18 Things

by Jamie Ayres

  Knowing he was right, I tried to lighten the mood. “I’ve missed Jimi Hendrix.”

  I rubbed his afro for luck, a daily ritual for the five members of the Jedi Order, Conner’s nickname for our group of friends. There were only four members now. Maybe we should let Tammy in as a replacement. Conner would’ve liked that. Maybe Nate could join us, too.

  Sean nudged me. “We’ve missed you, too. Is today just a fluke, or are you rejoining our Jedi Order?”

  I sipped my water and thought about his question. “Hand me a lightsaber and call me Ahsoka.”

  Tammy and Nicole stormed our way, Kyle lagging behind.

  Tammy gave an exasperated sigh. “You really think I wrote you like, death threats?”

  “Well, you and I didn’t exactly have the best track record,” I said lightly. My heart beat a little bit faster just thinking about it.

  She contorted her face, agitation showing as she wiped a sheen of sweat from her forehead. “Right. And we all know I had no problem telling you exactly what I thought. I wouldn’t anonymously send you death threats. I have way more dignity than that.”

  “Word,” Kyle said.

  I looked at him from the corner of my eye.

  He shrugged. “What? She does keep it real.”

  I thought about her tricking me into believing Conner asked her to prom and then tricking Kyle into asking me to be his date even though he clearly dug Tammy. I laughed so hard I had to dig around in my beach bag for my standard pack of pocket tissues. Nate took my momentary lapse of reason to introduce himself to the rest of the gang.

  After we finished our lunch of subs, chips, and watermelon, Sean and Nicole announced they were heading out to the water for a swim and invited me along. I declined with the excuse of not wanting to be a third wheel, which was really the least of my worries. There was some truth to it though. They’d dated ever since prom. I fumbled in my bag for some sunscreen and looked up to discover Sean sporting a Speedo.

  “What are you wearing?” I screamed, pointing.

  He turned around, modeling. The back of his swimwear read ‘Real Men Wear Speedos.’

  “Isn’t it great?” he asked, not masking his pride. “Nicole bought it for me as a joke, but the joke’s on her because I’m wearing this baby like a white man from Ohio wears tall white socks with shorts.”

  With my eyes closed, I tried to shake the image of Sean in a Speedo from my mind. “Which I’d like to point out, is not a good thing!”

  I opened my eyes and caught him shrugging.

  “Whatever. Every social gathering is a two hour countdown until we can chill in our underwear again. Wear a Speedo. Problem solved.”

  “Dude, you have the most convoluted thought process of anyone I know,” Kyle told him.

  Nicole flung her arms around Sean’s back, and he carried her into the water.

  I reapplied the sunscreen to my pale face and couldn’t slip my sunglasses on fast enough. “I’m gonna need government spies to erase that image from my brain.”

  Nate laughed as I leaned back on my towel, watching Tammy and Kyle walk down the beach with some other GHHS students beaching it. Every guy she walked by checked her out, but I was glad she at least showed Kyle some love.

  “Your friends are nice,” Nate said.

  I automatically turned to see if he checked out Tammy.

  He didn’t.

  “Yeah. We call ourselves the Jedi Order. Conner thought of it. I just wish everyone would chill with the guilt trips. I mean, my best friend died.” I kept my eyes steady on Sean and Nic playing in the water.

  They make it look so easy.

  I turned back to Nate.

  He crossed his arms around his waist. “Yeah, but wasn’t he their best friend, too? It’s good you’re coming around. The longest journey commences with a single step, and the first step is always the hardest.”

  I smiled. For better or worse, I liked his offbeat remarks. “Yeah, and one of those first steps includes writing a bucket list of eighteen things to do with my life over the next year.” Pulling out the stationary and pen, I told him about Dr. Judy’s order, then asked, “Any ideas?”

  “Can my suggestions fall under things that may land you in jail?”

  Raising my eyebrows, I said, “Jail? I can’t wait to hear this list.”

  He cocked his head to the side. “Crash a wedding.”

  “Really? Isn’t that kind of lame? I mean, why do people ruin somebody’s perfect day just to hook up with some lonely bridesmaid?” My voice was kind of sharp, and I made a mental note to tone it down. I didn’t want to scare off Mr. Hottie here, which was still the weirdest thing for me to be thinking.

