Unforgivable (Romantic Suspense)

by Tina Wainscott

  He lifted his hand toward her, but let it drop on the bed. “I’m just one life. He’s going to keep killing…innocent women…no way to stop him now.”

  “Ben said I was selfish. Maybe I am. Maybe I saved you because I love you. Because I had some insane idea that I could get you to accept that love. I see that’s impossible.” The tears she’d been holding back all this time started filling her eyes, and she swiped them away. “You can’t even accept the gift of your life! How could you ever accept love?”

  “Katie,” he said in a slurred voice, lifting his bandaged hand again.

  She stood. “No, don’t say anything. Let me talk. If you want to live your life in the shadows, I can’t stop you. But I’m not going to let you be my protector or my caretaker unless you learn to accept protection and care-taking, too. It’s a two-way street. You can’t keep being some guardian angel from a distance. I’ve given years of my life to a man I don’t think I ever really loved, because I felt I owed him. You have my heart, maybe you always have, and I want to give it to you. I can’t be in a one-sided relationship anymore. I want it all. I’ve tasted what’s been missing my whole life: passion, real love, emotion. That’s your fault, fella. I expect nothing less from you. If you can’t give me that, and accept it from me, then you’re going to Atlanta without me.”

  She could see the pain in his eyes, but she had to stay strong.

  “Katie, I…I’ve been doing it from a distance so long, I don’t know how to do it up close.”

  “Do what?” She wanted to hear the words.

  He met her eyes for a moment. Say it, dammit.

  “Love you,” he said finally in a pained voice. “I’m not sure I can be the person you need me to be. That doesn’t mean I don’t want you in my life.”

  “You can’t have it both ways anymore, Silas.” She glanced down at the bandaged hand that rested next to hers. “I’m sorry to lay this on you right now. Almost losing you made me evaluate a lot of things. I’ve been a fool for a long time. I’m taking charge of my life. I have to, for my own sanity. I’m going to find Ben. Unfortunately, I’ll have to use your car since I don’t have one. Another mark on the fool chart for me.” She started to take a step away.

  “Katie, wait.”

  “What?”

  “Don’t go looking for him without me. He’ll kill you this time.” He started to get up, but she put her hand on his chest. It didn’t take much to get him to lie back again.

  “You’re not going anywhere for at least two days according to your doctor. And all I’m going to do is find out where he is and contact the authorities. Not Tate, but someone who isn’t ensnared in Ben’s web of deceit. I have your beeper number. I’ll let you know where I am.”

  With that, she left. She heard him call her back, but she ignored it. If she’d thought for a second he was calling her to say he would try to accept her love, she’d run back. All he wanted to do was change her mind about finding Ben on her own. Silas was right; Ben would kill her. But he had to catch her first.

  She nearly collided with a nurse. “Oh, sorry about that!” the nurse said. Nodding toward Silas’s curtained booth where he was still calling for her, she asked, “Are you with Mr. Koole?”

  “In more ways than I’d like. Why?”

  She lifted her eyebrows in question but thankfully didn’t ask what she’d meant. “I have his things, wallet and the like, that we found in his pockets. Would you like to keep them for him?”

  She took the plastic bag. “I’ll keep them safe.” She removed the beeper from the bag. “Please see that he gets this.”

  She’d briefly seen Gary earlier, though he was pretty groggy. He was sleeping now, so she left him a note about getting in touch later. She’d have to sort out how she felt about that whole situation later.

  About Silas too, she thought, as she glanced up at the hospital on her way out. First, she was going to find the man who’d stolen her life, and a lot of other lives, too.

  Katie didn’t get far as she neared Flatlands. The authorities had set up roadblocks and were sending people back.

  The officer leaned toward her open window as she pulled up to the barricades. “Ma’am, if you’re going to Macon, you’ll have to turn back to Gray, go southeast on Eleven and take Forty-nine down.”

  She had planned to return to the house to get her suitcase, but the mention of Macon shivered down her spine. Why?

  “Ma’am, you all right?”

  She blinked. “Yes, I’m fine. Macon. Thank you.”

