He lets go of my hand and begins to rise, but I stop him by reaching for his hand. Tugging him back to the bed, I push on his chest to lay him down. When he does, I climb up onto his lap, straddling him.
With his eyes wide, I smile and then say, “I know.”
“What?”
“Mason is a horrible secret keeper. He spilled his guts the next morning. Called me at work, sick to his stomach. I went to the school to get him, assuming he was sick from all the pizza you two ate while I was gone. He wasn’t. Guilt was his illness. When he told me what happened, I won’t lie, I was livid. Beyond on livid. I didn’t want to speak to you. I didn’t want to see you. I wasn’t sure if I would be able to move on from this sort of betrayal.”
Landon doesn’t respond, but I can feel his heart racing under my palms as I brace myself on his chest before I continue. “Not only was I angry, I was hurt. I know, I’ve been the one slowing us down, and I wonder if that’s because I was waiting for something like this to happen. For you to hurt me in a way I may not be able to come back from.” When he begins to rise, I shake my head slightly and he lies back, his hands on my hips.
“Then I realized you weren’t trying to hurt me. You weren’t keeping this secret from me, you were keeping it for Mason. You are the one he called. You’re the one he trusted. I don’t think you’ll ever understand what that means to me. You’ve been there for him when you don’t have to. He isn’t your problem,” I sniffle as a tear falls.
“I’m not your problem. I come with so much baggage and you just give and give, never asking in return. Why do you do that, Landon? Why are you so good and never want for anything?”
Sitting up, he cups my cheeks with both hands. Looking deep in my eyes, he smirks before replying. “Because I love you, Addison.” I gasp. He kisses me. “I do. I know it’s fast, and you have this notion we can’t last, that I’m supposed to be doing something else with my life. But, you’re wrong. You are everything I never knew was possible.”
“I . . . have to go. I have to go.”
Sliding off my perch, I grab my shoes and scurry out of the bedroom and down the hall to the front door when I realize I didn’t drive. I don’t have a car. Shit. I’m standing at the door, my back to the hallway when I hear Landon behind me, his keys rattling.
“Addy, talk to me.”
“You can’t love me.”
“I can, and I do.”
“How? Why? You shouldn’t.”
“Hey,” he says, turning me toward him, “I don’t expect you to return the sentiment. I know where your heart is and you’re conflicted. If it’s the age difference you’re still hung up on, don’t be. If it’s because of Mason, I think we’ve already determined he’s okay with us being together. Just let it sit for a while. Come on, I’ll take you home, so you can do whatever it is that has you so distracted.”
“I have—” I begin before he shushes me.
“It’s okay, babe. You do what you need to do. Let’s go.”
I open the door and step onto the porch as Landon pulls a ballcap on his head and locks the door. Walking to his truck with his hand on my lower back, I’m lost in my thoughts. Why didn’t I say it back? I love him. I’m so in love with him it’s ridiculous. But he’s right. I am worried. I’m worried that being with someone my age is him settling. I worry he’s confusing lust and attraction with love. Mostly, I worry about Mason and how he’ll feel about me moving on, about me being with someone other than his father. And for Landon. Being a father figure to a teenage boy is far more than he should sign up for.
In the few minutes it takes him to drive me to my house, Landon remains silent, only humming along to the music on the radio. I watch the houses pass by as we drive, and when he pulls into my driveway, I turn to face him.
“I’ll call you later.”
“I know.”
I smile and get out of the truck. Later, I’ll go to him and tell him how I feel. I’ll lay it all on the line for him to decide where we go from here. But until then, I have an ex-husband to deal with and a best friend to call. I need all the words of encouragement I can get at this point.
As soon as I’m in the house, I grab my tablet and tap the power button before hitting the video icon. In three rings, Nela answers with her fake British accent.
“Ello, love.”
“Really?”
“I sound authentic, don’t I?”
I laugh and shake my head at my best friend. “That’s a no. How many more months until you’re home? Maybe by then it’ll be less embarrassing for you.”
