Blue Persuasion

by Blakely Bennett

  My heart stopped beating, and I wanted to perish on the spot and join Helena on the other side.

  “Wait Blue, I...” Bond started to stand up.

  I looked from Tate to Bond. “Nice job to both of you for making me feel like a piece of ass.” I dropped the towel and ran down the stairs to the beach. My legs propelled me forward, my heart left on the deck by their feet. I ran south, wondering how long it would take me to make it back to my place. No keys. I stopped, leaned over, hands on my knees, trying to catch my breath. I had my phone but who to call?

  Only Stay knew Bond and I had been fucking, and putting him in the position of keeping more from Lainie wasn’t fair.

  I cried, completely convinced I would never be more than a piece of ass to anyone. I, Judy, Jude, Blue, didn’t count for shit. Just my stupid fucking boobs and ass did. My best friend and my lover wanted to bond by using me. They could all go to hell. I needed to leave. I planned to call a cab as soon as I could summon the courage to head back.

  Tate came upon me as I cried, sitting in the sand. “I thought you would—”

  “Would what?” I used my hand to shield my eyes from the sun as I squinted up at the man I thought I loved. “You aren’t who I thought you were. I’m going home. Tell Bond to call the group.” I struggled to stand up in the sand and Tate made to steady me. “Don’t!” I cried.

  “Blue, please listen to me. It was stupid. Bond even said so but I pushed, saying it would fix things.”

  “Why?”

  “I ... I got...”

  “What?” I yelled, wrapping my arms around myself.

  The wind blew his hair into his face, and he brushed it out of his eyes. “I got scared, jealous. You clearly love Bond, and I can see he loves you too.”

  “So making me feel like one of your one-night stands makes you feel better?”

  “No.” He glanced down at the surf. When he looked back up at me, I saw tears in his eyes. “I never wanted to make you feel like that.”

  “Well, you have, and we’re done. You told me a while ago that I deserve more and you’re right. I deserve a lot more. I have a lot to give, but I have to stop giving myself away to the wrong men. You’ve hurt me so deeply. I can’t believe I was so wrong about a person. I know something horrible happened to you and for that I made allowances, but no longer.”

  “Blue, please. Just hear me out and then leave if you want to.”

  I shielded my face and looked at him again. The anguish on his face, tears in his eyes, tugged at my resolve before he had spoken one word.

  “I’m sorry for not trusting you. I’ve been lied to by the people I trusted the most, over and over again, for years. It’s hard for me to believe anything anyone says. You’ve been honest and open about everything, including your relationship with Bond.” He dropped his shoulders and wiped the tears from his cheeks.

  “This is the very reason I’ll never fully share my life with another. It’s not because I don’t trust you. I no longer trust myself. When your intuition fails you repeatedly, you realize that you have zero self-protection in life. I’ve consciously built up my walls and have no intention of lowering them. I know that makes me far less appealing, but I also believe we can be good for each other.” He held his palms out to me.

  “I never thought I would laugh again or enjoy the touch of a woman. You’ve given that back to me.”

  “I’m so glad to be of service,” I said sarcastically.

  “I didn’t mean it like that. It’s you, Blue. You’re the most incredible person I’ve ever met. I wish I had met you before... Please give me the chance to make it up to you.”

  Just then, a black and gold butterfly fluttered between us and I watched it float away on the wind. Helena? Then I recalled her words. He’s in love with you honey, but that’s part of the problem. It’s scaring the shit out of him. She said I should risk loving him. “I don’t know.” I shook my head.

  “Please just think about it. Your friends will be here soon. Give me another chance.”

  I didn’t know if I could, but I also didn’t want to be alone. “I’ll think about it. I might have one of my friends drive me home tonight.”

  “I understand. Bond’s waiting to talk to you. He said he needs to take off to get ready for work.”

  We walked back to Tate’s house, me in front of him. I ascended the stairs and found Bond.

  “I’ll go inside,” Tate said as he passed us.

  “Well,” I said to Bond, crossing my arms in front of me.

