by K. G. Reuss
The lake. My dad. Ice cream. Lance.
“This is so you remember to not turn into your whore of a mother,” he spat out wickedly as the jingling of his belt struck fear into the depths of my soul.
I winced as his belt came down hard on my back. I didn’t flinch. I stopped crying. He liked it when I reacted. Instead, I envisioned dancing with Lance. Laughing. Playing at the lake while my dad fished. Every happy memory I had, I focused on. This moment didn’t exist. I was happy. I was free. The bite of the belt wasn’t real. Alan’s groans of ecstasy as he beat me weren’t real. His ugly words weren’t real.
I had faith that better things were coming for me. I’d be leaving soon, then I’d be free. I just had to hold on for a little longer.
I ground my teeth as he hit me one final time, the disgusting sound of his moans making my stomach roll. He was finished.
“Look at me,” he breathed out. I obeyed, rolling over with a whimper to stare up at him. His face was red. His hair was a mess. “Get cleaned up. You look like shit.”
He didn’t wait for me to reply. The front door closed downstairs, and he left my room quickly. I knew he was going to go greet my mother. Maybe argue some more. And then he’d be back.
I stumbled to my bathroom and ran a shower and climbed in, making sure to lock my bathroom door first. I sank down onto my bottom and sobbed as the water pelted me.
Why, God? Why? What did I do to deserve this?
“Please, God,” I prayed in a choked sob, my voice hoarse. “Send someone to save me. To protect me. Please!”
I closed my eyes and rested my head against the wall, my tears mixing with the spray of water, having faith that I’d be rescued by a prince soon. Someone who would chase my demons away.
He was coming. I knew he was.
“Please hurry,” I whispered through the steam. “Please.”
Chapter 4
After a panic-induced night with Alan in my room berating me and slapping me around after my mom passed out from all her alcohol consumption, I rushed from the house and straight to school. I’d put on my blue sundress and made sure my hair was in a tight ponytail, my cardigan on.
I managed to make it through the morning feeling exhausted. There was some buzz about a new guy. All the girls were swooning, but I hadn’t seen him yet. Not that it mattered. I had more important things to worry about. Besides, he’d probably make his way through the female population in no time at all if he was like any of the other guys. I imagined Jess was already all over him. She had a habit of doing that.
“You look tired,” Lance’s voice was in my ear, and I gave a start.
“Hey,” I breathed out as he came around and took my lunch tray from me to carry. I followed him to our usual table which was still empty. We sat down together, and he pushed a stray piece of hair away from my cheek.
“How are you?” he asked gently, his hazel eyes sweeping over my face.
“OK.” I shrugged, wincing. My back ached from my beating.
“Maggie, why don’t you just leave? I worry so much about you. You know that, don’t you?”
“I know,” I murmured.
“If anything happened to you—” his voice trailed off.
“I’ll be fine,” I assured him not really believing it.
“But you aren’t fine. I can see it in your eyes. Did you even sleep last night? I know Alan stresses you out. I hate it.”
“I slept a little.” I gave him a forced smile, wanting to tell him that Alan did more than stress me out but clamped my lips together tightly before those words poured out. “How was the movie?” I desperately wanted to change the subject. He eyed me for a moment before letting out a sigh.
“It sucked. Anything Jess picks out sucks, though. And you weren’t there.”
“I’m sorry—”
“Don’t be.” He smiled sadly at me. “As long as you’re OK.”
“I am.” I squeezed his hand. Andrew and Chelsea joined us, and not long after, Zach and Jess were there. And then everyone else.
“Oh my God, did you see the new guy?” Chelsea gushed, tossing her red hair over her shoulder.
“Yeah,” Jess grinned knowingly. “We met him over the weekend. He’s so hot.”
Lance gave me a tight smile at the mention of the guy.
“Jess, you think the janitor is hot.” Zach rolled his eyes at her.
“Screw you.” She threw a grape at him. He caught it with his mouth and winked at her.
