Ice Dreams

by Jo Cotterill

  They smiled at each other, and Tania felt her heart thump harder. Looking into his eyes now – she could hardly do it without wanting to lean in closer. But Zac had made no move to kiss her since the time they’d been interrupted, and she couldn’t help the dreaded thought that perhaps he hadn’t meant to in the first place. Maybe he’s decided it was a mistake? Something deep inside ached at the thought.

  ‘Tania?’ shouted Brock. ‘You in another world? Did you hear what I just said?’

  Tania blinked, and realized that she’d been standing in a daze for some moments whilst Zac and Brock were deep in discussion at the other end of the rink. She skated over. ‘Sorry, what?’

  ‘I said,’ Brock repeated patiently, ‘that we need a big finish. You got any ideas?’

  ‘Um … a pair spin?’

  ‘We’ve got one of those earlier,’ said Zac. ‘And we used up the death spiral towards the beginning.’ He frowned. ‘I don’t suppose …’

  ‘What?’

  Brock tilted his head. ‘You got something, Zac?’

  ‘Well …’ Zac looked apologetically at Tania. ‘Tania might not like it.’

  ‘What is it?’

  Zac took a deep breath. ‘You can’t get much bigger than an overhead lift.’

  Tania’s heart thudded. ‘What kind of overhead lift?’ she asked, trying to sound calm.

  Zac screwed up his eyes. ‘A tabletop?’ he suggested.

  Brock’s eyes gleamed. ‘That’s a very hard lift to pull off, Zac. Very difficult indeed. And dangerous. It would be a fantastic finish to the programme. You think you could do it?’

  ‘Yes,’ said Zac. ‘But only if Tania wants to.’

  Tania felt the familiar panic creeping back. ‘You can’t lift me over your head,’ she said with a half-laugh. ‘I’m far too heavy.’

  Zac laughed. ‘You? You weigh almost nothing, look at you! Besides, all this lifting in practices has made me stronger than I was two months ago.’

  Tania bit her lip and looked at Brock. He gazed steadily back. ‘It’s your call, Tania. It’s pretty much as dangerous as you can get. If you fall from that height, it can mean a serious injury.’

  A loud crack, a high scream … no! Tania shut her eyes. You’ve overcome this! Don’t go back there!

  Brock’s voice was level. ‘On the other hand, it’s a stunning end to an amazing programme. And underneath you, you’d have one of the best skating partners I’ve ever coached.’

  Zac flushed.

  ‘I’m not kidding,’ said Brock, seeing Zac’s face. ‘You’ve improved beyond belief in such a short space of time. You’re careful with the lifts, you always make sure you land her well, but you’re strong and secure now that you’ve stopped launching yourself into things without thinking.’ He turned to Tania. ‘And you – you’ve improved too. Look at the tricks you’ve been pulling the last week or so. Back in the summer you’d never have dared try them. You’d have tensed up; you’d have botched them. But the fear is leaving you. You’re more open to new ideas; you’re tackling more complex sequences and leaps. A tabletop lift would be the high point of everything you’ve achieved recently.’ He coughed. ‘No pun intended.’

  Tania took a deep breath. She knew Brock was right. She knew she was stronger; less scared; more willing to try new things. And it was all down to Zac and his encouragement. But a tabletop lift? She would be supported only by Zac’s hands at her waist – held straight over his head, as he travelled round the rink. She’d be – what? Two metres off the ground? That was a long way to fall. She looked at Zac, and although he was avoiding her eyes, she suddenly knew she would do it. I’d trust him with my life, she thought, and a wave of warmth crashed over her. She nodded.

  ‘You sure, Tania?’ said Brock, watching her carefully.

  ‘Yes. I’m sure. I want to try it.’ She smiled. ‘Besides, you’re right. It would be the best moment in the programme. People would talk about it afterwards.’ Like they used to talk about my programmes, back when I was on top of my game. Before they started to whisper and gossip that I’d lost my edge. This would show them!

  Brock looked pleased. ‘Good. If you feel uncomfortable, we can take it out.’

  Zac reached for Tania’s hand. ‘I won’t let you down,’ he said.

  There was a pause, and Brock’s mouth twitched. Tania gave a small snort, and the next second they were all laughing fit to burst. ‘I didn’t mean that,’ spluttered Zac. ‘I meant I wouldn’t get it wrong – oh, never mind …’

  ‘It’s a bit scary,’ admitted Tania to Libby. ‘It’s a really long way up. But Zac is very strong. I just have to stay focused.’

