Now My Life Begins

by Shirley Roe

  “I'm sorry, but you will have to leave. This way please.” He gestured toward the door.

  She could feel the tears welling up in her eyes and she turned toward the door, not wanting them to see her cry. Jenny was beginning to understand. This upstart had taken her job because his uncle was the Lord Provost of Edinburgh. Now what was she to do? She had little money left, no place to stay and no job.

  “Miss?” Jenny did not answer, but walked proudly from the room, closing the door behind her. She rushed down the stairs and into the crowded street, blinded by tears. She found a small bench under a large tree and sank onto it. Head in hands, she let the tears fall. Never in her life had she felt so alone and frightened of the unknown. Oh Tim, I need you. She stayed there for several minutes trying to regain her composure. Strangers rushed past, never giving her a second look. She felt so isolated.

  Slowly, she made her way back to the train station. The next train to London was not until eight a.m, the next morning. Her stomach growled. It had been hours since she had eaten. Jenny knew that she would need every penny in her purse now that she was unemployed. She found a bench far from the crowds, set her worn bag on the seat and rested her head. It is not fair, that man getting my job because of his connections. Edinburgh is a horrid place! I just want to go home. She would have to stay here until morning. The busy station was a cacophony of sound, trains coming and going, people rushing everywhere, and venders calling out to perspective buyers. It was most uncomfortable. She couldn't seem to stop crying. What a fool she had been. The house she and her mother had lived in back in Watsworth belonged to the manor. When her mother died, she was told to vacate the premises. She had resigned her job at the mine, and her replacement had started the next day. Now she had no work, no place to live and no money. Exhausted, she dozed on and off.

  After what seemed like hours, she dried her eyes and looked around her. An elderly man sat opposite her, watching her with interest. He had been watching her for more than an hour. He noticed the worn but polished boots and the soft brown hair pulled into a conservative bun at the back of her head. She was having difficulty sleeping in the noisy station. She looks so heartbroken. His inquisitiveness was arisen. He liked puzzles. When she finally sat up and looked around, he decided to satisfy his curiosity. He hesitated, and then slowly made his way over to where she was sitting.

  “May I join you, Lass?” She nodded, feeling more miserable than she had ever experienced. “I couldn't help but notice that you seem distressed. Is there anything I can do?” Settling carefully on the bench, he placed his cane beside him. Reaching into the pocket of his well-made suit coat, he handed her a very fine linen handkerchief. Jenny looked up into his wrinkled but kind face. She dabbed her eyes.

  “I don't think anyone can help me, but I thank you for your kindness.” She handed the handkerchief back to him and started to leave, but he gently reached for her arm.

  “Please, don't go. Tell me what the problem is. I might be able to help. At least let me listen. Sometimes that is a very good cure for what ails you. Please, stay.” He was very kind and Jenny thought him to be harmless. He spoke with a definite Scottish burr to his tone; it was a very pleasant sound. She was not accustomed to talking with strangers but she was in a city filled with strangers, and he was the first friendly face she had seen.

  Slowly, Jenny relayed her story to the old man. She learned his name was Taylor, Zachariah Taylor. Mr. Taylor did not interrupt her; he simply listened.

  “And now here I am in a strange city with no place to stay, very little money and no job. The next train south is at eight a.m., and my only option is to spend the last of my money and buy a ticket.”

  “Well, if I may be so presumptuous, it appears I may be able to help. My sister has a small boarding house just off Rose Street. I am sure she can set you up with a small room. Her rates are very reasonable.”

  “But I only have a few pounds left, and I can't stay here if I don't have a job.” Jenny appreciated the kindness, but she was thinking that the only solution was to go straight to the wicket, buy a ticket and go back to Watsworth. “Besides, I don't think I like Edinburgh.”

  “Really, my dear, I am sure she will accommodate you. We will work on finding you a job tomorrow. I have lived in this city all of my life and I know many people. Right now you need something to eat and a good rest. Come, help an old man up, will you?” He smiled at her and her heart melted. He was right. She needed to rest and she could make a much better decision in the morning. “Edinburgh is actually a lovely city, once you get to know it.”

  Jenny felt odd going with a stranger. She hesitated. Her stomach made a strange gurgling sound, and they both laughed. The tension was broken. She realized she had not eaten since morning. Jenny took his arm and the two walked very slowly down the cobble streets towards Rose Street. Many people greeted Mr. Taylor by name, and Jenny was impressed with the gentleman's knowledge of the city.

