by Bob Servant
My dear here is the Photo of Jimjams In the Woman’s Clothes. Now I need the money to settle my boys. You can send it by western Union to these details.
MR YOUSSOU BA
SENEGAL - DAKAR
WEST AFRICA
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From: Bob Servant
To: Youssou Ba
Subject: Oops!
Youssou,
My friend, surely that is just the photo that I sent you with some black stuff clumsily added to the shot, presumably to look like some sort of shawl? I think you’ve clicked on the wrong file. I can’t wait to see the proper photo of JIMJAMS in women’s clothing.
All the very best,
Bob
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From: Youssou Ba
To: Bob Servant
Subject: Send money now
Dear Mr Bob Servant,
In fact it is a shameful thing that you are not trusting your friends that are fighting for you. Bob, forget about the photo. My bosses has ordered that nobody is allowed to see JIMJAMS until further notice. Please give me your flight schedule and send the money agreed for now today please.
Thank you.
Mr Youssou Ba.
GENDARMERIE
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From: Bob Servant
To: Youssou Ba
Subject: Photo, Dinner rules
Youssou,
No problem. Just tell your bosses that I give permission. Tell them Bob wants the skirt shot or the gig’s up. That should do the trick. I am planning to travel at the end of the week and would like to take this opportunity to invite you and your team out to dinner. I will pay for this over and above the agreed £5,000. You can have starters and main course OR main course and dessert. I will also buy a bottle of wine for every two people. Please let me know your thoughts on what courses the men would like.
Bob
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From: Youssou Ba
To: Bob Servant
Subject: Assure me that you are coming
Attn: Mr Bob Servant,
I just received your mail now and I was wondering the type of insult that you are giving me? I used my power to have the so-called Jimjams arrested and detained just for your sake to recover your money. My dear the law of this country prohibits me to call a photographer to picture Jimjams in the cell, but you are telling me to picture him before you come and collect your money. If you want you can sleep in the cell with Jimjams if that is your cup of tea.
My friend I will only detain this man for a few days until you send the £2,500. The American man has already paid and it looks he will get back every penny stolen from him by JIMJAMS.
We will have starters and then the main meal.
Thank you.
Mr Youssou Ba.
GENDARMERIE
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From: Bob Servant
To: Youssou Ba
Subject: An American you say?
Youssou,
There’s a Yank involved in this vipers nest? That reassures me greatly and I am willing to abandon the photo request. Could I please have this American’s email address?
My flight is waiting to be confirmed. Many thanks for your offer to share a cell with JIMJAMS. However, I do not think this would be practical on a security level and I will stay in a hotel. You can stay with me if you like?
Bob
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From: Youssou Ba
To: Bob Servant
Subject: Assure me that you are coming
Attn: Mr Bob Servant,
Thank you for your mail and is well noted. Regarding the America man that Jimjams betrayed for $72,000USD.
Name : Randy Whyting
Email: gorWhyting@
Thanks and awaiting for your arrival?
Mr Youssou Ba
Gendarmerie
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From: Bob Servant
To: Randy Whyting
Subject: For the Attention of Mr. Randy Whyting
Randy,
How are you? You don’t know me but I am a British cheeseburger van operator (retired) and windowcleaner (resting) and gigolo (unemployed, through choice)32 named Bob Servant. We have a common purpose - JERREN JIMJAMS. I am sure that just saying that name has sent a shiver down your American neck under your cowboy hat. Please, tell me what happened in your case?
In mine, JIMJAMS pretended to have access to millions of dollars. When I paid him over $50,000 the guy legged it. Luckily I met a wonderful couple of chaps, a doctor and a policeman from Senegal. I’m not sure what’s happened to the doctor but the policeman has managed to nab JIMJAMS after a large-scale land and sea assault. I think he’s a great guy. Whereabouts in America are you?
Your Servant,
Bob Servant
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From: Randy Whyting
To: Bob Servant
Subject: ATTENTION MR. BOB
Attention: Mr Bob Servant,
Well I received your mail but let me ask, who gave you my email? Anyway, I am Mr Randy Whyting from WESTBROOK USA and in fact it is a terrible thing. I trusted JIMJAMS in helping him by putting his money into my account and I will take 20%. He and his group collaborated with a bank of Africa to collect my $72,000 and disappear.
My dear, the funniest thing is that this man use to dress like a woman! And he used to plate long hair according to the photo that he send when the transaction is going. I promised the police if they capture him i pay $12,500. I have heard the man has been captured and so I am going to go immediately with the money that i promised. I am also going to Dakar for the rest of my money. If you are also a victim like this, I advise you to do similar, that is the truth.
Thanks
Mr Randy Whyting
WESTBROOK USA.
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From: Bob Servant
To: Randy Whyting
Subject: Hello Randy
Hi Randy,
Thanks so much for getting in touch. You sound a little familiar, have we met before? I am deeply sorry you have also become a victim of JIMJAMS who you probably call a coyote in American. It’s interesting he had long hair in the photo he sent you. The bit about women’s clothes I think is a mix-up at your end but never mind that for now. Do you have an American landline I could call you on? Also, please send the photo of Jimjams. We should stay together in the hotel over there. We could curl up with a real weepy?
