“You make me very happy,” Running Wolf smiled. “I don’t need a second wife. Even if I become a rich man, I will never want more than one wife to please me.”
“I hope you feel the same way when you get older,” I murmured.
After all, Shadow Hawk had told me I was his heart and his life, and now he was willing to turn me over to someone else to watch over me. His heart and his life must not be enough to satisfy an important man like himself, I grumbled to myself.
We had gotten a late start, after everything was ready to travel, so we had not gone very far before it was time to camp for the night. We had been following the river, because they knew the buffalo would water at the river, and then move on across the plains. Running Wolf, took the buffalo skins off of the travois, and put them on the ground. He must have been living in his family’s teepee, because he had not brought any teepee of his own. Once the furs were laid out, he began to build a fire, and like all young braves he was good at survival talents. After the fire was built, he reached for my hand.
“Can I join you in the evening bath?” he asked
I almost felt like I was betraying Shadow Hawk, but hadn’t he betrayed me already, I reasoned. I forced a smile, and nodded.
I followed him to the river’s edge, and slowly removed my dress, before he had removed his breechcloth. He turned and looked at me, and then came over to me, and touched each one of the scars on my stomach. Then he knelt and kissed each scare. His eyes raised to my eyes, as I looked down on him.
“I will always protect you,” he murmured. “You will be safe with me.”
I took his hand, and encouraged him to stand. Then I released the string on his breechcloth, and we walked out into the river, together.
Hesitantly, Running Wolf began to bathe me. His touch was different than Shadow Hawks, because I perceived he wasn’t quite as experienced as Shadow Hawk was.
“Have you ever bathed a woman before?” I asked.
“No,” he admitted. “You are the first woman I have ever touched.”
“So no woman has ever touched you either?” I wanted to know.
“How could she, if I have never touched a woman myself?” he half chuckled.
“Then let me bathe you,” I whispered, as my hand slowly started to smooth over his body.
Running Wolf was not as tall or muscular as Shadow Hawk. He still had some growing to do, but he was lithe and firm in stature. He was closer to my age than Shadow Hawk was, and did not seem so insistent on me bowing to any wishes other than allowing him to protect me. I did not think he expected me to love him, but I felt he deserved a gentle hand and a tender touch, so I introduced him to a woman’s touch, in all the way Shadow Hawk had instructed me in. I knew what to expect. I knew what to do to give a man pleasure. I had done it out of love for Shadow Hawk. Now I was doing it out of respect for Running Wolf.
It was not a mere bath. It was an initiation of things to come and an opportunity to shed our shyness of the other. After Running Wolf experienced my touch, I guided him, as he touched me. When he discovered the comfort we could give each other, he did not want to leave the river. He wanted to prefect his method, and feel comfortable with the feel of me beneath his hand. We never kissed, though. What I had agreed to, was something to fill the emptiness in my heart, but I knew it would never heal it.
As we left the river, Running Wolf, came to the buffalo furs with me. We sat before the fire eating the dried meat, as we watched the flames rise and fall, casting shadows upon our bodies, and drying the water from our skin. Slowly, Running Wolf, pushed me back against the furs, and began trailing his finger over my body, pausing when his fingers touched my scars, at which time he would lean over and kiss each scar. Then his finger continued its journey over my skin, causing goose bumps to dimple at his touch. I had almost forgotten what it felt like to be touched by someone who was excited about touching me.
“Your skin is so white and soft,” he told me. “I have never seen such pale skin before. When I kiss against your scar, I wish to kiss more of you,” he admitted. “I don’t want to make you angry at me, though,” he said a little sheepishly.
“If you wish to kiss more of me, I will permit it,” I told him, because I wanted him to feel comfortable with me, so he wouldn’t have to ask in the future.
I could feel Running Wolf’s damp hair caress my body, before his lips ever reached me, and I closed my eyes, trying to stop myself from bringing up visions of Shadow Hawk’s face, and the feel of Shadow Hawk’s lips upon my body.
