Silas led Granny over to where the lift came up through the underground streets and in a whisper called to Granny’s animals. Fish, Little White Poodle, Furball, Tank and Baskerville scurried to the lift and sat in a huddle as if they already knew the lift was going to move. Silas pulled himself and Granny onto the lift and punched in the Graves’ Mortuary Code. Granny eyed him suspiciously as she was under the impression that she was the only other person besides Mr. Graves who had the code. The lift lowered into the underground street. Granny, Silas, and the shysters, plus Baskerville, stepped from the lift into the lighted street. Fuchsia kept the lights on at all hours in case the residents wanted to take a nighttime walk in the underground streets in the winter. It was 3:00 a.m. and this night Granny, Silas and the furry ones had lucked out. The streets were deserted.
“Now what? How are we going to get home?” Granny asked. “My door to the streets is locked.”
Silas gave Granny a wicked grin, “No, it isn’t. How do you think I got into the mausoleum?”
Before Granny could answer, Silas took her arm and led her down the street to her door. He opened the door and gestured for Granny and the furry ones to go first.
Granny gave Silas a shrewd look before entering the room under her house. “You broke into my house again?” Granny accused, pointing a finger at his chest.
“Not exactly,” Silas answered, as he headed for the fireplace door.
“I’m calling Franklin. This harassment has got to stop,” Granny yelled as she followed him through the door and up the steps.
She stopped when she encountered a sight at the top of the stairs. Mrs. Bleaty was waiting for them and, sitting on the top of her head, was Radish, the gray parrot from Silas’s house.
“Bleat, unhand her; Bleat, unhand her,” Radish squawked.
“What is she doing in my house and why are the only words she knows unhand her? Does she have to tell you to do that a lot?” Granny asked as she walked over, unlocked her front door and opened it, gesturing for Silas to leave.
Silas answered, “No; she knows the word bleat that your creature has taught her. That’s why I was on my way over when I saw you on the snowmobile. I’ll tell you what has to stop––this has to stop! Your animals have to stop being a bad influence on Radish. And––I’ll leave the way I came.” Silas ordered Baskerville, “Baskerville, howl!”
Baskerville sat by his pet door and let out a howl. The door popped open. The long window by the side of the door had been turned into a pet door because Granny’s original pet door was not large enough for Baskerville. It had been set to open when he howled.
Silas walked over, grabbed Radish, and squeezed through the pet door, having to turn his body sideways, which was the only way he could fit through, but not before he winked at Granny.
CHAPTER TEN
Granny woke the next morning to the loud noise of someone yelling and pounding somewhere in her neighborhood. It was so loud she could hear it with her windows and doors closed. She slowly opened one eye and glanced at the window over her bed. Daylight was peeking through the shades. She opened the other eye and didn’t bother checking the color of her big toe. It was winter and it was cold. She could feel the cold air piercing through her blankets. Was her heat not working?
Granny threw back her blankets and slowly sat up. She hoisted her feet over the bed and checked to see what she was wearing. At times, she surprised herself when she woke up in the morning, not remembering which of her Red Hot Momma’s purchases she had put on the night before.
Yup, she still had on the red velvet PJs that she had kept on before her nightly scamp into the cemetery. It was a good thing that Silas didn’t know what she had on under her coat. Why was it so cold in here?
The pounding and yelling continued. Granny grabbed the bedpost to steady herself and put on her feathered slippers before she shuffled down the hallway to see where the cold air was coming from. When Granny got out to her living room, she saw that Baskerville’s pet door was standing open. It was standing open because there was a small evergreen tree lying on the ground outside which was stuck in the door. Baskerville was inside trying to pull the evergreen tree through the door into Granny’s house. Mrs. Bleaty was on the other side of the door, head butting the tree, trying to get it into the house. Fish, Little White Poodle, Furball and Tank were all sitting on the edge of the couch, watching as the two critters tried to get the tree through the door.
“Where did you get that tree? Take it back,” Granny ordered as she tried to move Baskerville so she could push the tree back out the pet door. “This isn’t my tree.”
