But Joe was obsessed with his wife. He showered her with attention and devotion. He was a definite romantic. He tried everything possible to distract her from the hatred that was destroying her. And time heals; eventually things settled a bit once more. Their intimate moments were always quite rewarding.
For a while, it seemed that there was hope; then: “Joe, I can’t believe what is happening. I think I am pregnant. We can’t afford to have children. How can I go home now if I am expecting?” Total panic set in. Not that they were planning for her to go home any time soon, unless Katherine was planning to do so on her own — which may have been true.
Once the initial shock wore off, Joe was overjoyed, and Katherine also softened for a while. She had a fairly easy pregnancy. Their love produced them a son, and they named him Rudolf. She felt pretty good for a while — and how could she not? Just holding the precious little bundle, the sweet little baby in her arms almost pleading to her to relax said enough to her. Now, it was time to send home photos.
“That is just great! Now they won’t even try to come back home for me. Who said I wanted a brother?” Ksenia was shouting. “How am I supposed to be happy for them? Nobody wants me — that seems to be pretty obvious.” So when the news of Ksenia’s reaction came back, that now presented a whole new series of problems for Joe and Katherine.
Lucille missed her brother very much. She could not even communicate with Ksenia, since her maternal grandparents did not allow her to associate with her father’s family.
“How can they be so cruel? They blame us for everything and are using Ksenia to get back at us. Don’t they know that they are hurting her as well? Mother, can’t you do something to change that?” First of all, she was unable to believe that Joe and Katherine could ever abandon the valley where they were born, not to mention their families. Anna, who had been forced to listen to her husband carp about all their son’s wrongdoings, had suffered enough.
An incident came to mind how on one occasion Lucille had stated, “Mama, I know why Father yells the most at Joe. It is because Joe is the most convenient person for Father to yell at.” The child was determined to stay on the positive side for everybody’s sake.
CHAPTER FIVE
Ivan
IVAN WAS TWO YEARS YOUNGER THAN MIRA. Even as a little boy, he could charm anyone, but Mira was more or less a second mother to him and she was the one who fussed about his safety. He had a gift of giving and never asked for anything in return. School studies were easy for him, and he had a lot of good school friends. He could dance at an early age with anyone or anything. Mother Anna had plenty of confidence in him, for even as a toddler, he had a great sense of balance.
Ivan knew that he had to improvise in order to get ahead, as Joe was always the first choice in anything. Yet, somehow Ivan was never much bothered about it; he likely felt that it was a losing battle. He always enjoyed the outdoors; the cold never bothered him much. He enjoyed skiing in the winter and was seriously interested in advanced, downhill skiing. Cross-country was not quite enough for him. There were days when his father had something to say about that, being too busy for sports and considering them a waste of time. In the summer, Ivan enjoyed swimming in the local river with his peers. He seemed to know what he wanted and where he was going as far as his future was concerned. He also knew that his parents would help him get the education for it. When he told them that he wanted to go into the shoe industry, they were delighted.
“How come Ivan gets to choose what he wants to do in the future?” Joe could be heard saying. It is quite natural for siblings to feel a bit of envy at times.
Ivan took an apprenticeship in a small but established workshop, where the working process was well organized and everyone had responsibilities to meet. Ivan quickly grasped the idea of assembly and how to work through the whole process, from start to finish for any design. During this time, he was mentally doing the math as to how long it would take him to start his own shop.
“I can help you there,” said his employer. “You remind me of myself when I was your age. Go ahead and do it. I will miss you, but it would be a waste of talent not to let you branch out on your own. Maybe someday you and I can work hand in hand and help each other.” Ivan was surprised by his employer’s statement and delighted at the same time. The two of them became lasting friends.
Ivan wanted to share his news. “Mama, I have something really good to tell you. Where are the girls?”
Lucille walked in at that same moment, and Mira was shouting, “Is that Ivan I hear?”
They were all happy about his being there. He always brought some news — usually good news.
“I am going into business for myself. Do you hear? I am going to be my own boss!”
“You don’t say. How did this come about? Do you know what you are getting yourself into?”
“Mama, let him do what he wants to do. You know Ivan, he is not Joe.” As soon as Mira said that, she regretted having said it. She didn’t want to hurt Mother, even though it was true.
Ivan settled himself in a mining community where people worked hard; he knew that these same people would make good patrons. He was now a young man ready to explore his horizons. One day, he stood in front of his workshop and remembered how Father used to change the subject at mealtimes if he tried to sit in on his and Joe’s conversations about business.
“Don’t be silly — you don’t understand business,” and then the conversation would turn to other things.
And it wasn’t always Father who would do that. His brother would muss his hair and comment, “Why are you interfering with our business, when you have no clue what we are talking about?”