  Libby was scrabbling around in her bag. ‘Where’s my phone? I must get some tickets. I wish you’d been trying this lift thing when I was watching, it sounds brilliant!’

  Tania couldn’t help smiling. ‘Everything’s good at the moment.’

  I must have left it at home,’ Libby went on, practically stuffing her head inside her bag. She sighed. ‘Never mind. Has he kissed you yet then?’

  ‘Libby …’

  ‘What?’ Libby gave her a grin. ‘Come on, you can tell me.’

  ‘There hasn’t been time,’ Tania said, fiddling with her hair. ‘We’re never alone. Brock’s always there, or other skaters.’

  ‘You should tell him how you feel about him.’

  ‘But what if he doesn’t feel the same way?’ Tania’s expression was appalled. ‘I mean, maybe he just thinks of me as a friend, or his skating partner?’ She stopped as a thought struck her.

  ‘What is it?’ asked Libby, seeing her hesitate.

  ‘It’s probably nothing … only he did say he didn’t want to skate solo. In competitions, I mean.’ Tania glanced up at her friend. ‘Do you think that means he wants to carry on skating with me?’

  Libby pulled a comical face. ‘How would I know? You’re never going to find out unless you ask him, Tania.’

  ‘It’s too close to the show,’ Tania said, shaking her head. ‘I can’t do it. It might mess everything up.’

  ‘But hang on a minute.’ Libby held up a hand. ‘I thought you were a solo skater. If Zac wants to carry on skating with you – well, that’s impossible anyway, isn’t it? You’ve always told me you do singles.’

  ‘I don’t know any more,’ Tania confessed in a low voice. ‘Something in me really doesn’t want to go back to skating on my own. But it’s so risky, Libby. He’s not got my training. What if it all went wrong? Besides, I hardly know anything about him. We only ever talk about skating. What if we’re – you know – incompatible or something?’

  ‘Or what if he’s already got a girlfriend?’

  Tania’s eyes opened very wide. ‘I hadn’t even thought of that! Do you think he might?’

  ‘Hmm.’ Libby sat down on a step. ‘He’s at college, right?’

  ‘Yeah, and he’s really bright. Physics, psychology and – something else. Hard stuff, I mean. He wants to go to university.’

  ‘And his parents run a pub.’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘Which pub? Where?’

  Tania shrugged helplessly. ‘I don’t know – I didn’t ask.’

  Libby gave a sigh of frustration. ‘You are a nightmare, Tania Dunn. If it were me, I’d want to find out everything I could about him.’

  ‘I didn’t want him to think I was nosy.’

  Libby raised her eyebrows. ‘Do you want to know more about him? I could do it for you, if you like. Find out stuff – I’m good at it.’

  ‘Don’t you dare!’ Tania was shocked. ‘Lib, please, don’t get involved. I’m sure things will work out one way or the other.’

  Libby looked disappointed. ‘I’m very discreet,’ she said. ‘Honestly, he’d never know.’

  ‘No!’

  ‘Oh, all right. But don’t complain you know nothing about him then.’

  ‘I wasn’t complaining!’

  Libby stuck out her tongue. ‘Look who’s touchy about her boyfriend now,’ she r
emarked.

  ‘He’s not my boyfriend.’

  ‘No, and he never will be if you don’t tell him how you feel.’ Libby paused, and then said unexpectedly, ‘What are you going to wear for the show?’

  ‘Don’t know yet.’ Tania pulled on her ponytail again. ‘Mum and I are going shopping tomorrow. She’ll customize whatever we get.’

  ‘How long is it till the show?’

  ‘Two weeks,’ said Tania.

  Libby looked at her friend. ‘Two weeks left with Zac,’ she commented. ‘And then what?’

  Chapter 15

  If you want to be the best

  ‘WHAT ABOUT THAT one?’ Caroline pointed. ‘Halterneck is a great style for you.’

  Tania looked at the dress hanging high on the wall. She frowned. ‘It’s not quite right.’

  Her mother sighed. ‘We’ve looked at them all, Tania. Skating dresses don’t grow on trees, you know. This is the only shop within sixty miles – unless we order online, and you never like doing that.’

