“Good idea. I don’t know why I’m here anyway,” Silas remarked.
Franklin helped Granny up the steps and into the house. The shysters were already inside having used their pet door. Thor, Penelope, Butch, Starshine and Silas followed, making themselves at home in Granny’s living room.
Granny looked at Franklin. “Did you give up on the idea of the house?”
“House? What are you talking about?” Thor asked.
Yah, what is everyone doing here?” Penelope asked. “We thought we’d better come over and explain about the hardware store.”
“Hardware store? What about a hardware store?” Starshine asked. “I came over to tell Mom that I’m engaged.”
“Engaged?” Granny said, startled.
“I came over to talk about the house,” Franklin explained.
“House? What house?” Thor asked. “I’m here because I need to talk to Mom about the murder investigation.”
“Murder? What murder investigation?” Granny asked, perplexed. “I didn’t murder your dad when I ran him over; he was already dead.”
“Now that we’ve established why everyone else is here,” Silas Crickett interrupted, “will someone please tell me why I’m here amongst all you confused people?”
Baskerville and Mrs. Bleaty chose that moment to come out of Granny’s bedroom. Once they saw Silas Crickett, they ran over and greeted him with barks and bleats, nuzzling his hand as he tried to fend them off.
With eyes skewered into little slits, Granny glared at Silas. “I thought you didn’t like them and they didn’t like you, Silas––something about them killing Radish.”
Silas, as usual, ignored Granny’s inquiries and turned again to Thor. “Do you mind telling me why you asked me to come over?”
“You asked him to come over here,” said Granny, “after he broke into my place yesterday morning and tried to hijack my snowmobile!” Granny advanced on Thor with a pointed finger.
“He what?” Penelope and Starshine advanced on Silas.
Thor held up his hands and in a loud voice said, “Enough! If you will all calm down, no matter what reason you came here, you all should hear this!”
That got everyone’s attention and they all claimed a chair or a couch and all sat down––all except Granny. She reached down and picked up Little White Poodle who was standing by her feet.
Thor walked over to Granny and looked into her eyes. “The body that you ran over yesterday that was dressed like dad was dressed when he was buried, wasn’t dad, Mom. But, it was buried in your tomb in the mausoleum.”
Thor looked into the shocked faces of his sisters and the other occupants of the room. He appeared to be gauging the look on Silas Crickett’s face in particular.
“Why are you looking at me?” Silas asked Thor. “I’m new in this town and this woman got me involved in this mess by her crazy driving.”
Franklin then stood up, and walked over to Granny and put his arm around her, apparently knowing from his earlier detective days that there was more to come.
“The autopsy revealed,” continued Thor, “that the body you ran over, Mom, had been murdered years ago.”
Granny broke away from Franklin’s arm, walked to the kitchen counter and grabbed a donut that had been on a covered plate. She broke off a little piece and gave it to Little White Poodle before she set him down on the floor. He took the piece of donut and walked over to Fish, Furball and Tank, gave a little bark to tease them, and ran off down to the basement. Baskerville and Mrs. Bleaty started barking and bleating and ran after him followed by Fish, Furball and Tank.
Since it was the start of Christmas season, Granny had taken all the pictures down from her walls, and off the tabletops, and put them in the hutch made of barn wood that stood in the corner of her living room, intending to replace them with Christmas paraphernalia. Granny now walked to the hutch and took out a picture, gazed at it for a few minutes, and walked over to Thor and Franklin, while the others watched wondering what Granny was going to do with this news that she had just been given. Taking the picture and shoving it at Thor’s chest, she asked, “Well, then, Thor, who is the dead man in my husband’s clothes? And what was the stiff doing in my crypt that I didn’t know I had? And…who is he?”
Thor took the picture from Granny and looked at it intently. “I don’t know yet, Mom. I don’t have any answers. I barely remember Dad or anything about his funeral; I was so young.”
“I was barely into my teens, but I don’t remember anything strange either,” said Penelope. “You didn’t have an open casket, Mom, so we didn’t see how Dad was dressed––or that he was even in there. Oooh, this is creepy.” Penelope buried her head in her husband’s chest.
