“You’re pretty good at this,” I tell James after we’ve finished the meal. James’ blue eyes pierce mine. “I’m trying, I mean, I want to be a good father,” he says. We’re about to play some more when James' phone rings.
“Tatiana, hi,” he says as he picks up. My whole body tenses. Is that his girlfriend?
“Shit, okay, tell her I'll be there as soon as I can.”
I notice him cringe after he curses, probably because it was in front of Jye.
“Okay, bye.”
James glances over at me, an apologetic look on his face. “I’m sorry, Sasha, I need to go to work. I’ll have to drop you and Jye off.” If that was his girlfriend, I doubt it has to do with his work. Maybe it’s just an excuse because she wants him to come home?
“No problem,” I say, standing up and packing everything. I walk over to Jye and take his hand, walking with him towards the car.
“No, mama! I want to play!” he whines.
My eyes slide to James, who currently looks crestfallen. His eyes are on Jye and I know he feels bad about cutting his day short. I get down on one knee and look into Jye’s pale eyes.
“Baby, we need to go home now. But how about when we get there, you and I can play blocks?” I try to convince him.
Jye thinks it over for a few moments, and then nods. “Okay, mama,” he says with a grin. Crisis averted.
I pick Jye up and strap him in James’ car. When I get into the passenger seat, James is silent, not starting the engine.
“Look, I’m sorry, I’ll make it up to him, okay?” he says.
“It’s fine, but maybe next time we can just come in separate cars,” I suggest. It’s easier that way, and I can drive myself home. I see the muscle in James’ jaw tick, a sure sign that he’s not happy, but I could care less because right now, neither am I. He starts the engine and we drive home in silence. When he pulls into my driveway, I thank him for taking us out, take Jye out of the car and walk to my front door. I don’t look back.
***
James
I watch Sasha and my son walk into their house, and sigh heavily. I didn’t want to cut my first day out with Jye short, but I had no option. That’s the thing with my job. Sometimes I may be gone for a day or two, and I get called at random times. There's nothing I can do to help that. It’s not the ideal job for a father, even one who doesn’t have their kid full time.
Yet.
Soon I hope to move Sasha and Jye into my house. It’s huge, three bedrooms and spacious. I bought the house from Chase, since he had no use for it, and Kade and Nikki moved into their own home. My phone beeps with a message from Tatiana, with one thing written in it. An address. I put it into my GPS and drive to the location.
***
Chapter Four
Sasha
The next day, I call James’ phone but he doesn’t answer. I’m in a bit of a pickle, because I have a job interview and no one to watch Jye. Layla, Chase and Cole have gone away for a week, and James is now out of the question. I call my mother, who, it turns out, is more than happy to look after him for the day.
I dress up for my interview. I decide on a knee length peach colored skirt and a white blouse with puffy sleeves. I put on my favourite black pumps, adoring them for a few seconds, before packing my handbag. I applied for this job as soon as I got back to Perth; it’s a part time marketing management position. My degree from uni is in marketing and advertising, so it’s right up my alley. Part time work is perfect for me, at least until Jye starts school. I know this job can eventually lead to full time if they like what I bring to their company, so it’s also an investment in the future.
I stare into the mirror, adding another coat of mascara, and checking over my makeup. I put on a pair of pearl earrings, and nod once in approval. It’s time to work my charm.
***
I head to my mother’s to pick up Jye, a wide smile on my face. I was told I would hear about the job in a few days, but even I can admit that it looks good thanks to the amazing reference my previous employer gave me before I left for Scotland. I find Jye fast asleep on the couch, looking angelic. I kiss him on the cheek, and breathe in his familiar scent.
“Thanks for watching him, mum,” I tell her as I’m leaving.
“Any time, Sasha. You better call Ryder, too, he rang here looking for you.”
I promise her I will. I tried to ring Ryder yesterday, but he was unavailable. Ryder’s band is currently touring Australia, and he has taken his girlfriend Lexi with them. I always knew my cousin would end up famous, I'm so proud of him, and I absolutely adore Lexi. I drive home, and tuck Jye into bed. I love his bed; it’s in the shape of a racing car and super cute. It also has railings so it’s safe. After a quick shower, I get into my pajamas and crawl into my bed.
***
When I wake up the next morning, I notice my phone flashing with a few missed calls and text messages from James. It’s been two days since I last heard from him, and I don’t know how I feel about it. I suppose once I found out that James wanted to be in Jye’s life, I pictured him being around all the time, but I guess this is the reality of a broken family. Maybe Jye will only end up seeing him once or twice a week and I will have to get used to that. I’ve managed by myself all this time, and I can sure as hell do it again. I slip my feet into my pink slippers, and walk sleepily into Jye’s room. I get into his car bed, and snuggle up next to him.
“Mama,” he says groggily.
“Morning, baby.”
Jye yawns and gives me a soft kiss on my cheek. I love this little boy.