  ‘I like to try them on first,’ said Tania.

  ‘Well, we could always order several designs and then send back the ones we don’t like.’

  ‘Let’s just have another look at this shelf,’ said Tania.

  ‘Remember,’ said Caroline, for what felt like the twentieth time, ‘it’s the shape of the dress we’re looking at. I can dye it a different colour, sew stuff onto it – anything you like. You’ve got to look beyond the way it appears right now.’

  ‘I know,’ said Tania. ‘I just – this programme is different from anything I’ve done before. It feels like I should wear something different too.’

  ‘Longer skirt?’ suggested Caroline. ‘One with drapes like flames?’

  Tania shook her head. ‘Can’t have anything too long,’ she said. ‘I do things like cartwheels. Can’t risk it falling over my head or getting caught in a blade.’

  ‘Then are you sure you need a skirt at all?’ said Caroline. Tania swung round to stare at her. Caroline shrugged. ‘I’m serious. Do you have to have a skirt?’

  ‘What would I have instead?’

  ‘Catsuit,’ said Caroline promptly. ‘An all-in-one. With stirrups.’

  Tania didn’t know what to say. ‘I’ve always had a skirt.’

  ‘But you just said this programme is different from everything you’ve done in the past,’ Caroline pointed out. ‘And you want to wear something different. So, why not wear a catsuit?’

  ‘It would show everything,’ Tania muttered.

  Caroline laughed. ‘Do you really think a little chiffon skirt covers you up? Tania, you know as well as I do how those bits of fabric blow around when you’re skating. A fast back crossover, and that skirt rides up so much you may as well not be wearing one at all!’

  Tania bit her lip. A catsuit … Tania had never worn a catsuit on the ice before. But then, this wasn’t the same as her old skating life, was it? This was something new – something daring, dangerous. And if Zac were going to lift her above his head, he’d probably be glad there wasn’t a skirt to flop into his eyes …

  ‘All right,’ said Tania, lifting her gaze to her mother’s. ‘Let’s go for it.’

  ‘Wow.’ Caroline laughed. ‘I didn’t think you’d agree. But you will look amazing, Tania. You’ve got such a good figure. Everyone will be glued to you.’

  Wonder what Zac will think, Tania suddenly thought, and blushed scarlet.

  ‘You all right, sweetie?’ Caroline peered at her. ‘You’ve gone all red. Are you hot?’

  ‘Yeah,’ said Tania, grateful for the excuse. ‘It is a bit stuffy in here.’

  ‘Well, there’s no point being in here if we’re not buying a skating dress,’ said Caroline. She made an apologetic face at the sales assistant. ‘Sorry, we’ve decided to go for something completely different.’

  The sales assistant shrugged. ‘No problem,’ she said in a bored voice.

  ‘She must be new,’ Caroline said in a low voice as they left the shop. ‘The last time we were in, there was a lovely girl who was so helpful.’

  ‘Where are you going to get a catsuit?’ asked Tania.

  ‘Oh, that’s easy,’ said Caroline, digging in her bag for her car keys. ‘I’ll just order one from the dance catalogue. They do next-day delivery. I’ll show you the choice – and what colour do you want?’

  Tania thought. ‘Not white,’ she said. ‘It makes you look fat. And not black. It’s dull.’

  ‘Red?’

  ‘But Zac’s got to match, hasn’t he?’ said Tania. ‘I don’t think he’s keen on red.’

  ‘You’ve got to stand out,’ said Caroline. She brandished her keys triumphantly. ‘Here we are! Let’s get going.’

  Tania got into the car and stared out of the window. Blue? Green? Yellow?

  ‘What colours does Zac like?’ asked Caroline. ‘What does he usually wear?’

  ‘Grey,’ said Tania. ‘And navy and black. Like we all do in practice.’

  Caroline carefully reversed out of her parking space. ‘I meant in shows and competitions. What does he wear then?’

  ‘He’s never competed,’ said Tania. ‘Or been in a show.’

  Caroline was surprised. ‘I didn’t realize. I mean, I knew he hadn’t been skating that long, but I thought he’d be working his way through the tests and competitions like you did.’ She frowned. ‘It doesn’t sound as if he’s good enough to partner you, if he’s not that serious about it.’

  ‘Oh, he’s good enough,’ said Tania. She gave a sigh. ‘He’s very good, actually.’