“I guess I’ll be going. You don’t need me around during this weird family discussion,” Silas announced, backing toward the door.
“Thanks for coming, Silas. I thought since you were inadvertently dragged into this that you should hear the news,” said Thor, walking over and patting Silas on the back. “I’ll walk out with you.” Turning to the rest of the room, he added, “I think I’ll go see Heather and bring her up to speed. Good luck with your news.” Thor winked at Penelope as he opened the door for Silas. “And congratulations, Starshine, I hope we meet your fiancé sometime soon. Come on, Silas, it would be wise to be a little way away from here when Penelope and Butch give Mom their news.”
Granny watched as they walked out the door. At that moment, there was a ruckus and the menagerie of animals ran up the stairs. Mrs. Bleaty was in the lead and she had Little White Poodle’s stuffed toy in her mouth. She ran for the side window door. As she reached the door, Baskerville gave his howl so the door would open and the two ran out into the night. The rest of the shysters followed suit through the pet door.
Turning to Penelope, Granny waited in silence with her I’m-not-going-to-like-this-am-I look.
“You already know that Butch bought Nail’s Hardware, Mom,” said Penelope. “He was looking for a new adventure now that we are empty nesters. What you don’t know is that we’re moving to Fuchsia.”
“Across town in the Mayor’s house, right?” Granny asked sarcastically, looking at Franklin.
“No, why would you think we could afford the Mayor’s house?” Penelope asked. “We’re buying George’s house across the street. He’s decided that he and Mavis are going to travel the make-believe reality show circuit for the rest of their lives, so he’s going to sell his house. When Thor marries Heather at the double wedding with you and Franklin in December, the sale will be finalized and we’ll move in. We’re going to be neighbors! Isn’t that wonderful, Mom? Butch and I, and you and Franklin can spend lots of time together.”
Eyes wide with what her daughters perceived to be an awestruck look––and it was, but not for the same reason they were thinking––Granny asked Starshine, “And you’re engaged?” She simply wasn’t able to get any words out about having more of her children across the street.
“I am,” Starshine answered, holding out her hand for Granny to see her star-shaped diamond engagement ring. “Isn’t it beautiful? Lars had it made to signify my name because he said that I’m the shining star in his life.”
“Have you met this guy?” Granny asked Penelope.
“No, she’s been keeping him a secret.”
Granny knew all about secrets, but Starshine was a hippie Aquarius type––free spirited and blabby. Granny had named her after the hippie movement.
Franklin stepped forward and hugged Starshine. “My new, almost daughter-in-law, do you want to have a triple wedding, and share the day with Thor and your mother?”
“No, we might stay engaged forever and just commune together.” Starshine answered.
Franklin, seeing Granny had had enough surprises for the night and that the word commune might push her off the edge, quickly moved Starshine to the door. “It’s time for you all to go now. Past your mother’s bedtime. You know how frail she sometimes gets.”
Penelope and Thor were already halfway out the door, having started to leave at the word commune, knowing what Granny’s reaction might be. Starshine quickly followed and closed the door before Granny could say a word.
“Commune! Commune! What the heck does that mean? The stiff I found was murdered and my daughter’s moving in next door!” Granny yelled. “And….you think I’m going to move. You decided that we’re moving! Go home, Franklin. How much do you think an old woman can take in one day?” Granny walked to the door and held it open. She picked up her new pink shovel with the flat bottom and raised it into the air. “Leave now or I will not be responsible where this shovel lands.”
Franklin chuckled and winked at Granny as he retreated through the door. When Granny shut the door behind him, she didn’t hear the loud laugh or the whistle coming out of Franklin’s lips. “Yup, my Hermiony Vidalia Criony Fiddlestadt is back and it’s going to get interesting,” he said to himself as he walked through the cold crisp winter night.
