Tarot and the Gates of Light

by Mark Horn

  4. (Pentacles) What techniques do you practice to make sure your Intimate Relationships Endure? When you feel lonely, what do you do to feel Intimate Connection? Where do you search for it? What “unskillful” actions do you take to cover up your yearning for Connection, and how do you break free from this dynamic?

  Day 40: Hod of Yesod

  Humility Creates the Space for Intimacy

  Today is the fortieth day of the Omer, which is five weeks and five days of the Omer.

  Forty is another significant number in the Jewish tradition. It’s the number of days and nights that Noah and his family (and the family of Creation sans unicorns, basilisks, and dinosaurs) spent on the ark. It is the number of days and nights Moses spent on top of Mount Sinai receiving the law from YHVH. And after, when he descended to find the Israelites worshipping the golden calf, it became the number of years they had to wander in the wilderness before entering the Promised Land.

  Traditionally, one also had to be forty years old before being allowed to study Kabbalah. It’s as though it’s the number that denotes a kind of spiritual ripening, a readiness to begin the work of transformation. I’ve wondered about this restriction, along with all the others—starting with the restrictions of maleness and marriage. Yes, I started out angry in reaction to what I perceived as discrimination, pure and simple. But over time, I’ve come to see these restrictions as an imperfect response to a serious issue. The people who put these restrictions in place came from a very different time, place, and experience. Today these specific restrictions are unnecessary. But I have come to understand some of the thinking behind them.

  I’ve mentioned before that I’m a bit of a know-it-all. And when I was younger, I knew even more of it all! Which meant there was no room for anyone else’s knowledge or experience. And really, that translates into there being no room for anyone else, period. But reality has a way of knocking sense into folks like me. Though the longer it takes to learn this lesson, the harder reality knocks. I needed the Humility to know that I didn’t know. The rabbis who set up the restrictions around Kabbalah study must have had people like me in mind; I was more grounded and open, with greater Humility, by the time I reached my forties. It’s true, there are people who go the other way, who become more closed down as they get older. But most likely those folks are not the ones who are looking to study on this path. As the book of Proverbs teaches, “Do not rebuke a scoffer, for he will hate you; Reprove a wise man, and he will love you. Instruct a wise man, and he will grow wiser.”14

  With the Humility to recognize there is wisdom to be learned from others, there is room in the heart and mind for Intimacy. Let’s see how the cards reveal this dynamic in Relationship.

  Day 40: Hod of Yesod in Atzilut

  The Eight and Nine of Wands

  _________within_________

  Looking at these cards next to one another in this order, it appears to me that those eight staves are headed right for the man behind his barricade. And it’s not like he doesn’t expect them. He’s been wounded before, and he’s ready for someone to attack him again, though he’s left a space open, hoping for the Connection he is also wary of.

  Because he expects an attack, he may perceive any judgment or criticism as directed at him. But as my mother used to say, don’t take things so personally. Perhaps what’s coming at him is not about him at all, but about someone else projecting onto him their own issues or needs, or their desire to control a situation. Of course, Intimate Relationships being what they are, we often choose partners whose projections lock onto our own feelings of vulnerability, the emotions that trigger us into unconscious reaction. Having the Humility to understand it’s not about you is relationship judo; it enables you to sidestep an attack and use its energy to turn it around. Not to attack the other, but to create a space where you can discern what’s really going on.

  Once again, Humility doesn’t mean being a doormat. But it does mean dropping your defensiveness to listen for what’s going on underneath so that you can discover a deeper emotional truth.

  Because we’re in the world of Atzilut and because the Eight of Wands suggests there’s a revelation coming from above, it’s possible to read the figure in the Nine of Wands as someone who has been wounded by his faith community or organized religion in some way so that he doesn’t trust his own spiritual instincts (which is one way the Eight of Wands manifests in this pair). He can’t hear the quiet inner voice because he is too hurt and defensive. For some, it’s hard to separate this inner voice from the introjected voice of organized religion, making it suspect. Also consider the prophet Jonah, who didn’t ask for a revelation and didn’t want to deliver the message; this pair could be about one’s reluctance to take on a task from the Divine.

