Alexa O'Brien 05 - Death Wish

by Trina M. Lee

  The seriousness of my proclamation was destroyed by Falon’s low chuckle. I shot him a look that oozed venom. Shya ignored our exchange.

  He crossed his arms and observed me coolly. “I hope your agenda includes the dreamwalker you owe me. A deal is a deal, Alexa.”

  That’s it? That’s all he had to say? Of course it was. I wasn’t going to get an apology or explanation.

  “What do you need a dreamwalker for anyway? Another power play?”

  Shya shrugged. “See now that’s something I can only share with those who are willing to work with me.”

  “Fair enough.”

  “I was just discussing that very thing with your vampire here.” Shya gestured to Arys who glowered. “We all stand to gain a lot more if we can work together. I’d advise you to play nice, Alexa. The two of you have an awful lot of power. That kind of power earns you friends and enemies. However, it’s never wise to allow it to turn friends into enemies.”

  He never so much as threatened me nor did he exude any menace, yet the promise was there, Shya’s unspoken guarantee that I would be sorry for cutting the puppet strings.

  “We were never friends.” I was ready to leave. Engaging in further conflict with demons tonight didn’t appeal to me.

  Arys stuck to my side protectively. I stepped through the patio door to exit through the front of the house. I thought Shya might just let us go. Not without a last parting shot.

  “You know you can’t save her.” Shya’s voice followed us, his words for Arys alone. “You’re running out of time.”

  Arys stopped but gave me a gentle push, urging me on. He turned to Shya with a deadly calm. “So are you. Isn’t that why you’re so desperate to hang on to her? She doesn’t belong in the darkness with people like you and me. You know that. And, you know one day she may come for you.”

  I stopped dead in my tracks. My skin prickled at what I was hearing.

  “She’ll never remain mortal long enough to be a problem for me.” Shya nodded curtly. “You’ve seen to that. Haven’t you, vampire? Your selfish blood bond has tipped the balance. Eventually her flame will burn out, and with it, the purpose you both share.”

  I tugged on Arys’s hand, needing to flee Shya’s unwelcome words. “Let’s go. We don’t need to listen to this.”

  Arys hesitated, his jaw clenched. The negative charge of his anger made the temperature rise. “Don’t even think about it, you smug son of a bitch.”

  Shya laughed then, a cold, foul sound that I felt in my bones. With hands spread wide in a gesture of mock innocence, he said oh so calmly, “It would be a shame if Alexa joined the world of the undead sooner rather than later.”

  Arys snapped. Breaking away from me, he lunged at the smirking demon. I grabbed for him and missed. He landed a well-placed punch that brought a gush of blood forth from Shya’s nose. Falon intervened before he could throw another.

  Falon shoved Arys in my direction. I caught hold of his arm before he could go after Shya again. “We are leaving right now,” I insisted, dragging him to the front door.

  Shya wiped at his nose, his eyes never leaving me as I put distance between us. “Don’t worry, Alexa. Once you become a vampire, your blood will no longer break Lilah’s curse. We all win.”

  Delusional. I was staring into the eyes of a madman. I couldn’t possibly vacate Shya’s house fast enough. Nobody would win as long as Shya was manipulating us for his own gain. Maybe I couldn’t stop him, but I didn’t have to play the part he’d written for me.

  I was near hysterics by the time we were in the car speeding away from the house of hell. The calm strength I’d exuded fled, leaving me vulnerable to the fear that waited. I shook in the passenger seat while Arys drove with the aggression of a man on the warpath.

  “I’ll kill him,” he swore, slamming a hand against the steering wheel. “Somehow I will find a way to send that sorry bastard back to hell where he belongs. I won’t let him hurt you.”

  “Arys, this isn’t your fault. I know you’re blaming yourself. I made the choice to be bonded to you by blood. I knew what that meant.”

  “No, you didn’t.” The light from the dashboard cast a green glow on Arys’s grim expression. “You didn’t know everything about us then. What we are. How the blood bond would affect that. I never told you. It was selfish and arrogant of me. Now you’re paying the price.”