“Addison Sinclair! Do not mock me. Who am I kidding? It is really awful.” Nela sighs with a look of acceptance on her face. “So, to what do I owe the pleasure?”
“Don’t make it sound like I never call. I do. First, how’s London?”
“It’s less dreary and just as amazing as you’d expect it to be. I still think you should come visit while you can.”
“If only,” I say with a sigh similar to hers just moments ago. Flopping on my bed, I hold the tablet over my head.
“Uh oh. What’s wrong? Don’t tell me you and that sexy boy toy broke up.”
“He told me he loves me.”
“Oh shit. And? You told him you’re madly in love with him, right?”
“Not exactly. I kind of froze and then freaked out.”
“Addison!”
“Ugh, I know okay? It’s just . . . Dan’s here.”
“There, like in your house?”
“What? Oh, God, no! He’s here in Lexington. I, uh, well, uh . . . so I didn’t exactly tell Landon.”
“I see. And why not?”
“Because it’s my drama. He doesn’t need to be worried about it. He would be too. He’d want to fix it, and it’s not his problem.”
Nela sits back in her office chair and squints her eyes at me. I glimpse the London skyline in the background and a twinge of jealousy hits me. Her life is far less dramatic than mine. I watch as she assesses me and my situation, trying to choose her words carefully. I think I’m about to be lectured, and I can’t say I’m surprised or undeserving. But it’s what she says that has me startled.
“You’re right. It’s your business and your problems. He doesn’t need to step in and handle them.”
“Uh, wow. I wasn’t expecting you to agree with me. You never agree with me.”
“Oh, I don’t agree with you. At all. I think you’re being ridiculous and should absolutely include him in this. I just know you, and you think you need to prove to everyone you can handle this on your own. But, Addy, that’s where you’re wrong. You don’t have to do these things on your own when you have people in your life who love you. Dan can’t hurt you anymore; he doesn’t hold the power. Go see him alone or tell Landon, whatever you want. Just remember this isn’t about whether you can do this on your own; it’s about whether you need to.”
Nela’s phone clicks, and I hear another line ring. She’s at work and doesn’t have time for my problems. I smile and say, “Thanks, babe. I hear ya. I’ll let you know what happens.”
“I love you, Addy. Just remember you don’t have to fight alone anymore.”
I stare at the blank screen as her words settle around me. She’s right, but this conversation with Dan needs to be just us. I need this for me as much as I need it for everyone else. He needs to know we’re done waiting around for him to show up and bless us with his presence. We have lives and people who love us, who we love back. This time, there may not be room for him anymore.
Being married to Dan, there was always an expectation. Most of his expectations were based on appearances and impressions. Dressing just right, living in a certain neighborhood, keeping up with the Joneses so to speak. It was always an underlying issue in our marriage, and I’ve spent the years since we separated trying not to live that way. Sure, I care about my appearance and want nice things, but I don’t need any of that to be happy. Some of the happiest of my days have been lounging around in comfy clothes, my ha
ir in a messy bun, and not a care in the world.
Today, I care what I look like, and I hate it. I don’t want to go see Dan and have him think for one minute that I am unhappy or not doing well. I want him to see what he left behind, and that it was for the best. I no longer hold bitterness in my heart for him. That realization is mostly because of Landon and how he treats me. He treats me, and Mason, like we matter to him. As if our happiness is more important to him than his own. That’s what I’ve always dreamed of, and now I have it.
I need to get over my insecurities and issues and talk to him. I’m not sure what the future holds, but I know keeping my love for him to myself isn’t benefiting either of us. As I slip my feet into a pair of wedges, I contemplate calling him now. Or at the very least, texting him that we need to talk. But a glance at the time reminds me I don’t have a minute to spare.