  This being the suit of Wands, we can also consider that the eight staves hurtling earthward are also the arrows of love. But because we are in the week of Yesod and the Nine of Wands is a card of Yesod, it’s possible the wound pictured in the card is one of sexuality, that there was sexual abuse as a child or in an earlier relationship so that even a pure love can be experienced as a threat. It is also possible to see these cards as showing the inner turmoil of having passionate feelings arise that feel dangerous to express. I have read these cards at times as showing someone who is afraid of accepting, revealing, or expressing their sexuality or gender identity because of introjected judgments. Once, when I was reading for a religiously conservative man who I had a sense was closeted about his sexual attraction to men, I pointed out that the staves in the Eight of Wands showed that his sexuality was a gift from above, that his passion was not only sexual, it was also spiritual, and that when he could accept this, he would experience new energy and the ability to let greater love into his life. And that’s just what happened.

  The combination of these two cards—and the understanding that Hod is related to prophecy—can also suggest someone who experiences great bursts of intuitive knowledge. But like many of the Hebrew prophets, the figure in the Nine of Wands is vilified and attacked for sharing the wisdom he receives and must protect himself and the source of this wisdom. If you’re a tarot card reader who experiences just these kinds of intuitive bursts but you live in a community or family where people consider this demonic, you know this dynamic well. Earlier this year, I was reading for a friend at a local diner when the owner came up to us and told us that we had to leave, that the cards were a tool of the devil and that he didn’t want us in his restaurant. There was no point arguing. I simply scooped up the cards, paid the check, and we continued at a café around the corner. In New York City, that’s easy enough to do. But if you live in a smaller community, you may face social opprobrium for doing this kind of work. As above, though, remember that these are often projections; it’s not about you or what you’re doing. And if you find a situation where you can leave an opening for the other person to really learn about what you’re doing, there’s the possibility for growth and a new Relationship.

  How many other ways can you see these two cards illustrating the Hod of Yesod dynamic?

  Day 40: Hod of Yesod in B’riah

  The Eight and Nine of Cups

  _________within_________

  In the popular dances of Intimacy, we’ve now arrived at the Emotional Abandonment Two-Step. Like many dances, someone leads and someone follows, except here roles can switch in a moment’s notice. The basic steps are these: a “Pursuer” takes one step forward, wanting to get emotionally closer in a Relationship, and a “Defender” takes one step back, keeping the distance between them, then spins the Pursuer, thus deflecting emotions and pushing the Pursuer away. Looks great on a dance floor, but it’s an emotional mess. You may have already figured out how I see this in the cards, but it pays to spend some time looking over the details to see how this dynamic can play out in different ways.

  Every human being has the conflicting needs for closeness and separation. We all need time together for Intimate Connection with another, and we need time apa
rt for Intimate Connection with ourselves. The problem in many relationships is that the timing for these two needs between partners doesn’t always match up. And this is exacerbated by our early wounding, so that when we’re not matching up, each partner experiences a kind of panic; one is dealing with the fear of abandonment, while the other is experiencing a fear of being emotionally overwhelmed.

  For the time being, let’s label the Eight of Cups our Pursuer and the Nine of Cups our Defender. It seems obvious, but remember these roles can and will reverse. However, in heterosexual relationships, often the roles are based on socialized gender expectations, with the perception being that the woman is the emotional pursuer and the man is the defender. This is complicated by the social custom that for initiating Relationship, the man is the pursuer and the woman is the defender. Bearing all this in mind, let’s look at the cards.

