by Rayne O'Gara
“You seriously just pushed me?” He snaps out with a shocked expression on his face after finding his feet and towers over me. The whole thing would have been hilarious if I wasn’t still so mad. I did crack a smile when he scrambled, but that’s not important right now.
“Yes, I did. You have the audacity to treat me like I am invisible, then show up here because why? Obviously you want nothing from me so why do you keep hurting me?”
“Noelle.”
“No. I’m sorry for what I did. For what I said. I was scared and I didn’t mean it. I have been trying to apologize ever since but shit keeps messing up.” I don’t realize I am crying until drops of water splash on my arm that is stretched across my chest. All my anger and hurt combine to overwhelm me in the face of Wood.
“I know. I’m not mad at you. But this.” He waves his hand between us. “What I’m giving now is all I can give you. Take it or leave it.”
“I want more.”
“Not gonna fucking happen.”
“Why?” I ask, truly curious. Why won’t he even give me the chance?
“This is not share time. You gonna let me fuck that sweet ass of yours or am I leaving?”
I must have stared at him too long trying to sort out my thoughts, my feelings. Because he steps forward to touch me and I ward him off by raising up a hand. I need him. He feeds a part inside of me no one has ever come close to touching and now that part is awake and is bursting to be fed. But I can’t. I can’t keep giving myself to him and wrapping myself up in his arms for seconds out of my lifespan, hoping that when he leaves he doesn’t find another’s arms to play in. Or that one day after leaving my bed he finds a woman that hooks him into staying.
Every time we’d come together I would be giving him a piece of myself and I would gain nothing in return, then have him throw whatever I gave him away, like trash.
I can’t.
“Leaving. I’m sorry, Dillon. I need you to leave,” I choke on his name, but finish what I need to say before turning around and fleeing into my house. I close my eyes and sit down on my living room floor with my legs crossed, and let the tears fall freely as I listen to the fading of his motorcycle’s rumble as he rides farther away from me.
One question repeats in my head.
Did I make the right decision?
Wood
She sent me away.
Shit, she really sent me away.
I get that I fucked up with her. I know this. This is such a pussy thing to say, but I don’t think I can handle the emotional rollercoaster that is Noelle. She has so many different sides to her that tangle me up in knots. I know I’m not any better. Fuck, I’ve been all over the place just like her, but she packs a mindfuck that leaves me reeling and scrambling to retaliate.
I gave it to her straight though. We cleared the air and she knows straight up now what I can and can’t give to her. Fuck! So why am I pissed that I can’t give her more? Why can’t she just be happy with only getting my dick? Why does she need more from me? Fucking ties and chains. Pulling me in deeper until I’m all wrapped up in her. If I let that happen, like I did before with Sara, and if she proves it to be a mistake, I will go nuclear. Sara’s betrayal was enough to bend me to the breaking point and it’s taken ten fucking years to get back to being comfortable with myself again. I no longer flinch when seeing a baby or child playing or being held by their fathers. I’m finally okay.
Noelle would shatter me and nothing and no one would be left standing if she turned around and fucked me over.
I can’t give her the chance. Her turning me away is for the best. I’m fucking pissed about it, because she really is my sexual equal, and I will always be comparing other bitches to her. But staying away will protect me. Yeah, I’m right. I do sound like a fucking pussy.
Pulling into the compound, I jump off my bike and shove my way into the clubhouse. I need to work off this tension and there is only one option that’s left. Seeing who I need instantly behind the bar, I give him a chin lift and walk back outside. Tugging off my cut, I drape it over my bike’s bars and duck just in time, barely missing Caveman’s massive fist flying at my face. Thank fuck my peripherals are working just fine or I would have been seeing stars. The fucker is heavy-handed. But it’s fucking wonderful motivation to stay quick. Move or get hit by a fucking sledgehammer. I’d prefer to not.
Quieting my mind, I concentrate on the fight and relax into the release of fist hitting flesh, muscle, and bone.
“You’re a fuck up,” Caveman growls and I just laugh.
