Ghosts of the Pacific

by Philip Roy

  “The fighting was so vicious. Nothing in training, nothing in the world prepared us for it. We outnumbered them more than two to one. We had better weapons, more ammunition and better air-cover. For every American soldier who died, ten Japanese soldiers were killed. But still, they wouldn’t quit. No matter what we did they wouldn’t surrender. We killed a thousand of them every day for a month. It just didn’t stop. And then . . .”

  “And then?”

  Paul went into a blank stare again. He didn’t look sad or anything, just very far away. “And then they started jumping from the cliffs, the women and children.”

  “I was up there, yesterday. I couldn’t understand how anybody could jump.”

  “Well, they did.” He paused. “And they hid in the caves.”

  “I know. I found one.”

  “There are caves all over this island. We linked arms, five thousand of us, and walked every inch of the island, and still we couldn’t find them. They kept up a guerrilla campaign even after we had taken the island. Nothing, nothing would make them quit.”

  “But eventually they did. They must have.”

  He shook his head. “No. We sealed up some of the caves, locking them inside. And . . . we brought out flame throwers.”

  He stopped. I waited. He reached down and scratched the head of an old dog. “There’s a library here, Alfred. Have you been to it?”

  “No, I just got here.”

  “You should go. They have real film footage of the battle. You can see it. You can see everything.”

  “I’d love to do that. I will.”

  He looked at me strangely, almost suspiciously. “Well, you can see it, yes. You can see it all.”

  “Even people jumping from the cliffs?”

  “Everything.”

  He stopped, dropped his head low and ran his fingers through his stringy grey hair. Suddenly he raised his head and looked at me again. “I put myself under house arrest, you understand?”

  “What?”

  “Nobody ordered me to. I just decided after what I had done I would confine myself to house arrest for the rest of my life.”

  “So it’s true? You never left?”

  “It’s true. Except for crossing the road to the beach for the dogs and going to the store, I never leave this house.”

  “You haven’t left since the end of the war?”

  “No. This is my third house on this spot. The first two were destroyed by typhoons. The typhoons are getting worse, you know. It’s global warming. We don’t deserve this planet.”

  “But . . . what did you do that was so bad?”

  He raised his thumb and bit the nail. “When you watch those films . . .”

  “Yes?”

  “You’ll see the flame-throwers.”

  “Okay?”

  “You’ll see women coming out of the caves. You’ll see babies in their arms.”

  “Oh.”

  “We burnt them.”

  I realized I had stopped breathing. “You were a flame-thrower?”

  He dropped his head and nodded. I felt like I couldn’t breathe.

  “Do you want some more coffee?”

  “Uhh . . . I don’t know.”

  I couldn’t think. I was feeling sick in my stomach. Paul reached over and filled my cup with coffee. Then he sat back and stared at a butterfly that landed on his shoulder. I needed to see the films at the library. I had to.

  “Will you come back and visit me again?”

  “Sure.”

  There was nothing about Paul that looked criminal, that was for sure. He was probably the gentlest man I had ever met. I felt sorry for him. I couldn’t understand why he couldn’t forgive himself.

  Two hours later I was sitting in a tiny projection room in the Saipan Public Library, a long concrete bunker that could have been any library in any town in North America. The film I was watching was in black and white. It showed the American ships arriving and shelling the island and soldiers climbing into the landing barges and jumping onto the beach. Jeeps landed, tanks landed, airplanes flew overhead and dropped bombs. Everywhere there were explosions, smoke and confusion. I couldn’t believe it was the same island, and yet I recognized it. Then I saw the cliffs. It looked like things were falling off. But the camera went closer and I saw people, big ones and small ones. They were dropping down to the ground, though some were hitting the rocks on the way. Some were waving their arms and screaming. Some just fell silently. I was horrified.