  She looked at his fine clothes and his neatly trimmed gray hair and mustache. Mr. Taylor was the perfect example of how Jenny had pictured the gentlemen of Edinburgh. Distinguished was the word that came to mind. The musical burr of his voice helped her to relax. They passed tall narrow buildings, some ten or twelve stories high. Jenny had never seen such buildings. Between the buildings was a narrow alley or ‘close,’ which Zachariah explained led to more homes, shops and businesses behind the buildings on the street.

  “Not a good place to walk at night. I see you wrinkling your nose; do you know that Edinburgh is known as Auld Reekie? The coal smoke fills the air with a choking frowsty smell constantly mingling with the sewage and other smells of the city. It really can be quite unpleasant, but you will get used to it.” Jenny held her scarf to her nose, doubting that she would ever get used to this. It was a few blocks to the new section of Edinburgh and Rose Street.

  Zachariah's sister was a large, burly woman. Her graying hair was pulled back in a bun and she wore a large white apron over her cotton dress. Abigail looked very much like her brother, but outweighed him by at least fifty pounds. She was a cheerful soul, and Jenny liked her right away.

  The rooms were narrow, with high ceilings. The furniture was old but of good quality, almost befitting a much larger, more luxurious surrounding. Jenny was ushered into a small parlor, where a large tabby tomcat sat regally on the back of the chesterfield. He studied Jenny with eyes hidden behind narrow slits in his face. Jenny sat in the large armchair, not wanting to disturb him. “A nice cup of tea, that's what we need.” Abigail smiled and then excused herself to the kitchen calling back as she left, “Zachariah may I see you, please.”

  Zachariah stood slowly leaning on his cane. He smiled at Jenny, tussled the cat's head and shuffled toward the kitchen.

  “How many times have I told you not to take in strays? First it was that stubborn tomcat and now this young woman. What do you expect me to do with her?” Abigail stood with her chubby fists on her hips waiting for her brother to answer her.

  “I want you to give the poor bairn a room, and then we will see if we can find her a job. She looks so sad. Come on Abby, you said you should take in a boarder. Well, here you go.” He gave his sister a little pout, and she burst out laughing.

  “Oh alright, but that cat has to go.” He laughed and picked up the cookies from the table. Zachariah knew that Abigail loved that cat like her own child. The cat was going nowhere.

  Back in the living room, Jenny waited, wondering what her future held. Her emotions were disjointed. She was disappointed that the job was not available. She was excited to be in Edinburgh and away from Watsworth. She was hungry, thirsty and frightened of the future. She was happy to have met Zachariah. She could not help but feel at home in this cozy room. She gave her head a shake, as if to settle her thoughts. Abigail appeared with a tea tray.

  Jenny sipped her tea and ate two cookies. The food seemed to settle her stomach and her nerves.

  “Come and see the bedroom, my dear. I am afraid it is noth
ing fancy, but the rent is reasonable.” The bedroom was on the third floor. Jenny was surprised with Abigail's apparent ease in climbing the stairs. Zachariah was slower but followed the two up to the room.

  Jenny stepped into the tiny room. A single bed covered with a comfortable feather quilt sat against one wall. The quilt was pink and green and covered in large roses. A vase of fresh flowers stood on the lone dressing table and a large wardrobe filled the wall by the window. Jenny moved to the window pushing the freshly starched, lace curtain aside. The street below was bustling with people. Her heart was broken; all her dreams had been crushed. She was sad but two wonderful people had entered her life and the room was perfect.

  “I'll take it Miss Abigail, and Mr. Taylor, I thank you for your kindness. Tomorrow I will decide what I am going to do, but in the meantime, here is the rent for one week.” She searched her purse for some coins, paid Abigail and set her suitcase on the bed. Her two new friends smiled and left her alone.

  Jenny sat on the bed. She reached for her scarf, stroking it with her fingers. Well Jenny Barstow, now what?

  Chapter Three

  The next morning Jenny visited several shops looking for work, but to no avail. She returned, dejected, to the boarding house, where Abigail fed her some thick Scotch broth and a large dose of encouragement. The aroma of the rich broth filled her nostrils. It took her back to her home and her mother's wonderful cooking. “This is delicious, Miss Abigail.”

