Bourbon & Bonfires

by Andrea Johnston

  Spending these days with my brother and our friends made me realize how much I enjoy having Landon in my life. How much I love living in Lexington, and being part of that community is as much a part of who I am now than anything has been before. Even my friends commented how different I am than just a year ago.

  Last year, after Henry returned home from deployment, Taylor and I came to his welcome home party. Being around Henry and Scarlett, it stirred something in me. I was envious of their obvious love and connection. Seeing them smiling at one another, holding hands, and laughing together tugged at my heart. I missed that. No, not missed. I couldn’t miss something I never had. Then I realized yesterday, as I sat on Scarlett’s porch, I have that now. I have someone in my life who makes me laugh, who sends my heart fluttering with every touch, and a person who makes me want more out of life than just getting by.

  But it was when Taylor asked me if I was ready to admit my feelings that I started to think of what I need to do. Of course, he teased me relentlessly about the age difference and maybe used the word “cougar” one too many times. I know if I’m going to make a declaration, it needs to be to Landon and not my brother. My confirmation of feelings was enough for Taylor.

  As I leave town after Scarlett’s appointment, Taylor hugs me before dropping a little bit of advice in my lap. “Don’t let your past dictate your future, Addy. If you love him, be with him. Nothing matters other than who you are with him and who he is with you. Outside opinions and circumstances don’t matter. Listen to your heart. And, me.”

  The drive home is long and boring but thankfully I have a new audiobook to keep me entertained. I probably shouldn’t have chosen such a spicy read for the drive. Landon will be lucky if I make it through the door before jumping him.

  When I pull into a service station for gas, I pull out my phone and send my second text of the day, letting Landon know where I am and that I’m safe. I take the few minutes I have while the car fills with gas to do some stretching and spot a family at the next pump over. The parents don’t look much younger than I am, and I watch as they help their two young children from their car seats. An older boy, probably about twelve years old comes around the side to take the hand of his little brother.

  The man smiles at me as he swipes his card and begins filling their minivan, I return the gesture. “You have a lovely family.”

  “Thanks. I’m very lucky.”

  “I love seeing older siblings help the little ones.”

  “Yeah, I was worried when we decided to have kids since my son was used to being an only child. He’s been great, though. He loves his brother and sister. My wife was relieved, being a step-mom freaked her out.”

  “Oh, he’s not yours together?”

  “No. But, you’d never know it.”

  I smile and nod in response as I watch the older boy carry the younger one over his shoulder. I’ve always laughed and joked that people having children at my age are nuts and I’m blessed with my one child and that’s enough for me. But something about this scene, watching an older boy with two younger children hits me hard. A flash of what life could be like with Landon in the future. With another child. It’s quick but it happens and as if the gas pump is at fault for the vision, I quickly click out the last few drops of fuel before pushing the button for my receipt and getting back in my car. Where did that come from?

  Instead of trying to figure out where my thoughts ran off to—babies?—I turn up the sound on my audiobook and let the gravelly voice of the narrator guide me home. I lose myself in a story filled with love, passion, and a lot of sex. No mention of babies at all.

  By the time I pull into Lexington, I’m not only horny but exhausted and starving. Stopped at a red light, I quickly tap out a text to Landon that I’m almost home. Thanks to an unexpected road construction detour, it’s about an hour later than I expected to arrive. Pulling up to my house, I feel all the tension of my earlier thoughts melt away. Home.

  Stepping out of the car, I stretch a little before reaching for my bag and walking to the front door. I hear my guys arguing the moment my foot hits the porch, and I smile. It’s not the greeting I used to receive from Mason when he was little, but it’s music to my ears nonetheless.

  Neither Landon nor Mason notice my appearance as they both sit on the couch with Xbox controllers in their hands. The argument continues as I stand behind them with my hands on my hips, tapping my foot as I wait. I clear my throat to get their attention. When that doesn’t work, I add a little growl to it, and they both jump, throwing their controllers.

  “Mom!” Mason jumps up and greets me with a hug. He’s squatted down so we’re closer in height and I place a kiss to the top of his head before he steps back.