Baskerville took one look at Granny and planted his big body right on top of the tree and wouldn’t move.
At that moment, Granny heard a loud yell followed by what sounded like Mavis shouting, “Someone call 911!”
Granny grabbed the coat that she had thrown off on the couch last night––or early this morning––being too tired to hang it in the closet. Stepping into her boots, Granny ran outside to find Mavis in front of her house across the street, still yelling, “Call 911! Call 911!”
George lay in the snow-covered bushes by the house, floundering, trying to get out of the bushes. A ladder lay in the snow by the bushes.
“Mavis,” George said to her, “I’m ok, I’m ok.”
Mavis still continued to yell, “Call 911! Call 911!” and so she couldn’t hear what George was saying to her while she was yelling and jumping up and down excitedly in the snow.
Granny, seeing that George was okay and that Mavis out of control, reached down to the ground with her bare, no-gloved hands and picked up some snow. She walked over to Mavis and dumped the snow on her head. The shock of the snow immediately stopped Mavis’s pleas for someone to call 911. By this time, George was out of the bushes. He grabbed Mavis and planted a kiss on her lips, which stopped her from continuing her frantic plea.
George turned to Granny, “Thank you, Granny. Mavis, you’re in your reality show Christmas Concoctions on the Roof. Get a grip for your audience.”
“What are you two doing with all the pounding?” Granny inquired.
“We’re putting up Christmas lights and making a DIY video for our new video channel on FuchsiaStrobe.com. And…we are demonstrating how to attach a Christmas tree to the roof of your house for decoration.” George looked around. “Where did our Christmas tree go?”
Granny rolled her eyes. “I think it’s attached to Baskerville’s door on my house.” Granny indicated with a nod of her head the door across the street.
“Maybe you should go get the tree, George,” Mavis advised as she noticed two cars driving toward them.
“What do they want now so early in the morning?” Granny moaned. “A woman can’t even have her coffee and donuts without interruption.”
“Uh, Granny, it’s not early,” Mavis said, pointing to the watch on her wrist.
Granny peeked at the watch. “One o’clock p.m.; I just got up!”
Mavis put her hand on Granny’s forehead. “Are you feeling okay? You never sleep this late.”
Granny didn’t want to admit to what she’d been doing last night. “Now that you mention it, maybe I do feel a little feverish,” Granny said as she watched the cars pulling up to the curb. “If they’re coming to see me, tell them I had to go home and lie down and I don’t want to be disturbed.”
Granny sprinted across the snowy street and back into her house. George followed to get the evergreen tree, leaving Mavis to talk to Thor and Franklin, the occupants of the two cars.
Once back in her house, Granny locked the door and headed for her bedroom. The shysters headed out their pet door, meeting Franklin and Thor on the sidewalk, barking and meowing a welcoming, but continuing on their way to whatever mischief they were plotting in their shyster minds.
Granny plodded to her bedroom and kicked off her snow boots, not caring that she had tracked snow all over the floor. There were times when a quick getaway was more important than a clea
n floor, she mused. She threw her coat on the bed and rummaged in her closet for her old undercover Granny clothes. She knew Thor and Franklin were here for a reason––maybe reverting back to her undercover Granny clothes would throw them off whatever reason they were here for. As Granny was donning her polyester skirt and her granny blouse, she heard the click of the lock on the door. Tying her red sparkly high top tennis shoes, she remembered that both Franklin and Thor had a key.
Granny heard plates rattle in the kitchen. She heard the sound of the coffee maker, gurgling as it made coffee. She hadn’t had any today since she’d gotten up so late, and the grinding of coffee beans and the gurgle of the coffee pot made her stomach roll with longing for the velvety smoothness of the liquid going down her throat. The aroma of the coffee led her down the hallway. Thor and Franklin were sitting at the table with a plate of donuts in the center and coffee cups set for three at the table.
Suspiciously, Granny made her way into the kitchen and eyed her self-invited guests. This was something new. They didn’t like her eating donuts––something about it being bad for her health––and now here they were, ready to feed her donuts.