  She turned around and headed back toward Gray. Had Ben mentioned Macon recently? The town was stuck in her subconscious like a well-aimed dart. Macon. She paged back through the last few days of her memory, of the times when she hadn’t known the terrible truth about her husband. She didn’t have to go that far—only as far as that morning. Mrs. Turner had spoken about her brother in Macon, the veterinarian who was dying of cancer.

  Wouldn’t Ben need a new identity? He couldn’t chance using his current name and qualifications in case Katie did convince someone of the truth. She tried to remember what Mrs. Turner’s brother’s name was. It was Scottish…and started with a B. She had plenty of time to remember before she’d reach Macon.

  It was dark by the time Katie reached Macon, and even darker by the time she found a hotel with a vacancy. She’d had to get on the Interstate and go up four exits before finding a hotel that wasn’t booked for Macon’s annual festival. She was almost positive she was going to cry if this clerk said they were booked for the night.

  She nearly cried anyway when he said they had two rooms left. She obviously looked like hell from the expression on his face.

  “Lot of people coming over from your way ‘cause of the fires,” the young man said. “Hope they get it under control soon. Hope those storms brewing over the area let some of that rain loose. They’ve already lost six thousand acres and fourteen homes. Must be tough going.”

  “You don’t know the half of it,” she said in a smoke-ravaged voice, signing the credit card receipt. She was glad the clerk hadn’t noticed that she looked nothing like a Silas Koole, the name on the credit card.

  One look in her room’s mirror validated the clerk’s impression of her. Forget the frazzled hair, bloodshot eyes and smoky smell that permeated her—she also wore some of Silas’s blood on her modified shirt.

  The thought of that blood, and of him, made her drop down on the side of the bed. Don’t think about him now. Stay focused.

  She had her purse, but hadn’t thought to get her small suitcase when she’d helped Gary out to the car. The thought of her house burning didn’t bother her in the least, other than what would happen to her squirrel and bird friends. The thought of losing those few pictures of her mother broke her heart.

  She stretched across the bed and pulled out the phone book from the nightstand drawer. The name hadn’t come to her during the drive, but she was sure it would ring a bell in the phone book. Her finger traveled down the list of veterinarians, and didn’t have far to go when it stopped on Dr. Ken Buchanan.

  Though her pulse raced, her body absolutely would not budge now that it was in a prone position. Several nights of bad sleep, combined with the horrors of the day, were too much.

  Okay, she’d take a shower and eat before heading out. She was going to have to get a change of clothes, too. Maybe she could find an all-night discount store. She’d do that right after she ate, right after she took a shower, right after she closed her eyes for just a few minutes…

  She jerked awake the next morning and felt panic settle into her belly along with acute hunger. The first thing she did, after using the bathroom, was call the Buchanan Veterinarian Clinic. When the receptionist picked up, Katie asked, “Is Dr. Buchanan in?”

  “No, afraid not. He’s not workin’ much these days. Dr. Kane’s takin’ his patients,” she said in a thick, Southern voice. “We’re actually closed on account of the festival and all, but I’m in for a couple of hours doing some bill
ing. Is this an emergency?”

  “Yes, but not the animal kind. I’m looking for Dr. Buchanan particularly. Do you know if his sister is here with him?”

  “Oh, you mean Mrs. Turner? She’s a sweet lady, ain’t she?”

  “Yes, she is. I’m a friend of hers, and I’m…watching her cat, Tubby. Fuzzy, I mean. I’ve got some bad news for her, and it’s something I should tell her in person.”

  “Oh, dear,” the girl said in a genuinely sad voice. “I thought she brought Fuzzy with her. Especially with the fires out thatta way and all.”

  “Fuzzy wasn’t feeling well, so she asked me to take care of her. You know how she is about her cat.”

  “Oh, my, I sure do. Well, I ain’t see her this trip, but I know she usually comes over for the festival.”

  “Can you give me Dr. Buchanan’s home number and address? She left it with me, but in the all the confusion, I’ve misplaced it.”

  The girl recited the information. “But they probably won’t be there. They’ll be at the festival, I’m sure. Everybody’ll be there, includin’ me in about thirty minutes.”

