by Lisa Harris
She had, though, gone along with their naming game and threw out the first suggestion that came to mind. Star. It was true that the tiny ball of fur had a white star on his back, but there was a deeper meaning to the name. The brilliant stars shining overhead would always remind her of Adam and the night he kissed her.
There was another incident that continued to bother her. Last night at the sugaring off, she’d seen the look of torment in Adam’s eyes. How she could have been so bold as to blatantly tell Adam he was prejudiced she had no idea. She only wanted to encourage him so he could find peace. No doubt her unladylike forwardness had done little good and instead had widened the gap between them.
She headed toward the house, the memory of Adam walking away from her still fresh in her mind. If only he knew that she’d never meant to hurt him. The past two weeks had shown her what true forgiveness was. She knew she didn’t deserve the Johnsons’ forgiveness over their son’s death, let alone for them to hire her and Koby on as help. Yet they had gone beyond merely voicing their forgiveness.
They had acted upon it.
This acceptance of her for who she was had made an imprint in her life that could never be erased. Claiming to be Christian was something she’d seen dozens of people profess. Actually living the life of one called to follow Christ had always been harder for her to find. It was something she had begun to pray that she could implement into her own life.
“Lidia?”
Sarah emerged from the barn with three of Daisy’s puppies yipping at her heels. The sight of the frisky animals couldn’t help but lighten her somber mood.
“They’re adorable, aren’t they?” Lidia shoved her book under her arm, then scooped up the little brown and white runt and began scratching him behind his ears.
Sarah shoved a loose piece of her blond hair out of her eyes and nodded. “I hate the fact that we have to give them all away, but my father would never allow for us to keep them all.”
Lidia laughed as the puppy licked her chin. “Maybe he’ll let you keep one.”
“It is worth a try, but I know my father. As much as he loves animals, he believes firmly that they were made to help mankind, not the other way around.” Sarah picked up one of the puppies. “At least I can visit Adam’s puppy when I’m over there.”
“What did Adam think about your present?”
Sarah’s eyes sparkled with amusement. “While he probably won’t ever admit it to me, I’m convinced he loved it.”
“I’m glad.” Lidia set the puppy back down, watching as it pulled at the black laces of her boot.
“Adam liked your suggestion and named him Star.”
Had he thought of her at all when he agreed to the name? Lidia shook off the ridiculous thought. “The name did seem to fit the pup.”
“I think Adam likes you—”
Lidia frowned at the comment. “I don’t think so.”
She’d heard of Sarah and even Rebecca’s attempts to play matchmaker between her and their brother, but this was a game she had no intention of being a part of. She knew all too well that she would be the one who ended up hurt.
“Don’t be so sure. There’s something in his eyes when he says your name.” Sarah let the pup nuzzle against her neck. “Despite his ornery side, he’s really a wonderful person. Besides, I think it would horribly romantic if the two of you got together. Just think of the stories you could tell your grandchildren about how you met when he saved you from a rabid dog.”
Lidia brushed an imaginary piece of lint off her skirt and took a step backwards. “I really need to get back to work. Your stepmother will think I’m shirking my duties.”
Sarah frowned, then reached out her hand to touch Lidia’s sleeve. “I didn’t mean to upset you. I wouldn’t have said anything if I didn’t think you liked him, as well. I just thought …”
Lidia bit her lip. Had her emotions been that transparent? Except for her bold confession to Mrs. Johnson last night, she’d been careful to keep her feelings toward Adam to herself. “I think your brother is a very nice man who will make a fine husband for someone one day. But not for me.”
“I’m sorry.” Sarah’s cheeks reddened to match the narrow trim of her dress. “I just want my brother to be happy, and you’re perfect for him—”
“No, I’m the one who’s sorry.” Lidia pressed her fingers against her temple as a headache started to throb. “I didn’t mean to snap at you. Your family has been so wonderful to my brother and me. I just know that because of what happened, there can never be anything between Adam and me.”
“So you do care about him.”