  “I told him it was a stupid idea. That we’d already decided to shift our relationship back to friendship. He seemed convinced that you would want it. I stupidly thought I was helping.”

  “Men can be so fucking dumb.”

  “Yeah, we can. And often,” he said with a chuckle. “I want you to know that I told Tate that I’d always love you. That I will always have your back. That I will beat the shit out of him if he ever hurts you.”

  “Too late for that.”

  Bond tilted his head. “He’s running scared. I think there’s a decent guy in there somewhere. Some of us are a real work in progress.”

  “Are you saying you like him?”

  “I wouldn’t go quite that far, but I think he might be okay. Walk me out.”

  I took his hand and led him to the front door, not looking into the kitchen as we passed it.

  We hugged tightly and he said, “You can reach me at any time, Blue. Please call or text.”

  “Thanks, Bond.” I opened the door and watched him leave. With my back against the closed door, I tried to organize my thoughts. I knew if Helena were around, she would tell me to put myself first. Let this moment be about what you need and stop putting everyone else first.

  I entered the kitchen and said, “I need a drink and an orgasm.”

  CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

  Dark Side Of Me

  by Coheed and Cambria

  At first, Tate seemed shocked by my proclamation. He opened the fridge, retrieved a margarita and a beer and popped the caps. “We don’t have much time,” he said as we both looked at the clock on the stove that read 4:30 p.m.

  “Hopefully, they’ll run late. Come,” I said, downing half my drink and then tugging on his hand.

  In his bedroom, I slipped off my shorts and panties and handed him the vibrator. Then I drizzled a bit of oil over my clit.

  “Jesus, Blue.” His eyes flared with lust. “Let me kiss you first.”

  “No, there isn’t time.” I didn’t add, I don’t want you to. But I didn’t want him to. I wanted the release without all the other complications my heart and head threw into the mix. I also didn’t mind if Tate were left with a straining hard-on. I liked the idea of him suffering.

  “I see what you’re doing,” he said, and I felt sure he did too.

  I pinched my nipples through my shirt and bra as he lowered the vibrator to my pussy.

  He circled around my labia, grazed my clit, side-stepping my swollen bundle of nerves. Then he pressed down on my mound, causing my arousal to poke out farther. Teasing me mercilessly, my pelvis followed his movements in hopes that he would flick across my sweet spot. The tip of the vibrator finally rolled over my most sensitive place.

  “Yesss,” I hissed, knowing it wouldn’t take me long to trip over to the land of fantastic. My hips gyrated of their own accord. I continued to tweak my nipples until my back arched into my orgasm. “Oh, yesss!” I shot past myself, and my thoughts, to the very place I wanted to be, hovering outside of me.

  “I think I heard the door,” he grunted.

  I waved him away, and kept my eyes closed as he shut the bedroom door behind him. I lingered in the afterglow, not wanting to move.

  When I heard voices outside the door, I forced myself up into a sitting position and worked to get my bearings. Back in my panties and shorts, I brushed my hair, and straightened my top. I tipped my drink back and polished off the contents, wanting another.

  I stopped at the entrance
to the living room, watching Lainie and Stay talk to Tate.

  “Here she is,” Lainie said, pulling me along to the kitchen. She took the empty bottle from my hand and replaced it with a fresh one. She opened a hard apple cider for herself. “Let’s go outside.” She moved me forward with her hands on my shoulders.

  We sat down on the steps leading to the beach.

  “Stellar view,” she said, scanning the beach and horizon. She looked back at me. “Bond called Stay just before we got here. He gave him the impression that things are rocky between you and Tate.” She took a sip of her drink and then set the bottle down beside her.

  I knew Bond meant well but, fuck, dude.

  “Tate and his rollercoaster moods are the least of my concern right now. How do I wrap my mind around never seeing my aunt again? She was my failsafe in life.”

  “Like my dad is for me. I can’t even imagine. I don’t think you ever really get over something like that. I do hope you find someone who can be there for you. Like Tate, maybe?”

  She looked so hopeful, I felt bad letting her down. “Yeah, no, I don’t see that happening.” I slugged some of my margarita and felt light-headed. I needed to eat something.

