Testimony of the Blessed

by K. G. Reuss

  No. NO!

  I silenced that voice immediately. I was being ridiculous. And stupid. And I so desperately wanted him to sweep me up in his arms and tell me he was the one. He was the guy that would save me. That he’d be the one to love me. He’d be the danger I needed.

  I couldn’t admit it to him. He’d laugh me out of the classroom. Besides, Lance wasn’t a bad choice. And I’d made my choice.

  “Maybe the pull isn’t everything. Look what it got my parents. Maybe I was a fool to want a love like that. Maybe nice is good enough and will make me happy. I-I don’t know. I’ve never done this before. He’s nice to me. He cares about me. He’s what I need,” I said the words. They weren’t a lie. He was all those things.

  I jerked as Brax snorted loudly again, his face filled with disbelief.

  “He cares about what’s under your skirt, Maggie.”

  The blood rushed to my face. My anger bubbled up inside of me. I had enough crap in my life. I didn’t need what he was serving.

  I slammed my pencil onto the table and grabbed my bag.

  “Where are you going?” Brax looked surprised.

  “I’m leaving. You’re being a jerk, and I’m not going to deal with it. In case you didn’t know, there are a lot of things going on in my life right now, and I’m on the verge of just quitting. I can’t deal with this right now! With you. I’m trying to be happy, and it’s so hard to be when everyone wants me to be miserable!”

  I didn’t wait for him to reply. I left the room without a backward glance at him. And even though he’d angered me, he also made me think. Maybe being with Lance was just a security net. And what I really needed was a risk.

  And Brax was a serious risk.

  Chapter 16

  I laid low the remainder of the day, avoiding all the areas I knew Brax frequented. My mind and heart were warring with one another.

  “Hey,” Lance greeted me with a hug at my locker after the last bell sounded.

  “Hey,” I breathed him in. A smattering of butterflies flurried, the tiny pull evident. I focused on it, letting it consume me, making me calm.

  “Want to grab a bite to eat?” Lance asked, pulling away.

  “Sure.” I gave him a shaky smile. Alan wasn’t going to be home until late again. I’d mentioned a study group the night before at dinner as my reason for being gone. The excuse had seemed to satisfy both parents and neither looked suspicious. And I knew Alan was only letting me go so he could try to find something later on to punish me for. I shuddered at the possibility, promising myself that I’d keep my nose clean.

  Lance took my bag, and we went out to his car.

  “You’re really quiet,” Lance commented as we drove.

  “Sorry,” I apologized.

  “You don’t need to apologize, sweetheart.” He smiled at me, took my hand, and pressed his warm lips to it. “Want to talk about it?”

  “I-I got into a fight with Brax,” I vented. Lance bristled.

  “What about?” He cleared his throat.

  “He was upset. He doesn’t seem to think you and I should be together,” I continued.

  “Yeah?” Lance snorted. “That doesn’t surprise me. The guy is a grade-A douchebag. He’s probably put out because he can’t have you.”

  “He wouldn’t want me,” I mumbled.

  “Why wouldn’t he? Haven’t you been paying attention?” Lance asked, surprised.

  When I didn’t say anything, he continued, “He stares at you all the time. He’s been grilling Zach about you. He wants you. And I don’t blame him. You’re incredible.” He pulled into the parking lot of our favorite hangout and turned to me. “You’re beautiful, Maggie.”

  He leaned forward after putting the car in park and planted a tender kiss on my cheek. “You’re sweet.” He kissed my eyelid. “You’re so kind.” He kissed the corner of my lips. “You’re perfection and don’t even know it. And that makes you even more desirable.”

  “You think I’m desirable?” I asked meekly.

  “God yes.” He smiled at me. “And you have no idea how hard it is for me not to kiss your lips and every inch of your body. I know you want to take things slowly, but it’s hard for me. I’ve liked you for so long, Maggie.”

  “I understand,” I answered softly. “It’s just, I’ve been dealing with Alan, and it’s scary for me.”

  “I know,” he murmured, pulling me across the seat to hug me. “And if you just say the word, I’ll end him.”

