Complete Works of Gustave Flaubert

by Gustave Flaubert

  The Grand Pontiff stands C. behind the Stock-Pot; he faces the audience, mounted on a stool so that he can look over the heads of the people. Groups of collegians stand R. and L. down front; they wear mortar-board caps; and several play upon accordions. At the windows of the houses sit women in brown gowns and wearing funnel-shaped caps. Cats are sitting on the red-tiled roofs. A dull grey sky.

  SCENE I.

  (The curtain rises to the plaintive sound of accordions played by the collegians; the music lasts a moment or two after the curtain is up. Then silence. The boiling of the Pot is audible. The Grand Pontiff addresses the people)

  PONTIFF [holds a skimmer in his hand]: Citizens and bourgeois! On this solemn day, when we have assembled to adore the thrice-blessèd Saint Stock-Pot, emblem of material interests — the dearest of all, so much so that, thanks to you, it has become almost a divinity! — it is my office, as Grand Pontiff of this wise cult, to remind you of your duties and to bring you together, by a common act, to join in the veneration, the love, and the frenzy of adoration we owe to the Stock-Pot!

  Your duties, O Bourgeoisie! I declare it, have never been neglected; never have you transgressed! You have remained within your houses thinking of nothing but your own affairs, and you have been careful not to go star-gazing, knowing that that would cause you to fall into a pit! Continue on your safe and narrow path, which eventually will lead you to repose, to riches, and to high consideration. Do not fail to despise whatever seems extraordinary or heroic; above all, have no enthusiasm! Change nothing from its present type, neither your ideas nor your garments, since personal happiness, as well as public safety, is found only in a moderate amount of brains, immutability of customs, and the bubbling of the Stock-Pot! [Accordions play] And, now, pillars of the nation, exemplars to all trades, foundation of morality, protectors of the arts — the grocers! [Grocers rise and come forward] Do you swear that you will always put chiccory in the coffee?

  GROCERS: Yes!

  PONTIFF: And that you will never leave your counters, except, of course, to go to the door to drive away idlers; and that, finally, you will mingle your ideas with those of everyone else, by all sorts of means, alliances, and propaganda, so that your principles shall prevail, and that you may remain, as you are now, the kings of humanity, and dominators of the world?

  GROCERS [with hands extended towards the Stock-Pot]: We swear it!

  PONTIFF: NOW you, O clerks!

  CLERKS: Present!

  PONTIFF: Do you resolve to work as little as possible, and to think of nothing but your own promotion?

  CLERKS: We do!

  PONTIFF: DO you swear always to burn as much fuel as you can in your offices, to be uncivil, to curse your chiefs and to complain of your lot; to spend a hundred crowns' worth of writing on business worth only twenty-five centimes, of which you will delay the settlement fifteen years?

  CLERKS: We swear it!

  PONTIFF: Messieurs the Professors, light of the country! your turn! [Professors advance, with stooping shoulders and senile trembling]

  PONTIFF [in a familiar tone]: You bind yourselves, do you not, as in the past, to make only innocent and harmless researches, that will trouble no one's peace of mind?

  PROFESSORS [raise their hands]: Yes! yes! Have no fear! We swear it!

  PONTIFF: That is sufficient! Come forward, you, with your charming talents that give us happy evenings at home. As art was made to amuse, you shall make us laugh. Advance!

  (The Comic Poets extend their arms towards the Stock-Pot, crying):

  Cocorico! [Sneering laughter from the spectators]

  PONTIFF [smiles upon the Grocers, who surround him]: A little eccentric in manner, but their intentions are pure! [Knocks on the Stock-Pot to obtain silence] A last word to our youth, to those in the springtime of life! [Makes a sign to the Collegians, who approach with accordions under their arms] Approach, sweet youths! Young men, hope of our people, you are about to enter upon the age of the passions. Take care! it is as if you played with gunpowder; the least spark falling upon your heads may blow them off. True, we have been careful to remove all torches from your pathway, but what matters that? It is none the less necessary to guard against the ardour of the blood and of the imagination. They produce only crime and folly. I should say, rather, utilise your vices; employ your bad instincts to advantage. For instance, let those who know how to win at play bring home their gains and invest them wisely. Amuse yourselves discreetly — and economically! Choose a good profession, and do not stay out later than ten o'clock at night! That is the whole secret of success. Do you swear to observe it?