  “Well, you have us, and we’ll always be here for you. I think you might be wrong about Tate. If Bond can let go of his past, I’m certain Tate can as well. Plus, you two have that thing.”

  “Dare I ask?” I turned and leaned back against the post.

  “Rip-roaring chemistry. The kind of legends.” She smiled broadly.

  “When did you become the romantic?” I rolled the bottle in my hands and took another drink.

  “Let’s just say that Stayman has made me much more aware of energy, and it’s hard to miss the sex wafting in the air.” She touched my leg and then said, “This place is great. Have you been in the ocean?”

  “Once, the other night. I should go back inside and finish cutting the veggies and put the other food out.”

  “Okay, I’ll help.”

  Tate stopped me on our way to the kitchen. “Are we okay?”

  “Can we deal with us later?”

  His expression darkened. “Sure thing.” Right words, wrong tone. “Stay and I are going to grab more chairs from the garage.”

  “Good idea. I’m going to get the cheese sticks and wings into the oven and finish the crudité.” I knew I was being mean, but I couldn’t help it. How would he have felt had I been the one to suggest the threesome?

  “You were cold,” Lainie said, sidling up next to me.

  I turned on the oven and continued cutting up the celery. “I can’t worry about him right now. I mean—”

  “He invited us all into his home for you. He’s trying to—”

  “Lane, you know I love you, but there are things—”

  “I know more than you think, something to do with Bond being here. I’ll take your word for it, but here is some unsolicited advice: if you already know you’re going to forgive him, do it sooner rather than later. You need him right now, and he needs your reassurance.”

  I paused in utter frustration. “I really think I’m capable of deciding what I need.”

  “Yep, not hard if you pay attention. Trust me on this.”

  I felt my tears threatening to surface. “I’m angry.”

  “At who?”

  “Helena for leaving for me, and Tate for being such an idiot.”

  “It’s easier for you to be mad at him.”

  “Yes.” I felt wetness on my cheek.

  “Go, I’ll finish the vegetables. What’s going in the oven?”

  “Breaded cheese sticks and wings in the freezer. Eighteen minutes for the cheese, longer for the wings.”

  She touched my shoulder. “I’ve got it covered. Send Stay to me, and I’ll listen for the door.”

  “I love you, Lane.”

  “You too, girlfriend, now get.”

  The cotton clouds in the sky had turned a soft magenta, enhancing the blue that reflected from the ocean.

  “Stay, Lainie needs you in the kitchen.”

  “Okay.” He kissed me on the cheek and gave my arm a squeeze.

  I waited for Stay to go inside the house. “Did you tell him?” I asked, peering up at Tate.

  “I think he put two and two together. He’s rather intuitive.” Tate rubbed the side of his face.

  “Yeah, annoyingly so at times.” I sighed. “Lainie says if I plan to forgive you, I should do it now.”

  “Do you?”

  “Tell me something. What would you have done, felt even, if I had suggested the threesome to you?”

  “I would’ve been furious, jealous, doubting that I could have a ... a...”

  “It’s called a relationship,” I snapped, but then backed off. “No matter how dysfunctional.” He can’t even say the fucking word. “Maybe you should have considered how you would’ve reacted before you suggested the threesome. Have I ever given you an indication that I’d be open to something like that?”

  “No, Blue, you haven’t.” He looked away. “Seeing you like that, on Bond’s lap, him holding you, it triggered—” Even in profile, I could see the memory was unpleasant to him. “It was too much. Then I tried to diminish my reaction by making it about sex.” When his eyes reconnected with mine, I read an apology in them.

  “Fuck,” I said and dropped my head. I waited, not to punish him, but to be certain of myself. “Okay, but let’s be clear. Until we tell the other differently, we are monogamous. I know relationship is a dirty word to you, but hopefully you can live with monogamy.”

  “I don’t want to share you.”

  “Oh? Then what? You were lashing out?”

  “Yes. Seeing you made me see red. Not Red, I mean.”

  I cracked a smile. “Got it.”

  “I promise it won’t happen again.”