CHAPTER NINE
Granny looked at the time displayed on her cell phone that she kept by her bedside––midnight. Since all the noisy fur creatures that shared her house were gone for the night, Granny decided to try to get the events of the day out of her mind by cozying up with a good book and a box of chocolates that she’d forgotten she’d hidden in her secret closet.
The Sinister Sitcom Caper by Sally Carpenter seemed the perfect fit to get Granny’s mind off the fact that someone dead was masquerading as her husband and wearing his clothes. But now, looking at the time, Granny knew she would never get to sleep until she visited the grave where she had buried her husband, or at least took a look at the spot in the mausoleum that was supposed to be her grave.
Throwing back the covers on her bed, Granny grabbed the bedpost and slowly stood up so she wouldn’t tip over as she sometimes did when she got up in the morning. Sometimes she tipped one way; sometimes she tipped the other. Granny chuckled, “I’m a good tipper, and no one knows it.”
Knowing that they wouldn’t let her near the cemetery during the day, now seemed like as good a time as any to explore. Grabbing her flashlight, she headed to the closet by the front door. Plopping her bomber hat on her head and putting on her winter coat, she arranged the coat to hide her winter PJs. Tonight she was wearing her red velvet PJ tops and bottoms embroidered with purple sequins and red feathers. No one will see what I have under my coat anyway, she thought.
After stepping into her purple boots, she peeked through the curtain of the front window. There didn’t seem to be any lights on in the neighborhood. The coast was clear.
Picking up her pink shovel, she proceeded to the back door of her house. She didn’t use it very often but it came in handy if she needed to sneak out unnoticed. No one would ever suspect her of sneaking out her back door. Granny made sure all the lights were out in her house before she left.
Once outside, Granny looked around to make sure there was no one watching. She hoped everyone was sound asleep and wouldn’t hear her snowmobile. If they did, they’d probably think they’d just heard the snowmobile club’s drive-by patrol. Sometimes they rode around this neighborhood taking the path through the grove at the end of the street to avoid the town police, especially if they’d been imbibing at the Fuchsia Sip ‘n’ Spit, the local pub. It hadn’t happened much lately since Thor had become the chief of police, and now lived on the street. It was probably because the club members weren’t sure how the new man in town would enforce the Fuchsia community rules.
Granny hopped on her snowmobile, gently revved the engine, and took off toward the ramp at the back of her yard. As she got to the top of the ramp, she didn’t see any movement in the cemetery and decided the coast was clear. No ghosts out tonight, she thought.
Slowly, she maneuvered the pathways in the cemetery until she came near the tombstone of her dead husband, Ferdinand Fiddlestadt. She heard the sound first. It sounded like a motor running. Cautiously, Granny stopped the snowmobile on the path by a large headstone, giving cover to the snowmobile. Granny cut the engine, grabbed her pink shovel, and cautiously made her way over to where the noise broke the stillness of the night. Peering around a neighboring tombstone, Granny saw that a generator sat alone in the night by her husband’s grave purring softly. On top of Ferdinand’s grave was a large blanket.
Moving slowly closer through the deep snow, holding on to her shovel for protection, Granny stopped by the grave. Reaching down, she touched the blanket. It was warm to the touch. Granny pulled her hand back, shining the flashlight into the darkness. There appeared to be no other movement in the cemetery. Granny eyed the blanket in speculation. Why were they apparently thawing out Ferdinand’s grave? What else weren’t they telling her?
Reading Ferdinand’s epitaph on his tombstone, I had a wife, she was very nice; I had some children too, But now I’m dead, she’ll keep them fed, She knows it’s the right thing to do, Granny shook her head. Even in death, Ferdinand made sure to remind her of the right thing to do. Granny took the pink shovel, picked up some snow, and threw it towards the gravestone at the epitaph engraved on the stone, that marked the spot where her husband should be.
Turning back and stepping through the deep snow, using the shovel for traction, Granny decided to visit the mausoleum on the way back to her house. Just maybe someone forgot to lock the door. It was a long shot, but then, this was Fuchsia. Granny took one long look around the tombstone that was hiding her snowmobile at Ferdinand’s grave. She got back on her snowmobile, revved the engine and took off, “This one’s for you, Ferdinand; it’s the right thing to do, for me, not you!”
