Love Bi the Way

by Bhaavna Arora

  The Maharani then went on to tell Zara that she was offering to buy paintings from Rihana and auction them globally through a new PR team; this would give Rihana a global platform so that she could use her to divert earnings to the cancer institute.

  Mann Singh soon had a swanky car from the royal garage ready to drop Zara to the airport. She bid goodbye to the Maharani, and Mann Singh deposited her luggage in the boot of the car. She was surprised when she realized someone was following their car. Mann Singh pulled the car over and Shaurya leapt out of his car.

  ‘I wasn’t expecting you here!’ Zara exclaimed, happy and awed at Shaurya’s gesture of coming to see her all the way from the palace. He obviously couldn’t bid goodbye to Zara in front of his mother. Shaurya knew that his mother was smart enough to know her son’s interests. One can escape anything in the world, but not a mother’s keen eyes.

  ‘I couldn’t have let you go without seeing you,’ Shaurya said as he hugged Zara.

  He asked Zara to get in his car while Mann Singh followed them in the other car.

  ‘I understand that we are only in the very nascent phase of our relationship, but I would like to meet you again.’ Zara’s smile conveyed a yes for sure, but Shaurya said nonetheless, ‘Would you like to meet me again?’ He looked into Zara’s eyes and then continued driving on to the road, intensely looking ahead, expecting an answer.

  Zara kept quiet as she was expecting something more from Shaurya—more than just a commitment of meeting again. For now, she was happy that an adventure she had just lived had given her a new lease of life and filled her with so much joy. She was feeling more confident and aware of herself.

  8

  Snakes and Smut

  Kanhaiya had come to the airport to pick Zara up. Like every single time in the past, he was right on time and Zara had to merely hop into the car already waiting for her. When they reached Cupid, she heard Rihana screaming and Tiger barking. Her blood curdled with fear. Zara dropped her bags and ran towards the sounds coming from Rihana’s room, taking the stairs two at a time, her heart racing. She found Rihana screaming and curled up in a foetal position, her eyes shut tightly and hands covering her ears. Tiger was just as agitated, incessantly barking at the TV. There was porn playing, with a Chinese girl and a snake! Zara couldn’t help herself when she understood what had happened. She doubled up with laughter. This was a grand homecoming. It wouldn’t be any other way with Rihana.

  ‘Switch off the TV, you moron!’ Rihana shouted angrily.

  Zara just stood rooted, unable to control the laughter. She was now laughing so hard that tears were flowing from her eyes. But through it all, she somehow managed to reach the remote control on the table and switched the television off.

  ‘What were you trying to do?’ Zara asked, sniggering.

  ‘Don’t try to be such a wisecrack. You weren’t here, I was bored, plus I don’t even have any inspiration for the painting I am supposed to make. So Zubair lent me some porn. I had no idea it involved bestiality . . . And of all things, a snake!’

  ‘You asked Zubair for porn! And what is your explanation for this wine?’ Zara asked, looking at the glass lying next to Rihana on a table.

  ‘Wine and masturbation are pretty much the answer to everything. They don’t need to be explained again and again to you,’ Rihana said with a wink as she hugged Zara to welcome her home.

  ‘I missed you, you mad girl! I am so glad you’re back now.’ As soon as Rihana said the words, she suddenly started feeling uncomfortable.

  ‘Zara, I have a sinking feeling. My stomach hurts.’ Zara was just trying to comprehend what could be wrong, when Rihana said she was having trouble breathing. Zara screamed for Nandini or Gudiya to get some water. But when nothing seemed to be helping, she screamed out for Kanhaiya, ‘Get the car back out! We need to take Rihana to the hospital!’

  Nandini had come running by that time, with Gudiya in tow. Both Nandini and Zara carried Rihana to the car and Kanhaiya drove to the same hospital where they had taken Nandini.

  ‘Why are you taking me to this hospital? Dr Saif is already taken. Take me to a new one for better opportunities.’ Rihana was barely able to speak, but even in her pain she was kidding around.

  ‘Oh God, shut up, Rihana!’ Zara said, now angry, out of worry for her friend’s health.

  On reaching the hospital, the attendants immediately put Rihana in a wheelchair. But there were formalities to be taken care of and admission forms to be filled in before they could treat her.

