“Then don’t.”
“It’s not that simple.”
“Has he ever shown aggression? You know, ‘roid rage?”
“No. I mean, he has a temper, but nothing outlandish. He’s never once been aggressive toward Dante.”
“Then, there you go. I think if it’s his, it’s old and he’s too afraid to admit it because he knows he’d lose you over it. Or it’s not his, and he’s being honest, and you’re punishing him for nothing. Either way, something tells me he’s not the type to use. And it wasn’t heroin in that needle, babe.”
“I know. But when I saw Dante with that needle, Parker…God, I’ll never be able to explain how scared I was. I couldn’t move. I’ve never, ever felt fear like that.”
She squeezes my hand. “I can only imagine. But don’t you think you’re overreacting? He was probably terrified too. You haven’t replied to any of his texts.”
“My son was standing in the middle of my living room with certain death in his hands.”
“You know what I mean.”
“I can’t bring myself to feel guilty about Troy right now. That kid is my whole life.”
“And he’s Troy’s whole life, and you and Dante are his world. He needs you right now, and you’ve all but shut him out.”
“I just can’t pretend like I’m okay when I’m not.”
“I get it, but you can fake it.”
“How? Talking to him will only lead to an argument. He needs to concentrate, and I don’t think I can just breeze through a ‘we’ll work it out’ conversation. He’ll see right through me.”
Parker picks up my phone. “His whole future is riding on the next few days. He needs your support, and he’s got to be on top of his game. Just text him, right now and say something supportive. You can hash it out when he gets back.”
“You’re right.”
I lift my phone and hit reply, my fingers hovering over the keys, but the image of Dante holding that needle is all I see, and I can’t manage to find a single reassuring thing to say. I’m still furious. Troy’s needle or not, we could have lost our son. That’s all I can think of. All I can feel. Anger. Outrage. The constant replay of my worst fucking fear.
Parker watches me, reading my hesitation. “Clarissa, his whole life is in your hands right now.”
“Now who’s being dramatic?” I sigh, handing her my phone. “I’m still too angry. His drugs or not. I’m angry. You do it.”
“Are you serious? Clarissa, this is selfish.”
“What if he is using? It will change everything. Not only will we be over, but I don’t know if I’ll be able to trust him with Dante.”
“I’m pretty sure they drug test in the NFL.”
“You think they can’t find ways around that?”
“Clarissa, the man has been nothing short of perfect the last few months and doesn’t have a manipulative bone in his body.”
“Have you forgotten how our son was conceived?”
“Stop it. You’re sabotaging your relationship, your happiness. Don’t use this as an excuse to push him away, or you’ll be fucking up.”
“I’m trying.”
“You’re not trying, you’re running. You’re in love with that man, and you’re terrified of the other shoe dropping.”
“This isn’t a shoe, Parker. This is a kick in the head.”
“It’s not his. I know it isn’t.”
“I hope you’re right,” I stand and shake my head. “I have to get to work. Text him for me. Okay? I just can’t do it right now.”
“Fine.” She takes my phone and starts typing.
“Wait, what are you going to say?”
“That you’re sorry you overreacted, and you’re proud of him. Oh, and that you’re studying at all hours of the day for your realtor’s license as a side gig because you don’t want to count on his future millions. And that you’ve secretly been working nights to make ends meet while he chases his dreams.”
“Don’t you dare.”
“Fine. I’ll leave that part out, but I don’t know why you haven’t told him.”
“Because he’s under enough pressure and I don’t want him feeling guilty. I have to explain this to him myself, or he won’t understand.”
“Yet you don’t mind freezing him out when it’s most crucial.” Parker raises a loaded brow over the top of my phone. “There, sent.”
Dante comes running into the living room with his phone in his hand. “I knewed it. I got two orders already! Can we call Troy?”
“He’s busy, baby,” I say, running my fingers through his hair. “Why don’t you make a video to thank him and text it? He’ll love it.”
“K!”
“He’s replying,” Parker says, lifting the phone to me.