  Then I saw soldiers at the entrance to caves. Some of the caves were just small holes in the ground. The soldiers were smiling as they pointed to them. I tried to see the faces of the soldiers. Sometimes they were smiling for the camera. Sometimes they weren’t. They had discovered Japanese soldiers hiding. Now they were leading them in a row with their hands on top of their heads. The Japanese soldiers were very small. They were in bare feet and their clothes were just rags.

  Then I saw soldiers with tanks on their backs. They shot fire from them and I could not believe how far the flames reached. They must have sprayed a hundred feet. And then I saw soldiers standing by the entrance to a cave. I looked to see if I could recognize Paul. He was just a young man then, just a couple of years older than me. I didn’t recognize him. The soldiers must have suspected the enemy was hiding in the cave. They shot flames inside. Women came running out, and they were carrying babies and they were on fire. They burned to death right there. I dropped my head. What was I doing? What was I watching? Why was I here? Suddenly I wished I hadn’t seen it. I wanted to take it away. I wanted to go back to where I was before I had watched that film.

  But I couldn’t.

  Chapter 27

  I WANDERED AWAY from the library very slowly with Hollie on my back. There was a Japanese garden nearby and we went in there. It was full of butterflies too. What I couldn’t understand, and couldn’t believe, was that these were human beings, both the ones coming out of the caves on fire and the ones throwing flames at them. They were humans. I was human. We were the same. Why was it happening? How could things go so terribly wrong?

  I knew it was war. I understood that. Japan had attacked America. America fought back. But those were just countries, just names. I could understand when I thought of countries fighting countries the way I read in books. I could not understand when it was people, like the man on the cliff who had shaken my hand. Like Paul. These were real people I had met. They had been enemies. Both sides fought and killed each other here, in this place that was now so beautiful and peaceful. It was insane.

  I understood Paul’s imprisonment better now, even though it still didn’t feel right. He didn’t start the war. He didn’t invent flame-throwers. If I had stood in his place back then with a flame-thrower on my back, would I have turned it on women and children? No. I knew that I wouldn’t have. I was certain of that. I would have jumped from the cliffs before I would have burned people alive. But, I hadn’t been here then. Paul had. And he had done it. Was I so different from him? I didn’t think so. I just knew I couldn’t do what he had done. And I didn’t want to think about it anymore. But I couldn’t stop. Sheba was right. Well, she was right and she wasn’t. I wanted to know and I didn’t.

  I let Hollie out and we wandered until we found ourselves back at the circus ship. The park was filled with people now. The circus was opening soon. There were so many people— I was amazed. According to my guidebook, about ninety thousand people lived on Saipan, sixty thousand of them coming from other countries. But they were spread out across the island so there didn’t seem to be so many. This was the most people I had seen gathered in one place in a long time.

  The crowd was excited. There were smells of barbecues and popcorn and cotton candy in the air. The smells tugged at me. I wanted to enjoy them but I felt torn inside. Part of me didn’t want to let go of the heavy thoughts. Part of me wanted to forget them altogether.

  And I had always wanted to see a circus.

  The old grey tents were covered wit
h colourful ribbons. Ticket booths were set up and people were lined up at them. I saw signs advertising various acts: a wild elephant and two ferocious lions; Medusa, the snake lady who would turn you to stone if you stared into her eyes; the original wolf man, who had to be kept in a cage; the incredible family of flying trapeze artists who defied gravity; and Hugo, the strongest man in the world. The opening act would feature Dickie, the funniest clown the world has ever known. I didn’t remember Cinnamon telling me about a clown. I wondered who he was.

  As I stood at the edge of the park and watched, still unsure whether or not to go in, I saw something that made me feel better. Standing in line for tickets were people from different countries: America, Japan, China, the Philippines, as well as the local people, the Chamorro. They were all talking and laughing. They were excited. A couple of generations ago they were killing each other here. Now, they were lining up to enjoy a circus. Before I could think another thought, Cinnamon came out of one of the tents, spotted me and rushed over. “Alfred! Oh! I am so glad you are here. I was afraid you weren’t coming.”