“I bet he has a motorcycle,” Chelsea continued dreamily. “He looks like the type to ride one.”
“I don’t care what he rides as long as it’s me.” Jess giggled, and Chelsea joined her. I wrinkled my nose at their abhorrent words.
“Speak of the devil,” Lance murmured. I wasn’t paying much attention to him as I poked at my salad, wondering what after school activity I could join that would take me away from being at home with Alan. Jess had suggested cheerleading, but I wasn’t all that outgoing. And I didn’t think I’d be very good at it. It seemed like such a mindless activity, but anything was better than nothing anymore.
I was lost in my morose thoughts when I heard an unfamiliar voice say my name.
“Maggie.”
I looked up at him as Lance shifted uncomfortably beside me. The guy was beautiful. Black hair. Blue eyes. Muscles for days. And a smile that could melt the paint off a fire hydrant.
Fallen angel.
It was the first thought that jumped into my mind. His eyes were focused on me like I was the only person in the world.
I gave him a small, shaky smile and was surprised when he held his hand out for me to shake. I looked at it quickly before taking his hand in mine. A jolt of something like heat entered my body at his touch. He winced for a moment, his hand firmly around mine. I’d never felt anything like it before. It wasn’t terrible. But it was startling.
“Hi,” I managed to say softly, averting my eyes from him. He was taking my breath away. My body felt tingly and strange inside, like something was waking up within me.
“How do you like Central so far?” Lance asked. The guy released my hand, but I could still feel his eyes on me.
“It’s getting better,” he answered. I chewed on my bottom lip at his words. They didn’t mean anything. They couldn’t. I was reading too much into it.
“What’s your next class?” Chelsea asked.
“Advanced biology,” he replied.
“Oh, you have class with Maggie,” Zach cut in.
“Maybe we could walk together,” he said it more as a statement than as a question. He was confident. Ridiculously so.
“Sure,” I gave in, not wanting to be rude and say no. The truth was, the guy left me feeling unnerved and overpowered. It was like he could take control of me, and there wouldn’t be a thing I could do to fight him off. Alan flashed in my mind, making my thoughts turn bitter. He liked to control too.
The conversation moved to cheerleading, then to how I’d look in the uniform.
“You don’t have to try out,” Lance assured me gently as my friends teased me.
“Brax is trying out for the football team, right?” Jess’s attention went to the guy. Brax. What a strange name. But it suited him.
“I was thinking about it,” he replied. My attention roved back to cheerleading. It was the only thing I could really do that would keep me away from home. I’d even be gone late into the night for away games. The idea was becoming more appealing as I thought about it. I just had to figure out how to do it. Alan would have a fit if I was a cheerleader. He didn’t like me in short dresses or skirts. He said I looked like a whore.
My stomach churned at the thought, and I frowned down at the salad I was listlessly pushing around on my tray.
“Hey, are you going to Andrew’s party this weekend?” Lance cut into my morose thoughts.
“I’m not sure,” I answered softly, glancing at Brax unwillingly, something inside me forcing me to look at him once more. He was just as beaut
iful as he had been moments ago. What he was doing sitting at a lunch table in the Central High commons when he could be off in Hollywood was beyond me.
“I could pick you up,” Lance continued.
“I’ll let you know,” I replied, not wanting to say more than was necessary in front of Brax since I had an inkling he was listening to our conversation even though he appeared to be paying attention to everyone else. Lance let out a sigh and took my tray for me as the bell rang.
“Walk with me to class?” Brax asked, his blue eyes wide as he turned to look at me.
“Yeah, sure,” I said embarrassedly as I rose from my seat. He fell in step beside me, not saying a word. My cheeks heated up. Damn my nerves! When we got to my locker, I pulled it open to gather my books. Brax leaned against the locker beside mine, his gaze fixed on me.
“You’d make a terrible cheerleader,” he stated knowingly.
I thought I’d heard him wrong. “Excuse me?”
