I clutched my dress to me, and went back to Hudson’s teepee and crawled under the furs. A few minutes later, Hudson came into the teepee, along with Little Flower. I could see they had just returned from their bath, and he stoked up the central fire a little, and the glow caught against their faces.
“I talked to Shadow Hawk,” he murmured. “He wanted to know what had happened to your face, so I told him. Then he asked me how you were doing with your language lessons, and I told him about that too. He was not happy, Vanessa. He was already angry about what Shy Dove had done, and he grumbled something about you using women magic on him, and how he almost forgot about using his honor, where you were concerned. I have never seen Shadow Hawk like this before. It is like, when he is around you, he is losing some inner self-control, that he prides himself on. I chalk it up to love, but he told me to inform you that if you did not learn to speak his language, so he could marry you, he would make you his slave instead.”
“Love my foot,” I hooted. “He doesn’t love me; he just wants me, and is mad because I won’t do what he tells me to. You can just tell him for me, if he makes me his slave, I shall never speak to him again, either in my language or his language. You can assure him, I will not go to him willingly. On top of that, I shall refuse to eat, and the first chance I get I will throw myself in the river and drown myself, rather than submit to him!”
I hoped that would scare him enough to reconsider, but I knew, if it did not, even if I didn’t drown myself in the river, I would certainly swim away, when he was gone on one of his hunts, or some other business that took him from the village. I knew if I followed the river, it would lead back to Missouri, and if I didn’t run into a wagon-train on the way, I would just continue on down the river, like the trappers did in their flat-bottom round boats, made of leather stretched across a hoop, until I came to the Missouri river, and found my way to my aunt’s house.
The next day, I rose late, because I had been so tired from cutting the meat the day before. Hudson and Little Flower, was already up, probably helping finish up the meat and the hides, but I had lost interest in helping. After all, I wasn’t one of them, and I had helped out just to have something to do.
I got dressed, and went outside to discover everyone involved with their own tasks, to get prepared for the future, before the next hunt. What they did between hunts, I had no clue.
Hudson and Little Flower came and gave me some meat, that someone had cooked, and then went back to their separate tasks, but I was too preoccupied remembering what Hudson had told me about Shadow Hawk, and the way he had abruptly got up and left me, almost in the middle of making love to me, if kissing is considered making love, and then threatening to make me his slave, if I disobeyed his wishes.
I did not see Shadow Hawk for the rest of the day, and when I went to bathe that evening, he did not come to the spot where I bathed. I knew he was punishing me for being stubborn, but maybe it was for the best, I thought. I could get over needing his company, and then when Hudson was ready to leave, I would follow him, whether Shadow Hawk liked it or not. One person should not be allowed to own another person, I told myself firmly.
I went back to the teepee, and Hudson greeted me, but both he, and Little Flower looked tired, so I didn’t ask him about Shadow Hawk, or if he had even seen him that day.
The next day was the same. Shadow Hawk kept his distance, but I saw him across the way, staring at me until he noticed I had seen him, and then he turned his back and walked away. I saw Shy Dove scamper up to his side and walk along with him, talking to him as they walked together. Maybe she was using her woman magic on him, I thought. If she succeeded, perhaps, he would decide to let me go. Apparently, he had not banned her, so maybe he had forgiven her, once he discovered I was going to be obstinate about becoming his woman. For some reason, it didn’t make me feel as happy as I thought I would feel at the prospect.
Hudson seemed busy as well, and I barely saw him. He hadn’t mentioned anything to me about Shadow Hawk, and I never asked him about Shadow Hawk either. At night I bathed alone, and stopped anticipating Shadow Hawk showing up unexpectedly. I stopped braiding my hair, and allowed it to fall lose around my shoulders. I occupied myself learning how to do beadwork, just to give myself something to do. Little Flower was eager to show me the secrets in making an attractive pattern.
She brought me some doe skin, and instructed me on how to make a dress, and once it was finished, I started on the bead work on both it, and a pare of moccasins to match.