  COLLEGIANS: We swear it! (Return to their places]

  PONTIFF: I am moved, gentlemen! So much good sense in these days touches me deeply, and if the festival were not ended I should succumb to my emotion. It is ended, however, for it is not necessary to exact vows from you [Speaks to the women at the windows], cause and guardians of our felicity, our spouses, housewives, and little mistresses of the Stock-Pot! It is because of your care that the Pot simmers! Persevere, then, in your two cherished occupations, first: mend your husbands' stockings, and, second, be always on your guard against the temptation to indulge in broad jokes. Fix your minds on those two rules, continually, exclusively. In short, do not forget that the most becoming attitude for a woman, her ideal position, if I may dare thus to express it, is a half-kneeling pose, holding a skimmer in one hand, and having a woolen stocking slipped upon her left arm; her back turned upon Cupid, and her head half lost in the steam of the Stock-Pot!

  And you, O cats, inconstant quadrupeds, Bohemians of the roofs! If you employed not your time and the strength of your jaws in catching mice, we should muzzle you and impale you on a rod; but nature has created you to be useful to us. However, if you will stay at home and serve us zealously, we will leave some drops of soup for you in the bottom of the plate!

  And thou, O Sun! Mayst thou, shining with gentle moderation, transform thyself into a gigantic mass of candles, in order to economise light; and may thy rays cause to fall into the depths of the sea a shower of fat, which shall heat itself to a pleasant tepidity, so that the waters of the entire globe shall be turned into an immense Stock-Pot! ALL: Long live the Stock-Pot! [As they remove their hats, their heads are seen to be shaped like pieces of loaf sugar]

  WOMEN [at the windows]: How handsome our husbands are!

  (Representatives of the various occupations that have not been named now crowd around the Stock-Pot, and the Grand Pontiff, describing a mysterious circle in the air, sprinkles them with his skimmer. Then the meeting breaks up informally; the men leave their places and walk abouty and all talk animatedly)

  THE BOURGEOIS: A delightful occasion! A remarkable discourse! And what charming music! We have certainly made great progress in the fine arts, — there's no denying it!

  (The confusion gradually grows less, and the men stand with their eyes fixed upon clocks placed over the door of each house. All the hands point to 5.55. The men wait in silence, their heads raised, and the instant six o'clock strikes, all cry):

  Six o'clock! Time for dinner!

  [Exeunt into houses.

  SCENE II.

  (The stage is clear. After a moment a sound of loud kisses is heard; then the shoving of chairs; then a clattering of knives and forks and dishes)

  VOICES: Ah, that is good! [Clatter of knives and forks]

  VOICES: This is better than one finds it at a restaurant. [Popping of corks heard]

  VOICES: We are between the dessert and the cheese! [Laughter]

  MAN: Give us a glass of liqueur, will you? WOMAN: But you will make yourself ill, my darling! MAN: Just a little for my stomach's sake, and besides, is it not the custom?

  (Sound of moving chairs heard; then all the Bourgeois appear at their windows; they hold out their hands and say):

  It is very warm!

  WOMEN [appear at windows]: Yes, but there is a cool breeze.

  BOURGEOIS: True! [They lean out of windows and ta
p barometers that are nailed up outside of each house] How is the weather now? [After a moment] Yes it will be safe to sit out of doors.

  (The windows close, and all the Bourgeois come out of their houses and sit in chairs before their doors; each family has one small boy, dressed like a Turk, and a little girl in Swiss costume)

  BOURGEOIS: It is very pleasant out here.

  (Women come out and sit, with knitting. Men read newspapers. Jeanne appears, dressed in an exaggerated bourgeoise costume. She sits in front of a house R. I. E.)

  SCENE III.