Ivan never showed that he was hurt and probably wasn’t even conscious of its being a form of rejection. That is, until it was time for relationships with other people such as with his future superiors or with the opposite sex. In order not to get hurt, he was afraid to trust the men and would love and leave the women. He trusted his mother and his sisters but was afraid of long-lasting commitments and therefore remained detached. For the most part he never showed, or admitted even to himself, that deep down he longed for a happy and true love. He wanted it to last a lifetime, as long as it was with the right person. Ivan was very unhappy in love and he had a lot of personal problems. He wanted to become involved; however, women did not consider him as a serious candidate because of his reputation for loving and leaving. They felt that they couldn’t trust him. Ivan had no knowledge of this and no intention of doing so with the right person. He was totally misunderstood.
“Someday my time will come, but right now I have my work. This is what I have been waiting for.”
Skiing and mountain climbing had always been Ivan’s two pastimes. He was extremely good at it, and most of his weekends were mainly spent somewhere in the mountains. As he put it: “Standing at the top of the hill, all geared up, while carrying the world on your shoulders, it is easy to forget that you are also a bit scared each and every time before going down. But once you kick off, the exhilaration takes over and freedom kicks in. The fresh mist of snow in your face cools you, and the snow often blinds you, were it not for your goggles.
“Then there is the speed, which you don’t even feel, yet you have to embrace and deal with if you wish to stay alive. All this combined leaves you with the only feeling there is: let’s do it again. From then on, the mountain is yours and the world that just a while ago sat on your shoulders is now forgotten, if only for the time being. The rewards are right there, and it is up to you to live and enjoy what is so genuinely given to you. There is magic in that freedom once you capture the courage of taking the first steps at it. It is a good release and it helps you to break away from daily pressure.”
On the other hand, mountain climbing has its own but different power of satisfaction. It is safe to say that mountain climbing has a lot to do with spirituality. When you stand
at the bottom of a mountain and look up, there are two ways in which it affects you: Either you see a massive rock that threatens you and intimidates you, or you look at it in a different light, and you feel a connection, a magic that empowers you, invites you. You not only wish to get up there, you feel that special something within. The camaraderie between the climbers is priceless and no one is allowed to go climbing on his or her own. There have to be at least two or more people together for safety. You must be able to trust these people, for your life may depend on that trust. By reaching the top of the mountain, you have earned the privilege of some breathtaking views. The only question remains, is it for real?
On one of those skiing expeditions, Ivan met an exciting lady. “Hi — enjoying the fresh air?” Ivan asked.
“Ah, this is wonderful, isn’t it? Do you come here often? I don’t think I have seen you here before.”
“Yes, I am a regular here. By the way, my name is Ivan.”
“Pavla. So am I, but I don’t remember seeing you here before. I would have remembered you.”
“Oh, I blend into the mountains most of the time and become invisible. But from now on, I will definitely make it a point of being visible. Are you with a group or something? I am on my own.”
They were staying at the same resort and soon found out how much they were attracted to each other. After a few days of some exciting skiing, they started talking some more and had dinner together. Soon, there was more than just “at first sight” attraction. Ivan felt almost nauseated from the strong attraction for this woman. After a few polite and rather cautious conversations, Ivan found out that they had all but one thing in common. That one thing happened to be her husband. When he found out that she was married, it hit him like a ton of bricks. He might as well have fallen off the mountain and died. Ivan was now involved in a forbidden love, and this hurt beyond belief. What a slap on the face. This time, his free spirit backfired on him and he had no idea of how to handle it. He had fallen in love with a married woman and completely lost his common sense. He knew that she felt the same way about him. The day after she told him that she was married, he went skiing on a totally different hill.
“What is wrong with me? Why can’t I fall in love with a nice, eligible young girl who will give me what I need? I want a companion, a friend and lover, not a married woman.”
Pavla stayed in her room that day, thinking about what was happening. She had been fine up until now, but she was definitely falling in love with him.
The next day, they both went on another smaller run, trying to avoid each other, but as it happened, they ended up on the same hill again.
“Hi! You must have been thinking the same as I. It is good to try different runs, don’t you think?” But it was no use. They simply ran into each other’s embrace and soon they were kissing. Right after that impulse, Ivan pulled away and left. Pavla felt rejected at first, but understood.
“I am sorry, Pavla. If you wish to be alone, I can leave. I have things to do at home anyway. I feel bad that I was not strong enough to know better. I promise to leave you alone.”
Pavla was married to a prominent businessman; a reputation had to be upheld. It would have been completely inappropriate to cause any scandal, and neither of them wished that. Ivan skied on a different run the next day but could not concentrate.
He found himself talking out loud. “What does one do when faced with such a dilemma?”
Pavla was too confused to even go home, as her family would be able to read her mind. They would know that something was not right, should she go home just now. Besides, she wasn’t sure that she really wanted to do so. Could she walk away from something so special? She had never experienced anything like this in her entire life. There was a strong pull drawing her to this man. As much as she knew that it was wrong to love him, she could see that love was not only blind but also weakening. If she were to go home now, how could she possibly discuss this with anyone? She had no special person in her life to whom she could confide, to whom she could pour her heart out. After all, this is not something one should be proud of, not to mention discussing it with anyone. She was a married woman and should not have put herself in such a position in the first place. Life can be very cruel sometimes. The forbidden love, the guilt, and at the same time the desire for the loved one.