  “What? I wouldn’t ruin their day; I’d add to it. And you’re the one who is lame.”

  I didn’t know what to make of him calling me lame. I couldn’t tell if he was joking or serious, so I returned my focus to the piece of paper in front of me. “So, am I keeping wedding crashing?”

  “Why not? A bucket list is all about trying new things, right? Which leads me to your number seventeen … firewalking.” There was an unmistakable glint in his eyes.

  I pursed my lips. “Something warns me you’ve already done crazy stuff like this before.”

  “Yep. Whenever I can use a little help focusing mind over matter, I go firewalk.”

  I wondered if the experience would’ve given me the faith I needed to tell Conner I loved him.

  Too late for that now.

  I didn’t toy with the idea for long, or it may have brought on another nervous breakdown. “You know, sometimes getting cold feet isn’t such a terrible thing.”

  Nate looked at me with vivid eyes, a mixture of blue and green, sporting a smile and wild look that said he plotted something. “Please, girl. Who in their right mind wouldn’t want to leisurely stroll over coals hotter than an oven?”

  I thrust my finger at him. “Fine, but the next one needs to be a little tamer.”

  His mouth curved into a slow smile. “You handle the lame—I mean—tame ones.”

  Laughing quietly to myself, I jotted down number sixteen.

  He read over my shoulder. “Watch the one hundred greatest movies of all time. Wow, don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.”

  “Just trying to make it easy on myself. The Jedi Order has probably watched a good portion of those already. I think I’ll write ‘read The Lord of the Ring series’ for the next one.”

  His eyes widened. “No offense, but you seem like a textbook only type girl, like you wouldn’t even know how to read a book for fun.”

  I picked up a handful of sand, then threw it in his lap. “They were Conner’s favorite books.”

  Tilting my head, I studied him, trying to find one flaw or fault. When I came up empty, I looked around and noticed a lady in a beach chair, typing on her laptop. “Nope. I’ll jot that down. I’m also thinking of starting my own blog this summer. But I don’t know. I’ll already have a lot of stuff to do for the Bucs’ Blade. Bucs’ Blade is our Grand Haven High School publication. I’ve been on staff since freshman year, and Nicole joined me last year. We hold the coveted title of Business Managers next year.”

  He raised his eyebrows.

  “Yeah, not. It just means we’ll spend a good portion of summer trying to fill up ad space for the upcoming school year.” I exhaled loudly. “What do you think about a blog?”

  He flashed me a ‘thumbs-up’. “Sounds good.”

  “You don’t think I’m opening myself up to a whole new world of people who will ignore me?”

  “I’m not sure the point is achieving one hundred followers to read your uncensored rants or anything. Just do it for yourself. I’ll read it, so that’s all that matters.”

  He squeezed my leg and I adjusted my oversized sunglasses, hoping they helped hide my flushed face.

  I smiled at him, then gazed out at the horizon where the water met the sky. “I know this may seem silly because I’ve already done this so many times, but I think I
need to add go sailing on my list.”

  My hands shook as I wrote it down and realized ‘go sailing’ was number thirteen on the list. Thirteen was also the number on the sailboat Conner and I rented the day he died. I don’t know if I believed in bad omens, but this seemed like a big one.

  Reaching over, he patted my back. “Great idea. I’m coming with you for sure.”

  “Where are we going?” Tammy pranced over and snatched a piece of watermelon from the cooler.

  “Nate’s just giving me suggestions for my list.”

  “You started without me? Uh, rude. That means I get to make suggestions and you have to take them.”

  “Come on, even your worst enemies don’t deserve that.”

  “Well, I am your worst enemy. Remember, we have the whole love hate thing going on. So, you need to throw a big party and invite everyone you know.”

  It took me a minute to mentally calculate that everyone I really knew was at the picnic with me. After flashing my Cheshire grin, I said, “Fine, but you’re underestimating how many people I actually know. Even my apartment is big enough for that, and you haven’t seen where I live.”

