Threads of Love

by Judith Mccoy Miller

  “God’s answer for Addie, or an opportunity for you?” he asked quietly.

  “That’s unfair, Charlie. You think my primary interest is medical erudition for me and not Addie’s welfare, don’t you?”

  “To be honest, I’m not sure about your priorities, but I do want you to know I’ve been praying steadfastly about Addie and the surgery since the day I learned you were considering it,” Charlie told her as he got up from his chair and moved toward the closet where his coat hung. “I can’t say that God has given me an answer, but I can tell you I feel very uneasy about the situation. I know it’s not my decision to make, but I hope you’ll take time to talk to God before you go any further.”

  “Edward’s appearance and the fact that his brother-in-law performs such specialized surgery is surely a sign that Addie is meant to have the operation,” she stated, quickly defending her stance. “I’ve been praying about Addie’s hearing since she came to live with me, and I have every confidence that the surgery will be a success. The difference between us is that I’m not afraid to put my trust in medical science,” she retorted, as Charlie buttoned his overcoat.

  “Be careful where you place your trust, Tessie. There are a couple of verses in Proverbs—Proverbs 3:5-6, if I remember correctly—that say, ‘Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.’ You might want to spend a little time with God and see if He’s the one directing your path to Chicago,” he said, walking back to where she sat.

  Even though she knew that he was standing directly in front of her, Tessie didn’t lift her eyes from the floor. She sat staring down at his black leather shoes, wanting to lash out in anger. She knew Charlie spoke the truth, but she wanted the surgery to be God’s answer for Addie. She wanted it so much that she was afraid to pray, fearful God would send an answer she didn’t want to hear.

  Charlie knelt down and took hold of her hands. When she still didn’t meet his eyes, he placed a finger under her chin and lifted her head. When her eyes were level with his, he smiled gently and tucked a falling wisp of hair behind her ear. “I’ve loved you since that first day in the train station when you came for your interview. Did you know that?” he asked her.

  “Don’t, Charlie! It will only make matters worse,” she replied, dropping her gaze back to the floor.

  “I don’t want you to think anything that has been said here tonight alters my love for you. I’ve come to think of you and Addie as my women, and I want the very best for both of you. If you decide it’s best to go to Chicago, I’ll support you in that decision, but please don’t hide things from me,” he requested.

  “You’ve been very good to Addie—and to me, Charlie. I appreciate your concerns, and since you’ve asked that I not hide anything, you should know that we’ll be leaving for Chicago the day after Christmas. Edward will be traveling with Addie and me. His sister requested that he return to Chicago until he’s fully recuperated. Since we were making the trip so soon after Christmas, Edward decided that he would wait and travel with us,” she stated, never once meeting his intent gray eyes.

  “It appears that nothing I’ve said has meant much to you. I’ve declared my love and offered my support. I had hoped you would at least give my request to seek God’s guidance some consideration, but it seems you’re determined to follow your own path. It doesn’t appear you need me for anything. I’m sure that Edward will provide delightful company on the trip. I hope you’ll forgive me, but I don’t think I’ll stick around for Christmas. Seems to me I make you uncomfortable, and just between the two of us, Edward makes me uncomfortable,” he said, rising and walking to the front door.

  “Addie will be disappointed if you’re not here for Christmas. She’s planning on Christmas Eve services at church,” she told him.

  “I’m sure you can explain my absence to Addie. You and Edward can take her to church on Christmas Eve,” he responded, turning the knob on the front door.

  “You really are welcome to spend Christmas with us,” she said, walking toward him.

  “I don’t think it would be wise. I have some gifts for Addie. I’ll have John bring them by the house,” he replied, shoving his hand into his coat pocket, his fingers wrapping around the small square box nestled deep inside.

  “That would be fine,” she answered, not sure what else to say.

  “I’ll be praying for Addie—and for you,” he told her, walking into the cold night air.

  “Merry Christmas,” she murmured, watching his tall figure disappear into the darkness.

  Chapter 10

  The train slowly hissed and belched its way out of the station, with Addie and Tessie seated across the aisle from Edward. Addie carefully positioned herself near the window. Having concluded that Edward was the cause of Charlie’s disappearance, she decided to show her displeasure by avoiding contact with him. Edward was delighted with the seating arrangement, entertaining Tessie with animated conversation, intent on keeping her from having any regrets about the trip. Tessie dutifully assisted Edward as they changed trains, with Addie scurrying along behind, resenting the object of Tessie’s attention.

  As they boarded their connecting train, Edward quickly showed his displeasure at being forced to sit several rows behind his traveling companions. The moment a gentleman riding behind them left his seat, Edward hobbled up the aisle on his crutches and dropped into the seat directly behind them for the remainder of their journey. It was a long, tiresome trip for Addie, who was meticulously endeavoring to hide her fears from Tessie.

  As they disembarked the train, Edward immediately spotted his brother-in-law. Waving to gain his attention, Dr. Lundstrom hastened toward them, explaining he had already made the necessary arrangements for Addie’s admittance as a surgical patient pending his examination the next morning.

  “My wife and I would like for you to stay with us during your stay in Chicago,” he stated to Tessie.