Granny cut the engine and stopped a little way away from the mausoleum. Since it was next to Granny’s property and close to the ramp, she wanted to make sure it was ready to go if she needed a fast getaway. After all, the mausoleum was what had gotten broken into. The door probably would be locked anyway.
Shining her flashlight on the door of the mausoleum, she moved forward and tried the handle. The handle clicked and the big oversized ornate mausoleum door opened. Granny stuck her head in slightly to peer around to the other side of the door. It was strange that the door was unlocked. Her eyes darted to behind the door and into the dark room. She couldn’t see a thing, so she pushed the door open a little more and took hold of her pink shovel with both hands, holding it in front of her while still juggling the flashlight and the shovel. Moving forward, she shone the flashlight on the crypts in the walls, trying to find her supposed resting place. All of a sudden, she heard the door to the mausoleum behind her slam shut. Granny jumped. Then, she heard footsteps.
“I’ll ding you with this shovel and your head will ring if you come any closer,” Granny warned the unknown person, keeping the shovel raised with one hand, while shining the flashlight toward the sound of the footsteps.
The footsteps came closer and suddenly, Silas Crickett revealed himself in the light. “Woman, don’t you know it’s dangerous out here. See that crypt over there? I could pick you up and seal you in it and then it really would be your grave!” Silas yelled in an exasperated loud voice.
“Stay where you are!” Granny warned, “I’m calling Thor.”
“With your cell phone?” Silas asked in a persnickety tone. “The cell phone I have in my hand that I picked up at your house?” Silas advanced on Granny.
Granny gripped the shovel tighter. Where were the shysters when you needed them? Granny heard scratching at the mausoleum door at the same time Silas did. As Granny was plotting how to get the best of Silas, Silas unexpectedly turned and walked back to the mausoleum door and opened it. Baskerville, Fish, Little White Poodle, Furball and Tank bounded into the room and surrounded Granny. Only Mrs. Bleaty was missing.
“Attack!” Granny commanded her furry friends. Baskerville moved forward and started licking Silas on the hand. Furball jumped up on Granny’s head and started purring, making Granny drop the shovel. Fish walked over and lay down at the feet of the statue of the founder of
Fuchsia, and Tank sat down in the scoop of the fallen shovel.
Silas held up the phone again. “Do you want me to call your kids?” With a laugh, he walked over to Granny and picked her up to carry her out the mausoleum door.
Furball fell off her head as Granny was lifted from the ground. Granny reached inside her coat and grabbed her inside pocket. She still carried a small version of her knitting needle cane with her in case she ever found any crooks. She lifted the knitting needle and hit Silas in the arm, barely puncturing his heavy coat, but the movement surprised him and he dropped Granny.
“I’m not the enemy,” yelled Silas. “We need to get out of here. Since all the shenanigans that have been going on in the cemetery, the police are checking it now every hour. You’d know this if you paid attention to what your son tells you.”
“And why are you here?” Granny asked suspiciously.
“I saw you leave and was curious what you were doing. When I realized where you were going, I thought I would follow; after all, my days have been too dull lately,” Silas answered sarcastically.
Granny stood up and looked around, shining her flashlight and ignoring Silas now that she realized he wasn’t a threat. “Which crypt do you think is mine?”
“You’ll find out soon if we don’t get out of here,” Silas warned. “You’ll have to hide in it to avoid the police.”
The sound of a car pulling up outside by the snowmobile interrupted their conversation. Silas put his finger to his mouth to indicate that Granny should be quiet. He slowly moved over to the door of the mausoleum and silently closed it and clicked the locks.
“Now what, Mister you’ll-find-out-soon-if–we-don’t-get-out-of-here man?” Granny taunted. “My crypt should be empty now since the anonymous clothes-stealing stiff isn’t in here. Ornery men before ladies,” Granny quipped as she swept her arms toward the crypts in the wall.
3 Granny Snows A Sneak Page 5