  In the Eight of Cups, we see someone who is walking away. There is a wall of cups separating us from this figure, though there is a gap in the wall, not unlike the gap between the staves in the Nine of Wands. Thus, there is a wall between the figure and you as the viewer. If this wall of cups represents your emotional defenses, the figure in this card was a Pursuer who has given up trying to reach you and is walking away from the Relationship. You may have mounted these defenses because you felt the Pursuer was clingy. But when the Pursuer gives up, even if you’re the Defender, you get to feel abandoned, which may well be a replay of an early mother-child dynamic. Meanwhile, because you’ve mounted such a successful defense, while the Pursuer is leaving, they, he, or she gets to feel emotionally abandoned, and so like Elvis, the Pursuer leaves the building. With the moon blocking the sun in an eclipse, the landscape darkens even as our shadow selves are revealed.

  In the Nine of Cups, we have a much more complicated psychology at work. The man on the bench shows that he has the full range of emotional responses available to him; after all, they’re on the table behind him. But while you know these emotions are there, he’s not sharing them with you. His arms are crossed in front of his heart, and he’s seated so that he’s physically blocking your way to an emotional goal: he is presenting a classic Defender stance. Someone like this could well be working in a caring profession, where he gets to use his emotions in service of others, like a therapist who uses his emotions within the bounded therapeutic Relationship and then goes home to a partner with whom he doesn’t share his own emotions at all. This enables the Defender personality to experience the range of these emotions without being challenged to be vulnerable and let someone in.

  In the dynamic that pairs a Pursuer and Defender, most often the partner who seemingly illustrates Humility in Intimacy is the Pursuer, since that person can be emotionally vulnerable and often pays more attention to the emotions and needs of the partner (except for that partner’s need for separateness at times). However, when the Pursuer is in a panic over feeling abandoned, all Humility is gone, and the Pursuer’s Netzach can rise up to persist in demanding his, her, or their emotional due. Of course, this only further activates the two-step dance, and the Defender steps back even more.

  I am sad to say I know the dance steps as both a Pursuer and a Defender, though my more common role is as a Defender.

  Day 40: Hod of Yesod in Yetzirah

  The Eight and Nine of Swords

  _________within_________

  In the section above on Cups, I wrote about the Emotional Abandonment Two-Step. Here, we have another variation with our now familiar partners, the Pursuer and Defender. In the Eight of Swords, we have our Defender—someone who is under the illusion that they are trapped in a Relationship, that the partner wants to keep this person tied down. Because the Defender is under this illusion, they are also emotionally shut down. If in a Relationship with someone who is a clingy and extremely jealous Pursuer, the Defender may also feel blindfolded—not allowed to look at other people lest the partner’s jealousy is further inflamed.

  In such a relationship, the Pursuer would be the figure in the Nine of Swords—feeling isolated and alone. The Pursuer experiences the Defender’s withholding of emotional Intimacy as cruelty. And because the Pursuer is afraid of emotional abandonment, this fear distorts that person’s view of reality, leading to dark fantasies—perhaps about being cheated on—thus keeping the Pursuer awake at night.

  Taking a different angle, the Eight of Swords can also show a passive Pursuer’s strategy. In this dynamic, the figure appears to be in need of rescue—which may or may not be true—in order to attract a partner. There is a false Humility in this position in that a person takes on the role of someone who is powerless and vulnerable, when that’s really not the case. In this dynamic, the passive Pursuer can simultaneously be a Defender; such a person may not really want to be rescued, but only want to know that someone wants to rescue them. And if rescued, he, she, or they will soon consider the new Relationship the next situation to be rescued from. This really messes with the mind of the Rescuer; it’s a kind of gaslighting that will lead the rescuer to feel exactly like the figure in the Nine of Swords, confused and lost in a nightmare.

  All in all, these are the kind of situations that, if you realize you’re in them, it’s immediately time to get out. The interlock between personas here is so strong that it would require years of therapy to get through, if indeed both partners were willing to see their parts in the dynamic. But as the Eight of Swords suggests, this is a willing blindness that protects from Intimacy. It takes a shake-up shock seen in the Major Arcana card The Tower to break out of this self-created prison.

