Love Bi the Way

by Bhaavna Arora

  ‘I thought you didn’t believe in God.’

  ‘When it comes to wine, I do,’ Rihana said, winking at Zubair.

  ‘Okay, so wine it is!’ said Zubair, pulling over at an upmarket wine store.

  ‘Red or white?’

  ‘I prefer peace to blood, so white.’

  ‘Red is the colour of love too.’ Zubair smiled at her and asked, ‘Anything you are partial to?’

  ‘Umm . . . a Chablis or a Pinot Grigio, if they have a good one.’

  Just then Rihana’s phone buzzed and she pulled it out of her pocket to see whose message it as. The notification bar showed one WhatsApp message from Zara.

  The message read: Play safe. Rihana got thinking that even when not by her side, Zara was thinking of her. And perhaps worrying for her too. That was so typical of Zara, she thought, and couldn’t help smiling.

  ‘Why are we grinning like that?’ Zubair asked, returning with two bottles of wine.

  ‘My best friend is crazy. Never mind! Are you also having white wine?’ Rihana asked suspiciously, looking at the bottles.

  ‘Don’t tell me you can go through two bottles of wine alone at one go, please! If you can, then I need to worship you right away for your capacity to down alcohol. One should be more than good to give you a good buzz.’

  ‘I’m not a bee and I don’t drink to get buzzed. I drink to get drunk. What did you manage to find?’

  ‘Italian, Pinot Grigio. At home, I have my rum—that’s my poison.’

  Rihana got a bottle out from the bag and read the contents carefully. She wasn’t convinced about the brand being original. She asked Zubair if another brand was available and he told her he had picked the best he could find.

  ‘Do you want to try picking it up from another place, Rihana? But I am not sure if any other store would have even these choices. If you want, we can go a little out of the way and try another store. What say?’ Zubair asked.

  Rihana shook her head. ‘No, no! I am sure it’s not bad. Let’s give this a shot and see. If it isn’t good, we’ll try something else the next time around.’

  A short drive later, they reached Zubair’s tastefully-done-up flat. Gabbar jumped out of the car and ran back and forth, asking Zubair to open the balcony door.

  ‘Someone is really eager to get into the balcony,’ Rihana said with a light laugh, looking at Gabbar’s animated expressions.

  Zubair rubbed Gabbar’s back and head and directed him towards the balcony, where his food and water bowls were kept. He ran off to the balcony, where he lapped up some water and settled in for a snooze.

  ‘How can a man with such a wonderfully decorated home have such bad taste in wine?’ Rihana asked, gently examining the artefacts on display, teasing Zubair into a comfort zone.

  ‘Trust me, that was the only wine available there. And I gave you a proposal, madam, which was mercilessly turned down.’

  ‘I’m kidding! I definitely prefer good wines, but since I don’t have a choice despite the best of your efforts, you might as well pour me a glass,’ Rihana said, delicately camouflaging the small fact that she was a straight-from-the-bottle type.

  They were famished, so Zubair ordered in a kebab platter, tandoori broccoli, some rotis and a couple of curries from a good Indian restaurant in the neighbourhood. With this, they were sorted for a drunken escapade.

  It took him not more than ten minutes to order. When he returned to the living room, he found Rihana going through her second bottle of wine. He had to ask, ‘Rihana, this is your second bottle. Are you sure you’re all right?’ Zubair asked.

  ‘Cudn-afbeeehnn-bedda,’ Rihana slurred. She tried to get up, but lost her balance. Zubair’s reflexes were quick enough to grab Rihana’s glass with one hand while holding on to Rihana with the other. The sudden contact with her had him aroused. He ran his hand over her back and pulled her gently closer. Her hair smelt of all things good. He let out a low moan and put his lips to hers. He could smell and taste the wine on her lips. She felt soft to the touch. Just as he was kissing her some more, Rihana heaved and bent over. And then vomited all over Zubair. This time his reflexes didn’t kick in as fast as they should have. He moved away but the vomit continued to make its way down to his carpet. He sat away in shock as her stomach threw out the offending substance. Neither of them moved for about thirty seconds after that.

  ‘I hope it was the wine and not me that had you throwing up like that?’ said Zubair, trying to lighten the situation, aware that Rihana looked completely mortified at what had just happened. He was a gentleman and didn’t intend to make her feel any worse, although he had one heck of a mess to clean up after her.