  “I’ll look for them there, too. Thanks.”

  The girl was right; no one answered at home. Katie took a shower, then headed to the nearest department store and bought a new outfit, sunglasses, and a sunflower-adorned straw hat from the sale rack with her cache of change. All she had to do was make sure Ben was there, and then find a police officer to tell her story to. He could at least be detained for assault. With all of Silas’s notes in the back of the Navigator, they’d probably be interested in checking further into the case—and hopefully detaining Ben until they had some kind of evidence.

  Evidence. There would be no evidence, not unless she could prove that Ben was in the area when each abduction occurred. The jewelry and clothing might not be of help if he hadn’t left any evidence. She glanced at the payphone outside the department store. She should let Silas know where she was and what she was doing anyway.

  She dialed his beeper number and left a voice message. “Hi, it’s Katie. I’m in Macon. I think Ben is here trying to get another identity with a Dr. Ken Buchanan. They’re probably at the big festival that’s going on this weekend. Don’t worry, I’m just going to find him and alert the police. And try to convince them he’s a killer. Hah, that’ll be easy. Anyway, I know you’re kind of tied up, and I don’t know what’s going on with the fires, but I need your help. I need you to get the computer out of the hospital so we can compare those dates to when Ben was out of town. It’s just inside the door. It’s not locked, though I’m sure you can get in anyway. Get a key from Bertrice if you need one and if you could get my suitcase out of my house—it’s by the front door too—I’d appreciate it. I’ll check back with you in a while and see how you’re doing. Right now, I need to find Ben. Oh, and I’m sorry, but I had to use your credit card for my hotel last night. Okay, bye.”

  Just leaving him a message ripped her heart apart. What a damn fool she was about men. Well, she was going to rectify one of those mistakes. She got back into the Navigator and headed to the address the girl had given her. The big white van was nowhere in sight. Mrs. Turner’s sedan was there, however. Had Ben ridden over with her? He’d probably want to ditch his van, if he thought there was a chance of the police looking for him. He hadn’t gotten away with murder all these years by being careless.

  The curtain in the front window of the small house shifted slightly. She watched it for a few minutes, but saw no sign of a face peering out. Could be a cat, she supposed.

  Speaking of easy-to-spot vehicles…Silas’s beast of a car wasn’t likely to blend in, either. She headed over to where the festival was being held. The streets were closed off and parking areas had been created for the event. The place was already busy. She found a spot at the far end of a row and turned off the engine. When she reached for her new sunglasses, her fingers brushed the plastic bag the nurse had given her.

  Katie had been so tired when she’d finally found a hotel and realized she’d need money for the room, she’d only taken out the wallet. Now she picked up the bag and remembered how scared she’d been that she was going to lose him.

  “You never had him, not really. He only had you.”

  She crushed the empty bag in her hands—no, not empty. She’d almost missed it. At the bottom of the bag was…the crystal she’d given him. Her heart stopped beating for a moment. He’d had it on him, maybe in his pocket. He’d been carrying that crystal, the gift she’d given him and that he’d taken. Did it mean there was hope?

  She couldn’t let herself think about it. The flow of people into the festival area was picking up. A scan of the immediate area showed no sign of Ben. She was on her guard none-the-less as she stepped out of the vehicle. She tucked the crystal into the pocket of her jean shorts and headed toward the entrance. Admission was two bucks, a donation to those who had suffered from the fires. She spent her remaining money on orange juice and a breakfast sandwich.

  A Dixie band was jamming in the far right corner. Even at ten in the morning, kids were already running around with cotton candy and ice cream cones. It reminded her of a larger, more sophisticated version of Flatland’s fair.

  She reminded herself to put on her sunglasses, at least some disguise. She wasn’t used to wearing them. All she had to do was cruise around the festival until she spotted Ben. If he were trying to finagle Dr. Buchanan’s identity, he was no doubt using all that phony charm on both him and his sister. If he weren’t there, she’d stake out the house.