“Tell me something I don’t fucking already know.” He swings wide, and I counter with a combo to his ribs. He’s gonna fucking feel that later.
“Fuck,” I grunt out. I gloated too soon and stopped paying attention. His fist jabs against my chin before a quick follow-up to my solar plexus, knocking the wind straight the fuck out of me. “Motherfucker!” I gasp out. When I catch my breath I tackle the big asshole to the ground taking him by surprise, and did rapid one-two’s to his face. He blocks most of them, but I got in a few good knocks before we start rolling around the ground. Sharp rocks from the gravel rip into my back and arms, but the sting only adds to my release of tension, sharpening my mind and clearing away the cobwebs. Our fistfight moves to more of a wrestling match with the occasional jab and kick.
“E-fuckin’-nough!”
Our efforts slow then cease completely. Standing up, we look to our VP while knocking gravel dust away from our clothes. “Yo, Onyx.”
“What the fuck, Wood?” Onyx snaps and glares between Cave and me.
“Nothing, brother. I needed a fight and Cave was happy to oblige.” Onyx watches me for a moment, trying to ferret out the truth before turning his angry glare over to Cave.
“We got bad blood?”
“No. He just needed a good pounding.” I snicker at Caveman’s wording and so does Tech who’s standing next to Onyx. Onyx’s mouth twitches and I play along. Might as well.
Lifting up the hem of my grey shirt, I tighten and flash my compact eight pack abs and waggle my eyebrows at Onyx. “Just needed Cave’s hands all over this sexiness.”
“Fucker,” Cave snorts and pushes at my shoulder making me stumble a bit. What’s with people fucking pushing me today? Jesus.
“Gay ass motherfucker,” Onyx jokes before rolling his eyes, then stomps his big ass feet into the clubhouse followed by Tech.
“You feel better?”
I turn my attention onto my best friend and nod. “Yeah, thanks.”
“It’s good. I enjoy beating the fuck outta you.” I sling my colors back on and make a jacking off motion at him.
“You wish.”
“This about Noelle?” Fucking asshole. I was all relaxed and shit, now he’s gone and brought all that shit back up. I nod at him and take a seat at the bar. The Prospect, Tuck, hands me an opened beer and I take a healthy swig.
“You got to let her in, brother.”
“No. I can’t, Cave. Leave it.”
“Fine. For now. But keep thinking on it and I will keep taking care of her till you’re ready to help. Deal?”
Think about it? That’s all I’ve fucking been doing for fucking weeks.
“Fine.” More thinking on it won’t change my mind, but there isn’t any harm in doing more on the subject I suppose. “Take good care of her, Cave.” Because I won’t, I can’t. But I need the reassurance that she will be good.
“I plan on it. Forever.” Caveman drops that bomb on me, nods, then leaves me to myself.
Forever.
To have Noelle for forever.
Fuck, maybe with Cave being there I would be able to let myself give in because I know Cave would watch my back. And he sure as fuck wouldn’t let me invest in Noelle if he thought it would hurt me. Maybe we could be together after all.
Mother. Fucker.
I’m really hating his ass right now.
Chapter Thirteen
Noelle
The water flowing from my
bath taps is perfection as it fills the large tub. Bubbles already start growing and I light the last vanilla scented candle before placing it down on my countertop. The rest of the day and night are mine to do with how I please, which is to relax and immerse myself in bubbly water, eat chocolates, sip wine, read trashy romance novels, and forget about work, along with all of life’s little stresses. Caveman texted earlier saying he would be gone till tomorrow, caught up with club business. So tonight is mine.
Oh the past week has been incredible. Working then coming home, soon followed by Cave. We have been out to dinner, checked out the new horror movie about the demonologist people, and he even cooked for me. He’s a freaking amazing cook, which shouldn’t have surprised me, but really did. I told him he can cook for me anytime he wants and when I want and for the hell of it anytime between. He rolled his eyes at me, but I was serious. The best part of this past week were the rides. He put me on the back of his bike and we just rode. Highways, scenic routes. Winding roads that revealed beauty at every turn. Straightaways that took my breath away as he pushed the speed limit, making it feel as if we were flying.