There had not been anything physical between the two of them so far. However, Pavla could almost feel him against her, his embrace, his kisses, and his scent while he lay beside her on the ski slopes. She decided to brave it and went out for a ski run.
“Hey, there, fancy seeing you here again. How are you this morning?” Ivan was trying not to sound too forward. “Want to join me in a fierce competition?”
“Sure! You lead and I will follow you, but watch out for the passing skiers! You might be surprised!”
He let her win and then he joined her. “This might be a bit forward of me, but I am falling in love with you. Forgive me if that offends you in any way, and I promise to — ”
But before he could finish his sentence, she replied with: “I am having the same problem but I was afraid to admit it even to myself. This power ski helped, but not enough for me. I think we need to grow up or grow apart. What do you think?”
“I think we should have dinner together tonight. I will be leaving in the morning. There is no law that we can’t remain good friends. I have made plenty of good friends up here. The difference being, they were mostly guys or couples.” Ivan was trying to be nonchalant, and it almost worked — but not quite.
“So have I. Dinner, then, at the same time. But let’s exchange our addresses in case we ever wish to say hello.” She was not quite able to end everything.
He was gone the next day.
Ivan was also very much involved in politics. He had the right approach and a genuine interest in people and their well-being. He was a natural leader. He worked very hard at following the way the country was progressing and tried to move things in the right direction as much as possible. He also considered it to be everyone’s duty to make things better for all, as everybody can make a difference. He participated in local meetings and spoke for the locals at the municipal meetings, as well as the national assemblies and other such functions. He was involved in helping the poor. He would guide by example; he would charge less for the shoes he made for them in order to help less privileged parents provide for their children; and never talked about it. His goodness showed up in all sorts of places, not to mention at home.
When Lucille found out about all that, she was pleasantly surprised. “All this is new to me. I always knew that Joe was selfish but I never cared to admit it, not even to myself; but Ivan had been good to us, and I was under the impression that the goodness stopped here. You hear about people going into politics for money, and I used to think: Ivan has money. He even ignored us sometimes because he had all those meetings. Not that I ever minded; after all, he is a grown man and can do whatever he wants. However, dedicated people, whether they are inventors or, in this case, politicians, often neglect their loved ones, including family, because they expect them to understand that some things must come first.”
Ivan had money; in fact, he contributed financially as well as emotionally to the cause. He could and should have become a politician; however, he preferred to do things quietly and in his own way. He felt that he contributed much more by being unobtrusive; besides, he had a business to run. He had to spend some time at the shop; business was by now picking up quite nicely. All this had been going on well before he met Pavla. This time, his heart failed him. He tried to focus, but nothing worked. Now this dedicated man was not only losing his concentration, he was losing his mind as well.
Eventually, Ivan built up his courage to go skiing again. He went where they first met. He felt he had a right to ski wherever he chose. If he changed, the owners would wonder what had offended him.
This time, h
e was to meet her husband. Pavla was quite content to take some time off from skiing, but her husband, on the other hand, had managed to get some holidays and wanted to go for a few days of skiing. He felt they needed a break from the business, and so there they were.
“I don’t believe this! How can I watch the two of them here, while they ignore me? This is bad.”
But Pavla was just as taken with this encounter as he was. “Oh! Hello, Ivan, good to see you again. How is business? By the way, this is my husband, Harry. Harry, this is Ivan. We met here the last time when I was here.”
“Hi, how are you? So you share our passion for skiing?” Harry was being polite.
“Good to meet you, Harry. I have been coming here for years. I also like other places, depending on the mood.” Ivan was reciprocating and actually quite liked the man.
“Would you care to join us for dinner? Pavla and I are leaving in the morning, so we will not be seeing you after that.”
“Sure, I would like that. What is your usual time for dinner?”
“We dine at seven, unless we come back from the slopes late,” Pavla replied.
“Seven it is — see you later.” Ivan was barely able to walk after the conversation with them but he had to make it look casual for everybody’s sake. This was harder than he ever expected.
Sometime after this encounter, Pavla contacted Ivan, supposedly just as a friend. Soon after that, the two of them were on their own mountain in each other’s arms. Such is the pleasure of forbidden love. How it hurts and yet how good it feels. The danger and the excitement that they had to endure, the stolen moments and days . . . they never wanted them to end. To feel each other’s heartbeat. The two of them decided to push all their troubles away and just enjoy each other. They planned when and where to meet the next time and hopefully it would be soon. When Ivan held her, she wanted to stay there forever. This new world of hers made her feel whole. Even Harry could not deprive her of it.
A Touch of Light Page 5