  A breeze blew across us, ruffling our towels. “Okay, then we’ll invite some of my peeps. Have you ever been to a party minus parents before?”

  “My parents wouldn’t allow that.”

  She threw her head back in bray laughter. “True dat. We better make the party at someone else’s crib. It’ll be epic. Oh, write down sneak out, too. You probably owe your parents a whole list of eighteen things for rebellion alone.”

  “Let’s go, let’s go, L-E-T-S-G-O!” I answered in faux cheer.

  “Oh. My. Gawd!” Tammy squealed. “Put down ‘try out for the cheerleading team’.”

  My mouth fell open, and I shook my head.

  “Seriously. How many extracurricular activities do you have? You need those for your college applications.”

  She was right. Even as I jotted down her suggestion, it pained me to admit newspaper and math team probably wouldn’t be enough.

  “Hey, have you ever stayed up all night to watch a meteorite shower?” Nate asked.

  “Nope. That makes eight things, ten more to go.”

  I wiped a hand across my sweaty forehead, toying with the idea of putting my feet in the water to cool down a bit. Especially since Sean was walking toward us with Nicole, flaunting his Speedo.

  “Waz up, ya’ll?” Sean shouted in a mocking feminine tone.

  “Olga’s metamorphosis,” Nate said.

  “Meta-what?”

  “Our counselor asked her to write a life list of eighteen things to do. Metamorphosis means change. It’s also a reference to the story by Franz Kafka, a highly symbolic tale dealing with the absurdity of human existence.”

  Tammy turned away and snorted at his explanation. “An-y-ways, suggestions? For the list, I mean.”

  Sean raked his fingers through his afro. “Enter a karaoke contest at Jumpin’ Java.”

  I shook my head, my hair blowing in the wind. “I’ll never recover my dignity after this list is done.”

  “What dignity?” Sean said, making a tsking sound under his breath. “Besides, karaoke contests are fun. I’ll help you practice.”

  “Oh yeah. Didn’t you win that contest three times already?” I asked, writing ‘karaoke’ down on the piece of paper.

  “Yesss. I did!”

  “Someone’s a little too hyper today,” Nicole said, handing Sean his shorts, which he thankfully slipped on. “Can I suggest a serious one, or is that not allowed?”

  My skin felt like it was baking in an oven. I fanned myself with the paper. “Fire away.”

  “Start telling people what you really think.”

  A flag snapped in the wind, causing me to glance towards the lifeguard tower. A little boy cried for his mother as the tanned guy in red shorts spoke into his walkie-talkie. “Better yet—keep my parents happy, keep the little number of friends I actually have, keep my job, keep my mouth shut.”

  We stared at each other for a minute.

  “I’m serious. You need to stop saying what you think everyone wants to hear and speak your mind.”

  “Sounds like a winner,” Nate said, grabbing the pen and paper from my hands, then writing Nicole’s advice down. “And I’m writing down another good one.”

  He scribbled a few words, then handed the paper back to me.

  “Spend one day following what the Magic 8-ball says? Um, yeah, my sources say no.”

  “Too late. It is written.”

  I studied him from the corner of my eye. “This isn’t the gospel.”

  “Practically. This is your freakin’ personal Holy Grail encounter.”

  “Fine,” I said through gritted teeth.

  “Oh, I know one! I know one!” Tammy shouted. “Get a tattoo!” She pointed to the pirate skull and crossbones on her lower abdomen, right next to her belly button. As head cheerleader, I guess she really was zealous about supporting our GHHS Buccaneers. “I’m getting another one this week, a small one right here.” She pointed to her chest, just above her left boob. “You should totally come with me.”

  “Yeah, when I have six-pack abs and boobs I can bounce a quarter off of, then I’ll do that.”

  She laughed. “Okay, then. How many more things do you need for your quest?”

  I looked down at my list. “Five.”

  “Yesss! Final five—time to get serious.”

  Nicole’s eyes went wide. “I know number five. Ride the biggest roller coaster in the U.S.”

  Tammy cleared her throat. “I don’t know. Sounds a bit clichéd for a top five pick.”

  “Maybe. But Olga’s never even been on a roller coaster.”