I shake my head. “I can’t, not right now.”
She rolls her eyes reading his response before replying. “I’ll figure out an excuse for you until you get your shit together.”
“Thanks,” I say, shouldering my purse and calling out to Dante. “I’m leaving, Peanut. I’ll be home late, so be good for Parker.”
“K, Mommy!”
Troy
Troy: Morning, baby.
Clarissa: How’s it going?
Troy: I murdered my dash yesterday, thanks to you.
Clarissa: Awesome. We’re so proud of you. Hey, Parker is taking me to the spa for a few days as a late birthday present, because she’s the best friend that ever lived. Your mom is watching Dante so you can reach him there. Kick that ass! I’ll text you when I get back.
Troy: I’ve got a half-hour before I check-in. Can you FaceTime?
Clarissa: We’re boarding.
Troy: Boarding?
Clarissa: The spa is in Arizona. Cell phone use is limited. It’s a cleansing thing, which I need because I’m way too uptight.
Troy: No, you’re not. You had a bad scare. And I’m so fucking sorry. I’ll get down to the bottom of it when I get home.
Clarissa: Okay.
Troy: You believe me, right?
Clarissa: I believe in you. Make us proud.
Troy: I’m working on it. Just keep the home fires burning.
Clarissa: I’ll do my part if you do yours. (Winky face emoji)
Happy and relieved, I toss my napkin down on the room service tray and reach under the covers to give the grand commander a pep talk. Seconds later, I shoot off a text.
Troy: How’s that for my part? (Devil emoji)
Clarissa: Oh, wow. You sent a picture of your dick.
I chuckle.
Troy: What my baby wants my baby gets. I’m so fucking glad we’re okay. Enjoy yourself. You deserve it. Miss you.
Troy: Baby, you there?
Clarissa: Of course. Just enjoying the view. Now, go kick some ass.
Troy: Enjoy your trip.
Clarissa: Taking off. (Kiss face emoji)
“Hey, bud,” I greet Dante as my mother’s face pops up on the screen behind him.
“Hey, baby, well, if you aren’t the toast of the town. They were talking about you on Sports Center last night!”
“I saw. I just signed with my agent. Hey, have you heard from Clarissa? Is she back from Arizona?”
“When was Clarissa in Arizona?”
“She’s not in Arizona,” Dante says, popping a strawberry in his mouth.
“She’s back?”
“She didn’t go to Arizona,” Dante supplies. “Auntie Parker lied to you.”
“What?”
“I heard them talking ‘cause Mommy didn’t want to text you.”
Mom’s brows lift higher and higher with each word. “What’s this about?”
“I found Troy’s medicine, and Mommy got really, really mad, and cried forever.”
Mind racing, I scrub my jaw, emotions running rampant while facing off with my mother.
“What medicine, son?”
“Mom, give me a second. Dante, are you sure you heard that?”
“Uh huh.”
&nbs
p; “What else did she say?”
Dante speaks around a mouthful, evident worry on his face. “Are you going to be mad at her?”
“No. Just tell me.”
“She said you wouldn’t know how hard she’s working to make you guilty. Auntie Parker doesn’t like her work friend.”
“What work friend?”
“The man.”
“Okay,” Mom says, interrupting my interrogation. “Dante, go into Nonny’s closet and grab the new puzzle.”
“Okay, Nonny. Bye, Troy, Love you!”
“You too, bud.”
With Dante occupied, Mom walks out onto her porch, shutting the door behind her.
“Troy, what in the hell is going on?”
“I wish I knew.”
“What medicine is he talking about?”
“Right before I left, Dante found a needle and a used bottle of steroids in my truck.”
“Not yours.” It’s not a question, it’s what she thinks, if only Clarissa could believe the same.
“That’s what I told her, but it’s obvious she’s having a hard time believing me. But Mom, it was fucking horrible. Scared the shit out of us both. Clarissa freaked out—”
“Because of her mother,” she nods. “I can only imagine what she was feeling. So, she’s been avoiding you since, and Parker has been texting you instead?”