Looking in the full-length mirror, I assess myself from head to toe. My hair is a little longer than I used to wear it. Now, my dark locks hit my shoulders and have taken on a sight wave. I’ve kept my makeup light and natural but added a splash of color to my lips. The white blouse I chose flows loosely to my waist, and my dark-wash jeans with the wedges make my legs look a lot longer than they really are.
Once I grab my purse and lock up the house, I settle into my car, taking a deep, calming breath before starting it. I tap my favorite playlist and head toward Roasters. I was never much into country music before I started spending time with Landon, but now it’s become my go-to option. As the music fills the car, I find the tension leaving my shoulders and manage a little pep talk to myself.
I’m lucky to find a parking spot in front of the shop and sit in my car for a few minutes, looking at the patrons in line. When a group of women moves slightly to the left, I spot Dan in line. He’s chatting with the petite blonde in front of him. I know that look. He’s attempting to charm her, to woo her with his perfect smile, compliments, and if I remember anything about his moves, he’ll offer to buy her coffee in exchange for her telephone number. The minute he places his hand on hers to stop her from paying, I take that as my cue to go inside.
The moment the glass door opens, I’m overcome with the amazing smell of freshly ground coffee, cinnamon, and nutmeg. I love coffee. Instead of interrupting Dan and the blonde, I take my place in line, an older gentleman separating us. I smile to myself as the woman looks taken aback at what I assume is Dan’s suggestion she give him her telephone number. Up close, I see the woman is closer to Mason’s age than Dan’s, and I snicker. To my surprise, instead of offering her number, she instead turns the tables and suggests he give her his number. He doesn’t. That’s likely because his new girlfriend wouldn’t appreciate the call she may make. Smart girl.
When it’s my turn to order, I quietly request my usual soy vanilla latte and orange cranberry muffin. I stand off to the side, waiting for Dan to finish his efforts with the blonde but when my name is called shortly after his, he pauses at turns to see me walking to the counter to retrieve my order.
“Addison.” The look on his face is priceless. During our marriage, I caught him in a similar situation more than once. During those moments, he convinced me I misread a situation. Clearly, I hadn’t.
“Hello, Dan. I’ll get a table while you finish here.”
I walk to an empty table, and leave Dan to explain himself to the girl. I’ve taken my first sip of coffee when he takes the seat across from me.
“You look good, Addison.”
“Thanks.” I don’t offer him a similar concept because, frankly, he doesn’t look good. He looks exhausted. Tan but not good. “So, what brings you to our little town?” I ask, taking a bite of my muffin.
“Can’t a man visit his wife and son?”
“Ex-wife, and no, not really.”
“Look, Addison, I know you’re angry, and Mason has been a little difficult the last few months but—”
“Dan,” I begin before taking a deep breath. Just him mentioning Mason makes my insides twist. The nervousness I had a few minutes ago is replaced by my protective mama instincts, and I’m ready to tell him to take his opinions and shove them. “I’m not interested in your thoughts or opinions on my son. If you’re here to spend time with Mason, I will speak to you about that. But the rest is really not up for discussion. Also, in the future, I’d appreciate you speak to me about scheduling time with Mason, not simply showing up here with very little notice.”
“This attitude you’ve adopted is not becoming, Addison. Perhaps this is why Mason has made some of the poor choices he has over the last year.”
That’s it; this sonofabitch can kiss my ass. If this coffee wasn’t absolutely amazing and my muffin wasn’t one of the greatest things to hit my taste buds in forever, I’d throw this at him and walk out. Instead of responding, I do the one thing that drives Dan crazier than most anything. I don’t respond to his jab and simply sit back and sip my coffee while staring at him. The way he’s shifting in his seat tells me I currently have the upper hand, and he’s not sure what to do.
The minutes tick by as I listen to Dan regale me with his stories of travel, business transactions, and his new West Coast life. None of it really registers; it’s white noise as I enjoy my muffin, and my thoughts drift to the lasagna I plan on making tonight for my guys. My guys, not this tool. What did I ever see in him?
“That’s why we think it would be best for Mason to come spend the summer with us.”