  ‘I’m sorry, Zubair, but I’ll have to go back to my house. Here, can you dial Dhanno from my phone and ask him to bring Kanhaiya?’ She handed him her phone.

  ‘Who is Dhanno?’

  ‘My car! Oh sorry! I meant call Kanhaiya and ask him to bring Dhanno. You’ll find his number in my “favourites” list on the phone,’ she said pointing towards nothing in particular.

  ‘Okay, found it!’

  There were only three contacts in her favourite: Kanhaiya, Nandini and Zara. He immediately dialled Kanhaiya’s number and asked him to come over to his place, giving directions. He asked Rihana to stay put, saying he had just the remedy to make her feel better. Returning with some lime water, he firmly ordered Rihana to drink it up. Rihana knew it wasn’t the best time to argue and complied. Zara’s message —Play safe—rang in her head. She could have meant it for the alcohol too. She was feeling horrible; her head was spinning and her stomach churned. She would have loved to have Zara with her at that moment—it would have made her feel better instantly.

  ‘Are you all right?’ She heard a man’s voice when she was craving Zara’s.

  ‘Do I look all right?’ She sounded slightly irritated too.

  ‘Actually you look like you won’t need a makeover for Halloween,’ Zubair said, able to wean a smile out of her.

  ‘Don’t make me laugh, Zubair. I’ll puke again.’

  ‘My face and carpet have already borne the brunt of getting you the cheap not-so-good wine. What can be worse than that?’

  ‘The person who consumes cheap wine is the actual victim. And you finally agree that you got me cheap wine.’ Rihana crinkled her nose.

  ‘Again, in my defence, it was the only white wine available,’ Zubair said, raising his hands up in the air.

  Rihana’s phone rang at that moment. ‘Okay, I’m coming out.’

  She gathered her hair and tied it in a bun before leaving Zubair’s apartment. He led her to the gate where Kanhaiya was waiting.

  Rihana stumbled a few steps away from the car. ‘Are you sure you’ll be fine?’ Zubair asked.

  ‘I’ll be okay, don’t worry.’ She waved goodbye to him while getting in the car and barely made it out in time lest she threw up again.

  It seemed to take an eternity for them to reach Cupid as Kanhaiya had to stop a number of times to let Rihana’s stomach heave out vast amounts of wine.

  As soon as Rihana reached Cupid with Kanhiya, she got out of the car and rang the bell. Zara didn’t take time to open the door.

  ‘What happened?’ Zara asked, opening the door for Rihana.

  ‘You look like a stool sample and also smell like one.’ Zara clamped a hand over her nose and helped Rihana reach the bathroom with the other hand guiding her. Rihana sat on the floor with her head in the toilet seat and continued vomiting.

  ‘You know how you smell right now?’ Zara asked, sitting on a stool next to Rihana.

  ‘How?’

  ‘If shit could shit, that’s how.’

  ‘And I could do without your sarcastic shit right now, Zara.’

  ‘Why did you drink so much, Rihana?’

  ‘I’ll never ever do this again.’

  ‘Spoken like a true alcoholic. In your current state, you would even join the Taliban if they offered free wine to new recruits.’

  ‘This time, i
t was cheap wine—and it’s not just the wine, I think I’ve food poisoning.’

  ‘Well done, my little Einstein, for discovering that wine can make you puke. I thought it was only capable of getting you drunk, horny and laid—particularly in that order.’

  ‘Zara, you can make your point without being mean!’ Rihana looked up at her.

  After a few minutes, Rihana was done vomiting. There was nothing left to throw up. Zara helped her change out of her vomit-stained clothes. She then gave her some water with medicine. But the moment Rihana took the medicine, she vomited again. After everything, including the medicine and water, was out of her system, she went off to sleep in no time. Tiger was hovering around them in circles, not sure what was going on with Rihana. He slept only after Rihana went to sleep.

  The next morning, Zara woke Rihana up with a cup of coffee.

  ‘Rise and shine! Smell the coffee, girl.’

  Rihana opened her eyes, which were painfully swollen, and had dark circles under them.

  ‘It feels as if the devil is playing drums in my head.’

  ‘I think your halo fits his horns perfectly.’