Franklin got up and held out a chair, indicating Granny should sit down. Tiredness from being out all night kept Granny from bristling and thinking of a snappy comeback. Maybe my age is getting to me, she thought as she sat down in the chair.
Franklin poured Granny a cup of coffee. “I thought I’d come over and pick you up, so that you and I can go over to the We Save You Christian Church and talk to Pastor Snicks about our wedding. After all, it is coming up soon. I talked to him this morning and he’s available.”
Granny took a sip of coffee before she answered. “I’ve been neglecting you, haven’t I, Franklin? You’re right, we need to do that.” Glancing at Thor, Granny stood up. “I’ll get my coat from the bedroom. We can leave now. Thor, you can let yourself out.”
Thor got up and led his mother back to her chair. “Have a donut first, Mom; we have some things to discuss,” he announced, sharing a look with Franklin.
“You want to discuss our wedding, our double wedding. Sure, what do you want to discuss?” Granny asked her son with a wide-eyed innocent look.
“Where were you last night, Mom, between the hours of midnight and 4:00 a.m.?”
“Where do you think I was? Most people are in bed.”
Thor got up from the table, walked to the front door, opened it, stepped out onto the porch and came back in carrying Granny’s pink shovel.
“You’re bringing me my shovel off the front porch?”
“No, I’m bringing you the shovel that we found in the locked mausoleum in the cemetery––and your snowmobile––which is now sitting in the back yard. I put the cover on it for you.”
“Someone stole my shovel and my snowmobile? Who would do something like that?” Granny innocently asked her son.
“And the prints in the snow we found by dad’s grave match your purple boots.” Thor walked to Granny’s bedroom and came out with Granny’s purple boots.
Granny looked at Franklin who said, “Hermiony, your skills are getting a little rusty.” Franklin sealed his comment with a wink to take the sting out of the words that he knew would raise Granny’s ire.
Granny stood up and took a bite of donut with a swig of coffee before replying with a glint in her eye. “Rusty are those old hinges on the mausoleum door. Rusty is an anchor at the bottom of the sea. Rusty is Rin Tin Tin’s owner. Hinges open doors, anchors hold a ship steady and Rusty and Rin Tin Tin took care of each other. I am rusty, rusty and trusty––not dusty. I am the hinge of our family. I am the anchor when you are all sinking and I and my furry friends make it all work. If someone is going to stuff themselves in my crypt that I didn’t even knew I had, and then end up a stiff in my backyard after stealing my husband’s clothes, I’m going to make dang sure I’m not next.”
Thor and Franklin exchanged looks. “You visited dad’s grave and saw that we were going to exhume it to make sure that it’s him in the grave, since his clothes ended up somewhere else.”
“Well, you two hotshots wouldn’t let me anywhere near it, and I needed to find out if he was still there––and where someone planned for me to end up too!”
“Did you notice the dead body we found this morning under the warming blanket on Dad’s grave? Were you alone in the cemetery?” Thor asked in a tired tone.
“Dead body? What are you talking about?”
“They found a dead body under the warming blanket this morning when they went to exhume the body. He had been hit with a shovel.”
“My shovel?” Granny said with an alarmed tone.
“No, your shovel was found locked in the mausoleum and doesn’t match the marks on the body.”
“You keep saying body. Whose body?” Granny asked.
“We can’t tell you yet, Hermiony. We have to notify the family,” Franklin answered for Thor.
Franklin turned to Thor. “She and I are going to be late for our appointment with Pastor Snicks at three. I know you still need to question her. We’ll meet you at Rack’s Restaurant at five, unless you want us to meet you at the police station?”
Thor stood up. “I’ll meet you at Rack’s. I need to bring in another detective. You and I are too close to this situation. I’ll make some phone calls and see you there.”
Thor kissed his mom on the cheek and said to Franklin as he walked out the door, “Keep her out of trouble.”