  “Here, have two of these oatcakes. We need to fatten you up.” Jenny bit into the oatcakes, her tongue detecting just the faintest taste of cinnamon. She anxiously reached for the second one. Abigail had a way of making her feel better. Tomorrow she would continue her job search.

  Zachariah arrived just in time for dessert. As the three new friends enjoyed their cake, Jenny inquired, “Have you ever been married, Miss Abigail?”

  Abigail grew pensive and Jenny thought that perhaps she should not have asked. “Yes, my dear, I married my childhood sweetheart when I was about your age.”

  “Perhaps I am being too forward. Forgive my rudeness, please.” Jenny was just trying to get to know these lovely people, but she saw the sadness in Abigail's face and immediately felt sorry that she had asked. Eyes downcast, she picked at her cake with her fork.

  “Don't be silly, Jenny.” Zachariah reached for Abigail's hand. “Abigail lost her husband and her daughter many years ago in a terrible accident. She has been taking care of her older brother ever since.” Zachariah patted Abigail's hand. She smiled at him.

  “You have been taking care of me, more like.” She turned to Jenny. “Yes Jenny, my dear husband, Angus and my one-year-old daughter, Sheila were killed in a carriage accident. The horse that was pulling their carriage was startled on the road. The horse galloped wildly and the carriage overturned, killing them both. It was a terrible tragedy. However, it was many years ago, so please don't feel badly.”

  “I am so sorry for your loss, Miss Abigail.” Jenny turned her attention to the old man seated next to her. “I feel so close to both of you already.”

  He sipped his tea slowly, and without being asked he began, “I attended the University of Glasgow, many, many years ago. While I was away at college, my fiancée called off our engagement. She later married a dear friend of mine. Somehow I never found another woman that I wanted to marry. So, here you have us. One Tinn le gaol and his loving sister and we mustn't forget Old Tom.” As if on cue, the cat appeared at the kitchen door.

  “I think you are both wonderful and I feel blessed to be here with you. What's a Tinn le gaol?” Jenny felt warm and safe.

  “A lovesick bachelor, sometimes Zachariah likes to use the Gaelic, but he forgets that not everyone understands him.” Abigail smiled at her brother fondly. “Tell us about yourself, Jenny.”

  “I grew up in a small town north of London. Watsworth has always been a mining town, and I worked at the mine in the office. I always thought I would marry my dearest friend, Tim but life has a way of changing our dreams somehow. I am finding that happening more and more lately.” She looked away. Zachariah wanted to cheer her up. He knew how much she had been looking forward to her new job.

  “Not to worry, my dear. We shall have a job for you soon. Are your parents back in England?” She looked pensive.

  “No, my mother passed away six months ago and my father died when I was a baby. His brother, my Uncle Edgar lived with us. He was like a father to me and he got me the job at the mine. Unfortunately, when Mother died, the Lady of the manor asked us to vacate the premises. Uncle Edgar found a small cottage, but I knew I had to find a place of my own.” The three ate and chatted. It was a pleasant evening.

  The next day was more discouraging than the first. That evening Jenny sat in the parlor, close to tears. Abigail joined her. “A nice cup of tea, that's what we need.” With that Abigail disappeared, returning minutes later with a steaming pot of tea. Jenny smiled, thinking that to Abigail, a cup of tea could cure all the ailments in the world, both physical and emotional.

  “I want you to relax, Jenny. Just close your eyes.” Abigail leaned her bulk into the large chair and closed her eyes. Jenny watched her with curiosity. “Come on, relax and close those big blue eyes.” Jenny leaned back, feeling foolish. Nonetheless, she closed her eyes and exhaled. “Now take five very deep breaths. Inhale and hold, now exhale. Now four more.” Abigail began to breathe and Jenny followed. Soon she was surprised to find that she was feeling very relaxed, and the stress of the day was leaving her. Abigail asked her what she smelled.

  “What do I smell?” She had to think about it. “Why, I smell roses!”

  “Yes, I bet you didn't even notice them when you came in and now you can smell how lovely they are.” Abigail took a deep breath and released a sigh. Jenny was very pleased to be experiencing the flowers with this loving woman. Abigail was right; she had not noticed them at all. Suddenly it seemed the room was filled with their sweet aroma, and she breathed deeply taking it all in. Abigail was such a calming influence on her.