“I didn’t say that … I … I don’t know.” One of the puppies nipped at her leg, and she shook her skirts to shoo him away.
“I just think if two people really care about each other, there has to be a way for them to work it out.”
Lidia couldn’t help but smile at Sarah. “You’re an incurable romantic, aren’t you?”
“Yes, and someday I’ll find my own true love.”
Lidia headed toward the house, wondering if there was any chance that Sarah and her stepmother could be right. It would be easy to dream that everything was going to turn out fine. Lidia’s grandmother’s stories had always had happy endings, but life had proved very different. She didn’t blame God for the losses she’d experienced, but that didn’t keep her from wondering why He didn’t do anything to stop them.
She gave her head a shake. Dwelling on the past would never help. Instead, she was going to put everything she had into her work. Maybe someday she’d find the right man with whom she could spend the rest of her life, but for now she was determined to be content being exactly where God had placed her.
Mr. Johnson stood on the porch, his hands stuffed into his jeans’ pockets. “Lidia, I wondered if you would come inside for a moment. Michaela and I need to speak with you.”
“Yes, sir.” Lidia’s mouth went dry as she made her way into the house. She knew she’d been taking advantage of the Johnsons’ generosity by enjoying her book outside all afternoon. After all they had done for her, she should have known better. Losing herself in a book was no excuse.
Mrs. Johnson entered the room from the kitchen. Despite the apron that she wore, there were several patches of flour sprinkled on the sleeves of her coffee-colored dress. “Lidia, please have a seat.”
Lidia perched on the edge of the sofa determined to hold her composure whatever they might say. She could always try to find work in town or even at one of the other mills if worst came to worst.
Mr. Johnson sat down beside his wife and squeezed her hand. “I’ve just come back from town where I spoke to the sheriff about your brother.”
Lidia’s eyes widened. She hadn’t even imagined that they wanted to talk to her about Jarek. Had her brother finally been caught? A lump began to form in her throat. For over a year she’d known that someday this moment would come, but even the tempered joy of being able to visit him in jail wasn’t enough to take away the apprehension she felt. After what he had experienced, Jarek wouldn’t be the same boy who used to play tag with her in the summertime and help her with her math homework.
And there was another distinct possibility, as well. If a trial came, the Johnson family would have to relive their son’s death in court, opening old wounds. They wouldn’t want her and Koby staying with them anymore. Forgiveness could only go so far.
Mrs. Johnson leaned forward and Lidia was surprised to see compassion in her eyes, not judgment. “We’re so sorry to have to tell you this, Lidia, but Jarek was killed three days ago by a bounty hunter.”
eleven
Reuben Myers was not someone Adam wanted to mess with. The burly businessman jumped down from his wagon in front of Adam’s place, his thick arms bulging at his sides. Thankfully, Reuben had become one of Adam’s best customers.
“Afternoon, Adam.” The man’s voice bellowed in the crisp air.
“Good to see you, Reuben.” Adam walked over to where he’d
placed the sugar crates in neat stacks so they were ready to be loaded onto the man’s wagon. “I think you’ll be pleased with the quantity from this year’s harvest.”
Reuben eyed the season’s production of sugar that Adam had laid out on half a dozen solid wooden containers. “Would love to see another year like 1860. Maple sugar production was at an all-time high that year, but at least the demand is still fairly strong.”
“Good, because next year I’m planning to expand the harvest even more.”
“I’m assuming you’ve heard the news from town?” Reuben began hoisting one of the heavy crates of maple sugar blocks onto the wagon, while Adam followed suit.
“Haven’t gotten away from the farm for the past few days. Things around here have been too busy.”
Reuben rested his fists against his wide girth. “Hope you don’t mind me being the one telling you then, but bounty hunters killed the man who shot your brother.”
“What?” Adam dropped his load against the wagon’s lowered tailgate.
“Clean through the heart, I heard. Just like he deserved.”