  “I promised you I would.”

  “I know, but people make promises they don’t keep.”

  “I keep mine.”

  She broke into a smile, leaned over and kissed me on the cheek. I blushed.

  “You can come into the tent and watch the show. You don’t have to pay because you helped set up. I’m not on for a couple of hours. Dickie is first.”

  “Who’s Dickie?”

  “The clown.”

  “I know, but who is he?”

  She grinned. “You’ll see. I’m so happy you are here.” She took me to an entrance at the back of the tent and hurried off. I watched her bounce across the grass like a gazelle.

  I went inside and took a seat on the rickety old wooden grandstand. I had seen them folded up on the ship. I was the first and only one seated. As I looked around I was amazed at how big the tent seemed from the inside. It was hard not to feel excited. What was it about a circus, even a little one like this, that was so special?

  But I was a little nervous for Cinnamon. What if she became distracted and made a mistake and injured herself? I didn’t even really understand why she liked me so much in the first place, except that, like me, she didn’t have any friends her own age. I supposed that was it. I had Hollie and Seaweed. She only had snakes.

  The main flap opened and people started to pour in. Loud recorded music started playing at the same time. It was old fashioned music yet it made me laugh with anticipation. I couldn’t help it. The people coming in were excited too. They must have seen this circus before, when the ship had visited in other years, yet they flocked in and crowded together on the seats as if everything were brand new. I hoped the old wooden grandstands would hold up. Suddenly there were people all around me, even pressed up against my shoulders. I put the tool bag on my lap and Hollie stood up and watched through the mesh.

  When the tent was filled with people, the music didn’t seem so loud anymore. There was a deep hum of people talking, laughing and whistling so loudly I almost covered my ears. Suddenly the Master of Ceremonies appeared and the noise level rose even higher. I looked around me. People were going crazy and the show hadn’t even started yet. The MC was dressed in a dazzling red, white and blue costume covered in jewels. When he opened his mouth and started speaking I couldn’t believe this was the same quiet man I had seen on the ship. His voice boomed across the tent and everyone shut up and listened. He told us we were in for the most thrilling circus night imaginable. Something about the way he said it made me think it was true. He described all the acts that were coming but said we had to watch the funniest clown in the world first because immediately after his act he was going to retire. Everyone groaned sadly. The moment he retired, the MC continued, he was going to fly to the moon. In fact, he was going to fly from this very tent, tonight! The audience roared again.

  “And now!” roared the MC, “a big round of applause for Dickie! The funniest clown in the worrrrrrrrrrrrrld!”

  The people in the audience whistled, cheered and stomped their feet. It was deafening. A flap opened at one end of the tent and a small clown wandered in slowly, looking lost and unsure of himself. The music stopped. The crowd grew silent. The clown shuffled slowly and sadly to the centre of the ring. He plopped down on the ground and began crying. I thought that was very strange and wasn’t sure it was an act. I looked around and saw that everyone was still smiling. The clown kept crying. He was wiping his eyes with his sleeves and crying harder all the time. I was trying very hard not to feel sorry for him—he was, after all, a clown in a circus—but I couldn’t help it. Then, as if he suddenly realized something, he lifted his foot up so that everyone could see it, and he pointed to it. He raised his head in a gesture, asking the crowd a question. Everyone in the tent roared, “Yes!” Then he started to pull a tack from his foot. But the tack was attached to a coloured scarf and the scarf kept coming out until it was about twenty feet long. The audience burst with laughter. The clown sprang to his feet and started to run around in a circle. He was fast! Then he stopped, all out of breath. And then, he started to laugh. He started with a giggle that turned into a chuckle that turned into a belly laugh. He laughed and laughed with the funniest laugh I ever heard and he didn’t stop. The audience laughed hysterically with him. And now I knew who he was, because I recognized his laugh. Dickie the Clown was Mr. Chee.