“The braves are going on a raid,” Hudson, informed me, about two weeks after the hunt.
I had not seen Shadow Hawk in that whole time, and I had come to the conclusion that he had changed his mind about me, and Hudson had been wrong about thinking Shadow Hawk was acting the way he was because he loved me, because Hudson was not trying to teach me the language, nor had he told me to report to Shadow Hawk as his slave. Maybe he had decided it would be easier to accept Shy Dove as his wife. I didn’t know why the thought saddened me somehow. After all, I didn’t want to marry him.
“I should have expected as much,” I mumbled. “We were always afraid of when the Indians would raid the wagon train. Just one more reason why I would never want to be married to a wild Indian,” I muttered.
“They will be raiding another enemy tribe, which is much more dangerous than raiding a wagon train. It is to prove their bravery, and to work off energy. They hope to count coup, which is their way of winning at the game of war. Then they will get a sacred eagle feather for their head band, or to wear in their hair or decorate their horse’s main with.”
Personally, I wasn’t impressed.
“So jolly for them,” I smirked. “Maybe Shadow Hawk will get killed, and then I won’t have to worry about becoming his slave,” I said harshly.
Hudson jerked his head towards me, and gave me a scathing glare. “You don’t know the first thing about Shadow Hawk,” he said quietly. “Someday, you may regret ever saying those words.”
Then he left the teepee, and I felt ashamed of myself, because after all, Shadow Hawk had saved me from drowning. I should at least appreciate him for that. I realized my real anger lay in the fact that Shadow Hawk had stopped paying any attention to me, because I refused to bow to his wishes, yet Hudson insisted he would never let me leave the tribe, and so what purpose did it serve Shadow Hawk to keep me there? He just wanted to punish me any way he could, I thought, as I went back to working on my bead-work. Apparently, he was refusing to remain my friend, because I wouldn’t learn his language or marry him.
The braves were gone for several days, but it made little difference to me, since the only brave I knew was Shadow Hawk, and he had abandoned me as a friend, once he discovered I would not bow to his wishes. I was starting to get used to not seeing him, and decided it would be easy to get over the way I felt when I was near him, after I managed to escape his influencing spirit that seemed to hover over me, even when he wasn’t around.
The other women who’s braves were out on the raid, seemed worried, but hopeful. A successful raid would mean their braves would become wealthier, with horses, and whatever else they managed to acquire, once the raid was over with, and they managed to escape with their lives.
Hudson explained to me how earning coup meant the brave would have to fight his opponent and humiliate him by either hitting him with his hand or a hand-held weapon, without getting killed himself. If a brave did happen to kill the enemy, he could take his scalp as a trophy, to show his accomplishment, and because the hair represented the soul, in a sense, the brave was capturing the man’s soul, as well. He would keep track of his coup, and in a sacred ceremony later, would be rewarded the sacred feather of the Golden Eagle, which was considered a sacred bird to the Indians. A chief who wore a war bonnet decorated with many eagle feathers, was displaying his accomplishments in counting coup. The more feathers in his war bonnet, the braver the chief or brave was considered to be.
However, these thing
s were not important to me. Why spend your time fighting with neighboring tribes, when you were not working yourself to death trying to survive? It made little sense to me. All I wanted to do was join my family and be happy on our new farm, which was something Shadow Hawk was keeping me from doing.
I stabbed my needle into the soft deer-hide, as I continued my tedious beading. As I sat sewing, I heard a commotion outside, and I went to the flap of the teepee to see what was going on. It was the braves, returning from the raid, and the tribe members were rushing out to greet them, whooping and yelling and singing chants.
Hudson glanced at me standing at the doorway of his teepee. “There will be a celebration tonight,” he told me. “I heard they did well on their raid.”
He gave me an unusual look, like he knew something that I didn’t know. But of course, Hudson knew so many things that I was not aware of, I had stopped keeping count a long time ago.