“You’re too shy. You hold back too much. Cheerleaders are loud and outgoing. You’d make a terrible cheerleader,” he said the words easily without an ounce of emotion in them. He made me believe they were true. Or maybe I already knew they were.
“I could do it,” I said, the backs of my eyes burning. Who was I kidding? And who did this guy think he was?
“Guess you’ll just have to prove me wrong then, huh?” He chuckled easily, the smile not reaching his blue eyes. He was being polite. He knew I couldn’t do it.
“I doubt it,” I hung my head sadly, the will to fight over it not really in me.
“Did I upset you?” He sounded surprised. Of course, he upset me! I wasn’t about to admit it though. I’d promised myself long ago not to let people know my pain.
“No,” I straightened up. “No.” I grabbed my books and scurried away from him, hoping he decided to walk to class on his own.
“I’m sorry,” he said, catching up to me. I glanced at him. He was frowning. He wasn’t sorry. And if he was, he seemed confused about it.
“No, it’s fine. You’re probably right anyway,” I said, slowing down as we neared our biology class.
“Maybe I’m not.” His hand came out, and he grabbed my elbow, pulling me to a stop. My breath hitched. No one ever touched me. Maybe Lance and my mom sometimes. And always Alan. But no one else. Ever. I averted my eyes, unable to make eye contact with him. Maybe I was conditioned to fear a man in control. A man I knew who could take control. And I knew Brax was that guy.
“You should try, Maggie. There’s nothing wrong with trying, right?” He sounded almost desperate, hungry for my fight, the words rushed as they fell from his mouth.
“Right,” I glanced up at him, desperately wanting to move away. Or curl up in his arms. It was a difficult and conflicting emotion, one that left me confused.
He gave me a nod, a look of sadness crossing over his handsome face before releasing my arm. We walked into the classroom together, and he sat down beside me. I didn’t have a lab partner. Looked like I was going to be getting one now.
The teacher began lecturing, and I furiously scribbled down notes. I caught Brax glancing at me from time to time, but he never said a word. When we were free to work on the lab, I hastily began gathering supplies. Being around Brax made me feel strange. Suffocated. But needy. It was almost like he was controlling the air I breathed, commanding what I was allowed to use.
“In a hurry?” he asked as I started setting up slides for the microscope.
“Yes,” I answered breathlessly. I opened my notebook and started jotting things down.
“You take this school stuff pretty seriously, huh?” he continued, leaning against the table.
“How can you tell?” I muttered. I was being rude. It was uncalled for. He’d been nothing but nice to me, well, mostly. He didn’t deserve for me to treat him like that.
“I’m sorry,” I apologized softly, putting my pen down. “I was rude.”
“Actually,” his voice was low and sent a flurry of butterflies through my chest and down to my stomach. He moved behind me and put his arms on either side of me, effectively pinning me to the table. “I prefer you feisty, or rude, as you put it. I like a woman with a bite to her.”
I couldn’t breathe! A heat wave spread through my body. I felt the flush in my cheeks, and my hands began to tremble.
Please. Please don’t hurt me!
The thought was a random one laced with fear.
“Get on your knees, Maggie.”
“Please—”
His hand came out and grasped my hair. He flung me easily to the ground, my arms flailing as I tried to catch myself. I let out a cry as my wrist bent back. He was on me in an instant, his large body pinning me to the floor, his eyes filled with greed as he gazed down at me, licking his lips.
I struggled beneath him, my wrist screaming with each twist, but he pressed me harder into the floor, his hips grinding into mine over our clothes.
Not like this. Not like this!
My heartbeat roared in my ears. Brax was looking at me, his blue eyes filled with concern. He slowly pushed away from me.
“We should get this lab done,” his voice was a low rumble. I nodded and grabbed my pencil, relieved to be free. My hands were still shaking.
He’s not Alan, you stupid, broken girl!
Not Alan. Not Alan. Not Alan.
Just Brax. Not Alan.
Anything was better than Alan.