  “I don’t want you to do something like that. You’re a good person, Lance. I don’t want to be the reason your life gets ruined.”

  “It wouldn’t be ruined. It would be an added bonus to get rid of his sorry ass,” he grumbled, kissing my temple and pulling away. “Come on. Let’s eat.”

  He came around to my side and helped me out, his arm winding around my waist as we walked.

  Safety. My safety. It was OK to have a safety net. It kept people from getting hurt.

  We ordered and ate. Lance did most of the talking. Finally, he sighed and stared at me.

  “Maggie… What’s wrong? Talk to me.”

  “I’m just upset.” I shook my head. “Brax, he just really got to me today.”

  Lance’s eyes darkened, and he looked down at his plate for a moment before his eyes met mine.

  “I don’t want you around the guy, Maggie. He’s bad news. You two are barely friends. If he’s causing you this much turmoil, imagine what it would be like if you let him in. Promise me you’ll be careful. I really don’t like him. I’m going to have a talk with him about him bothering you.”

  “You don’t need to,” I interjected quickly. “I’m probably just overreacting.”

  “Bullshit,” Lance said sharply, his eyes flashing angrily. “You’re my girl, Maggie. And he wants you in more ways than you can imagine. I’ll do anything to protect you. If you only knew.” He ground his teeth, a muscle working in his jaw. “Just be careful.”

  “I will,” I replied, reaching out and taking his hand. He gave me a smile that didn’t reach his eyes. Now he was upset. Great.

  We finished our food and went back to his car. He grabbed my hand abruptly and pulled me to him, crushing my body to his, his lips in my hair, kissing it.

  “I worry about you, sweetheart. So much.”

  I wrapped my arms around him, a lump in my throat. If he only knew what my life was really like. I only let him know a little bit. The rest was too horrifying. Too embarrassing.

  “I’m fine,” I whispered into his chest.

  “You’re not. But you will be. Someday,” he replied, holding me tight. “I promise to make sure you get everything you deserve, Maggie.”

  A tear slid out of my eye. Maybe I didn’t deserve anything. Maybe this was how my life was meant to be. The thought sickened me as I felt sorry for myself. I tucked those feelings deep into my mind. Why couldn’t I just be normal?

  God, I wanted a way out.

  Chapter 17

  “Brax looks so hot in his uniform!” Jess gushed at Chelsea as we walked out to the football field later that night. “He’s going to Andrew’s tonight. I’m going to see if he’ll dance with me a bit and then, you know…” She waggled her eyebrows at Chelsea who snorted with laughter at the innuendo.

  “Why do you think he’ll take the bait?” I asked, feeling annoyed. It was lost on Jess and Chelsea, though.

  “Are you kidding me?” Jess laughed. “He’s a guy. And as far as I know, he hasn’t been laid, at least by anyone here. Besides, he’s already had a nibble.”

  “How do you know that?” I frowned at her. Something in the way she said nibble made me sick. Had they been together already? Maybe not all the way, but there might have been some kind of activity between them.

  “Because,” she answered scathingly, threading her arm through mine while Chelsea did the same on my other side, “if he’s been screwing someone here, everyone would know. All the girls want Brax Shepherd. No one would keep screwing him a secret. Except m
e.” She let the last sentence hang in the air.

  “Besides,” Chelsea added, “you know if he’s not screwing someone here, then he probably isn’t doing it elsewhere either. That boy must be ready to explode.”

  She and Jess shared another titter.

  “How do you guys do it?” I ventured. “How do you make guys want to do that with you? Especially guys you aren’t exactly with? And why?”

  “First off, sweetie,” Chelsea laughed. “You don’t need to be in a relationship with a guy for him to want to screw your brains out. You just have to be confident. And give him hints. Touch him. Laugh at his jokes. Act interested. He’ll be all over you like lube on a porn star.”

  “As to why,” Jess broke in, “why not? It’s fun to have some guy hammering away between your legs trying to get you off! Most of them can’t succeed anyway, but it’s damn sure fun to try!”

  The girls erupted into raucous laughter again, making me cringe. I couldn’t imagine ever just doing that with someone I didn’t care about.