Many thanks,
Bob
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From: Randy Whyting
To: Bob Servant
Subject: ATTENTION MR BOB
Attn: Bob,
What up my man. I do not have the photo now as I deleted everything in my email but my lawyer in Dakar is a registered lawyer so he cannot tell me lies. My man I will be moving to Dakar as i told you. Concerning phone do not ask me about my phone because I do not know you before. Let us wait to meet in Dakar so we can see over each and get to know more better my man.
Bye
Mr Randy Whyting
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From: Bob Servant
To: Randy Whyting
Subject: Good Old Randy
Hi Randy,
What up my man? I love the way that you Americans speak, it’s so distinctive. When are you flying over there Randy? How are you going to get from the ranch to the airport? Any chance of a photo of you? Not in a saucy way.
Bob
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From: Randy Whyting
To: Bob Servant
Subject: OK
Attn: Bob Servant,
How are you, my man? Please stop this bullshit about photo. Let us meet in Dakar and talk then. I am going there now and you should do the same if you do not want to lose your money. My f
riend all I know is that Jimjams is captured so let us go and get our money,
Bye
Randy
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From: Bob Servant
To: Youssou Ba
Subject: FW: OK
Youssou,
Jesus, what’s going on with Randy? Check out the email attached. The guy sounds like a loose cannon. I don’t think I want to come and share a hotel room with this lunatic. All I asked for was a photo and I madeit abundantly clear I didn’t want it in a saucy way. I think we’ve landedourselves a real, old-time cowboy in Randy and I for one don’t want to be around when he comes a-walking through the saloon doors. Fuck that. I’m out.
Bob
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From: Youssou Ba
To: Bob Servant
Subject: re:Randy
Dear Mr Bob,
My dear do not be upset by the American. I hear that he is a retired military man and his age now is 79 yrs ok. I need you to tell me that you are coming to claim your money and you are going to send the Gendarmerie the money that you owe them through Western Union. I am totally disappointed with you just now,
Sincerely
Mr Youssou Ba
GENDARMERIE
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From: Bob Servant
To: Randy Whyting
Subject: I have been a fool
Randy,
I think I owe you an apology. You should have said earlier that you were so old, Youssou just told me. I had no idea. Perhaps that’s why your English isn’t so good? Listen, I hope that your journey goes well and I look forward to seeing you over there. I get there on Wednesday evening.
Many thanks,
Bob
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From: Bob Servant
To: Youssou Ba
Subject: Back on track, clothing
Youssou,
All sorted with Randy. I didn’t realise he was so old or I would have been more understanding. I am now fully satisfied with things. I am going to go to the travel agent tomorrow and confirm my flights. I’m worried about the heat. I have been offered two travelling outfits. One by Tommy Peanuts who is suggesting I borrow his jogging outfit and one by Frank’s nephew who played Dr Livingstone in his school play. It was a great production. They gave a carry-out to a janitor at Ninewells Zoo and managed to get a lion in for it.33 Photos of the outfits are attached. Which one would you like to see me in? And hold me in, when we are alone in the hotel?
Bob
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From: Youssou Ba
To: Bob Servant
Subject: When do you come?
Dear Mr Bob Servant,
I will not be in your hotel I will be at home with my wife and children OK now? I think you should wear the blue outfit and this will be good as then you will stand out at the airport. You must send the £2,500 now or at the very least bring the £5,000 cash for the airport.
Sincerely
Mr Youssou Ba
GENDARMERIE
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From: Bob Servant
To: Youssou Ba
Subject: A Special Request
Youssou,
One last request. I’d like to go on an off-road safari whilst there and wondered if you and your men would provide security? There will be lots of wild animals about (hopefully!) so you could ride on the roof of the van and, if any charge us, you would pick them off with potshots? I will be able to pass sandwiches up to you through the car windows, unless there are too many animals about as they might get the scent and take my arm off. It’s hardly worth losing an arm for a sandwich? I am willing to pay you $100 a day for this security work. Please let me know if you accept, and also what kind of sandwiches you require. Many thanks, and happy hunting!
Bob
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From: Youssou Ba
To: Bob Servant
Subject: I will arrange
Attn; Mr Bob
Kind to hear from you, I will be glad to receive you. For your security you don’t have any problem on the safari and also when not on the safari. We will eat before we come to work also. So feel free as you will rejoice when you will come down, confirm the flight name and number for me now. But you are dribbling me like a kid, saying you will come today, tomorrow? Please send the £2,500 in mean time?
Sincerely
Mr Youssou Ba
GENDARMERIE
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From: Bob Servant
To: Dr. Youssou Ba
Subject: Why the long face?
Youssou,
I would never dribble you like a kid. I have confirmed the flight and need to leave right now. Chappy Williams is taking me in his Sierra to Edinburgh Airport then I fly to Paris and then on to your country. I will email you from Paris, Chappy’s son is showing me how to work his Blackberry so I will give it my best shot.34 As far as I’m concerned, if Randy can fly to Africa at the age of 79 then I can learn how to use a Blackberry at 63. He’s an inspiration to us all, is old Randy Whyting.