  ‘Name? Mr/Miss/Mrs . . . Okay . . . Miss Rihana . . .’ Zara started filling up the form while sitting next to Rihana.

  ‘Wait a minute!’ Rihana took the form from Zara. She looked at it and addressed the receptionist, ‘What is this?’ she asked, showing the form to the receptionist.

  ‘What ma’am?’ the receptionist asked, looking at her in confusion.

  ‘Why do you ask for a woman to specify whether she’s a Miss or Mrs and not ask the same from a man? If you put in the Miss and Mrs categories for us, you should also put a Master/Mister category or something like that for men,’ Rihana said angrily.

  ‘I was told we need this information to know if a woman is married or not. If married and pregnant, we can take the necessary precautions of not exposing her to harmful radiations, etc.’ explained the receptionist, wondering why was it such an issue, especially for a patient who was in a hurry to be admitted.

  But Rihana wasn’t one to give up. ‘Then you should be asking if she is pregnant or not . . . Not if she is married or not. What has pregnancy got to do with marriage!’ she spat out in a disgusted tone.

  ‘What’s happening here?’ Saif walked in with two more doctors to see what the commotion at the reception was all about.

  ‘Well, hello, Rihana. How are you?’ Saif was hiding his enthusiasm at having run into her again.

  ‘I have severe pain on the left side of my stomach, and I refuse to fill that biased form,’ Rihana argued.

  The receptionist explained everything to Saif, with Zara looking on, slightly embarrassed, although convinced of the veracity of the argument.

  ‘You can fight the world later, Miss Revolutionary,’ said Zara, wanting to contain the situation; she wanted a doctor to attend to Rihana immediately. ‘Can we have her see a doctor first?’ she said, turning to Saif.

  ‘I’ll fill in the form for her. Have her sent to Dr Mahesh,’ Saif told the receptionist.

  Rihana was now bent over because of the excruciating pain in her stomach.

  ‘Since when are you facing this problem?’ Dr Mahesh asked.

  ‘For the past hour,’ said Rihana, crying out in pain.

  ‘She has a phobia of snakes. She saw a snake on the television just before the pain started and then she had difficulty breathing,’ Zara said, adding to Rihana’s statement and hiding the fact that it was in fact animal porn that Rihana had been watching.

  ‘Has this happened before?’ the doctor asked.

  ‘Yes, doctor. Just a few days ago, a snake crawled over her foot. We were in Jodhpur and the doctor there said that her blood pressure had fallen drastically after that. She was monitored overnight, but was fine the next day. But it wasn’t accompanied by any kind of pain anywhere.’

  After listening to Zara, the doctor wrote down some tests that had to be conducted on Rihana on his prescription slip and asked Zara to get them done. Rihana was admitted to the hospital and kept under observation after being given painkillers.

  The results of most of the tests came in by the evening, and after having a look, Dr Mahesh diagnosed Rihana with a swollen liver brought about due to excessive drinking.

  ‘You don’t listen to me, Ri. How many times have I told you to go easy on the alcohol? Are you happy now? Screw up your life and screw up mine too. What will I do if something happens to you? How will I survive?’ Zara was weeping after listening to Rihana’s diagnosis.

  Rihana just sat in the hospital bed, looking at the floor in shame.


  ‘I won’t die, Zara,’ said Rihana meekly.

  ‘What if you do? I won’t be able to live without you, Rihana. And if you really die of liver failure, trust me, I will dig you up and kill you again.’ Zara cupped Rihana’s face in her hands and continued shedding tears. ‘Don’t jump to conclusions, Zara. That definitely won’t count as cardio,’ Rihana chimed in, trying to cheer Zara up. ‘Relax now . . . So how was Shaurya and the polo match?’ Rihana asked, changing the subject.

  ‘I told you that already . . . Over the phone, remember?’

  ‘Yes, but you skipped all the juicy details I would have wanted.’

  ‘I think I’m in love, Rihana,’ Zara admitted.

  ‘Great! Tell me when it’s over,’ Rihana said bluntly.

  ‘I couldn’t have imagined, even in my wildest dreams, that it’d be a prince!’

  Rihana laughed lightly. ‘Just because he is rich, handsome and a prince doesn’t mean that he is not damaged enough to go out with you.’