His lips were soft and seeking, wanting that same experience I once longed for, when I had given up my own shyness with Shadow Hawk. Running Wolf had discovered the feel of me with his hands and now his lips searched for that same satisfaction. I knew he was determined to please me as well, so I relaxed as he gained more boldness in his endeavors.
My body responded to him naturally as he perfected his movements, finding what made me catch my breath, and rise to his touch. When he finally lifted his lips from my body, he smiled with pleasure, almost shyly.
“Have I pleased you as a woman wishes?” he asked.
“You are learning,” I smiled.
“I would happily learn some more if you would allow it,” he offered.
“Do you not tire of this?” I asked.
“I could never tire of this,” he breathed. “I want to learn all there is to know of you, until it is me you see through the love in your eyes, instead of Shadow Hawk.”
I took in my breath at his words, because I didn’t know if I could ever see him through the same eyes I had seen Shadow Hawk through, before he practically tossed me aside.
“You are kind,” I murmured.
But he was not listening. Instead he was showing me what a talented student he had become, and I encouraged him on.
When we finally crawled beneath the furs, Running Wolf laid my head on his chest.
“I will have to ask Shadow Hawk permission to marry you since you have no father, and he had taken you in as his responsibility. I am to offer him horses for you, but I have none, except for the one I ride. Poor braves cannot marry until they have something to offer the father in return for their daughter. Shadow Hawk may refuse me.”
“Shadow Hawk is not my father! He does not own me. You said yourself I am neither his woman or his slave. How can he need to give his approval?”
“He is responsible for you.”
“But he gave me to you to watch over. Now you are responsible for me,” I pointed out.
“It is the custom,” he mumbled. “Tomorrow, we will reach the hunting ground, and set up camp. Then I will approach Shadow Hawk,” he informed me.
By the next evening, the new camp was all set up. Running Wolf helped me put Hudson’s teepee back up, and bring the belongings inside.
“I hear Shadow Hawk has come to the camp to inform us of where the hunt will take place,” Running Wolf, informed me. “I will go and tell him you wish me to watch over you now, and are willing to become my woman.”
“If he turns you down, I will marry you anyway,” I told him.
I was not going to let Shadow Hawk continue to dictate my life to me, after he had obviously changed his mind about having me as his woman. He didn’t even want me as his slave, I fumed, because touching me would remind him that he had lost his honor, by breaking his promise to me.
When Running Wolf returned to the teepee, he did not look very happy.
“Shadow Hawk wishes to talk with you,” is all he said.
I left the teepee, and did not have to go very far before I saw Shadow Hawk coming towards me.
“Running Wolf says you wish to be his woman. Is that true?” he said, with a touch of anger in his eyes.
“You do not want me as your woman any longer,” I huffed. “Would you deprive me the comfort of a brave to protect me?” I asked.
“Running Wolf has nothing to offer for you or to you,” he stated.
“He has more to offer me than you ha
ve,” I said boldly. “He would happily take me as his first wife, and not insist on a second wife to bare him children. I know why you don’t want me. You want children, and I cannot give that to you. Now you not only think that Running Wolf has nothing to offer me, but that I have nothing to offer you, or him! He doesn’t care if I can’t give him children. He wants me, Shadow Hawk. Just me!”
“I cannot give you to him until he proves himself, and has more than his childish honor to offer you.”
“Childish honor! You are the one with no honor, Shadow Hawk. You have forgotten what honor is! You are using this as an excuse to punish me more than Shy Dove has punished me already! You don’t want me, but you don’t want anyone else to have me either!”
“You have barely left my teepee, and are wishing to marry someone else?” he growled.
“I could have remained in your teepee forever, and it wouldn’t have done me any good. I could come to your teepee now, but you would not want to touch me because I am broken somehow in your eyes. I am still the woman you called your heart and your life, but all you see is someone who cannot give you children. You promised yourself to me, telling me you would care for me and love me, but now you don’t want to follow through with that promise so why can’t someone else promise me what you refuse to give me?”