Adam closed his eyes for a moment. Instead of feeling relief as he’d expected, all he could see was Lidia’s face. No matter what her brother had done, Lidia had never stopped loving him. Wouldn’t he feel the same in her place? Nothing one of his brothers or sisters would ever do could break the bond of family he felt with them.
“Adam?”
“Sorry, it’s just that …” Adam shoved the crate into the wagon bed, then went to pick up the last load.
“I know it must be a relief. I keep telling the sheriff that they are going to have to start turning away them immigrants from coming into our country.” The purple veins in Reuben’s neck began to bulge. “I say we send them all back to where they come from.”
The wrath of man worketh not the righteousness of God.
Adam stood still. Not long ago he would have made the same fiery speech that Reuben was making right now. But today all he could hear was the prejudiced ring that marked every word.
“… should hang the lot if you ask me. What do you think about that?”
Adam swallowed hard. His attitude had been no different from men like Reuben who liked to spread their hatred to the rest of the town. Yet, he realized, Jesus came to earth to change all that. To make people think differently. Hadn’t all mankind been offered redemption through Christ no matter who they were? German, Italian … Polish. Adam certainly wasn’t perfect, and yet he’d claimed Christ’s forgiveness. Because of his heavenly Father’s great love, Christ’s death on the cross now covered Adam’s many sins.
Adam took a slow, deep breath. “Reuben—”
“I even told the sheriff that if we gathered some of those men together and—”
“Reuben, thank you for telling me about Jarek, but I was wrong. It’s time I forgave him for what he did and stopped blaming an entire people for one man’s wrongdoing.”
Reuben’s laugh shook his bulky torso. “He can’t accept your forgiveness now, Adam. If you’ve already forgotten, the man’s dead.”
Adam stared at the ground. “I know, and I’m sorry.”
“You’re sorry he’s dead?” The man’s eyes flashed with antagonism. “I never thought the day would come when you’d be defending these intruders that have come into our towns and—”
“I’ve heard enough, Reuben. Jarek Kowalski did a horrible thing, but he also left behind a younger sister and brother who have had to struggle to support themselves—”
“Isn’t that the exact point I’ve been trying to make?” Reuben grasped the edge of the wagon with one hand. “Life would have been better off for all of us if they’d never left their mother country in the first place.”
It was no use and Adam knew it. Adam hoisted the final crate into the wagon bed, then slammed the wooden tailgate shut.
He avoided the older man’s penetrating gaze. “I’ll expect the second half of the payment in full by the end of the month,” Adam said.
“You’ll get it.” The irritation that laced Reuben’s words was impossible to miss. “I don’t understand what’s come over you. Of all the people involved, I assumed you’d regret not being the one to tie a noose around that murderer’s neck. In the least be thankful someone else did it for you.”
Adam straightened his back and stood tall. “I was, until I took a look at my own life and realized I wasn’t any better than he was.”
“You’re a fool, Adam Johnson, if you believe that. Nothing more than a fool.”
With a sullen shake of his head, the man climbed into his wagon and drove off. Adam sat down on a stump and rested his elbows against his thighs. He wanted to pray but wondered if God would even want to listen to him. How had it come to this?
There was no arguing the fact that his brother’s death had been a violent wrongdoing, a horrid crime that could never be undone. Nor could the pain of that night ever be erased. But he’d let that one violent act completely change him. Bitterness had become a poison in his veins that had spread into his relationships with his family, with friends … and with Lidia. What kind of man allowed the ruthless acts of another to overcome every aspect of his being? He’d ended up no better off than the criminal who’d wronged him.
Adam combed his fingers through his hair. “God, I don’t even know where to begin. How can I come before You, the
Maker of this universe, when I don’t even deserve another breath of air?”
The sky loomed above him as darkness began to settle across the wide expanse. Minutes slowly passed, but he didn’t move from the stump. One by one, the stars made their nightly appearance, lighting up the sky like a million fireflies. It was a testimony of God’s power. He had no doubt that the heavens—and all of creation—were proof of God’s existence.
The heavens declare the glory of God; and the firmament sheweth his handiwork.