I may not look the part, but I’m a biker bitch at heart. And to help me look the part, my man took me to the best Harley store in the area. The kick ass gear he bought me has my ass wiggling in excitement at how awesome my new additions to my wardrobe are. Like a puppy tail. Ridiculous. But still awesome.
Slipping off my robe to let it fall onto the tiled floor, I step one foot into the steaming water but pause when my doorbell goes off. I smile in excitement. Caveman must have been able to get free after all! Shutting off the water and quickly blowing out the candles, I retie my pale lavender robe and rush out to answer the door. I’m losing my relax day, but if that means I get time with Caveman then I’m good with it. Plus, if I wanted to do ‘girlie shit’, his words, then he would just crack a beer and watch a game on TV while I did my own thing.
The only damper has been thoughts of Wood. Caveman told me what happened at the compound, not like he could avoid it with all those freaking bruises covering his glorious body. I hate to see what Wood looked like. Caveman doesn’t seem the type to pull punches, all of that power coming your way. Ouch. I really hope Wood is healing well, Caveman did assure me that he did not maim or severely injure Wood. I also keep thinking on what Caveman said to him about thinking over it. Over me.
My fingers are crossed, but I’m not holding my breath. Multiple days and nothing, so yeah I’m a bit depressed.
Pushing all that away, I smile hugely and open the front door to welcome my man.
“Hey, baby. Damn, you look great.” Stephanie pushes in, taking me by surprise, and hugging me before pushing the door closed behind her. Wait…how did she get in my house? What the fuck is she doing here!?
“What the fuck!” I yell and step backwards, quickly away from her. Her big green eyes widen in shock like she expected a different welcome.
“I missed you, baby.” He red bow lips pout at me. I take in her Snow White looks with her pale skin, long black hair pulled up into a tight ponytail, red painted mouth, and remember how easy it was to be trapped by her when I was scared, alone, and so fucking damaged. She held me up. Became my rock. Then left me to crumble.
“Get. Out.” I order. I am no longer that scared little teen. I can stand on my own two feet now.
“Excuse me? I come here to take you back because I’ve missed you, and you are just going to throw me out? After everything we’ve been through? Everything I’ve done for you?” She steps closer, but I don’t move. I will stand my ground.
“Everything you did for me? Like leaving me without any money because you cleaned out the bank accounts? Or without a home, because I had no way to pay rent three days after you left? But I suppose that was fine considering I had nothing to pack and move because you took everything while I was out interviewing for a fucking job. You didn’t even leave my clothes. Tell me something…did you sell everything or give my shit to your next plaything?”
“Oh no, baby. It wasn’t like that. I was keeping you safe. Some bad men were after me. I had to make it look like I left for good, had to break all ties so they wouldn’t use you for information. It killed me to leave you. But now that’s all over and I can have you back. We can be together again just like we were back then.” Was she kidding me with that line of bullshit!? Bad men after her, what the hell?
My thinking was cut off when I was pulled into her arms. Her soft lips meshed against mine, shocking me to stillness. When what she’s doing with her pushing tongue and questing hands finally registers, I start fighting to pull away from her. Her arms have me locked in her embrace tightly. Tighter than I thought she could manage. Not able to get free I stomp my bare foot down onto her knock-off heels and stumble back when her arms go lax.
“Fuck, bitch! That hurt.” She snarls and I smirk.
“Keep your hands off me.”
“The fuck!?” Stephanie and I both freeze before turning to the man standing in my open doorway. I relax and smile. Holy shit. He actually came to my house. He’s here. Then his pissed way the fuck off face and balled up fists register on what he just walked in on.
“Who the fuck are you?” Stephanie, never one to back down from a man, takes up her defensive position and lets her bitch flag fly. I have a funny feeling that shit is really about to go down.