  “Hi, honey. I missed you.”

  “Me too,” he agrees before stepping away and slyly walking back to where his controller is on the couch. I roll my eyes a little before turning to face Landon.

  I’m prepared to say hi and expect a hug. Landon has other ideas as he scoops me up in his arms, lifting me so we’re face to face. His smile is huge and says everything I feel. I missed him. I missed this. I missed us. I was gone less than a week, but in my heart, it feels like forever.

  “Fuck, I missed you,” he growls as one hand moves to the back of my head, pulling my lips to his. He keeps the kiss relatively PG, and I giggle as he nibbles at my bottom lip.

  “Later,” I whisper.

  Scrunching his face like the idea of waiting smells bad, he reluctantly sets me back down on my feet. Using both hands to push the hair from my face, he places three quick kisses to my lips before taking my hand and walking me to my kitchen.

  “I win!” Mason shouts as we walk away. Landon and I both laugh while he guides me to the barstool and makes his way to the refrigerator.

  In minutes, he placed a glass of white wine and a small salad in front of me, while placing a bowl in the microwave. My stomach offers its appreciation with a loud grumble, and I smile sheepishly. I realize I’ve hardly eaten anything over the last few days. There was plenty of food, but I was so focused on Scarlett and wallowing in my own sadness, I didn’t make it a priority.

  “This looks amazing, thank you.”

  “You’re welcome. How are you feeling?”

  “Exhausted. It was a long weekend. Scarlett sent me updates on her blood pressure, and Taylor called me about two hours ago to let me know she’s fine. Hopefully with everyone gone and the funeral behind her, she can relax and make it to term.”

  “That’s how Scarlett is. I asked how you are,” Landon says as he sits on the stool next to me, his body facing me, with a hand on my back. As he begins lightly running his hands across my back, I feel the tension I’ve been holding leaving my body like a wave.

  “Oh, I’m fine,” I quickly reply as I squirt a little dressing on my salad and shove a forkful in my mouth.

  “Babe, you buried a childhood friend this weekend. I seriously doubt you’re fine. I wouldn’t be. All weekend, I thought what if that was me. It’d be one of the guys, Ash, or Piper. I can’t imagine. Just thinking of it . . . well, I don’t want to.”

  “I’m okay. Sad but okay. I promise.” I squeeze his hand in confirmation, and he seems to accept my response.

  We sit and chat while I eat my dinner. When Mason says he’s headed for bed, Landon sends me to take a shower and get ready for bed myself while he cleans the dishes. After my shower, I pad into the living room where Landon is sitting on the couch, tapping something out on his phone. When he hears me approach, he looks up and smiles.

  “I should get going, let you get some sleep,” he says, rising from the couch.

  Wait, what?

  “What do you mean?” I ask, feeling a little dejected.

  “You’re exhausted. I’m going to head home so you can get some sleep.”

  “Oh. I thought . . . I mean,” I stammer as I look to the ground. I suppose I misunderstood where we were in this relationship.

  “Hey,” he says, cu
pping my jaw, forcing me to look at him. “I don’t have to leave. I thought with the long weekend and day of driving, you’d want to curl up in bed and sleep.”

  “I do. But, with you. Stay, please.”

  Without another word, Landon walks to the front door, flips the lock and kicks off his shoes before turning off the lights as he walks toward me. Standing in the moonlight, he walks up to me and places a gentle kiss upon my lips.

  “Let’s go to bed.”

  I can’t help but feel like Landon and Mason are keeping something from me. I’ve already inspected the house, looking to see if there’s a broken lamp or picture. I found nothing out of place, but still, the looks they’ve exchanged have me curious. Part of me wants to ask what they’re up to, but another part of me wants to let them come to me. If it was something bad, Landon would tell me. I’m sure it’s something ridiculous like Mason didn’t shower the entire time I was gone, or they ate pizza for every meal.