  ‘Why in the morning, Zara?’ Rihana said, holding her head in her hands. She had realized last night that she needed to keep a check on her drinking. She could have done without Zara’s words when all she could hear was the thumping in her head and her own painful moans every now and then.

  ‘Okay, I’ll stop, Ri. But tell me something—where are you headed with so much drinking?’

  ‘Again, in my defence . . . it was cheap wine. And you please don’t give up on me—you’re my only hope for a liver transplant.’

  ‘With the way you’re going, I’m sure you’ll need one soon. Now get up and get going. Tiger hasn’t eaten yet.’

  ‘Oh man, this dog will soon drive me crazy,’ Rihana said, exasperated. She was feeling so weak that getting up felt like a task in itself. But looking at Tiger wagging his tail, waiting for her to fill his bowl, she smiled and got up.

  ‘He is my only hope left to make a human out of you,’ Zara said in a disgusted tone.

  ‘The more you’ll find out about humans, the more you’ll love this dog, Zara.’

  Zara could not have agreed more, but kept that to herself. She wasn’t letting Rihana off so easily. Zara had gone without sleep all night and had checked on Rihana many times to make sure she was all right. Rihana’s drinking was not just telling badly on her own health but also affecting Zara, as she loved Rihana and couldn’t see her like that.

  Rihana got out of her bed to go to the bathroom; Tiger followed her.

  ‘Are you going to watch me poop, Tiger?’ Rihana said to a bewildered Tiger, who just turned his head to one side in response. Rihana shut the bathroom door on Tiger while he waited outside for her, sitting on the foot mat. After a shower, when Rihana opened the bathroom door, she found Tiger still sitting there.

  ‘You’re still here?’ Tiger sat up, wagging his tail.

  ‘Nandini, bring Tiger’s bowl.’ Nandini came back with Tiger’s bowl with some Pedigree in it. Rihana sat next to Tiger while he swallowed food.

  ‘I’m sorry for getting up late, baby. I know you were hungry.’ Rihana cuddled Tiger and he licked Rihana all over her face.

  ‘Didi, at least now he goes out for a walk with me. Otherwise nothing will go in or come out of him until you wake up.’ Nandini and Rihana laughed out loud at that.

  Rihana was feeling way better now. The coffee Zara had made had put her back on her feet instantly. She turned towards Zara and asked, knotting her eyebrows, ‘Zara, have you planned your schedule for the exhibition next month in Jodhpur?’

  ‘Are you sure you want to take me?’ Zara was sceptical—about travelling to a new place among new people as well as about Rihana indulging in other escapades, leaving her to fend for herself.

  ‘What will you do here anyway?—alone in the house, with just Tiger to talk to. Take a break with me. I promise we will have fun,’ Rihana grinned, hoping she’d be able to convince Zara with her smiles.

  ‘Rihana, your definition of fun is very different from mine,’ Zara said, reluctant to get into a situation that would leave her alone. She just wanted to make sure she was making the right call.

  ‘Then why don’t you define your idea of “fun” for me,’ Rihana offered sincerely.

  ‘It could be anything. But it is not drinking and demeaning sex.’

  ‘Well, there are things that money can buy.’

  ‘Money can’t buy you happiness, Rihana.’

  ‘But drinking and demeaning sex do, and I can buy both. Hold on! I don’t even have to pay for either; I just need to switch on my charm button. Which makes me think . . . I really want to try paid sex once.’

  ‘You’re weird, Rihana! Who says that!’ Zara cringed.

  ‘I’m not weird; let’s just call me “adventurous”. I don’t want to die with nothing crossed out on my bucket list. Like yours!’

  Zara looked up with a blank expression, and Rihana toned it down a bit. ‘You’ve done others’ bidding for way too long, and look where it has gotten you. For once, think about what you want to do, Zara. Tell me . . . Let’s make your bucket list!’

  Zara looked down at her own hands, fidgeting with her fingers, twisting and twirling them. ‘For now, I just want to get rid of Vinay.’

  ‘That you will! Don’t worry. I found out last night that Zubair’s neighbour is a hotshot Supreme Court lawyer specializing in criminal cases, but he does take up divorce cases, which are criminal in nature as well. Your case involves cheating, so it falls into the criminal category. Zubair was casually talking about Rohan Shrivastav when I realized we could hire him to help you get out of that muck. I hear he is good. I googled him and he has an impressive list of clients and cases. And guess what! He was the one who got that famous politician Amar Joshi out of that ugly marriage with that actress Rubina Mallik—without paying any alimony. And these days, getting a man out of a marriage without paying alimony is as impossible as raising the dead.’