  “It’s lovely of you to invite me, Dr. Lundstrom, but I feel it would be best if I remained with Addie. She’s going to be frightened, and I don’t want to cause her further distress by being unavailable,” she explained.

  “We have an excellent nursing staff, and I’m sure her every need will be met,” Dr. Lundstrom assured his visiting colleague.

  “I don’t doubt the staff’s competency, but I won’t change my mind about remaining at the hospital with Addie,” she responded.

  “As you wish. We’ll make arrangements for another bed to be moved into her room,” he conceded.

  “I won’t be long, Edward. If you think you’ll be warm enough, why don’t you just wait for me?” Dr. Lundstrom suggested.

  “I’ll be fine,” he answered, pulling Tessie toward him and kissing her thoroughly. “Byron will keep me informed of your progress, and I’ll see you soon,” he told her as Dr. Lundstrom removed their luggage and came alongside to assist them from the carriage.

  Addie attempted to digest the scene she had witnessed. What was that awful Edward doing kissing Tessie? Charlie wouldn’t like it, and she didn’t either. She hoped Johnny would remember to give her letter to Charlie. Her shoes felt as though they were weighted with lead as they reached the front door of the building looming in front of them. It was bigger than any place she had ever been and reminded her of stories she had heard about dark, ugly places where they kept children who had no parents. Walking through the door and down the shiny hallway toward a large oak desk, they stopped while Tessie signed papers, and then the nurse escorted them into a sparsely furnished room.

  After bidding Dr. Lundstrom farewell, the two of them unpacked some of their belongings, grateful for something to pass the time.

  “Do you think it would be all right if I put it on the bed? Will they get angry?” Addie asked, pulling her recently completed quilt from one of their bags.

  “I don’t think anyone will mind, but if they do, they’ll have to take it up with me,” Tessie responded, p
osing with fists doubled and arms lifted in a boxing position. Addie laughed at the sight, and the two of them placed her beautiful quilt over the starched white hospital linens.

  Settled in her room several hours later, Addie watched as Tessie sat writing a letter. “Are you writing to Charlie?” she inquired, carefully tucking the quilt around her legs.

  “No, I’m writing to Uncle Jon and Aunt Phiney. I promised to let them know we arrived safely,” she replied, noting Addie’s look of disappointment to the response. “I’m not going to send it until after Dr. Lundstrom’s examination in the morning. That way I can tell them what he has to say about your operation.”

  “I think I’ll go to sleep. Want to say prayers with me?”

  “I would love to pray with you, Addie,” Tessie replied, moving to sit on the edge of the bed.

  Addie’s prayer was simple. She thanked God for everything, requested that she not die in surgery because she wanted to be at Charlie and Tessie’s wedding, and told Him it would be okay if she couldn’t hear after the operation since she was doing all right since she had been living with Tessie.

  Tessie leaned down to kiss her good night, hoping Addie couldn’t see the tears she was holding back. She sat watching the child long after she had gone to sleep, wondering if she really didn’t care if the operation was successful. Is she subjecting herself to this ordeal merely to please me? she mused and then pushed the thought aside, sure that the statement was merely a protection mechanism the child was using in case the surgery failed.

  Morning dawned, and the sun shone through the frost on the window, casting prisms of light on the shiny hospital floor. Dr. Lundstrom strolled into the room, his shadow breaking the fragile pattern. A nurse in a crisp uniform followed close at his heels.

  “Good morning. I trust you two women slept well,” he greeted.

  “As well as can be expected in a hospital room far from home,” Tessie replied, giving him a bright smile and taking hold of Addie’s hand in an attempt to relieve any developing fear.

  Looking Addie squarely in the eyes, his lips carefully forming each word, he smiled and said, “I have a daughter two years older than you. She was deaf also, but now she can hear. I hope I will be able to do the same thing for you. If we can’t perform the surgery, or if it isn’t successful, I hope you will learn to sign. It will make it much easier for you, especially to receive an education. Now, let’s get started with the examination.”

  Tessie realized his words were meant for everyone and without further encouragement moved away from the bed. Quickly, the nurse moved into position, anticipating Dr. Lundstrom’s every request. Addie remained calm and cooperative throughout the probing and discussion, keeping her eyes fixed on an unknown object each time the doctor turned her head in yet another position.

  “Thank you, Addie, for being such a good girl,” Dr. Lundstrom told the child as he finished the examination. “I’m going to talk with Dr. Wilshire; then we will decide what’s to be done.”

  As if on cue, the nurse left the room as quickly as if she had been ordered. “Would you prefer to talk here or in an office down the hall?” Dr. Lundstrom inquired.

  “Right here would be fine. I don’t want to leave Addie,” she explained, turning to face him as he pulled a chair alongside her.

  “I hope you don’t feel I was rude by not including you in the examination. Being emotionally involved with a patient can sometimes cloud our vision. I speak from experience. If you elect to move forward with Addie’s surgery, I will include you completely if that’s your desire.”

  “Does that mean she’s a good candidate for surgery?” Tessie inquired, unable to contain her excitement.