  I stared at him, ignoring how fast the night flew by out the window. “If you hadn’t bonded me, Harley would have. He almost did.”

  “I wish I’d let him.” Arys’s confession was like a small bomb being dropped in my lap.

  “How can you say that?” My voice trembled. “I am part of you. It’s better this way. We didn’t know the risks, but we will find a way to manage them.”

  He was silent. Staring stonily straight ahead, Arys’s lack of reaction spoke for him. My jaw dropped as it began to sink in.

  “You knew,” I whispered. “You knew it would tip the balance between us.”

  I waited for him to deny it, praying he would. When his response didn’t come fast enough I had to fight back the urge to shake him.

  “Yes. I knew,” he said at last.

  I was at a loss for words. Arys had knowingly put me at risk just so no other vampire could claim me. “Why?”

  “It was selfish. I’d waited so long to find you. You were already mine in every other way. I never planned to do it. I didn’t want this for you. Shaz suggested it, and I saw an opportunity to bind you to me beyond this mortal life you live. And, I took it.” His voice became gruff, thick with remorse. “I’m sorry, Alexa.”

  I squeezed my eyes shut. With my head in my hands, I fought back the bitter sting of tears. How many more secrets were being withheld from me? I was starting to feel that everyone I knew had a secret that would shatter my world.

  Sucking in a deep breath, I let it out as an exasperated sigh. “If Harley or someone else had blood bonded me, it would still have tainted me with darkness that doesn’t belong. I will not hold this against you. I can’t. I have too many broken relationships with people I love.”

  “If Harley had done it, I would be free of blame. And, I could have killed him to set you free.”

  I felt betrayed. It was so hard not to. Though I loved Arys in ways I could not describe, I was painfully aware that he too had endangered me simply because he had wanted something. I said I wouldn’t hold it against him, and I meant that, so why did part of me feel that was a lie?

  As the rush of the evening faded, my head started to ache. I’d channeled an amazing amount of power without my brain exploding, a small miracle. A migraine was a small price to pay compared to the alternative of lying in a smoldering heap of fur at Lilah’s feet.

  Arys glanced over, his gaze heavy with the weight of his concern. “I hate watching you do that to yourself. The headaches and the nosebleeds… it’s harming you. The power is too much.”

  I turned away. Staring out the window was the best way to avoid those midnight eyes. “Let’s not have this conversation again.”

  The Charger’s interior grew tense. I fidgeted with the hem of the silk robe. I’d had more than enough thrown at me for one night. Arys and I might be faced with eternal conflict, but a reprieve was necessary at times.

  The atmosphere grew increasingly strained as we left the rural roads behind and entered the city. He wasn’t going to let it go – I could feel it – so I wasn’t surprised by his outburst.

  “It’s killing you, Alexa. Slowly but surely, it is devouring you. The power, the bloodlust, all of it.” His voice rose to an ear battering level. It took a lot for Arys to really lose it. The trace of fear in his heavy, irate energy made it impossible to respond with anger.

  “I know, Arys. It’s not the vampire blood bond. It’s us. Willow said twin flames always destroy each other. The strength of our bond is too much for either of us. Whatever we exist for, it’s not meant to be easy.”

  His fingers tightened on the wheel, and his foot
got heavier on the gas pedal. “Looks like I’m not the only one keeping things to myself. You didn’t think that little tidbit of conversation was worth sharing?”

  “Despite how much you seem to enjoy a good fight, I didn’t think it was worth arguing about.” I slid a sidelong glance his way, drinking in the sight of him.

  With that perfectly messed black hair, those entrapping eyes and the hard set to his jaw, I couldn’t help but swoon a little each time I looked at him. The sensitive side I’d discovered beneath the rough, passionate exterior drew me like a moth to a flame. It was the yin yang effect. The light buried within the darkness.

  Our duality filled me with relief and encouragement. Neither of us was wholly light or dark but our own mix of both. Arys believed he was a creature of death and darkness, but light dwelled inside him waiting to burst forth. I wondered which of us would be most surprised when it did.

  We jerked to a stop at a red light. Arys met my gaze, and his angry retort died on his lips. Whatever he saw in my eyes, it changed his tune.