  ‘Why do I have to pay alimony?’ Zara looked bewildered.

  ‘You don’t have to, my innocent child. He will pay you.’ Rihana pointed a finger in the air and then at Zara, emphasizing her point.

  ‘I don’t want anything. I just need a divorce.’

  ‘You need to be compensated for all the damage he has caused you—physically, mentally, financially and, most of all, emotionally. Consider it compensation for all your medicines and doctor fees, okay? It’s what he owes you for being a spineless jerk.’

  Rihana had gone into her ‘Jhansi ki Rani mode’ again, but quietened down when she saw that Zara had gone silent. Rihana felt sorry for having brought up the topic too soon yet again. She steered the conversation to the upcoming Jodhpur trip.

  ‘So plan the trip then! We will leave for the exhibition in a few weeks.’

  Zara nodded, thinking about all that needed to be taken care of to take time out for the trip. ‘What happened with Zubair?’ she asked, suddenly remembering.

  ‘Vomit! And a whole fucking lot of it. He offered me cheap wine, and I don’t like cheap men.’

  ‘Then you should’ve bought your own wine.’

  ‘How can I carry my own wine?’

  ‘Why? Who made those rules?’

  ‘I did. Moreover, sex is rare.’

  ‘Sex is rare because India is a developing country?’ Zara questioned.

  ‘Sex is rare because India is a hypocritical country. And it’s not the country but the people who make it that way. People here are extremely confused. They discard things associated with happiness or pleasure and accept pain instead.’

  ‘Until you don’t experience pain, how will you know pleasure?’

  ‘Zara, pain often leads to great transformation. But there is a certain kind of pain that alters one’s genetic code itself.’ Rihana was rather serious. Zara had not seen Rihana speak like that—ever—and she wasn’t happy to see her like that.
>
  ‘What’s your pain, Rihana?’ Zara asked sympathetically, placing her hand on Rihana’s shoulder.

  ‘I don’t have any pain. I have a poison . . . and the poison for tonight is Jack,’ Rihana announced, completely changing the topic.

  Rihana opened a new bottle of Jack Daniel and poured herself a small peg, topping it with ice cubes.

  ‘Cheers to our holiday in Jodhpur,’ said Rihana and raised a toast.

  ‘It’s ten in the morning, Rihana! And I thought you were getting serious about your life by quitting drinking in the morning!’ Zara exclaimed.

  ‘I don’t have any work.’

  ‘What about the painting that needs to be given to the Sheraton?’

  ‘Oh yes! I completely forgot. I think I’ll come back from Jodhpur then and paint it.’

  ‘Stop procrastinating.’

  ‘I need inspiration. I have none now.’

  ‘It’s futile to argue with you. I’m off.’

  Zara left for work while Rihana drowned herself in Jack. That’s what dependence on alcohol was like for her. She would have preferred to be a drop in the ocean and free rather than be caged in a bottle of wine like a pearl in its shell. The virtual cage she had built around her was keeping her safe only superficially; inside, she was as insecure as a hen in a slaughterhouse. It had been many years since she had spoken to her father. She pretended to be extremely happy with her life in front of her mother, so that she didn’t have any questions to ask her. And if she ever did, Rihana would probably not have any answers to give. Or rather, her mother would not like the answers Rihana had.

  6

  A Royal Encounter

  Rihana and Zara stood in the queue to check in for their flight.

  ‘Ma’am, you have excess baggage by eight kilos,’ said the young man behind the counter. Rihana made a face and looked at his name tag. It read AKSHAY.

  Rihana was annoyed. She picked up Zara’s bag and put it on the weighing area along with hers.

  ‘Ma’am, this one is lighter by five kilos, and that still leaves you with about three kilos extra.’ Rihana frowned, but the wrinkles eased out as Akshay added after looking at his computer, ‘But as you’re travelling first class with us, I’ll waive it off for you.’ Akshay smiled affably at Rihana, and pleased by the outcome, she gave him a rather flirtatious smile.