“Because, at night I will think of him touching you. I will think of him having you. I still love you, but I am no longer in a position to have you as my only wife. I will still take you as my woman if you promise another wife to furnish me with children.”
“No, never! You knew my answer before you even asked. If you love me, I should be the only one that you love. I do not love Running Wolf, but I respect him more than I could ever respect you! If you do not allow me to marry him, I will agree to be his slave,” I stated, “and then you can think of him touching me instead of you!” I turned from him, stomping back to Hudson’s teepee.
As soon as I entered the Teepee, Running Wolf looked up at me expectantly. I knew he wanted to know what Shadow Hawk had said, but I didn’t say anything to him. Instead, I removed my dress, and then I removed his breechcloth. I pulled him down onto the furs with me, and began showing him the ways I could please a man.
He did not refuse my advances, and when I surprised him by lowering myself over him and letting him have me, as I urged him on, he turned me and took the dominant position, showing me a few talents of his own, but we never kissed. I knew I didn’t love Running Wolf. Running Wolf knew I didn’t love him. But if this was all I had to look forward to, in the future, I would have to settle for it, I told myself, as I responded to Running Wolf’s efforts to bring me pleasure.
CHAPTER TEN
When Running Wolf fell asleep, I found myself dissolving into tears. I had committed the ultimate betrayal, because I knew I did not love Running Wolf, and I still loved Shadow Hawk. From the beginning Shadow Hawk had always rubbed me the wrong way, demanding I should respond the way he wished me to respond. Now, he had pushed me into this desperate position, where we both lost out in the end. Only I could never escape Shadow Hawk, no matter what I did. Whether I left or stayed, Shadow Hawk would still be stuck in my head, and there was nothing I could do about it.
I felt sorry for Running Wolf. He was hoping that eventually I would look at him through eyes of love, the same, as I looked at Shadow Hawk. I was doing him a disserves by even allowing him to harbor any hope. Maybe I should not become his woman after all, I thought. But since Shadow Hawk was not going to allow me to do so anyway, the only way I could rebel is to become Running Wolf’s lover, or slave, and in the end, neither of us would be happy.
I lifted my head and looked upon Running Wolf’s sleeping face, as the glow of the fire shimmered over it. He looked so young and innocent. As innocent as I had been, when Shadow Hawk had first brought me to his tribe. I had shown him the joys of the touch of a woman, but I realized that would never be enough to hold us together.
By morning, I was restless and disturbed. I had put myself in a position, once again that was not going to be easy to get out of, but I decided to wait until after the hunt to try and straighten it all out. Running Wolf smiled up at me, and I kissed him lightly on the cheek.
“We should get ready for the hunt,” I murmured. “Shadow Hawk is not going to allow you to have me as your woman. After today, you should probably go back to your own teepee.”
“But I am to watch over you,” he complained.
“I will have to watch over myself,” I said.
“It is because you cannot love me the way you love Shadow Hawk,” he accused.
“I already told you I did not love you, and that I loved Shadow Hawk. It is not fair to you, to want someone who can never learn to love you the way you wish them to. At least, now you have shared a woman, and when you do find someone that can love you the same way you love them, you will know how to please her,” I pointed out, trying to grasp something positive from the situation.
“You will change your mind,” he said sullenly, and got up but not putting his breechcloth on. “Will you share your morning bath with me?” he asked.
“Yes. For you, I will do that,” I said.
I followed him down to the river, and as we were bathing, I looked over his shoulder and could see Shadow Hawk watching us. I was still angry at him, so I took Running Wolf’s head in my hands and kissed him.
When Running Wolf looked at me questioningly, I smiled kindly at him. “Consider it a good-bye kiss,” I murmured.
I could see the look on Shadow Hawk’s face, as he glared at us, and then turned his back and walked away.
All the braves were preparing for the hunt. The women and the young braves that would not join the hunt, would follow, so they would be ready to start skinning buffalo, as soon as the animal hit the ground.