  Caroline smiled. ‘You said that in a funny voice.’ She glanced sideways at her daughter. ‘Are you perhaps liking this Zac boy more than you expected?’

  ‘Muuum.’

  ‘I get it,’ said Caroline. ‘I see now. So that’s why you’ve been so keen to go to practice lately!’ She grinned. ‘Well, well.’

  ‘Don’t laugh at me.’

  ‘I’m not.’ Caroline reached out to pat Tania’s leg. ‘I think it’s nice that you’ve found someone who loves skating like you do. And he’s certainly having a good effect on you – you’ve been much easier to get along with recently. And when you said you wanted to buy him skates, I was really impressed. It shows you’ve started to mature a bit. Be less self-obsessed.’

  Tania flushed. ‘I’m not self-obsessed,’ she mumbled.

  Her mother smiled. ‘It’s all right. That’s how it is for young people, and even more so for you since you’ve had to concentrate so hard on your skating. You have to be focused if you want to get where you want to be.’ She hesitated. ‘How does – Zac – feel about you?’

  Tania picked at a dirt mark on the window. ‘Don’t know.’

  ‘Ah, I see.’ Caroline negotiated a tricky roundabout and then glanced at her daughter. ‘I guess the best time to ask him is after the show, when you’re no longer skating together. That way it wouldn’t be awkward if he said no.’

  ‘Ye-es.’

  Her mother noticed the hesitation in her voice. ‘Is there something else?’

  ‘N-not exactly.’ Tania took a breath. ‘Do you think people can work together and go out at the same time?’

  ‘You mean … mix business and personal?’ Caroline pulled a face. ‘Not very easily, no. But it wouldn’t be like that for you, would it? I mean, you’re a singles skater. So you wouldn’t be working with Zac again anyway.’ She reversed into their driveway. ‘You’re thinking of asking him out before the show, aren’t you? It would be better to wait till it’s all over. That way you won’t have to worry about things going wrong between you.’

  Tania reached for the handle, her heart heavy. Wait till it’s all over, her mother had said. But what if I don’t want it to be over? she wondered miserably. What if I want to carry on skating with him and go out with him too? Am I crazy even to think about it?

  ‘You’re not concentrating,’ Brock told her. ‘You must stay focused.’

  Tania nodded.

  ‘Take a bre
ak,’ Brock said, and disappeared into his office.

  Tania stepped off the rink and dropped onto a bench.

  ‘What’s going on?’ asked Zac, leaning over the barrier. ‘You seem a bit spaced out.’

  Tania scuffed the floor with her blade. ‘Just stuff,’ she said lamely. There was no way she could tell him how much she dreaded the show because it meant the end of their skating partnership. She cast around for a possible excuse. ‘My mum said something that annoyed me.’

  ‘Oh, right.’ Zac seemed at a loss. ‘Are you OK?’

  Tania shrugged. ‘It’s nothing really. Doesn’t your mum get on your back sometimes too?’

  ‘Not really. She’s too busy working.’ Zac laughed. ‘They don’t even know I’m in the show.’

  Tania looked up, startled. ‘Haven’t you told them?’

  ‘Sort of,’ said Zac. ‘I mean, I’ve mentioned it once or twice. But they’re busy. If they’re not actually serving customers, they’re cleaning up, or ordering new supplies, or filling in health and safety forms. And then they have to sleep a bit.’

  ‘You work there sometimes, right?’ Tania wondered if this was a good time to try to find out more about him. Ask him questions! she could hear Libby order her.

  ‘Yeah.’ Zac swivelled on his new skates. ‘When I’m not here or at college. I have to – they need reliable staff. You wouldn’t believe the number of people who just don’t turn up for their shifts. It’s mad. You’d think people would be glad of the pay, but they think working in a pub is a rubbish job, so they don’t bother to treat it with respect. And then they complain when they get fired!’ He shook his head. ‘I tell you, running a pub is way harder than skating. Sometimes I feel guilty about having so much fun here.’

  Tania’s forehead crinkled. ‘I’d never thought of it like that,’ she said slowly. ‘I mean, skating has always been something I love doing, but it’s hard work too. I wouldn’t have called it fun exactly. Long hours, and you get so tired, and you never get to see friends …’ She tailed off.

  ‘Sounds like the pub,’ Zac said at the same time as Tania said, ‘I guess it’s like your parents.’