“I’m guessing that’s the truth of it.” I scrub my face again, angry and irritated. “Fuck.”
“I’ll talk to her,” Mom offers.
“No, Mom, stay out of it. I mean it. She needs to be able to take my word for it. This is between us.”
“And Parker too I guess.”
“Jesus. Do you know what he’s talking about work friends?”
Mom winces, her expression guilty. “Mom? Are you serious? You’ve been covering for her?”
“Yes, but only because I agree with her reasoning. She’s been picking up shifts at night, waitressing.”
“What?” Sinking where I stand in my hotel room, I stare out of the window as the pieces fall into place.
“Don’t give her hell for it. Money got tight when you went to camp, and she just didn’t want you feeling guilty.”
“Who’s the man?”
“I’ll let her explain that. God, you two are total idiots.”
“Thanks, Mom.”
“Hey, at this point in my life, I think anyone under forty is an idiot. Best be getting your ass on the next plane home.”
Alyssa’s Angel Hair Pasta with Chicken
Social Studies Teacher- Minneapolis, MN
Makes 6-8 servings
45 hour
1 Cup Prepared Hidden Valley Ranch Original Ranch Salad dressing **tastes best if you buy the spice packet and make it from scratch.
1/3 Cup Dijon style Mustard
4 Boneless, skinless, chicken breast
1/2 Cup butter
1/3 Cup Dry White Wine
10oz Angel Hair Pasta Cooked and Drained
1oz Parsley
In a small bowl, whisk together salad dressing and mustard, then set aside to thicken—can be prepared a day ahead and refrigerated until ready to use.
In medium skillet, sauté chicken in butter until browned; transfer to dish to keep warm.
Pour wine into skillet and cook over medium-high heat, scraping up any browned bits from the skillet, for about five minutes. Whisk in dressing mixture, blend well. Serve chicken and sauce over pasta. Sprinkle with parsley if desired.
Clarissa
The door closes behind Troy, and he glowers at me from where he stands. Parker and I jerk to attention, mouths gaping, from where we sit on the couch. We’ve spent the day in my living room, being total slobs watching chick flicks while eating copious amounts of carbs. We were halfway into some Netflix Original when we heard the screen sound, and the door was unlocked a second before Troy appeared, knocking the wind out of me.
“You came home early,” is all I can say as his furious eyes rake over me.
“Where’s Dante?”
He’s livid, looking gorgeous in black track pants and a matching jacket, his hair slightly mussed from a day of travel.
“He’s in his room.”
Troy drops his duffle and pulls his wallet from it. “Parker, could you do me a favor and take Dante for a slushy?”
“What?” I ask, hearing the fear in my voice. I’ve never seen him so angry.
“Holy hell,” Parker whispers before standing. “Keep your money, good sir, it’s my treat. Duckie! Troy’s home and we’re going to get a slushy.”
I tuck my hair behind my ears, knowing I look like hell as he hostilely peruses me. He knows. What? I’m not sure. How much? I have no clue, but if the contempt in his stare is any indication of his discoveries, I’m in for one hell of a fight.
Dante comes running, and Troy scoops him into his arms, barely able to mask the anger in his tone. “Hey, bud.”
“I got twelve merch orders because you wored my shirt.”
“I wore your shirt. And that’s awesome.”
“Are you getting drafted now?”
“Hope so. Hey, I really need to talk to Mommy, so Aunt Parker is going to take you to Sonic for a bit, okay?”
“Ahhh man, you just got here!”
“We’ll spend the day together tomorrow, okay? Promise.”
“All day?” Dante prompts.
“All day. I’ll take you fishing.”
I clear my throat. “He’s got school tomorrow.”
“He can miss a day,” Troy says, his voice full of disdain. Parker’s eyes fly to mine, and I swallow.
Troy sets Dante down. “Go get your shoes on.”