  “You should try it, Maggie,” Jess continued, a dark glint in her eyes, her tone a bit more hostile. “Might loosen you up a bit, if you know what I mean!”

  More laughter.

  “And you better put out for Lance,” Chelsea supplied as we stepped onto the field. “That boy loves to play the love game. If you aren’t ready to play back, he will drop you like a sack of rotten potatoes.”

  Both girls unlaced their arms from mine and took their spots on the field, so we could welcome out our team. My stomach twisted painfully at their words. Could I give Lance that? Could I just be like the other girls? I cared for Lance, sure, but I wasn’t anywhere near ready for the next step in our relationship. And what if I didn’t put out? Would he wait for me?

  The nausea twisted like an angry snake through my insides. Lance was outgoing. The girls loved him. And he’d loved a lot of them back.

  I drew in a deep breath, telling myself I’d try. Something. Anything.

  I didn’t have time to dwell on my problems. The guys were rushing the field, all whooping and hollering. Lance reached out for me as he passed by, causing me to smile at him as I grasped his hand for a brief second. My smile faltered as Heidi, another cheerleader, reached out for him too. He gave her hand a quick squeeze and tossed her a sweet smile. It shouldn’t have bothered me, but it did. Especially after the conversation I’d just had with the girls.

  I swallowed down my insecurities and watched as Brax and Zach rushed past. Brax’s blue eyes were fixed on me, and he gave me an easy wink. I plastered the big, fake smile on my face, knowing damn well it didn’t reach my eyes and look convincing. A look of concern passed over his face quickly but disappeared just as fast as he passed by.

  When the game started, we did our cheers. I watched as Brax decimated his opponents. He was a force to be reckoned with. I could tell there was tension on the field though. Lance gave him a shove once, and Brax came back quickly before Zach separated them. The testosterone between the two fueled both their fires, making both of them play well. Brax was somehow still better, even going as far as hitting an opposing player hard enough to bring a stretcher onto the field.

  He seemed angrier than usual. More determined. Terrifying. I stared at him, our eyes locking across the field, and gave my head a tiny shake at the butterflies in my gut and at how cocky he was being. It didn’t seem like him. I didn’t like it.

  I was glad when the game ended. Brax had led the team to victory, and the crowd cheered his name loudly. He grinned widely as he left the field with Zach.

  We followed behind the team, everyone giddy with excitement.

  “So, have you decided what you’re going to do?” Jess asked, falling in step beside me.

  “About what?” I mumbled tiredly. I was in the middle of deciding how to talk to Brax and apologize for my earlier behavior. That boy needed guidance. Or God. Or both. He’d scared me tonight. There was something about his eyes whenever he looked at me. They were fierce. Unyielding. And not him.

  “You and Lance,” Jess sighed in exasperation. “If you want to put out for him, I suggest a bed for your first time. You’re too sweet for a backseat. Andrew will let you use his room.”

  “What?” I blubbered in shock.

  “What?” she repeated innocently and held up her phone. “I texted him. So here’s the thing—when you do this, you just take him by the hand and lead him upstairs. Keep your top on. Wait. You’ll being wearing one of your church dresses. That’s actually better. Just let him lift your skirt, so you don’t have to get undressed. Then you guys can get out of there faster. I doubt it’ll take much to get him in the mood, and if you’re scared to go all the way, maybe just give him a blow—”

  “Jess, stop,” I answered weakly. “I’m not ready for all that.”

  “Don’t be such a prude, Maggie.” She rolled her eyes at me. “Just lose it already. Trust me. You’ll feel so much better. And besides, Lance isn’t a bad choice.” Her mouth twisted down in frustration, her voice bitter.

  “Are you OK, Jess?” I asked gently.

  “I’m fine,” she snapped. “Just worry about you, OK? Get laid, Maggie. Maybe you’ll stop being so uptight.”

  She stormed away from me, leaving me standing there confused by her outburst.

  Chapter 18

  “You were great out there tonight,” I greeted Lance, wrapping my arms around his neck. He responded by putting his arms around my waist and smiling down at me.