CHAPTER ELEVEN
Pastor Hester Snicks stood up from behind his desk at the We Save You Christian Church and extended a hand to Franklin. “Franklin, good to see you.” He turned to Granny. “How is my collection plate keeper, Granny?” referring to the fact that before Tricky Travis Trawler had ended up in jail, Granny had made it her mission each Sunday to stop him from pilfering from the collection plate.
Granny acknowledged Pastor Snicks’ words with a smile. “Kind of miss the old pilferer; made church a little more exciting, if you know what I mean,” Granny answered with raised eyebrows, giving the impression that occasionally Pastor Snicks’ sermons were a little on the boring side.
Pastor Snicks was on a preaching rotation at We Save You Christian Church. We Save You was the only church in town, so each Sunday was a surprise as to what denomination would be holding the service on that particular day. If you went to We Save You Christian Church, you might find yourself at a Lutheran, Catholic, Methodist, Baptist, or a non-denominational service. The pastors and priests didn’t post the schedule; it was always a surprise, and that seemed to be the way the people of Fuchsia liked it because the church was always full.
Granny, Franklin, Heather and Thor chose Pastor Snicks for their wedding ceremonies as he was there when the proposals happened, and he seemed to be able to read Granny very well, something that occasionally made Granny uncomfortable. He always made her feel like she had to confess something even when she didn’t have anything to confess. At times, she thought she should confess something when Pastor Snicks gave her that certain look.
Looking at his calendar, the pastor confirmed, “December 26 at 2:00 p.m., Franklin Jester Gatsby and Hermiony Vidalia Criony Fiddlestadt are going to be married in a double ceremony along with Thor Ferdinand Fiddlestadt and Heather Angelique Gatsby Farr. Is that correct?” he asked, raising his glance to Granny and Franklin.
“Well, not exactly,” Granny informed him.
Pastor Snicks gave her a questioning look.
Franklin explained, “We thought it would be nice if we each had our own ceremony. Thor and Heather will get married first with their own vows, music, and things that they want at their wedding. When they’ve said their ‘I do’s’ to each other and walked back down the aisle, then our wedding would start. So basically, it would be two weddings.”
“Uh huh.” Pastor Snicks nodded his head. “This will be a first for me, but I guess we can do it that way. In any case, let’s start planning the ceremony. How many people will be in you
r wedding party?”
“Angelique, our granddaughter; the shysters; Baskerville; and Mrs. Bleaty,” Granny answered, counting off the numbers on her fingers. “That makes five plus.”
“Uh huh, I...ah..meant people––not animals,” Pastor Snicks mumbled.
Franklin tried to clear up the Pastor’s confusion and ward off any roadblocks for the wedding.
“Pastor, Hermiony has three children, I have two daughters, and we decided we didn’t want to play favorites. Hermiony has two other grandchildren who are grown. They will be in Thor and Heather’s ceremony. Of course, we want to include Angel in our wedding because she’s the youngest and is a lot like Hermiony, but the animals are our family, too. They are what brought us together.” He took the time to wink at Granny. “Is there a problem with that?” he asked as he gave a stern look at the Pastor.
“No, of course, not, um...it’s just a rather unusual request. Should we continue? Do you have any special hymns or songs picked out?”
“How about Wild Thing? You know the song that was sung by the Trogs?” Granny asked as she turned to Franklin and belted out a verse of the song.
Franklin leaned back into a hearty laugh. “How about I Got You Babe by Sonny and Cher?” He turned to Granny and sang a part of that song off key.
“Okay, okay; I think perhaps I will have our music director call you to discuss some appropriate choices,” Pastor Snicks said as he broke up Franklin’s rendition of the Sonny and Cher song. Let’s move on to the vows. Will you write your own?”
“Yes,” Franklin answered.
“I have to think about it,” said Granny.
Franklin turned to Granny with a puzzled look on his face. “What do you mean you have to think about it?”
“I want to keep you guessing. It will be a surprise.” Granny countered back.
“Moving on,” Pastor Snicks interjected before Franklin could answer. “Will you be having the reception in the church basement? If so, we’ll put it on the calendar.”
3 Granny Snows A Sneak Page 6