Chapter 5
I rushed out of the room the moment the bell rang. I needed to breathe. I needed to calm down. Brax looked like he wanted to say something to me, but I couldn’t stay to listen to it.
I made it to the girls’ bathroom and splashed my face with cool water and drew in a few shaky breaths.
“You’re OK,” I murmured at my reflection. “Everything will be OK. Just breathe.”
I repeated it until I believed it. I had overreacted. He was just a teenage guy who was probably used to girls swooning over him. He didn’t know I had my own issues. He meant no harm.
I reasoned with myself over it for the rest of the day. Finally, I decided he may not be the kind of guy I’d hang out with, even though something inside of me was screaming to run straight into his arms. I was being crazy and irrational. Stressed. About to break.
But I wouldn’t. I’d never break.
And I was going to go out for cheerleading. I wanted an escape, and it was the closest I had to one. So when tryouts came around, I dressed in my yoga pants and tank top and went out to the field and stood with the other hopefuls.
I chanced a glance at the football team and saw Brax talking to Zach. They were laughing about something.
“Maggie? Did you hear what I said?” Brenda, the red-haired cheer captain asked, rolling her eyes at me.
“Um, no. Sorry.” I tore my eyes away from Brax as he took a drink.
“I said we’re going to line up and each of you is going to perform one of our cheers. Then we want to see what you can do on your own. Got it?”
“Yes,” I nodded. “Got it.”
We rolled through the cheers. I couldn’t keep my eyes away from Brax, though. I paid more attention to him than I did to what I was doing. He was spectacular. He ran faster than anyone else. He could throw farther. And he knew it. I could tell by the way he carried himself that he knew he was the best. Maybe he even rivaled Lance, who was incredible.
“Congrats, Maggie,” Jess said, coming up to me two hours later. “You made the squad!”
“Great!” I said, hoping I sounded enthusiastic.
“You only made it because you’re so pretty and your back handspring was better than Marci’s,” she continued. Figured. A back-handed compliment from her.
They began calling out the others who’d made it, and I stood awkwardly among them, feeling out of place. But I’d made it. That meant no more late nights with Alan, or at least not as many.
I caught Brax looking over at us out of the corner of my eye.
I could
do this. And that included handling the gorgeous blue-eyed devil who was looking in my direction as he spoke to Zach. I drew in a shaky breath, praying that this was all the beginning of the end of the terrible things in my life.
Chapter 6
“Hey!” Brax called out to me and Jess as we made our way across the parking lot. We stopped and waited for him to catch up, and I embarrassedly looked him up and down in awe. He was the guy girls dreamed of being swept off their feet by. And I was sure he knew it as he smiled widely at me, a twinkle in his eyes. I blushed furiously, wanting to sink into the ground at having been caught ogling him.
“Hey, Brax!” Jess exclaimed. “Did you make the team?”
“I did,” his smile widened.
“Oh, I’m so happy for you!” Jess proclaimed, using her signature arm touch move on him. If he noticed, he didn’t pay any attention to it, his eyes focused on me.
“Did you make the squad?” he asked me.
“Yes,” I answered, still embarrassed.
“I guess I was wrong then,” he replied lightly. “You do have what it takes to be a Central High Cheerleader. Will you accept my apology?”
“Um,” I tried to look anywhere but at him. My hands seemed like a good place to focus. “Sure.”
“Good. How about we go out for some pizza to celebrate?” he pressed.
“I-I should get home.” I was nervous. Going out for pizza could be a death sentence if Alan found out. But he was supposed to work late. He always worked late on Mondays. On the other hand, I was allowed out until ten with permission. But he wasn’t home to ask. I warred with myself.
“No way, Maggie,” Jess broke in, rolling her eyes. “You just made the squad! You always bail on everything. Live a little. Damn.” I knew this was more than about me going out. She wanted Brax to go too, and he was the one who brought up going out for pizza.
“OK, but I can’t be out too late,” I relented, shifting my heavy bag on my shoulder. If Alan got home before me there’d be hell to pay since I hadn’t asked for permission.