Wait, what? I sputter my coffee, trying to catch by breath before speaking that thought. “What?”
“Lolly and I think it would be best for Mason to come stay with us for the summer. Give him a little structure and a break from small-town life.”
I’m not sure what sets me off more, the name “Lolly” or the fact that he thinks Mason would want to go anywhere with him for a day let alone a summer. He’s truly detached from his son and has no concept of the damage he has done.
“That’s not happening.”
“Addison,” he begins, his tone patronizing.
I’m about to respond when a throat clears behind me, and I turn to see it’s owner.
“Hey, babe. Sorry I’m late,” Landon says before taking the seat next to me, placing his arm across the back of my chair, and kissing my temple.
“Uh,” I breathe out. He’s here. With Dan.
“Hi,” he says, extending his hand across the table to Dan. “Landon Montgomery. You must be Dan. Nice to meet you.”
I don’t speak. Even if I had words, I’m not sure I’d be able to form a coherent sentence. How is he here? Why is he here?
“Yes, I’m Dan Sinclair, Addison’s husb—”
“Ex!” I shout a little too loudly, interrupting him. “Landon, this is my ex-husband.”
I sit wide-eyed while Landon asks Dan about his flight as he reaches over and takes a few crumbs from my muffin wrapper and pops them in his mouth. Sitting here next to me with his arm draped across the back of my chair, he’s not only staking his claim but also showing Dan how much he supports me.
“Babe, did I just hear Dan say he was thinking of asking Mason to his house for the summer?”
“Babe? Really, Addison? Aren’t you a little old for childish pet names?”
“I, uh, I,” I mutter before Landon interjects.
“Old? My Addy is anything but old. She’s perfect. But, you didn’t know that did you, Dan? Surely you couldn’t have known if you let her go. Thanks, by the way. If it wasn’t for you I wouldn’t have her and Mason in my life.”
The look on Dan’s face shifts from outrage to disgust in seconds, and for some reason that makes me feel great. I rest my hand on Landon’s thigh, a silent request for him to let me handle this.
“Dan, while I hope you’re being sincere with your desire to spend time with Mason, the reality is you have next to no relationship with him anymore. You don’t know about his life and what is happening with him. I can count the number of times you’ve spoken to him on the phone over the last ye
ar on one hand. He’s fishing this morning but will be home later. I think perhaps we can start with you having dinner with him and see how things go. But summer is a no.”
Folding up my muffin wrapper with my napkin and sitting up in my seat, I turn to Landon with a smile. “Baby, I think we should go home. Your dad and Mason will be there soon.”
“His dad? What is happening here, Addison?” Dan asks, waving his hand between Landon and me. His tan complexion taking on more of a red tint than usual tells me he just realizes Landon is more than a friend. Which any moron would have noticed, but obviously not Dan.
“Yes, Landon’s father took Mason fishing. They’ve grown close over the last few months. It’s been wonderful how much this town has embraced us. I’m so grateful my brother was able to finally convince me to move here. If it wasn’t for him, well I wouldn’t have all this.” My eyes skirt to Landon who is smiling at me, love in his expression, and I cannot wait to get him home and tell him how I feel.
“So you’re screwing this kid and think that’s what’s best for our son?”
“Look, mother fuc—,” Landon says, his chair screeching as he slides it back. I lay my hand on Landon’s chest, a plea for him to not do anything rash.
“Well, in typical fashion, you’ve fucked up my plans, Dan. Not that it’s any of your business, but I’m not screwing,” I say with emphasis, “anyone. I love Landon, and he has been more of a partner to me and father to Mason than you ever were. If you’d like to see your son tonight, you can text me in two hours, and I’ll talk to him about it. Otherwise, please leave us alone.”
Without another word, I stand and finally look to Landon. He wears the dopiest and largest smile possible. I laugh at him and lean down to place a kiss on his lips before whispering, “That’s not how I planned to return the sentiment.”
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