  It was already warm by eleven-thirty. An up-and-coming country band was now commanding the main stage. When she spotted Mrs. Turner at last, her heart went into triple time. The man walking at her side looked pale and fragile, though he laughed at something his sister said. Ben wasn’t with them.

  She watched them for twenty minutes, waiting for Ben to join them. Though Mrs. Turner occasionally glanced around as though looking for someone, Ben never showed. Back to the car, then, to cruise by the doctor’s house. Maybe she’d been wrong about this. Maybe Ben was long gone in some other direction.

  The door handle on the Navigator was burning hot, and she pulled back her hand with a hiss. When she reached for it again, a hand came from behind her and covered hers. Before she could even take that in, an arm went around her and covered her mouth, and a voice whispered in her ear, “You’re smarter than I gave you credit for. But it ends here, Katie girl.”

  Silas checked himself out of the hospital—against doctor’s orders—as soon as he got Katie’s message. He would have done it last night, but when he’d tried to get up, he’d nearly passed out. He was still dizzy, still had a hundred pile drivers inside his head, but nothing was stopping him now. He narrowly missed Gary who looked as though he’d been heading toward Silas’s room. He’d been dressed in a hospital gown.

  Bertrice was waiting by the doors, fidgeting. “Are you sure you should be out of the hospital yet?” she asked when he joined her.

  “I don’t have a choice. Thanks for coming.”

  “If my mom found out…” She shook her head, but her expression grew dark. “Silas, I still can’t believe what you told me…about Ben.”

  He couldn’t believe she’d come to the hospital to see him. After getting Katie’s message, he’d asked her to stick around. “It’s hard to believe that someone you think is nice is really evil inside. It’s easier to think someone like me is a murderer.”

  He had thought that once. He felt relief, even though deep inside he’d known he couldn’t kill anyone. But the connection was too eerie. Now the connection seemed gone, both with Ben and Katie. With everyone. He wasn’t sure if the concussion had knocked something loose or if because of the painkillers, his empathic feelings were subdued. For the first time in his life, his brain was free of other people’s feelings.

  That left his own feelings banging around inside him. They were more unsettling than anything he’d ever felt.

  “Do you know wh
ere I can get a car? I’d rent one, but I don’t have my wallet.” He followed her to an old truck.

  “My brother’s working on my car now, getting it ready for the big exodus if they can’t keep holding the fires at bay. This is his truck.” She looked at him. “Katie’s in trouble, isn’t she?”

  “More than she knows, probably. I need to get to Macon right away.”

  “Ben killed Geraldine and Dana, didn’t he?” Her voice sounded tight, but that was the only indication Silas had as to her inner feelings.

  “Yes.”

  “Take the truck. Do whatever you have to do to catch him. And to keep Katie safe. Drop me off at home. I’ll get a ride to the hospital and get that computer for you.”

  “Thanks,” he said.

  Bertrice’s lower lip trembled. “Kill the bastard, okay? Do it for Geraldine and Dana.”

  Killing Ben would be harder without his gun. He’d probably taken it after conking Silas on the head. He’d been coaching Katie to shoot someone if it came down to it; now he had to think about the possibility of taking a life, too. If Ben hurt her…Silas didn’t want to think about it.

  The sky behind him was a dark mass of storm clouds. The truck rattled and shook as he neared eighty. He couldn’t afford to go too fast, not while driving someone else’s truck and without his driver’s license. Going the speed limit wasn’t an option, either. Gripping the wheel was a painful proposition, though, even with the bulky bandages. He eyed the bottle of painkillers on the seat, but he didn’t want to waste time opening the bottle.

  He still hadn’t tuned into Katie’s feelings. That may or may not be a good thing. All his life he’d viewed his empathy with mixed feelings. Mostly they ran to disdain. Celine had convinced him that his was a gift from God, given to him for a reason he would understand someday. Then she’d been taken, and his gift hadn’t helped one bit. When he’d started seeing through the killer’s eyes—through Ben’s eyes—he’d once again been grateful for this gift. He thought it would save Katie’s life, at least, even if she hated that he could see into her soul. Now his wish had come true, and his “gift” had disappeared when he needed it the most.