I am wearing the blue travelling outfit as you requested. How will I know who you are at the airport on Saturday? Maybe you could wear something similar?
Bob
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From: Youssou Ba
To: Bob Servant
Subject: OK
Dear Mr Bob Servant,
Good. I will try to match. Please remember the £5,000 cash.
Sincerely
Mr Youssou Ba
GENDARMERIE
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From: Bob Servant
To: Dr. Mamadou Kouassi, Youssou Ba
Subject: FROM PARIS AIRPORT
Sent from my Blackberry
Doctor Marmalade and Youssou,
Hola my friends and greetings from Paris on the Blackberry! See you both at the airport I hope? Matching up to my travelling outfit is a really nice touch. Not only will it make it easier to identify each other but it will make us feel closer to each other. Isn’t it funny that, after all this time, we are about to finally meet? My flight details are below, I cannot wait to arrive.
DEPART - HEATHROW - 1700
ARRIVE - PARIS - 2200
DEPART - PARIS - 0800
ARRIVE - DHAKA - 1730
FLIGHT NO AZ675436
BANGLADESHI AIRLINES
COST - $1764.45
See you tomorrow in Dhaka,
All the very best,
Bob
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From: Dr. Mamadou Kouassi
To: Bob Servant
Subject: OK
Dear Bob,
Thank you for the information and I will keep on waiting at the airport for your arrival here in Dakar. It is Dakar not Dhaka. I am Mamadou.
Bye and God bless.
Dr.Mamadou.
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From: Bob Servant
To: Dr. Mamadou Kouassi
Subject: FROM PARIS AIRPORT
Sent From My Blackberry
Marmalade,
We’re just boarding. A slight delay, the flight will now arrive in Dhaka at 1830. I have changed my money into Takas and I will see you at the airpot in Dhaka tonight. Ok, got to go. See you soon my friend. My love to Youssou and Randy,
Bob
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From: Dr. Mamadou Kouassi
To: Bob Servant
Subject: Dakar
DEAR BOB,
THANK YOU BUT IT IS DAKAR FOR THE PLANE YOU ARE TO GET
THANK YOU.
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From: Bob Servant
To: Dr. Mamadou Kouassi
Subject: You What?
Sent from my Blackberry
Dr Marmalade,
We have landed to refuel in Turkey. What is Dakar? I am going to Dhaka, I thought that was where you lived? That’s the plane moving again, I arrive in Dhaka in a few hours. Will you be there to meet me? How is Randy?
Bob
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From: Dr. Mamadou Kouassi
To: Bob Servant
Subject: What do you mean?
BOB
IT SEEMS YOU ARE JOKING WITH ME? HAVE I TOLD YOU OF DHAKA EVER? I TOLD YOU DAKAR CAPITAL OF SENEGAL WEST AFRICA. IN FACT I DON’T UNDERSTAND YOUR POINT? ENTER AIR FRANCE TO DAKAR OK. DO IT NOW BOB.
THANK YOU
DR. MAMADOU.
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From: Bob Servant
To: Dr. Mamadou Kouassi
Subject: Eh?
Sent from my Blackberry
How am I meant to change planes? We’re at 40,000 feet. I’m not fucking James Bond.
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From: Dr. Mamadou Kouassi
To: Bob Servant
Subject: re: Eh?
ENTER AIR FRANCE TO DAKAR IMMEDIATELY
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From: Bob Servant
To: Dr. Mamadou Kouassi
Subject: What have you done to me?
Marmalade,
I have just landed in Dhaka and, quite frankly, I am absolutely furious with you. Why the hell did you tell me that you lived in Dhaka if you wanted me to come to Senegal? I’ve wound up in Bangladesh. As if things can’t get any worse, you and Youssou told me to wear this bloody outfit. It’s absolutely fucking roasting here. I feel like my balls are on fire, the lycra is stuck fast and I’m losing the circulation to my legs. I have booked into a hotel and am going to stay overnight while I work out what to do next. Is there any way that you can get a flight over here and meet me? Christ, I wish I’d brought other clothes.
Bob
PS Is Randy ok?
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From: Dr. Mamadou Kouassi
To: Bob Servant
Subject: From Dr. Mamadou
Dear Bob,
Mamadou. I thank you for your mail. I myself is totally confused and I do not know what to do but the only advice I am giving is to board now from the Dhaka back to Paris France and stop at their international air port and then enter Air France or any flight that is coming to DAKAR CAPITAL OF SENEGAL in West Africa immediately without wasting time.
My friend do not be discouraged it is the mistake that you made because i always specify everything right from the begining till today, so more grease to your elbow, just keep on. I got information that Mr Randy arrived and the GENDARMERIE told me it now looks like JIMJAMS will pay up all the money he stole from you and the American Randy Whyting. I advice you start coming and keep me posted but concerning your clothes if they are now no good then we go directly to purchase new materials.