  Day 40: Hod of Yesod in Assiyah

  The Eight and Nine of Pentacles

  _________within_________

  I have singled out Bezalel the son of Uri the son of Hur, of the tribe of Judah. I have filled him with the Spirit of God, with wisdom, understanding and knowledge concerning every kind of artisanry. He is a master of design, in doing metalwork in gold, silver and bronze; in cutting precious stones to set; in carving wood and in every other craft.

  EXODUS 31:2–5

  Bezalel is the artisan in Exodus who is tasked with making the Tabernacle, the priest’s clothing, and other holy objects used in the Tent of Meeting. YHVH says of him that he is filled with the Spirit of God—and then names Wisdom and Understanding, the second and third Sephirot, Chokhmah and Binah. What’s more, he is also given the quality of Knowledge, which is the mysterious eleventh Sephira that appears in different Sephirotic systems instead of Keter.*43 For all that, Bezalel does not have the reputation ascribed to many creative people: he isn’t a prima donna. If he were not named in this section, the artisan who designed all these works would be anonymous. So it’s clear that Humility is another one of his many virtues. And looking at the man in the Eight of Pentacles, Bezalel’s story comes to mind.

  There isn’t much of a story, however. His appearance in the Torah does not extend much beyond the leading quote at the top of the section. So of course, he appears in midrashic stories that tell us a little more about him. And one story is kind of a “humble-off” in which Moses, the most humble man in the world, is corrected with great Humility by Bezalel.

  The Holy One, instructed Moses: Go say to Bezalel, “Make a tabernacle, an ark and vessels” (Exodus 31:7–11).

  But Moses reversed the order and told Bezalel: “Make an ark, and vessels, and a tabernacle.”

  Bezalel explained to Moses, respectfully addressing him as “Moses, our teacher” that one should “build the house first and only after that put the vessels in the house—but if I follow your instructions in the order you gave me, where will I put the vessels? Maybe God told you to make a tabernacle, ark and vessels.”

  Moses said to Bezalel: You knew precisely what God said. You have intuited God’s commands just as He stated them, as if you were there.15

  This is not like any conversation I’ve had with a contractor doing home renovation. But then, my Relationship with contractors has never been one of Humility in Intimacy. So what am I gett
ing at here? The rabbis noticed this detail—that the order changed in two sections of the text. And they created a story out of it to show how detail-oriented Bezalel was when he was engaged in this holy work. Something that might seem minor to others was something he picked up on as a possible error, and he was willing to bring it up with tact and Humility. Unlike this writer, who in his Virgo nitpickiness rarely points out errors with Humility. I may learn someday yet.

  Bezalel intuitively knew how to speak to Moses with Humility, even though he was speaking from a position of expertise that was Divinely inspired; the rabbis said that he knew the secrets of creation with letters. Despite this, we don’t see him imperiously correcting Moses or lording it over his workers.

  So when I see the story of Bezalel in this pairing of cards, I see a template for how to have an argument. And when the man in the Eight of Pentacles and the woman in the Nine of Pentacles are discussing the next plantings in the garden, I know that each of them will approach the discussion with respect for the other, with Humility intent on preserving the Intimacy of their Relationship. I know that each of them pays close attention to details—not to trip the other up, but in service of making the Foundation of their Relationship stronger. Because here, it’s the angels that are in the details.

  Questions for reflection and contemplation: Day 40

  1. (Wands) How has wounding in your prior Relationships affected your ability to open to Intimacy? How can you separate your defensive reactions to past hurts from the Relationship in front of you now? How has prior wounding blocked your ability to open to your spirituality or respond to the Divine?

  2. (Cups) In your Intimate relationships, how are you a Pursuer? How are you a Defender? Looking at this card pairing, how does it reveal any feelings you may have of abandonment?