“I will show you what to do,” Running Wolf said to me, as he rode along side of me. “Once the animal is dead we must work fast, so someone can pull the meat back to the camp. Then we will start on the next one.”
We all stood on a hill over looking the huge herd as it lumbered along like rolling thunder. The sound was amazing, as the buffalo snorted and vibrated the ground as they walked. It looked like millions of buffalo below us. I recalled when the buffalo had run through our corral-circle, and it took forever before they finished running through.
The hunters rode their horses slowly towards the herd so as not to spook them into a stampede. Once they were upon them, they began shooting the beast with their arrows. Now, the buffalo were running, and the braves were running right along side of them, causing the huge animals to stumble and fall, as soon as the arrow hit the right spot which would bring them down. If the brave missed the right spot, he would ride up along side the buffalo and shoot it once again, to make better aim. In some cases he would remove the first arrow that didn’t bring the animal down, so no one would discover his bad aim, since each arrow had the mark of the brave that owned it.
When the first buffalo fell, Running Wolf encouraged me to follow him, as he galloped down to where the animal fell. Other buffalo were still rushing past, as we reached the carcass. Before I even got there, Running Wolf had jumped down from his horse, and started to pounce on the buffalo, in order to wrap a rope around his leg so his horse could turn the animal over on it’s side, so we could begin to cut around the neck and then down the middle, in order to remove the hide.
I watched as Running Wolf wound the rope around the animal’s leg, while his horse kept the rope taunt. Suddenly, the buffalo raised it’s head, and I realized it was not dead. It must have been stunned. It started kicking, causing Running wolf to get tangled in the rope, and then I watched in horror as the beast swung it’s head, catching Running Wolf in the side with it’s sharp horns. The next moment, it was up on it’s feet, kicking at the rope, causing the horse to rear up.
Frantically, I hurled myself from my own horse, ran forward and cut the rope with my knife. It snapped free, whipping in the air, as the buffalo, l
unged away.
Running Wolf lay in a tangled heap on the ground. I began screaming, as I ran to his side, and knelt over him, but the moment I turned his head, and saw his eyes weakly staring up at me, I knew there was no hope.
“Tell Shadow Hawk, I can no longer watch over you,” he barely whispered, as his hand lifted and touched my cheek, streaking blood over my face. “I am sorry you could not love me, but thank you for trying.”
Then his eyes were staring into space with no expression left in them, and I crumpled in tears on top of him. I felt strong arms lifting me away from his body, and found Shadow Hawk, holding me tight, as two other braves, put Running Wolf’s body over the saddle of his horse.
“Take him back to his mother,” Shadow Hawk said, taking up the reins to Running Wolf’s horse. “Then stay in your teepee, until I return from the hunt.”
I mounted my own horse, and Shadow Hawk handed me the reins to Running Wolf’s horse. My eyes slid over to Shadow Hawk’s face, and I could see the pain in his eyes, but then he turned and went back to the hunt. After all, he was the chief of the hunt, and they could not stop the gathering of food to support the tribe over the winter over the death of one young brave.
As I led Running Wolf’s horse behind me, my thoughts went back to that morning, when I had kissed Running Wolf, while we bathed, and told him it was a good-bye kiss. I had not realized the prophetic truth to that statement. My heart ached for the loss of a young brave who wanted me as his woman, but could never have me. Now there was no changing my mind about him, like he predicted. I was happy though, that his last day was spent in knowing the pleasures of a woman before he died. Now I would never be able to get the memory of him out of my head either.
I did not know who Running Wolf’s mother was, or where her teepee was located, but when I rode up to the camp, someone must have recognized Running Wolf’s horse, and went running to bring his mother.
The woman’s face looked worn, and when she saw her son laying over the saddle of his horse, she started crying and chanting at the same time, as she sunk to the ground, cutting her long braids off with her knife. She placed the braids over Running Wolf’s body, and then took the reins to his horse and led it away. She had sent part of her soul with him to the other world, and my heart ached for her. I had only known Running Wolf for a few brief days, and yet I had learned what an honorable son that woman had.
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