  ‘Yes, he is damaged. He just had a break-up recently,’ Zara said thoughtfully.

  Rihana didn’t take even a second to respond to that. ‘Do you know revenge sex is the second-best kind of sex? And that a broken heart catches fire easily? Wait a minute! Did you get laid?’ Rihana asked excitedly.

  ‘We made love, Rihana.’

  ‘Fuck the words, darling. Dear lord!’ Rihana looked up towards the ceiling in a highly dramatic way. ‘Thank you for this miracle. Things like these make me keep my faith in you. We salute you . . .’ Rihana said in mock prayer. She continued as Zara blushed, smiled and swatted Rihana playfully on the head, but to no avail. Rihana went on and on. ‘I thank thee Lord. I had complete faith. After all, if you could motivate mankind enough to put one of their own on the moon, I knew a day would come when you could put a man in Zara.’

  Zara just giggled uncontrollably at Rihana’s crude sense of humour. A nurse with an IV interrupted the merriment. ‘Ma’am, we will have to put a cannula in your hand to administer some intravenous medicines.’

  ‘Will it hurt?’ Rihana asked.

  ‘A little, ma’am, but it’ll help relieve the pain in your stomach.’ The nurse smiled while rubbing Rihana’s arm with an antiseptic-soaked cotton ball.

  ‘What will you give me so I don’t feel the pain of the needle?’ asked Rihana, freaking out.

  ‘Relax, Rihana, it will just be a small prick.’ Zara held Rihana close to her bosom and consoled her. The nurse inserted the needle in Rihana’s arm and she screamed out loud. The other patients in the ward empathized with her. After it was done, Rihana resumed her sarcasm.

  ‘I was worried about you.’ Zara furrowed her brows, not understanding what Rihana meant. ‘You were the only person in Cupid not getting any action, putting us all to shame. I’m glad that I can now lift my head up high and walk. I won’t have to live in humiliation any more.’

  ‘My self-control dropped faster than my phone battery when he called me beautiful,’ Zara confessed. It was probably because she had never put herself out there enough to interact with men.

  ‘A woman’s beauty depends on how desperately a man wants to get laid, Zara. Men are like fruits, each a different flavour. You’ve just entered the fruit shop. Give it some time. You can’t be happy with just a banana, can you? And how I wish my hangovers could die as fast as my phone battery.’

  ‘You’re not drinking any more, Rihana. Have I made myself clear? You will exercise some self-control now. Look at me! I don’t drink at all and I’m already feeling better mentally.’

  ‘You don’t drink because you can’t afford to lose any more grey cells. Isn’t it clear that you’re in love? I don’t need to give you more proof.’

  ‘Rihana, why are you so against love?’

  ‘Are you sure it’s love?’ Rihana asked seriously.

  ‘From my end, yes!’

  ‘Holy cow! You can only screw it up from here,’ Rihana mocked.

  ‘You don’t believe in love because you haven’t valued it enough. You have the EQ of a cactus,’ Zara shot back at Rihana.

  It’s because I haven’t got enough, Rihana said to herself. ‘Okay, how intimate did you get with him?’ Rihana asked Zara.

  ‘What do you mean?’ Zara was curious.

  ‘Have you started naming your . . . umm . . . private parts yet?’

  Rihana wasn’t serious at all about Zara’s feeling for Shaurya. She believed that for any relationship to blossom, one had to give it strong roots. Zara had just planted a seed. She now had to defend it against calamities like storms, floods, cheating and deceitfulness.

  Zara decided to ignore her and instead asked her what she couldn’t earlier, ‘How is Tiger?’

  ‘He’s okay! Just continue giving him Voveran shots as prescribed by the doctor. Will you be able to do it?’

  ‘I’ll manage, Rihana. You please get better and come back to Cupid. I’ll leave now and come back in the evening with dinner. What would you like to eat?’

  Rihana was about to name some exquisite snacks, but preferred to keep quiet after she remembered that she was in the hospital for overdrinking and a swollen liver.

  ‘I’ll see you in the evening.’ Zara left after planting a loving kiss on Rihana’s forehead.

  Rihana fell deeply back into her thoughts. In her experience, humans had polygamy in their genes—and most royals were especially prone to that. She was sure that the blow would fall some day—exactly how soon was the mystery.