Wood ignores Stephanie’s question and looks me up and down. “You good, Sweets?”
“Yeah, just violated.”
“Excuse me? Violated? You fucking love my mouth on you.” She spits at me before turning to Wood. “Everywhere.”
His eyebrow raises up at her. “And yet she wants you out of here. Guess she’d rather take cock now. Get gone.” Good Lord. Rather take cock? I want to slap him, and laugh, at the same time.
“I do not take orders from you, street rat.” She turns away from Wood, dismissing him. “I’m here to get my girl back. You can’t throw away almost four years of being together, baby. I know that you miss me. That somewhere in that dynamite body of yours you still remember how I feel when I was bringing you pleasure. How I taste. I sure as hell remember how you taste. Sweetest I’ve ever had, baby. And I want it back.”
“The fuck?” Wood mumbles, his face almost making me laugh, almost. I almost forget the way she lays it on. Seductive and dirty. Wood in female form, and I think he just noticed that similarity.
“You built me up from the hell I was in, Steph. And I thank you for that. But then you broke me all over again. I became the person I am today. I pushed through the agony of your leaving and the constant relapses. I beat the poison that was you and the sickness I suffered. Not you. You. Left. And you took everything from me. There is no way I would ever, ever, take you back and give my heart to you. Anyway, my heart is already taken so it’s not free to have anymore.” I glance at Wood before focusing back on Steph. She notices and her face melts into pure hatred.
“Him? Over me? No fucking way. Does he know about you, poor Noelle?” Her threat hits hard, and she sees it because a sinister smile twists her once pretty mouth. “Oh he doesn’t. Would he stay with you if he knew?” I look over at Wood to see him still as stone, the only movement was a ticking in his jaw. I can’t honesty answer her question.
“Stephanie.” I warn. “Don’t.”
“Oh no, I think I will. It was me who was there while you threw up after every bite of food you ate. It was me who took you to your therapist to get over the mindfuck your mother put you through. You were one fucked up little bitch. Skin and bones, but worth the effort when you danced. Flawless. You know how I love little prima ballerinas. Then I tried to fix you. Stupid me. Because your mom was right after all, wasn’t she, Noelle. You stopped throwing up your food and gained weight super fast, then never danced again. Fat bitches don’t make good dancers, isn’t that right, Noelle?” She stops long enough to look around my modest house before continuing. “Maybe you should start spewing again and get back to the toe shoes. Your
life looks like shit as is, you start dancing again maybe you will be worth something one day.”
“Get the fuck out.” Wood apparently has had enough because his yell shakes the foundation. Why did I let her continue saying that shit? I just stood there taking it, waiting for Wood to abandon me from his disgust at who I was.
“Oh I’m going, she’s all yours. I think I will go hit up the ballet. Swan Lake is supposed to be breathtaking.”
“You’re fucking done, cunt. Never. I repeat never, even attempt to see Noelle again. She is a fucking ghost to you. Barely a memory. You cause trouble for her and I will have a shallow grave marked out just for you. You get me, bitch?”
“You think you can scare me? Think you can talk to me like that? I don’t fucking think so. This is your warning. I will do anything I like and there is nothing you can do to stop me. I’m untouchable.”
Wood laughed in her face. “Get your skanky diseased ass gone.” He waves her away and turns his back on her, walking into the kitchen and out of sight, but not out of hearing distance.
“He’s fucking with the wrong woman,” Steph growls before spinning around and leaving, not saying anything to me because a new target has been acquired for her ire. I have to warn Wood. She’s vindictive and will do anything to prove her point. Wood just made her an enemy.
Fuck.
Wood walks back into the living room and I just stare at him.
After learning all about me, does he even want to look at me? Talk to me? God I must seem like a disgusting blob to him right now.
“So,” he speaks up in a soft tone and I tense, waiting for the blow I know he’s about to deliver and ends us before we ever could really be an us. “You kissed a girl and you liked it, huh?”
I burst into laughter, easing away my tension.
Chapter Fourteen