“Shall we get up have some breakfast then go to the beach?” I offer. Jye grins and nods his head yes. I give him a quick bath and dress him in his swimwear, a cute pair of pirate board shorts and a matching rash guard. I whip up some scrambled eggs and toast, which is his favourite, and sit him in his feeding chair to eat. When there's a knock on the door I frown, looking over at the clock. It’s nine AM. I walk to the door, a piece of toast hanging from my mouth. I unlock it and open it slightly.
***
James
I watch as Sasha partially opens the door, checking to see who it is. When she sees that it’s me she doesn’t look too pleased, but still opens the door and invites me in. I smile when I see her with a piece of toast sticking out of her mouth, she looks adorable. I’ve been working the last two days; I had to go on a job that was two hours out of town.
When I finally checked my phone I couldn’t help cringing when I saw that I had missed calls from Sasha. Why didn’t I tell her I'd be gone? I never know exactly how long it will take, but still. I could have given her some warning. I’m not used to answering to anyone, but now I have a family, and they should come first. When Sasha didn’t answer my calls I assumed she was either sleeping or pissed off, so here I am.
I walk in behind her, and can’t help but smile at her pink slippers and silk robe. I’m not gonna lie, her ass is outlined and it looks fucking sexy. I see Jye in his feeding chair, looking cute as ever eating a piece of toast like his mum.
“Hey, little man,” I say with a smile.
“James,” he says as he shoves another bite in his mouth. James. It came out more sounding like ‘Jam” but still. He called me James, not dad. My heart breaks just a little.
“James, we need to talk,” Sasha interrupts my thoughts with her hard voice. We head into the hallway, so Jye can’t hear us.
“I’m sorry you weren’t able to contact me, I had to work,” I explain, my mind still on my son.
“You had to work,” she repeats in disbelief.
“Yeah, I’m sorry, I know I should have told you.” And I should have. I know I’m in for it; the Sasha I remember never lets anything slide.
“Look, James, obviously my expectations and yours are completely different…”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” I ask her. She better not be implying what I think she is.
I watch as she hides her face behind her hair. She always does it w
hen she’s slightly embarrassed. “I don’t know, I just thought we would try to make this work for Jye, try to be a family, even if we aren’t together. The reality never hit me that you would only be here part-time. I know that’s not your fault, it’s just something I’ll need to get used to, I guess,” she says with a soft sigh.
I clench my teeth together. “Sasha, my job is unpredictable, I don’t have a say in when I need to leave. It’s not my choice, trust me, I want to be here! More than anything.”
“Your job or your girlfriend?” she asks snidely. Oh, so that’s what this is all about.
“Are you jealous?” I taunt.
“No, why would I be?” she replies as she looks down at her nails.
“Maybe because you still want me?” I say hopefully. Her brown eyes pierce mine, but she stays silent. She takes Jye out of his feeding chair and to the sink where she washes his face and hands.
“Hey, little man, where are you off to?” I ask Jye, noticing his board shorts.
“Beach!” Jye calls out, a huge grin on his face.
“Can you watch him while I have a quick shower?” Sasha asks, sounding anything but happy about it.
“Of course.” Spending time with my son is a blessing, not a chore.
“Okay, I’ll be about ten minutes.”
“Take your time. Come on, Jye,” I say as I take his hand in mine and pull him towards the living room.
***
Sasha
I take a quick shower and get ready for the beach. Jye and I both love the ocean, and right now the weather is perfect for it. I pack a bag for both of us, and then walk out of my room wearing my bikini with denim shorts and a white kaftan over it.
While I was in the shower, I practised my speech. I get weak around James. After not seeing him for so long, I’m almost desperate to be in his presence. I can’t let myself forget about everything that happened in the past.
James isn’t mine, and he'll never be mine.
Broken trust isn’t easily repaired.
“James?” I say.
“Yeah?” he replies, checking me out from head to toe.
“Maybe we should work out an agreement. You have Jye for the weekend, something like that.”
He puts down the truck he was holding and instantly stands up. “No. Like I said, my work is unpredictable and besides I don’t want to see him only two days a week. When I’m not working, I want to be here,” he states.
“I needed you, James. I had a job interview, and I couldn’t even reach you. I had to drop Jye off at my mother’s house!”
“I’m sorry, okay? If you ever need anything and you can’t get me, call Kade or Chase, they'd love to help out.”
“What is it that you even do for work?” I ask in exasperation. I’ve asked him before, but saying you run an organization isn’t really telling me anything. James’ eyes soften and he steps closer to me, putting his hand on my cheek.
“When we broke up, Sasha, I never cheated on you. I fucking loved you, I would never have thrown that away,” James whispers. I get a flashback of that moment, me standing at the front door of a random house and James inside, telling me that I was no one to him.
“No one,” I whisper back softly.
“What?”
“I’m no one to you,” I repeat in a daze like state.
“You're everything to me, Sasha,” he replies in a forceful tone. When he leans forward and locks his lips with mine, I allow myself a moment of weakness. A moment to taste the man I love, to live in a fantasy. He pulls back, his chest heaving slightly.
“You have a girlfriend!” I spit out.
“No, I don’t,” he says with a crooked grin.
“What happened?” I ask him, needing to know the answer.