  A couple of days later, Rihana was woken up by the voice of someone speaking to her.

  ‘Hello! How are you feeling, Rihana?’ Saif was standing next to her bed in his white lab-coat, with a stethoscope around his neck. He looked gorgeous as ever, but Rihana now considered him unworthy of her charms and attention.

  ‘I’m feeling better.’ Rihana smiled, thinking she would be discharged in a few hours.

  ‘So all set to go home?’ Saif asked with a smile.

  She nodded. ‘How is your wife?’ Rihana asked abruptly.

  ‘We called it quits,’ Saif said, surprising Rihana.

  ‘But why? How did that happen? Don’t tell me she thought that you cheated on her with me?’

  Rihana was only joking, but was shocked to hear Saif’s reply: ‘Yes.’

  ‘Oh, you’re kidding me! Are you?’ Rihana was suddenly sorry for Saif.

  ‘It’s okay, Rihana. You were not at fault. We couldn’t trust each other enough to carry on that relationship. And when there is no trust in a relationship, all that you’re left with is a mind diseased with suspicion, which only further infects the relationship. One can escape cancer, but not a suspicious partner. It had to end even if you weren’t in the picture. I’m thankful that you helped me.’ Saif wasn’t very happy discussing his broken relationship, as was evident from his face.

  ‘Do you need a shoulder to cry on?’

  Saif shook his head.

  ‘Then let’s just forget everything and go out some day. I am not allowed to drink, and you don’t drink anyway. It will be a nice meal, I presume,’ Rihana said, winking at Saif—which told him she wasn’t serious.

  ‘You’re incorrigible, Rihana! Get well soon and hope to see you around.’

  Saif was just about to leave when Rihana called out to him and said, ‘Saif, when I turned eighteen, I was relieved about one fact, that I wouldn’t have to lie any more on porn sites while clicking on the button to enter the site.’ Saif couldn’t understand what she was trying to say, so she continued, ‘When it is the same about relationships, it takes a huge weight off your chest. It was like keeping my honesty and integrity intact.’ Rihana paused for some time and said, ‘The most important thing in a relationship is honesty. Kill someone, but tell me the truth.’

  Saif got the point but still tried to justify himself, saying, ‘If telling her the truth was so helpful, then I would’ve been with her.’

  ‘If you lied, you would’ve been with her without being with yourself. You were honest w
ith her from your end. If she found fault with your honesty and couldn’t accept you for what you are, I’m sure you’ll do better than that relationship.’

  ‘And you’ll do better if you stop drinking,’ Saif said softly and smiled. He turned and left soon after.

  A few minutes later, the nurse came in with Zara. She explained about the medicines that would be administered for a few more days after the discharge to Rihana and Zara.

  ‘Take these now,’ the nurse said, handing over some colourful pills to Rihana along with a glass of water.

  Rihana popped the pills, washing them down with water. ‘My liver is so surprised with this new liquid called water,’ Rihana said jokingly as the nurse removed her cannula.

  ‘You can go home today, but remember: you have to be off drinks,’ the nurse said.

  Rihana lifted her head to look at the nurse and then gave a disapproving look to Zara. The nurse left them alone to pack their stuff up. Thanks to Kanhaiya, they reached Cupid within the next hour or so. Tiger was happy to have Rihana back, but she could see that he had grown very weak.

  Zara had not been going to office in Rihana’s absence, but was instead shuttling between the hospital and Cupid to take care of both Rihana and Tiger. She had extended her break to look after Rihana. Under the expert supervision of Zara, Rihana continued taking her medicines and eating well. Zara ensured that Tiger took his shots regularly too. While the effect of the medicines on one was visibly positive, it was equally negative on the other. Just as Rihana was getting better with each passing day, Tiger’s state seemed to be getting worse.

  ‘When will you start painting?’ Zara was worried about Rihana getting back to work. She had heard the Maharani’s plans and wanted Rihana to be inspired and start painting as soon as possible. She needed to produce a lot of paintings. The supply and demand curve was almost perpendicular now.

  ‘I think I’ll have to dangle a carrot on a stick in front of you so you can meet your deadlines. If you fall short, then I’ll hit you with the same stick on your butt.’