“They risk their lives for a few scrawny ponies? Seems like a big waste of time to me,” I mumbled, and dropped the flap, returning to my bead work.
I could hear the drums begin to beat, in the distance, and it seemed like the whole village was getting prepared for the festivities, but it meant little to me, because it had nothing to do with me. I was a stranger who had no friends in this place. Hudson was just someone I met, and would soon be leaving back to Missouri. Shadow Hawk, had other things to occupy his time, and even though he claimed he wanted me for his wife, he really wasn’t my friend either.
Friends cared about friends, and spent time enjoying their company. The only time he liked my company was when he could bathe my body, and hold me at night, and now even that wasn’t a draw for him. Once Hudson and Little Flower left, I would have nobody to talk to, or care about me. I should have taken the opportunity to escape while Shadow Hawk had been away. I wondered why I hadn’t done it?
The flap of the teepee opened, and I looked up, expecting to see Hudson entering, but instead Shadow Hawk stood there before me.
“You come now!” he stated in English, which surprised me, and I wondered if he had known how to speak my language all along.
“I thought you couldn’t speak English,” I said in astonishment.
“Hudson teach,” he mumbled, and gave me a sideways glance.
My mouth fell open in disbelief. He had actually backed down and complied with my demand to learn to speak my language instead.
“He has been teaching you all this time?” I asked, remembering that Hudson had been away a lot of the time, since Shadow Hawk stopped coming to see me. Perhaps he had been teaching Shadow Hawk long before that as well, I thought, since Shadow Hawk was not stumbling over his words.
“Now you marry me!” he stated in satisfaction.
My eyes widened. “I…I didn’t say I would marry you just because you learned to speak my language. I said, if you wanted to marry me so bad, you would learn to speak my language, instead of expecting me to learn your language!”
“Now you marry me!” he stated again. “Bargain! I speak your tongue. You marry Shadow Hawk!”
He grabbed my hand. “It is time. You come now!”
“I’m not going to marry you right this minute!” I screeched.
“No. First, you be adopted! You come now.”
Shadow Hawk began pulling me along with him, and I noticed a group of Indians had gathered near the river. He brought me to the river bank. I glanced around, looking for Hudson, not sure what I should do. Then I saw Hudson, coming towards us with a smile on his face.
“You see,” he chuckled. “You underestimate Shadow Hawk. I think he actually does love you. He has let you get away with a lot, that I don’t think he would ever let an Indian bride get away with. He wants to please you, Vanessa. If you give him a chance, he could make you happy.”
“Not in an Indian village,” I muttered.
“You have no other place to be. Nevertheless, he wants to do this right. First you will become a member of the tribe, and then only when you willing accept his offer, will he actually take you as his wife. Now that he is trying to learn your language, you might discover the two of you have more in common than you know.”
My heart stopped beating so fast, knowing that Shadow Hawk was not going to force me to marry him, just because he learned my language, so I decided to reward him for his efforts by agreeing to become a member of his tribe.
I was brought out into the river by the medicine man, who spoke in his own language, so I didn’t understand him, but Hudson had informed me that all he was going to do was dunk me under the water, to wash away the old person that I was when I came here, and let the new, Indian person, be born. Then I would adhere to all the Indian customs to show my willingness to become part of the tribe.
I decided I didn’t have much to lose, considering I was already living with them and following most of their customs anyway.
The lovely dress that Little Flower made me, became saturated with water, as we walked out into the river, and the medicine man dunked me under. When he brought me back to the shore, Shadow Hawk took my hand and said something to the group in his own language, and then he turned to me and said in English, “I give you a new name. It will be your Lakota name. You are now Pa-dah Ee-shda. It means Fire Eyes, because you look at me with fire in your eyes, when you are angry. Maybe I can put fire out.”
He smiled broadly at me, when he made that statement, then he took my hand, and led me back to my teepee.
“Change,” he informed me. “Time for celebration.”