  “Whenever you feel upset, just sit and breathe. I have been doing this for thirty years and it works every time. People must become more aware of their surroundings.” The two enjoyed each other's company for the rest of the evening and Jenny learned much about relaxation and awareness from this chubby, caring woman.

  Zachariah returned at the end of the week, filled with excitement.

  “I think I may have a position for you, Jenny. Today at the Gentlemen's Club, Mr. Brown told me he and his wife are looking for a nanny for their three children. The Browns are a very prestigious family here in Edinburgh.”

  “But I don't know anything about children. I worked in the billing department at the mine. I know numbers not children.” Jenny didn't think she would make a very good nanny but she was beginning to think there were no other positions available.

  “Just think about it, Jenny. Perhaps you will find something tomorrow. I know that working as a helot was not your wish, but it is a job.” Zachariah and Abigail exchanged a knowing look. Jenny had told them how her mother had worked as a servant for fifty years and how she was determined not to do that. They wanted to help, but jobs were few and far between, especially for women.

  It was the beginning of her third week in Edinburgh and still no work. She had only paid Abigail for two weeks and felt very guilty. She had no choice now. Jenny asked Zachariah to introduce her to the Browns and he arranged an interview for the following day.

  As she approached the huge mansion and the foreboding iron gates, Jenny was taken back to Watsworth and the mansion that her mother worked in all of her life. Sadly, she was right back where she started. Toiling as a servant was the last thing she had wanted for her life. Bravely, she looked over at Zachariah and put a courageous smile on her face. He knew she was not happy, but perhaps this would all work out for the best. He squeezed her hand and rang the bell.

  Mr. and Mrs. Brown were impressed with her credentials. They asked her if sh
e would tutor the children, as well as be their nanny. Of course, she would have to live in the house. Jenny was not very happy to learn that she would be staying with the Browns, twenty-four hours a day, but she knew her money had run out. She could not, and would not, ask Abigail for free rent. Head held high, she accepted the position and said goodbye to Zachariah.

  The housekeeper took Jenny to the top of the house, to the servants’ quarters. Mr. Brown watched Jenny go from the room. “She is rather plain, but her entire face changes when she smiles.”

  “It makes no difference if she smiles or not, as long as she tames those creatures that you call children.” Mrs. Brown poured herself a very large brandy and gulped it down.

  The housekeeper deposited Jenny and left. She did not say one word. The Spartan room was barely a closet with a small bed, two hooks on the wall for her clothes and a tiny wash table. The wallpaper was peeling. It was a disappointment after the lovely room in Abigail's house.

  Jenny unpacked her clothes and sat on the bed. The mattress was thin and uncomfortable. A thin well-worn blanket was folded at the bottom of the bed. Every fiber of her being told her she was making a mistake and a sadness descended over her like a cloud. Am I destined to spend the next fifty years here? What has become of my dreams?

  An hour later, Jenny was taken to the nursery floor, where the three children waited. Two girls and a boy, the Brown children were spoiled and unruly. It took her almost ten minutes to get them to sit down, and then the girls teased and poked each other incessantly. The boy, Baron, daydreamed constantly and paid little attention to anything Jenny said to him. She was dejected. That night, she cried herself to sleep.

  The next morning for breakfast, she sat with the other servants in a small room off the kitchen. Breakfast was a very small bowl of porridge. They all look so unhappy and hungry. Jenny was positive that this was not where she belonged.

  “Good morning, everyone.” Mr. Brown appeared at the doorway as several of the women exchanged a knowing look. “Please fall to your knees and thank the Lord our God for this day.” Slowly, everyone knelt on the cold stone floor. Jenny watched in amazement, as young and old obeyed the Master. Hesitating, she followed the others. The floor was cold and hard. She bowed her head. Mr. Brown's voice boomed loud and menacing, “Our Father, thank you for this day. Thank you for the opportunity to work in this manor house. We will do our best to please you and our Master.” The words rang in Jenny's ears. Please you and our Master? What kind of a place was this? No one moved. Mr. Brown walked to one of the younger maids, lifting her by her arm. She followed him; head down. No one moved. No one spoke for what seemed like hours and Jenny's knees were growing sore. Finally, the cook stood and everyone followed suit. Quickly they dispersed to other parts of the house. The cook looked at Jenny, whose face held a myriad of questions.