“We broke up. You and Jye are my priority. I was dating a girl named Tatiana, but now we’re over. Now that that’s out of the way, are we gonna go to the beach? Have a nice family outing?” he asks.
I nod my head yes. I realise later that he never answered my question.
***
Chapter Five
James
“Thank you, James,” Bethany says gratefully.
“No problem. Okay, you know the drill, the officer will be by tomorrow,” I tell her for the second time. She thanks me again. I walk out of her house, making sure she locks it behind me, and then head for my car. I sit there a moment, sighing ruefully. Another day I didn’t get to see Jye. I miss my little man, and his mama. I miss my family. The last two days have been hectic.
I check my phone, no missed calls or text messages. That’s almost worse. They don’t even need me. I just come and go, as work allows me to, but I’m not actually needed. I hit the steering wheel with the palm of my hand in frustration. I need to be with my family.
***
Sasha
Today we’re heading to James’ house for a family lunch. Everyone wants to see Jye, and I have to admit that I’m nervous to face his mother. I used to be pretty close with Lucy when James and I used to date, and she's a lovely woman. Anyone would be lucky to have her as a mother-in-law, which is why I dread seeing disappointment in her eyes.
I glance at Jye in the rear view mirror and take a deep breath. He's fast asleep and sucking his thumb, looking adorable in his distressed jeans and superman shirt. I park my car in James’ driveway and sit still for a few moments, buying time to compose myself. A slight knock on the window makes me jump, and I instantly turn my head to the right, coming face to face with James. His lips are pursed together, like he’s fighting a smile. The action draws my gaze to his lip ring that I’m so fond of.
I still remember the night he got it pierced. We were coming out of a rock concert, laughing, full of adrenaline. I mentioned before how hot I thought piercings were, and when we walked past a tattoo parlour that also did piercings, James pulled me in and got it done.
James opens my car door, bringing me back to the present. He opens Jye’s door and pulls our sleeping son out and into his arms. I can tell he's excited to show his son off to his family, like a proud father.
“You look beautiful,” he says in greeting. I glance down at my floor length blue maxi dress, and offer him a small grin. I had no idea what to wear, so I went with an all-purpose dress. My hair is down and flowing down my back, and I opted for a natural makeup look. James grabs Jye’s baby bag, and walks towards me, leaning forward to kiss my cheek sweetly. He smells so good, I can’t help inhaling deeply.
“You smell good, too. Like peaches,” he adds with a chuckle. I blush with embarrassment that he caught me. Jye wakes up with all the commotion, smiling when he sees James holding him.
“Hey, little man,” he says warmly.
“Okay, let’s do this,” I say to myself. James’ head snaps in my direction, his eyebrows rising.
“No one will be rude to you, they just want to see Jye. Relax, okay,” he assures me. I nod, pushing a lock of hair behind my ear. We walk to the door, and James opens it, motioning for me to enter. I hear the sound of laughter and the smell of barbecue as soon as I walk in.
“Smells good,” I whisper, suddenly feeling hungry.
“You always did love your food,” James says.
“There’s nothing wrong with that,” I huff.
As we walk into the kitchen I see Lucy, James’ mum, sitting at the table with Kade, Nikki and their daughter, Grace. James’ dad is away on business, and Chase and Layla are still on their trip which they decided to extend. All eyes are suddenly on me, making me feel uncomfortable. I look over at Jye trying to avoid their stares.
“Everyone, this is my son, Jye,” James introduces proudly, lifting Jye in the air. The way he does it reminds me of the cub on The Lion King when he is held up by the monkey. The three adults walk over to Jye instantly, Nikki stopping to give me a hug.
“Look at you, MILF,” she says with a cheeky grin. Married life is obviously agreeing with her, because she looks happier than ever. She is dressed in a pair of black jeans with
a green singlet, looking casual, yet pretty.
Kade’s eyes are narrowed, and I can tell he’s not happy about this situation. At all. And who could blame him, really? I kept his nephew away from him. When I see tears in Lucy’s eyes, as she hugs Jye, I feel my own eyes water.
“Can we talk for a sec, Sasha?” she asks me in her soft voice.
I nod, dreading it, but knowing I need to face up for my actions.
***
James
When I hear my mum saying she wants to talk to Sasha, I cringe. I knew this was coming, but I don’t want anything to chase Sasha off or make her feel uncomfortable.
“Mum,” I say softly in warning.
“It’s okay, James,” Sasha says with a forced smile. I’m about to argue further when Kade suggests we go outside with the kids to play. Kade and I had gone to the shops yesterday and bought a play structure for Jye with swings, a slide and fort. We also got a trampoline, a sandpit, and any other outdoor toys we could think of. Kade bought him a soccer set, mini golf, and other various sporting games that he thought would make for good bonding. I give Sasha a look that says ‘are you sure?’ and she gives me a slight nod in return. My tough girl.
Jye is in Kade’s arms as we walk outside. I love the look on Jye’s face as he spies all the new playthings. His blue eyes shine as he blinks a few times in glee. Nikki takes him and Grace on the trampoline to play as I cast a glance towards the door for the third time.
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