  Shrugging off the uneasiness, I drag myself into work. Dr. Burning told me to take an extra day if I needed but I already feel bad for missing so many days of work when I’ve only worked here a few months. This morning, I made my coffee a little stronger and brought an energy boost for later in case I need it.

  Landon was right, I did need a good night’s sleep last night. Sleep came quickly but I was restless. Thoughts of the weekend, Scarlett’s loss, and oddly enough, that family from the gas station consumed my dreams. As I’m setting my purse in my locker, I hear my phone ding with a text message.

  Dan: We need to talk.

  He cannot be serious. Instead of responding, I toss my phone in my purse and begin my workday. Dan can kiss my ass. I’ve wanted to talk to him for months, and he didn’t have time. Now that he suddenly has something to discuss I’m supposed to drop everything? I don’t think so.

  Focusing on my job, I embrace my exhaustion and attend to the patients. The flu season seems to be a thing of the past, and the day flows seamlessly. Most of the day is filled with well-check appointments and a few prescription follow-ups. All in all, a peaceful day at work.

  At the end of the day, as I’m pulling my phone from purse, I see Mason’s text that he’s home and headed to Landon’s for work and three more from Dan. Fucking Dan. I don’t even bother reading them it’s the notification of a voicemail that causes me to pause.

  “Addison, I’ve text you several times today with no reply. We need to talk, and since you can’t see fit to respond, I guess you leave me no choice. I’ll see you in a few days.”

  He’ll what?

  When I promised Mason I wouldn’t tell Addison about the shit he pulled while she was gone, I didn’t expect it to eat at me. But that’s what it’s doing. Expect it or not, that’s exactly what has happened. At first I convinced myself I was doing her a favor. There was no reason to upset her if nothing more was going to come of the situation. Had Spencer chosen to press charges, I would have told her immediately. Since he chose not to pursue the issue and, in fact, found it hilarious and a right of passage for the kids, I didn’t see a reason to add to her already stressful time.

  I figured since Mason was scared straight, as much as you can be by the Lexington PD, with his time at the police department, he wouldn’t let something like that happen again. So again, no reason to bother Addison with the situation.

  But on day three, I think I may have screwed up. This secret is killing me, and I’ve almost spilled my guts more than once. Last night, I bowed out of even hanging out after I dropped Mason off, because I couldn’t handle the guilt. Can’t handle it. As I remember the look on Mason’s face and disappointment in his voice when he realized he’d been used by the older kids, I know I need to tell her. I’m not sure if this is something that should be addressed or something we should watch.

  Tonight. Tonight I’ll tell her.

  That’s why I’m meeting Ben for lunch today. If there’s anyone I can depend on for some logical and rational thinking, it’s Bentley Sullivan. Plus, he’s a teacher, and he has firsthand knowledge of dealing with kids. Sure, most of them are seven years old but still, experience.

  I haven’t told Mason my plan. I’m sure he’ll lose his mind and freak out. He and I both know the minute Addison finds out what happened he’s looking at an extensive punishment. I only hope I don’t suffer the same consequence.

  Having spent the night in my own bed, I was up early this morning and went for a run. The crisp morning air was like an ice bath but it served its purpose. Within the first hundred meters, my mind was clear, and I realized just how screwed I may be. Did I wait too long to tell Addison? Was she going to feel like I betrayed her? Did I betray her?

  As the hot water from the shower beats down on my head, no tension leaves my body. Flashes of the hurt and anger I expect to see on Addison’s face blind me, and I’m instantly filled with regret. Regret for keeping secrets and regret waiting so long to tell her.

  And not telling Addison how much she means to me. I’ve done my best to take this slow, to let her set the pace. But the truth of the matter is, I’m in love with her. Every part of her makes me happy. Beyond her beauty, she’s smart, kind, nurturing, funny, and sexy as hell. She’s also feisty, challenging, and a bit skittish. Anytime I mention the future, I see her retreat into herself. The time she was away was good for us. She finally saw how much I care and am willing to be there for her. When she curved into my side and let me hold her all night, just being there for her, it was perfect.