  (As soon as Jeanne is seated, the King of the Gnomes, having removed some parts of his costume as the Grand Pontiff, appears behind her and leans over her shoulder)

  KING: YOU see! Everything yields to me, everything serves me! I had only to show myself here to be elected burgomaster of the town and pontiff of their religion. [Aside] Nothing easier! It is in mediocrity that the spirit of evil triumphs!

  JEANNE [sighs]: But think how many days I have been seeking him, how long I have waited! Do you think he will come?

  KING: I am quite sure of it. Be patient! MOTHERS: There, run along, my angels! This is the hour for children to play and amuse themselves!

  (Girls and boys jump down from the doorways and run to C., join hands and dance around the Stock-Pot, singing a stanza in imitation of the Song of the Spartans):

  My grandfather was a beast;

  My father still more wild!

  I am worse than they,

  And worse will be my child!

  (Some of the children lose their hats in dancing, and their heads are seen to be pointed)

  JEANNE: They are very pretty, those children. Happy mothers!

  FIRST WOMAN [sitting near Jeanne]: No doubt! You are very frank, Mademoiselle; but my child, although younger than they, is most promising. [Calls] Nurse!

  SECOND WOMAN: And my two angels also! [Calls] Nurse!

  (Several nurses appear, dandling plump babies in their arms. Mothers crowd around them, each trying to show off her own child!)

  FIRST WOMAN: Throw a kiss to the pretty young lady and the nice gentleman! SECOND WOMAN [pulls up baby's clothes]: Just look at those legs!

  THIRD WOMAN [takes cap off baby' s head]: Look at his head!

  ALL THE MOTHERS: Mine is far more beautiful! the most beautiful in the world! [They full caps off all the babies' heads which are seen to be extraordinarily pointed]

  KING [examines the heads']: Very fine! Better than their fathers'. This generation distinguishes itself phrenologically!

  ALL THE MOTHERS: Recite your little fable! Sing your pretty song! Smile for the lady! Ah, how sweet she is! He shall have some candy!

  (The children throw kisses to Jeanne and recite little verses in a rapid mumble, while the Mothers all talk at once, the babies cry, and the nurses sing to them. Outside a murmur of men's voices grows louder each moment. Paul and Dominique affear C. D. The children, alarmed, run into the houses, followed by nurses carrying the babies. Many of the Bourgeois and their wives go into their houses; others remain, crying):

  Go away, rascals! Brigands! Strange beings!

  SCENE IV.

  (Paul and Dominique, in disordered travelling costumes, come down, C.)

  DOMINIQUE: What ails you, idiots? Are you making all this fuss about our appearance? [Exit all the Bourgeois, making signs of mutual intelligence] JEANNE [rushes to Paul]: Paul! At last! KING [aside to Jeanne]: Dissimulate! Remember to assume the utmost simplicity!

  DOMINIQUE: It seems to me these folks have a very inhospitable way with them.

  PAUL: Never mind! Perhaps I shall find here the well-beloved, still unknown to me!

  DOMINIQUE: Ah, talking about her again! Now, really, what do you wish? What are you seeking? What object have you in view? Ever since we began this crazy journey you have talked of nothing but "the unknown."

  PAUL: Why, the object is easily understood. Somewhere I am to meet a young girl with a pure soul and of absolute disinterestedness. I shall recognise her; we shall love, and, strong in her love, I shall take possession of the Castle of Hearts!

  DOMINIQUE: Very fine! A girl who doesn't exist and an imaginary castle! Come, now, what is supposed to be in this wonderful castle? Treasures?

  PAUL: NO, but a fortune so extraordinary that you could not even conceive of it!

  DOMINIQUE: Oho! that remains to be seen. Now, Monsieur, I have a good idea. Let us go back to Paris —

  PAUL: Leave me here for awhile, Dominique. I am overcome with weariness and discouragement. And besides, I find in this village, in spite of its common and vulgar appearance, something indescribably interesting.

  JEANNE [offers Paul a chair near her]: Yes, Monsieur, remain here! [Paul hesitates] Will you not sit down?