Already the drums were starting to pick up their beat. I was sure they were not celebrating me becoming a member of their tribe. It was the success of the raid they were celebrating. Me joining the tribe, was just something on the sidelines that Shadow Hawk had insisted on, I thought.
Luckily, my new dress was finished, so I discarded the wet one and put on the dress I made. When I appeared outside the teepee again, Shadow Hawk, touched the dress I wore.
“You do good work,” he smiled. “You are pretty. I want you as my woman. I am rich man now. I took many horses!” Then he took my head in his hands and kissed me, and I felt myself melting beneath his lips, while I also felt nervous, because I was not ready to give myself up as his woman yet.
“You are handsome,” I murmured, when our lips parted. “I will think about it, since you are now such a rich man,” I laughed.
I did not want to make him angry at me, since he was acting so happy at the moment, showing off his ability to communicate with me now, and having done well at the raid. I suddenly realized why Hudson had gotten upset at me when I said that maybe Shadow Hawk would be killed in the raid. He knew that Shadow Hawk was going to the trouble to learn my language, to please me, and what he had in mind when he returned from the raid.
Shadow Hawk smiled, and pulled me in the direction of where the celebration was going on. Hudson was right. I had totally underestimated Shadow Hawk.
CHAPTER SIX
Shadow Hawk was not wearing a mere breech cloth, as before. In addition to the breechcloth, he also wore fringed leggings and a buckskin shirt with bead-work around the neck, that was as beautifully done as the bead work on the dress that Little Flower had given me. The top part of his hair was pulled back and tied with a thong. Three feathers were attached to the thong, which told me he had earned coup. One thin braid hung at the side of his face, with its own feather fluttering about his neck. He wore strings of beads with claws placed at intervals. The rings in his ears each had a claw embellishing it. A belt of silver and turquoise adorned his waist, and I was impressed with his glorious stature, as he looked down at me beside him.
Then he was pulling me forward, sprinting in the direction of the festivities, and I kept up with him, delighted in the way the feathers in his hair began to dance as we ran. I was laughing, and out of breath, when we reached the group, that was dancing and chanting to the beat of the drums.
Then Shy Dove stepped in front of us to block our path. Her eyes
blazed at me, while her lips turned up at Shadow Hawk.
“White woman can never love you the way I can,” she said, astonishing me to discover she could speak English. I glanced at Shadow Hawk, suspecting that maybe Hudson merely helped Shadow Hawk brush up on his English, and all the time he had me as his captive, he pretended like he couldn’t understand anything I said. My heart started to fall, believing that he had deceived me into thinking that the only way I could ever talk to him was if I learned his language.
I looked from Shy Dove to Shadow Hawk. “You want to love him so much? Be my guest!” I said, pulling my hand free from Shadow Hawks, and running in the other direction.
I felt used and tricked, because Shadow Hawk had wanted to impress me, and make me think he bowed to my wishes by learning my language. The truth of the matter was, he just couldn’t get me to learn his language, so he decided to use an alternative persuasion.
“Pa-dah Ee-shda!” Shadow Hawk called after me.
I felt humiliated and taken advantage of, in a worse way than if Shadow Hawk had forced himself upon me physically. Hudson knew all along that Shadow Hawk could speak our language, and yet, he too led me on, because he must have some kind of bond with Shadow Hawk, and went along with his wishes. I thought of all the things Hudson had said to try to persuade me into accepting Shadow Hawk’s offer. He was Shadow Hawks advocate! He was a white person, just like me, and yet he was siding with Shadow Hawk, instead of supporting my own fears, and helping me go back to my family.
I could never trust either of them again. They were probably laughing at me behind my back, while Shadow Hawk worked at seducing me into going along with his wishes. All that malarkey about Shadow Hawk wanting a virtuous wife, and how I had to agree to marry him, while he threatened to take me as a slave. Shadow Hawk just wanted his ego stroked, and wanted me to be the one to do it, I fumed to myself. Hudson was his partner in crime.
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