  “It means I will consider surgery. It’s difficult to know what caused Addie’s deafness. I’m guessing from what you told me in your letters that she was slowly losing her hearing. Being a child, she probably didn’t realize it was happening and that she should be hearing more competently. I imagine it went unnoticed by her mother and sister until she was nearly deaf. The procedure I perform, if successful, would restore her hearing by probing the cochlea and allowing sound to pass directly into the inner ear.”

  “Your diagnosis is that the stapes has become immobile, is that correct?”

  “I’m impressed, Dr. Wilshire. You’ve either been doing extensive research on your own or had excellent medical training.”

  “Both,” Tessie replied. “As a matter of fact, I took my medical training right here in Chicago, but I’ve been reading everything I could obtain since Edward told me of your surgical procedure.”

  “You must understand that even if the surgery is successful, Addie’s hearing won’t be completely normal, and there will most likely be some hearing loss after the operation. With the sound bypassing the entire chain of bones in the middle ear, it is impossible for hearing to be completely normal. You must also be aware that for several days, sometimes even weeks, a patient can suffer from severe vertigo. I need not tell you what a dreadful experience that can be. After three days of suffering with dizziness and nausea, my daughter wasn’t sure the cure was worse than the affliction.”

  “She has no regrets now, does she?” Tessie asked, certain of what the answer would be.

  “No, she has no regrets. Nor do we. You can’t, however, base your decision on our circumstances. I don’t envy you in your decision. It’s a difficult decision when all the facts and circumstances are known. In Addie’s case, we’re groping for background information and merely able to make an educated guess. Even though you’re a physician and have researched hearing impairments, I’m obligated to advise you there are other risks with the surgery—”

  “Yes, I realize there are risks,” Tessie interrupted, “but if there’s any possibility for Addie to regain her hearing, I think we should proceed with the surgery.”

  “Please let me finish, Doctor.”

  “I’m sorry,” Tessie apologized, feeling the heat rise in her cheeks.

  “As I was saying, along with the normal risks related to surgery, there is the possibility of infectious bacteria infiltrating the inner ear, which can be deadly. I’ve already advised you of the probability of vertigo. Additionally, it can be psychologically devastating for patients when they awaken and can hear the sounds around them and, after a few hours, they are once again deaf. Although it hasn’t happened in any of my surgeries, there is the possibility the operation will be a complete failure, and she might not have the opportunity to hear even for a few hours. This is not a decision to be made lightly, but should you decide upon surgery, I would be willing to perform the operation. Why don’t you and Addie take the rest of the day to decide, and I’ll stop back this evening.”

  “When would you perform the operation—if we decide to go ahead?” Tessie inquired.

  “I think it would be best to wait a few days. You are both tired, and I’ll want additional time to examine and observe Addie,” Dr. Lundstrom replied, sure the young doctor had made up her mind to proceed with surgery before ever setting foot on the train from Kansas. “Would you like to assist, or at least observe—if you decide to go ahead?”

  “Oh yes,” Tessie responded, her heart racing with excitement over the thought of assisting in such an innovative operation.

  “Which?” he inquired.

  “Assist, by all means, assist,” she stated emphatically, giving him the answer he expected before he had ever posed the question.

  “I’ll leave the two of you to make your decision,” he replied, walking to Addie’s bedside. Taking her hand in his, he looked into the deep brown eyes that stared back at him. “It’s been nice to meet you, Addie, and if you decide to have the operation, I hope I’ll be able to help you hear again.”

  “I’ll have the operation. That’s what Tessie wants,” she candidly responded in a soft voice.

  “What about you? Don’t you want to hear again?”

  “I suppose, but it doesn’t seem as important as it used to.”

  “Why is
that?” he asked, sitting on the edge of her bed.

  “I wanted to hear again because I thought I wanted to be a doctor like Tessie.”

  “Has something changed your mind about wanting to be a doctor?” he inquired, encouraging her to continue with her thoughts.

  “I’d still like to be a doctor, but this trip to Chicago and the operation made Charlie unhappy. Now he and Tessie are angry. I miss Charlie and want things back the way they were—even if I can’t hear,” she responded in a sorrowful voice.

  Glancing over at Tessie, he wondered if the child’s words would cause her to have seconds thoughts but quickly realized they would not. Her resolve was obvious; she had decided Addie needed the surgery, and surgery she would have.

  He smiled down at the child, remembering the turmoil of making the same decision for his daughter. He hoped things would turn out as well for this little girl with a pretty quilt tucked under her chin.

  “Just where did you get that beautiful quilt?” he asked. “I know that’s not hospital fare.”

  “Tessie and I made it,” the child proudly responded.

  “She did most of the work,” Tessie quickly interjected, “and has become quite a little seamstress in the process.”

  “Tessie has her own quilt that she made. It’s bigger than mine,” Addie continued. “Tessie told me her quilt was sewn with threads of love. Mine has woven threads, three of them, to sew the binding, see?” she told the doctor, holding the quilt up for his inspection.

  “That’s very pretty. Was it your idea?”

  “No, Aunt Phiney suggested it. When she was with us for Christmas, she told me quilts are special in our family. She said the woven thread I used weaves me into the family,” the child proudly related.