  She stretched out a hand to me, gesturing. “Oh, then write it down. We won’t even have to travel far because I’ve already done that one before. It’s Millennium Force at Cedar Point in Ohio.”

  My stomach did a nervous drop just thinking about the amusement park. “I know a good one for number four,” I said, looking from Kyle to Sean. “Help Cantankerous Monkey Squad sign a record deal. If I’m supposed to move on, then maybe it’s time you guys start auditioning for a new singer.”

  Their mouths fell open, but then Sean nodded. “Alrighty. I’ll put a shout out on Twitter tonight.”

  Nate caught a stray frisbee and then threw the disc back to the owner. “This is weird, but I was actually the lead singer and guitarist in a band back home. I was gonna ask around about other musicians when school started, but it’d be cool if I could jam with you guys.”

  Kyle drummed his palms against his knees. “What kind of band was it?”

  “Alternative rock with an indie style.”

  Sean and Kyle squinted at each other.

  “That’s exactly what we are,” Sean told Nate.

  “Well, why don’t we all jam at my house tonight?” Kyle asked.

  Nate and Sean nodded in agreement. The situation was eerie, a little too convenient—like Nate was planted here in our lives by God or something.

  A few moments of silence passed, aside from the sound of Nate chomping on a bag of chips, while we all thought.

  “Maybe it should be renamed fifteen things,” I suggested, reaching over and then shoving a few chips in my own mouth.

  Nate snorted. “Just Zen. We’ll think of something.”

  Tammy rubbed some tanning oil on her legs. “So, are we all doing this list, too?”

  “I like the sound of that.” I winked. “I mean, you don’t have to do everything with me, but it’d be nice to have company for most of these if I’m gonna get through it.”

  “Wimp.” Sean coughed the word loudly.

  I jerked my head up, surveying him from the corner of my eye.

  He looked at me, holding up his soda can before taking a sloppy sip. “You checking me out?”

  “Yes, but only with this eye.” I pointed to my right pupil.

  “Which eye?”

  “M
y good eye, so don’t try any malarkey,” I said, looking over my list.

  “Oh, crap.”

  Nate smacked my shoulder. “Number three—break a world record.”

  “You already sound like a broken record, and I just met you, Plato,” I said, writing his suggestion down. Sweat dripped off my arm, and I pulled my hair into a sloppy ponytail with the standard hair tie I wore on my wrist.

  “Oh, we got ourselves a wise guy here,” Nate cracked, stretching his arm around my waist and tickling my sides.

  I laughed in a please stop, that’s not fair kind of way, until Nicole stuck her head between us and shot me a look, making me quiet down.

  She picked up my pen and paper, wrote something down, then handed it back to me. “Go on a date/get a boyfriend/fall in love?”

  “Don’t look at me like I got my forehead pierced or something. I’m sure I’m not the only one here who thinks you should at least go on your first proper date.”

  Gosh, she made me sound so pathetic sometimes! Her condescending remarks drove me crazy, but I knew she didn’t mean anything by the comment.

  “You’ve never been on a date?” Tammy practically screamed. “Well, call me the Jehovah girl of matchmaking.”

  I shook my head. “Thanks, but no thanks.”

  “Aw, come on. I’m practically the role model for getting guys to ask me out. What kind of frenemy would I be if I didn’t hook a sister up?”

  Looking at Kyle, I suddenly felt angry about the last time she tried hooking me up with a date, when she robbed me of the experience of Conner finally asking me out.

  “Did you get your brain amputated or something? I said no.”

  Tammy stood, hands on her hips, accentuating the curves I’d never have. “I was just trying to help.”

  She turned on her heels, then marched down the beach to her other friends.

  “It’s not like I’ve never been on a date,” I grumbled under my breath.

  Nicole rolled her eyes, sighing dramatically. “The bowling alley doesn’t count as a proper date.”

  “Bowling alley?” Nate asked.

  I shrugged like it didn’t matter, but the truth was never going on an official date really bothered me. “When we all went to Rock’n’Bowl at Starlite Lanes last summer, we ran into some guys from school. One of them offered to drive me home because he lives in the same apartment complex as me. Then he tried to kiss me when he dropped me off.”