  “We fight. We fuck. We forgive. It’s what we do,” he teased, sliding a hand over my silk covered thigh. “Seriously though, it’s killing me to see what this is doing to you.”

  I covered his hand with mine. That simple touch conveyed the depth of our connection. “The last year has changed you so much. I’m not sure you see it. It’s quite beautiful.”

  He held my gaze, and we fell into one another. We shared something special, something that blood and death could never take from us.

  The startling honk from the car behind us broke the brief spell. Arys hit the gas, and we sped through the intersection. My phone rang, blasting out the Austin Powers theme song. Arys chuckled, and I shot him a dirty look.

  I fished the phone out of my bag. “You’ve really got to stop changing my ring tone. That could get embarrassing in public.”

  “That’s the plan.” He expertly deflected my attempted slap without ever taking his eyes off the road.

  The call display revealed a number I didn’t know. I answered with suspicion in my voice. I recognized the voice on the other end immediately, and my mood soured.

  “Ms. O’Brien, this is Agent Briggs. I’m calling about Kale Sinclair.”

  “I hope that means this is about meeting to make our trade.”

  “It’s not. This is about a missing vampire. Sinclair escaped.”

  My jaw dropped. My initial reaction was to be impressed. Something in the agent’s voice made me wary though. “What happened?”

  “He escaped us, leaving at least twenty of my agents dead. I wasn’t on duty at the time so I didn’t witness the incident myself, other than what I’ve seen on the security footage. Our efforts to locate him have been unsuccessful.” Briggs sounded bitter.

  A lump formed in my throat, and I swallowed hard. “What about Juliet? Is she ok?”

  “She’s fine.” Briggs cleared his throat, and his voice dropped a few octaves. “I’m sure I don’t have to tell you how dangerous he is.”

  “After several days and nights of torture at the hands of humans playing God, I’d imagine it would be enough to drive anyone a little nuts,” I spat, growing enraged. “He’s not your concern anymore. If you send your people after him, if you do a damn thing to him, I’ll be more than a blip on your fucking watch-list radar. Is that clear?”

  There was a slight pause before Briggs replied, his tone forced. “Crystal. However, I can’t allow a potential security threat to call the shots for me. I suggest that you find him before we do.”

  He hung up before I could reply.

  * * * *

  I searched every place I thought Kale might be. His classic Camaro still sat outside The Wicked Kiss, right where he’d left it the night the FPA took him in. Nobody inside the club had seen him recently, which was a relief. If he were on a bender, walking into The Wicked Kiss would turn him into a bloodthirsty version of a kid in a candy store.

  A brief stop at his house revealed no recent trace of him. His energy lingered around the place, but it was faded. He hadn’t been there.

  As dawn drew closer, I had no choice but to go home and wait for dusk to continue my search. Arys didn’t say a single snarky thing. He humored me, going through the motions of assisting in my search, and I adored him for it.

  We returned to Arys’s to find Shaz waiting there for us. He sat on the hood of his car staring at his phone. His blonde head jerked up at our arrival. I hadn’t expected him. Warmth filled me, and I was eager to throw myself in his arms.

  Until I noticed the bags piled in the back of his car.

  I got out of the Charger and stood there awkwardly. Along with several duffel bags, he had packed the guitar he loved but rarely played. Edging closer to Shaz’s Chevy, I spied a framed photo lying on the passenger seat. It was the same one, of us as wolves, that Kylarai had given me. Oh God, no. I can’t do this.

  Shaz put his phone away and came around the car to pull me into his embrace. I was numb. Arys gave him a pat on the shoulder and swept by us, into the house. Had Arys known Shaz was planning to leave today?

  My white wolf kissed my forehead, and it felt like goodbye though he had yet to say it. “Will you come for a drive with me?” He asked, his voice betraying the pain he was trying to hide.

  Unable to speak, I nodded and let him guide me into the car. I had to pick up the photo to avoid sitting on it. Clutching it in trembling hands, I stared at it in disbelief. How did I let this happen to us?