Adam felt small as the words from Psalms spun through his mind. The glory of God’s universe surrounded him completely. Everything God had created was for a purpose. The sun, moon, and stars gave light to the earth. The nearby stream that trickled in the night air gave life to the vegetation. The maple trees that reached toward the heavens beside him were full of intricacies he would never completely understand. Yet he knew how to watch the gradual changes in the seasons and wait for the right temperature that would in turn give him the sought-after liquid from its depths.
It was one thing, though, to believe that he had a Creator. But the reality that the Maker of this world had sent His only Son to pay the ransom for Adam’s sin was more than he could grasp.
His hands clenched together. “You knew the choices I would face from birth, God, yet I know I’ve failed You. How could You still love me enough to sacrifice Your Son for someone as worthless as I am?”
Because I chose you from the beginning. You’re mine and I love you.
Adam froze. The words whispered quietly into the recesses of his mind shook him to the core of his being. How could his Creator truly love him?
I have chosen you and you are Mine. I love you.
Adam wanted to cry out at the repeated words. To scream that he didn’t deserve God’s love … Instead they began to wash over him like a healing balm.
“Forgive me, Lord.” He fell face down onto the ground. Dust blew into his nostrils as he pulled his hands across the loose dirt. “I want to be a man who can persevere in the face of trials and come out stronger because of them. I want to be a man who keeps his faith no matter what happens around me.”
An unexpected peace began to envelop him. He might have stumbled through the fires of this trial and made a mountain of mistakes along the way, but his God had forgiven him. It was a forgiveness he didn’t deserve—no one did—yet God offered it freely to anyone who would accept His unfailing love and follow Him. Strange how he’d heard sermons preaching the same lesson dozens of times since he was a boy, and yet it had taken this long for the words to pierce his heart.
&nb
sp; Star ran up beside him and licked the back of Adam’s neck. He sat up and rubbed the mutt’s ears. “How are ya doing, boy?”
In spite of the seriousness of the moment, Adam laughed out loud. God must have a sense of humor.
“I guess God created you for a reason, as well, you little rascal.” He gathered the pup into his arms. “While it might be hard for me to admit it, I’ve enjoyed your company. Especially the fact that you listen and never argue with me.”
Emotionally drained, Adam felt a wave of fatigue overcome him, but he knew that there was something left he had to do. He’d finally found it within himself to forgive Jarek for what he had done to his brother. Forgiving himself for what happened that day was something he knew he’d continue to struggle with, but come daybreak he’d head out to his parents’ house. It was time to ask Lidia for her forgiveness.
Lidia stood on the front porch of the Johnson family home and watched the stars dance in the heavens above her. Since a girl, she’d been mesmerized by the beauty of the night sky. Like precious pearls strung out across a velvet mantle, they left her to wonder about what lay beyond Earth’s landscape. Discoveries, like Maria Mitchell’s finding of a new comet, or Asaph Hall’s more recent detection of two satellites circling the planet Mars, had always fascinated her. Tonight, though, it was hard for her to find the beauty in anything around her.
Jarek was dead.
Somewhere, deep inside her, she’d managed to hold onto the sliver of hope that things would turn out differently. That all of this would be nothing more than a horrible mistake. That Jarek really hadn’t killed Samuel, and any day now he was going to come riding back into her life as the boy she used to know.
But none of that would ever happen.
She’d never again watch Jarek play baseball in the dusty field behind her parents’ row home. Never see his eyes light up when he laughed or pulled a childish prank on her or Koby.
Shivering at a gust of wind that swept across the open land before her, Lidia pulled her shawl closer around her shoulders and went inside the house. The living area was empty, though she could hear ripples of laughter coming from the lighted kitchen. The normally pleasant scents of cinnamon, brown sugar, and homemade bread wafted into the dimly lit living room, but tonight it only made her stomach churn. Food was the last thing she was interested in. Picking up a newspaper, she sat on the rocking chair beside the fireplace and creased the paper’s folded edges.