I go in and check on him before I leave?” he asks, and I can't miss the hope in his voice.
“Of course, go ahead. It’s the first room on the left.” I watch as he walks into Jye’s room, and gently kisses his forehead. He leaves with a smile on his face.
***
Chapter Three
James
I talked to Tatiana yesterday, but we mainly spoke about work related things. I know there is no point in denying that it’s Sasha I want, that I’ll always want. Tatiana knows all about Sasha and what happened between us, all about our history. We’ve always been honest with one another. And I’m not going to stop now.
I knock softly on her front door, not exactly looking forward to this conversation.
“James!” she beams, her face lighting up as she sees me. She looks sexy in her police uniform. Her short blonde hair is tied away from her makeup free face in a ponytail, and her eyes are warm and friendly.
“You just get back from work?” I ask with a frown.
“No, I’m about to leave, what’s going on?” she asks as I walk into her house and take a seat on her couch.
“We need to talk,” I say, glancing around the house, not looking forward to this conversation.
“It sounds serious,” she says as she crosses her arms over her chest.
“Sasha is back, and I have a son,” I tell her bluntly.
“You have a son?” she repeats.
“Yes, it was a shock for me too,” I add.
“She had your child, never told you, and let me guess, you’re leaving me for her?” she says in disbelief.
“There’s a bit more to it than that, Tatiana,” I tell her in a gentle tone.
“I thought… It’s just that I thought…” she trails off.
“Tatiana, I told you from the beginning-"
“I know, but come on James! I didn’t expect this!” she yells, cutting me off.
“I have a chance to make a family for my son, I won’t lose this opportunity.” She had to know that we weren’t solid. When she told me she loved me, I never said it back, and I was honest about why.
“You’re seriously going to try and get her back, after she kept a child from you? I thought we had something special, James, I thought we were finally getting somewhere in this relationship. I thought you were finally forgetting her,” Tatiana spits out bitterly.
“I know it doesn’t make any difference, but I’m sorry. I really am, Tati,” I say roughly.
“Don’t you Tati me, James! Please leave, I need to be alone,” she says.
“Okay.” I sigh, feeling like complete shit. “Are we still on for tomorrow?” I ask her before I leave.
“Yes, of course. I’m a professional, James, no one is going to change that, not even you,” she snaps.
I make my way to my car in a daze, upset that I hurt Tatiana, but I had no choice but to be upfront with her. She might not thank me now, but in the long run this is the better option. Tatiana is right about one thing though, Sasha did keep Jye from me. How does one make up for nearly a year and a half of absence in a child’s life?
***
Sasha
James sent me a message telling me he was coming over today to spend some time with Jye. I have to admit I’m a little nervous. It’s going to be our first family outing, as dysfunctional as our family currently is, that still means something to me. Over the past two years, I haven’t dated even once. Between pregnancy, Jye and work, I never really had the time for a love life. And it’s hard to move on, especially when you see the man you love in the face of your son every day.
I dress Jye in a cute pair of jeans and a checkered shirt from the huge selection that James purchased for him. I think James will like that. I'm wearing a pair of black tights with a knee length royal blue dress and black ballerina slippers. I spray a few squirts of perfume, the only one I ever wear, and I’m good to go. I’m not weari
ng any makeup, and my hair is thrown up in a high ponytail. I pack Jye’s bag with everything he needs for a day outing.
I’m just putting in a change of clothes for Jye when I hear a knock on the door. Knowing it’s James, I unlock and open the door wide. James is leaning against the door frame, looking slightly nervous. The most adorable thing is that he's dressed up a little, wearing a white shirt that accentuates the enticing curve of his biceps and shows off a hint of his impressive chest.
“Hey, Sash,” he greets as he gives me a quick once over. The way his eyes scan me so intently makes me feel like he might want more than I’m able to offer right now. More than just working together to co-parent Jye as best as we can. I’m not sure how I feel about that.
“Hey, come on in,” I respond, moving aside for him to enter. James walks in and grins when he catches Jye sitting on the carpet playing with one of the new toys he bought him.
“It fits him,” he says proudly, referring to the new outfit Jye is wearing.
“Perfectly, you did well,” I tell him.
“Hey, little man, do you want to go to the park today?” he asks Jye. Jye stands up and curiously walks over to James. When James asks him the question again Jye nods twice, and gives James an adorable grin.
“How do you ever say no to him?” James muses out loud.
I laugh and shake my head at him. “You better learn how to say no, and fast, James Steele.”
“I could just let you be the bad guy,” James teases.
“Mama!” Jye calls out, interrupting our banter.
“Okay, okay, we’re going,” I tell him as I pick up his baby bag. We all walk outside, James waiting while I lock up. When he picks up Jye and takes him to his car, I frown.
“Why don’t we go in my car, I have the baby seat,” I call out.
“No need, I went and bought one,” James says with a grin. Wow, he really did think of everything. I walk towards his car and watch as James buckles Jye up. I bite my lip as I see him struggle a few times before he finally gets it. Instead of driving to the local park, James takes us to some fancy park. Apparently, it’s the biggest one in Perth. When we’re parked, James unbuckles Jye and they both walk over to the swings first. After about a minute I can hear Jye’s laughter echoing throughout the playground. When Jye has his fill of the swings, I feel a pang in my chest as I watch James lean down to undo the buckle, leaving a little kiss on Jye’s forehead before picking him up and taking him to the slide. I head over to the café and get lunch for the three of us, calling them both to come and eat once it’s ready. My eyes widen as I watch both of them pick-up their sandwich, take a bite, and then wipe their mouths with the back of their hands at the exact same time.
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