“K.” Dante grabs his shoes from the entry as Parker twists her hands in front of her. The tension in the room becomes unbearably thick as dread cloaks me. Parker lifts worried eyes to Troy.
“Uh. Can I just say—”
“Nope,” Troy cuts her off, eyes still trained on me.
Parker puckers her lips out and nods. “Dante, forget the shoes, we’re good.”
“I can’t go without shoes! Don’t be silly, Auntie. I’m almost ready.”
Parker walks over to where I sit, her eyes wide. “Uh, text me?”
All I can do is nod.
“Ready,” Dante says as Troy catches him once more, kneeling to hug him. “See you tomorrow.”
“K.”
“Love you,” Troy says, ruffling his hair.
“Love you,” Dante replies, as Parker ushers him out.
When the door closes behind them, Troy crosses his arms.
“How was the spa?”
“I’m sorry.”
“Jesus Christ, Clarissa.”
“I’m not proud of myself.”
“But you’re proud of me, right?” His voice is ice. “Did you send a single one of those texts?”
I close my eyes briefly, both ashamed and terrified of the truth. “No.”
He fists his hands at his sides. “You don’t believe me.”
“I panicked.”
“Because I’ve given you every reason to doubt me, right?”
“That’s not it at all.”
“Then what!? What is it!?”
“It’s a culmination of everything. That needle, us, the future.”
“The future?”
“Troy, you don’t know what’s going to happen, and you don’t know how you’ll feel about me six months from now.”
“I think that’s a question you need to ask yourself.”
“Meaning?”
“Meaning less than a week ago, I was sure about how you felt. Now I’m not sure about anything anymore when it comes to you.”
“Don’t say that.”
“Why, why can’t I? What exactly have we been doing here? I thought we were building something.”
“We were, we are. It just scared me.”
“It scared the shit out of me too!”
“I know. I’m sorry. I just couldn’t pretend
I was fine when I wasn’t. It was a reality check. Things are getting serious between us.”
“That was the whole point!”
“I’m not pointing a loaded gun at our son’s chest!”
“Is that what I am now? A goddamn loaded gun?”
“That’s what this relationship has the potential to be. I freaked. It was wrong, and I’m sorry. I am truly sorry, I should’ve talked it through with you. But Dante—”
“Stop hiding behind our son! This is about you and your shit. Your trust issues. Your fucking baggage. It has nothing to do with him! This is about us! Our relationship outside of our son.”
“That’s where you’re wrong. There is no relationship outside of him! There never will be. Every word we say, every decision we make, all of it affects him.”
“There’s an us in there too, Clarissa, but you wouldn’t even give me a fucking chance to defend myself because you’ve deemed yourself judge, jury and executioner, always ready to pass a fucking sentence when I’ve been nothing but transparent with you.”
“It was wrong to shut down like I did, but Troy, that was my worst fear come to life. It shook me to my core. And I did doubt you, and I was terrified to admit it because of how well things were going, but I haven’t just been sitting here picking you apart in my mind. I’ve been working too—”
“Yeah, working hard, been busy lying to me.”
“Who told you I was lying?”
“Our son. Why don’t you want me feeling guilty?”
“What?” I’m visibly shaking, and he sees it.
“Who’s your work friend?”
“When you left for camp, I ran into some financial trouble. I didn’t want to put any more pressure on you, so I took a job waiting tables for quick cash and decided to aim for something a little more long-term, more lucrative. I’ve been studying to get my realtor’s license, and Brett let me intern—”
“Brett, as in your ex-boyfriend? You called your ex-boyfriend for help?”
“It’s not like that. I’ve been working with one of his top realtors while studying for the exam.”
“And you didn’t think this was something you should let me in on?”
“Absolutely, but not when you were under so much pressure. The week you left for camp; I got two flat tires, my car broke down, my rent check bounced, and then the fridge went out. I spent my whole tax return fixing it all. Things got tight. I was terrified. It was a wake-up call. I had to do something!”
The Underdogs: The Complete Series Page 52