  “Tell me what happened tonight.” Shaz maneuvered the car through the quiet streets of Stony Plain. “I was worried about you. Considering your lack of clothing, I gather you couldn’t resist the change.”

  I recounted the evening for him as best I could, but I struggled to talk about it simply because I didn’t care anymore. I left out a few things, like Shya’s threats. I didn’t want to say anything to affect Shaz’s decision to leave.

  All I could think about was the heavy scent of him tickling my nose and how he was about to walk out of my life for God only knew how long. What if he didn’t come back?

  Shaz beamed a bright smile at me, but it didn’t reach his eyes. “I knew you could handle her. I’m proud of you, Lex. You’ve always been so strong. It’s one thing I’ve always admired about you.”

  “Strong? No, that’s not me. Just stubborn.”

  We drove across town and stopped at the same park where Coby had almost wolfed out a few days ago. Shaz and I had shared an emotional moment there soon after Arys and I had united our power. Shaz had told me he loved me, and I had pretty much begged him not to hate me. That had been one year ago; time had gone by so fast.

  “I thought we could sit on the bridge and watch the sun rise.” He gestured to the fading stars. “It won’t be long now.”

  The park was empty except for us. The playground stood vacant and dark. It would be hours before children would grace it with their brilliant, happy presence. Without them, the swing sets and jungle gyms seemed so forlorn and out of place.

  We passed the gazebo. The path beyond it led in a wide circle around a large pond complete with a giant fountain spewing water in the center. When the midday sun shone brightly, a rainbow could be seen dancing in that fountain. I longed for it now. The darkness of early dawn felt cold and bleak. Though I was primarily nocturnal and content with it, I wished for the sun’s golden rays to warm me.

  As we walked along the path beside the pond, I wrestled with the many questions I was dying to ask him. Finally I settled for, “Where will you go?”

  Shaz slipped his fingers between mine, clasping my hand tightly. “I don’t know. Not yet. I might head for Jasper. Spend some time in the mountains. Just get away from it all.”

  “I’m sure that’s just what you need.” I nodded, feeling awkward and hollow.

  We rounded a slight bend and crossed a miniature bridge with a bubbling stream flowing beneath it. The sound was comforting, a trickle of nature’s beauty despite the ugliness that lay
ahead. Glancing over the bridge into the water below, I spied coffee cups and chip bags destroying what should have been pristine, untouched by the filth human hands could bring. I stifled a heavy sigh and concentrated on simply putting one foot in front of the other.

  Shaz led me to the big arch bridge that was the main focal point of the entire park. From twenty feet above the water, the pond’s bottom could not be seen, and I wasn’t sure how great the depths were.

  We sat together on the edge, our arms looped around the metal railing. I waited for him to say something because I could not. I wasn’t ready to cry yet.

  This bridge already held somber memories for me. I had come here with Raoul’s letter a year ago. Its contents had tortured me while I shed my tears into the water below. I suppose this place was as good as any for goodbye.

  “I hate myself right now.” Shaz sat stiffly beside me. His anguish was palpable. “I’m sitting here wishing you will beg me not to go, but I know you won’t. You’d never stand in the way of what’s best for someone else, even if it hurts you.”

  “Because I love you, Shaz.” My voice was breathy, barely there. I didn’t have the strength for the words this moment required.

  “I know.” His voice conveyed both anger and grief. “I don’t deserve you, Lex. Not after what I’ve done. And, don’t tell me it’s no worse than what you’ve done. What I did was out of spite. There’s no justification for that.”

  I swung my legs and gazed into the murky depths of the pond. The sky was gradually lightening; shade by shade, the night was slipping away.

  “It’s over. We need to move forward.”

  Shaz gazed at me thoughtfully, a sheepish grin lighting up his gorgeous face. “Remember the night you came home to Raoul’s to find Belle there with him? The night you decided you were done with him for good. We sat in the backyard on the porch swing drinking whiskey.”

  “Yeah, I remember.” It had been years ago. It felt like a lifetime.

  “That night was the night I knew I was head over heels in love with you.” A soft laugh accompanied his confession. “I think I loved you from the moment we met, but that night, I knew it for sure.”