  PAUL [aside]: She is very graceful, upon my word! [Looks at Jeanne, who lowers her eyes] What charming modesty! [Silence. They look at each other]

  JEANNE: It is easy to see that you are a stranger here, Monsieur. That eccentric costume — [With slight disdain]

  PAUL: Good heavens! Mademoiselle,, in travelling surely one need not dress with the most extreme care!

  JEANNE [drily]: All the same, one ought to .follow the custom.

  DOMINIQUE [aside]: What a bore she is! It must be great fun to talk to her! I should like to get out and see whether I can find anything more amusing. [Aloud] Will you excuse me for a short time, Monsieur?

  PAUL: Yes. But return soon.

  SCENE V.

  (The King of the Gnomes hides behind the Pontiffs throne, which has been wheeled down to R. I. E. near Jeanne)

  JEANNE: YOU do not wish to go with him? All the better!

  PAUL [aside]: She softens a little!

  JEANNE: TO remain with us — [Silence]

  PAUL: Well?

  JEANNE [timidly]: You must — oh, do not be angry! — do nothing, say nothing, and even think nothing, that differs from the actions, the words, and the ideas of everyone else.

  PAUL: Indeed! And why? Where is the harm in obeying the voice of the heart, if one is sure that its promptings are worthy? As for myself, whatever comes, I despise evil. I shun that which is ugly and reverence that which is good!

  JEANNE: Ah, that is right!

  KING [behind Jeanne]: Beware!

  JEANNE: But for a man weary of the world, it would be pleasant and restful to live in one of these houses. [Paul looks around with an expression of disgust] Oh, they are much nicer inside! And if you only knew how each wife loves her husband! She surrounds him with tender care, cooks for him, embroiders his slippers, nurses him, pets him, helps him to dress, and even puts on his coat for him. [Offers Paul a coat like those worn by the Bourgeois] Put this on!

  PAUL [surprised]: What for?

  JEANNE: YOU will be so comfortable in it. I beg you!

  PAUL [puts on the coat; speaks aside]: She is rather stupid, although charming in a way. [Aloud] No doubt this quiet life has its advantages. But do you not believe — you, whose voice is as sweet as the song of a bird, and whose glance is as cordial as the clasp of a hand! — do you not feel that it is possible to find a more complete union than any you have seen, — a felicity of such warmth and power that its effect would spread like the sun's rays? The enchantment that one being possesses for another in such a love, amid all the gloom and sadness of the world, makes life a continual poem; the more one loves the better it makes him; the mere habit of tenderness enables him to understand all persons better; and that which appears to be virtue is only a proof of the purest happiness!

  JEANNE: Yes, yes! I understand you!

  KING [behind her]: Unhappy one! You are lost!

  JEANNE [troubled]: That is — I comprehend your meaning, but — without banishing a certain ideal, one might find a way to live a quiet, peaceful life and yet not concern oneself too much with the affairs of others. Why should we waste the best of ourselves in sympathy, tender emotions, and taking trouble for other persons, instead of keeping all these fine sentiments for ourselves?
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  KING [aside]: Bravo!

  JEANNE: If others are stronger than we, let us submit to them, so that they will respect us and serve us. Oh, it is very easy, — with certain exterior concessions, and provided one shows nothing extravagant in his person or his speech!

  (Enter a Barber, carrying the utensils of his trade)

  PAUL [surprised]: What do you wish here?

  BARBER [in a hollow voice]: To cut your beard in the form of a collar, as everyone else wears his.

  PAUL: Well, that is a cool proposition!

  JEANNE: Oh, let him do it — to please me! [Fastens a towel around his neck. Barber cuts Paul's beard] A little patience! it's almost finished. One more cut! Ah, how well that becomes you, and what delightful evenings we shall have this winter, in the little parlour, with the Persian curtains and the family photographs! We shall sit beside the fire, near my piano! In the faubourg there are pretty gardens with little arbours made of green sticks. We will go there on Sundays, and, walking arm-in-arm, we will talk of our happiness and look over the wall at the vegetables growing!