  “See that it doesn’t. I don’t think I could forgive you again if you make me feel like I don’t matter to you, like you did today.” I held out my hand to him and he scooped me up, perching me on the wooden railing.

  “Thank you. I don’t deserve you,” he murmured against my mouth. He kissed me gently and then started to deepen the kiss.

  “Get a room,” Cat said, walking out back with Kev in tow. She whistled. “Nice view. We should all go swimming later.”

  I hopped down and locked into Tate’s gaze, reaffirming our connection. “I’m going to check in with Lane and Stay.”

  He touched my bottom lip and smiled.

  I quickly hugged Cat and Kev and headed inside toward the kitchen. Jacqs and Red intercepted me.

  We embraced. Jacqs went out back, and Red pulled me into the living room.

  “Bond wanted me to check in on you. It wasn’t his idea.”

  “I think I’d feel better if Bond did a better job of keeping his lips zipped.”

  “He’s very worried. He had to take off when you’re grieving and on top of that, he upset you. And I understand you both have parted company in other ways.”

  “So much for things being kept a secret.” I fished my phone out of my pocket and texted Bond.

  Me: I’m doing okay, and I’m not upset with you. How long has Red known?

  Bond: Since the toothbrush incident.

  Me: I see.

  Bond: Don’t be mad. I want to see you tomorrow.

  Me: I’m not sure if there will be a service or anything.

  Bond: You’re not working, right?

  Me: Yeah. I’ll be in touch.

  Bond: I’d be there if I could.

  Me: It’s probably better that you aren’t at this point.

  Bond: Love you, Blue.

  Me: Love you too.

  I peered up at Red and asked, “Did you tell Jacqs?”

  “No, because her preference is not to know. I’m glad it was you. In many ways, I think you helped him heal more than Jacqs and I put together.”

  I drew my head back. “Really?”

  “You’ve let him be him and—”

&n
bsp; “And he did the same for me.”

  “Exactly.” He glanced outside and then said, “I’m very sorry for your loss. I remember meeting her years ago. She was a force.”

  I smiled. “Yes, she sure was that.”

  “Tate’s watching you. He reminds me of myself.”

  “He’s more like a mix between you and Bond.”

  “I can see that. Listen, Blue, we’re all here for you, however you need us. I’d like to go to her memorial if there is one. I know Bond wants to be there too.”

  I hugged Red tightly, my eyes brimming with tears. “Thank you.” I might be a mess when it came to romance but damn, I hit the mother lode on friends.

  He slipped his arm around my waist and led me forward. We parted in opposite directions.

  In the kitchen, I found Stay and Jacqs. “Where’s Lainie?”

  “She abandoned ship,” Stay said, smiling.

  “We’ve got it covered,” Jacqs said. “Are you hanging in there?”

  “Yeah.” I grabbed another drink from the fridge. “Thanks for helping and for coming.”

  “Of course,” Stay said, holding out a bowl of chips to me.

  I tossed a couple in my mouth and took the bowl from him. “I’ll bring this outside.” Passing the dining table, I walked out onto the deck.

  Tate took the chips from me and situated me on his lap.

  I felt split in two. Part of me watched my friends interacting. I made sure to smile at the right times and laugh at their jokes. It was nice to have them there and yet, I felt consumed with deep dread. Grief was there as well. Helena’s death, however, felt like a harbinger of worse things to come. What I really wanted was to be sitting on the sand, listening to the waves crash on the shore.

  My heart still stung over Tate’s behavior. Even though I sat in his lap, I didn’t feel his energy surrounding me like before. I wasn’t sure if I had closed off from him, or if he felt tentative. Maybe it was the alcohol. I had already consumed three margaritas and planned to drink another. I ate a couple of cheese sticks when Jacqs passed them around but otherwise hadn’t eaten much all day.

  Watching my coupled friends interact, I felt envious. Me, I was on borrowed time, but they had found their partners in life. Red just adored Jacqs who clearly loved him back. Lainie and Stay had softened each other. They seemed so open and radiantly happy. Even Cat with her defensive ways, the love between her and Kev was palpable. And then there was me, the forever bookmark, a holding place for someone else.