  “You weren’t too bad yourself,” he answered. “Had a hard time keeping my eyes off of you. You in that uniform does something to me.”

  “Helps you win games?” I suggested.

  “Yeah.” He grinned. “That’s it.”

  “Looking good out there tonight, Maggie,” Zach said as he stopped beside us.

  “Thanks, Zach,” I answered. “You were good tonight too! Great job doing that blocking thing.”

  Zach and Lance both let out hearty laughs at my lack of knowledge on the sport.

  “We all did pretty good,” Zach grinned. “Shepherd was killing it though.”

  “He’s an asshole,” Lance grumbled.

  “Who’s an asshole? Shepherd?” Zach asked, scrunching his brows.

  “Yep,” Lance answered, that muscle thrumming in his jaw again.

  “You just don’t get him. He’s not that bad. I wish you two would get along. I think we’d have some fun if you guys could just chill.” Zach sighed.

  “I’d have broken his neck if Coach hadn’t gotten involved.”

  “Wait.” I frowned, looking between Zach and Lance. “Did you fight with Brax tonight?”

  “Not much of a fight,” Zach chuckled. “They threw each other around for a minute before Coach broke them up.”

  “Lance?” I asked, studying him. “Why?”

  “He was late getting here tonight. He hurt your feelings earlier. Do I need more than those two reasons?” Lance asked tightly. “The guy is a waste of space.”

  “I think you’re being harsh,” I murmured.

  “You’re kidding, right?” Lance asked, surprised. “He was all over your shit earlier, Maggie! You were upset about it.”

  I didn’t get a chance to reply because Jess joined us.

  “I need a ride to the party. Chelsea bailed on me, so she could ride with Bryce Sanders.” Jess pouted, mentioning one of the guys on the football team.

  “I’m sure someone will give you a ride,” Zach commented before looking at me. “You coming to Andrew’s?”

  “Yes,” I answered, nodding and casting a quick look at Jess who was staring back at me, clearly still angry over something.

  “Really?” Jess looked me up and down. “Real party girl, huh?”

  “Tonight I am,” I answered tightly. “I’m pretty sure my boyfriend gets tired of looking at the same worn out scenery every time he’s at a party. I thought I’d spice it up for him a bit. Besides, it has to be tiring for you to try so hard. Figured it would giv
e you a rest, so you can relax your legs for a bit. I bet they get tired from being open all the time.”

  Lance’s grip on my waist tighten, and Zach’s eyes darted between me and Jess. I wasn’t going to have her bully me. I hated being mean, but damnit, I got pushed around enough at home. I didn’t need her crap too.

  “Short of sucking Alan off, what did you have to do to go out tonight?” she continued with a sneer. I frowned at her. She was on her mean girl game for sure.

  “Jess, chill. Seriously,” Lance snapped at her before I could bite back with a reply.

  “I guess it’s a good thing she’s coming, huh, Lance?” Jess focused her steely glare on Lance who met it back with his own. “Especially since she’s dating you now. We all know how you can get at parties.”

  “Damn, girl. Your chill button broken tonight?” Zach asked, giving a low whistle. She didn’t stop as Lance bristled beside me.

  Turning her attention to me, she continued, “I walked in on him doing it with Becky Knight a few weeks ago.” She wrinkled her nose in distaste. “Honestly, I don’t know what he was thinking. She’s gross.”

  A shaky breath eeked out of my lungs. I hated hearing about how Lance was with other girls. I knew he had experience. But it wasn’t something I needed to know about.

  “Jess, shut the hell up!” Lance growled at her.

  “We all know your reputation,” she spouted, her brown eyes narrowed into slits, her voice a low hiss. “How long until you hurt Maggie like you hurt all the others? You know she’s never going to put out for you.”

  How long would he wait for me? The ugly thought came crashing down on me, sending my heart racing.

  The thought of him messing around behind my back made my insides twist painfully. I was just about to have a mild freak out when Lance tugged my hand and took a menacing step forward.

  “What the actual fuck is your problem tonight, Jess?” he demanded.

  “Let’s just calm down—” Zach started, but Jess wasn’t done.