  I’m taking a chance in telling her tonight, but there’s no way I can go any longer with this guilt. I hope a night out with our friends will fix the problem, at least create a smooth transition into a difficult conversation. Best case scenario, she is relieved I was there to help her with a difficult situation. Worst case? She dumps my ass, and I wallow in my misery.

  Obviously, the plan is for gratitude not attitude.

  By the time I dress for work and down a few cups of coffee, I’m feeling slightly better about the situation. A breakfast burrito from Rosa’s will make all the difference so I grab my keys and head out the door.

  The moment I walk through the doors of my favorite little hole in the wall, my stomach sounds its pleasure. The aroma of onions, peppers, authentic spices, and the slow-cooked beans I love so much fill the air. When we were younger, the guys and I were here most days of the week. As adults, there is no better hangover cure than a breakfast burrito from Rosa’s. I may not be hungover today but the comfort her food brings is exactly what I need.

  I hear her before I see her. “Landon, come over here and give me a hug.” I laugh as I walk over to Rosa’s open arms. The one constant with Rosa Dominguez is her heart, well, and the fact that she’s never met a stranger. How this kind and warm woman raised a self-centered dick like Tony, I’ll never understand.

  “How are you, Rosa?” I ask, pulling back from her embrace.

  “I’m just fine. How are you? I hear you’re spending time with that sweet Addy and her boy.”

  “Life in a small town.”

  “No, mijo. Life with Willa Montgomery as your mother. She’s thrilled and told us all about it at Bunco.”

  I laugh because this tidbit does not surprise me at all. My mom has been buzzing around me for weeks. I’ve managed to limit the number of times Addy and I have been to dinner. Mason on the other hand, has taken to my mom like a bee to honey, and she’s eating it up. Addison was cautious at first, not wanting to bring Mason into a family dynamic that may not have longevity. I let her think that was going to work and then let my mom handle the situation.

  In the end, Addison accepted that as a part of the town of Lexington, we are all one big family and regardless of our future together, once you’re part of this community, you’re part of the family. Tears were shed, promises made, and a bond formed. I’m grateful for my mom and her big heart. Her acceptance of Addison and Mason makes me happy.

  “I’m not surprised, Rosa. And yes, Addison and I are dating. Mason’s a good kid;
have you met him?”

  “I have. He was here with his uncle. We need to find that Taylor a nice woman. He’s far too handsome and kind to be alone.”

  “I don’t remember you trying to fix me up,” I tease.

  “Ah, my Landon. I never doubted you’d find her. Now don’t screw it up.” She taps my check twice with her palm and walks away. Well, okay then.

  Taking my breakfast to the office, I settle in for some paperwork and phone calls. Business is booming. I finally pull the trigger and post an ad for a part-time office assistant. Shit, I’m really doing this. Running a business I wasn’t expecting to have and maybe not screwing it up.

  I’m lost in the oblivion of spreadsheets and reconciling statements when my phone signals a text message.

  Mom: I think you, Addy, and Mason should come for dinner. I’m making lasagna.

  Me: Addison and I have plans.

  Mom: Great, I’ll call Mason this afternoon and have him over.

  Me: Perhaps you should speak to Addison since she is his mother, Mother.

  Mom: I’m waving my hands dismissively. I’ll handle it.

  Me: You don’t have to tell me your gestures.

  Mom: Yes, well if you’d use the phone like a normal person you’d hear it in my voice.

  Me: Goodbye Mom.

  Mom: Bye, honey.

  I think my mom has officially adopted Mason as her honorary grandchild, and that makes me happy. I manage to pull up the next statement for reconciliation when another text message alerts. What is it with everyone?

  Ben: I’m fucking starving. Why is day drinking so frowned upon?

  Me: Probably because you’re an elementary school teacher.

  Ben: Valid point. See you at the deli in 20?

  Me: Sounds good.

  With only twenty minutes until I meet Ben, I save my work and exit the programs on my computer. Before I can pick up my keys to leave, the phone rings. I consider letting the call go to voicemail but think better of it.

  “Good afternoon, Lexington Heating and Air.”