  After Dickie the Clown, we were treated to the frightening spectacle of three wild beasts rolled into the centre of the ring inside two cages: two lions in one, and the wolf man in the other. One of the lions was so dangerous it was not allowed out, said the MC. Although I remembered something about it being too old, I really wasn’t sure—the MC was so convincing. The really frightening thing was that the wolf man was chained and locked up, but he escaped! And he was scary. He went around frightening everyone, and the lion tamer had to use one of the lions to chase him back into his cage. It really made me nervous. I was so caught up in the action I completely forgot I had met these people before.

  And then the lights dimmed and Medusa appeared. She was wearing snakes all over her body. The audience was warned not to look directly into her eyes or they would be turned to stone. Around and around the circle Medusa wandered, trying to get the audience to stare at her. People in the front rows screamed. People in the back laughed hysterically. I had thought Megara was scary enough with the snakes in her room. Now she was wearing something that made her eyes shine like floodlights. It was very frightening.

  Next, Dickie the Clown returned riding Mindy, the elephant. He was standing on her back and bouncing up and down out of rhythm with her stride. He fell off twice and climbed back up. They went around the circle a few times and back out. I was laughing so hard my eyes were running with tears.

  We had a brief intermission while a giant net was carried in and tied to the poles about ten feet off the ground. A large flap opened up and two giants stepped into the ring. They were walking on enormously high stilts and wearing giant papier-mâché heads. They were amazing. The giants played with yo-yos ten feet long!

  Finally, the MC returned and told the audience in a very serious tone that the acrobats were about to try a new routine that had never been successfully performed before. In fact, it was so dangerous that an unmentionable number of people had died trying to do it. Then, he asked the audience to be as quiet as they possibly could while the artists were in the air, and to save their applause for when the performers were back on their perch. I looked around and saw heads nodding in agreement everywhere. I hoped everyone was paying attention. A drum roll began. The older couple appeared in their sleek and colourful suits. And then I saw Cinnamon appear. She looked so wonderful and I realized that, once again, Sheba had been right—I had met someone very special.

  Chapter 28

  THE FLYING-TRAPEZE act was a huge hit. Cinnamon flew through the air as if she had wings. It was incredible. I needn’t have worried. Nob
ody missed their connections. Nobody fell. They spun somersaults through the air and grabbed each other’s hands without even looking. I didn’t know if it was the most difficult act in the world but it sure was exciting.

  There were a few more acts after that. Then Dickie the Clown returned to say farewell and fly to the moon. He went around shaking hands with everyone in the front row. Everyone wanted to touch his hand. He burst out crying again; he couldn’t help it. Everyone felt sad. A cannon was rolled into the tent. Blowing kisses with both hands, Dickie climbed into the cannon backwards, waved one last time and disappeared inside the barrel. There was a long drum roll. I didn’t dare blink. Then there was an explosion and smoke filled the centre of the tent. It smelled like firecrackers. When it finally started to clear, the giants were standing in the centre. They pointed up to a hole in the roof of the tent. Dickie was gone. The giants waved to the moon. Everyone waved and cheered. I couldn’t stop laughing. I had never had so much fun.

  I met Cinnamon after the show. She had changed and was ready for a walk.

  “Did you like it?”

  “I loved it.”

  “Really?”

  “It was great. I was amazed. You were really good.”

  “Did you think so? Thank you, Alfred. I’m so glad you saw it. And now you know who Dickie the Clown is.”

  “He’s hilarious! I can’t believe it.”

  We walked along the beach. Cinnamon took my hand. I didn’t mind. We walked quietly for a while, but I could sense she wanted to say something.

  “Alfred?”

  “Yes.”

  “You should join our circus.”

  “What? Me? Join the circus?”

  “Join our circus.”

  “But . . . what would I do? I can’t do anything.”

  “Yes, you can. You can learn. You can learn to do anything. I didn’t know anything when I joined.”

  “But I’m an explorer. I have a submarine.”