3 Granny Snows A Sneak

by Julie Seedorf

  Granny’s cell phone chimed with a message. Looking at the message, Granny answered, “We’re going to spend a little while at Mavis’s house making um …name cards…for...um...the wedding! I’ll just toodle along and let you clean. How long do you think you’ll be here?”

  “We have to be downtown by 4:00. I’m in the parade and Starshine is going to help Butch during the parade handing out cute, red miniature hammers.”

  “Fine, fine, got to go. Don’t mess with the fridge. I’ll clean it later. In fact, I’ll put a sign on it. After all, I can’t have you doing everything for me.” Granny grabbed a piece of paper and tape and stuck a sign on the refrigerator door. Stay out. I’ll know, and Santa’s watching. Maybe the sign would make her daughters leave her donuts, ice cream and chocolate and other goodies alone so she wouldn’t have to replace them again. Every time her children cleaned, they replaced Granny’s goodies with salads and tofu and other things they deemed healthy.

  Grabbing her coat and stuffing her feet into her boots and putting on her bomber hat to keep warm, Granny grabbed her shovel cane, turned, winked at her daughters, and turned to exit the house. Stopping quickly she said, “Oh, and if the shysters and Baskerville bring a loud-mouthed bird into the house, it’s not mine. Call the Tall Guy.” She moved through the door, slamming the door behind her.

  “Didn’t she always tell us not to slam doors?” Starshine laughed as she caught the picture that fell from the wall from the vibration of the slammed door.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

  Granny looked back over her shoulder to see if her girls were watching out the window. Granny could see no sign of eyes peering or noses stuck to the glass, so she thought the coast was clear. Just to be sure, Granny made a beeline straight across the street in a path to Mavis’s house. At the last minute, she made a turn and headed to Silas Crickett’s door. He was waiting and opened it when she walked up the steps.

  “What kind of a message was that? Come quick; I have a stick?”

  Silas made a gesture and nodded toward his living room, all the while trying to hide the gleam of amusement twinkling in his eyes. “Well, I didn’t think you’d come if I said I was sick. You might think I was playing a trick.”

  Granny sputtered, “You better leave the rhyming to me; you’re not very good at it. What do you want?”

  “Did your husband know Delbert Delight?”

  “I don’t think so. Why are you asking? You’re not on the case, your son is. You couldn’t ask me that over the phone?”

  “I thought you might need rescuing from your daughters and I need information. Silas moved to the new wine rack he had installed in his kitchen, opened a bottle of wine, poured Granny a glass, and then waited for her answer. She’d been strangely silent for the past few minutes.

  “About?” Granny asked cautiously, eyeing the wine glass in her hand suspiciously.

  “I just told you, your husband.”

  “Look, Supercilious, I’m not telling you anything until you tell me why you want to know and why you’re being so nice all of a sudden. Is that your tactic?, Kill me with kindness? Well, it won’t work and I don’t need a glass of wine right now; I have work to do later.” Granny set the wine glass down on the coffee table.

  “If you won’t tell me about your husband, then tell me why you turn white every time I mention the Amelia Corporation. And why you don’t want to talk about the fact that you have a twin sister? And there’s also the fact that the private investigator who was following you for whatever reason that none of us seem to be able to find out, ended up dead on your husband’s grave that just happened to have two million dollars stashed inside his coffin.”

  Granny’s face again turned white at the mention of a twin sister. “Are you done with your diatribe you ornery coot? Fine, I’ll tell you about my husband, but first, tell me how any of this has to do with you.! Granny settled herself down on the couch, fingering the wine glass sitting on the coffee table.

  “It doesn’t, but would that stop you? My son doesn’t know the real reason I came here but I’m over what happened in Alaska, and I decided to work this case undercover. And if you tell them that, I’ll tell them about your sister because for some reason you don’t want them to know and … for some reason they have not been able to find out who’s behind the Amelia Corporation. It’s taken a back seat to the happenings in the Fuchsia Cemetery, even with your son.”

  Granny finally picked up her glass of wine, took a sip and started talking. “I met Ferdinand when I was young. I was a little headstrong; can you imagine that? Anyway when I married Ferdinand and had children, I knew I had to be the proper wife. I didn’t get out much. I stayed on the farm and raised my kids until Ferdinand died and I had to move into town. We had lived on the farm next to the home place. My kids were young when Ferdinand died. Penelope was just entering her teens. I knew I had to raise them up in the way they should go; I promised Ferdinand that on his deathbed. He was most worried about Thor but he turned out okay. Thor, I think, has a little of me in him.” Granny took another sip of wine as she continued talking, almost forgetting Silas was in the room. “I worried the most about Penelope when she met Butch, because he was 17 and she was 13. They didn’t date until she was 17 but I always worried about them. I guess that turned out okay too. Ferdinand was a good provider. He bought the groceries and took care of the farm. I took care of the kids and stayed home most of the time. We didn’t go out much except to church on Sundays. He was the decision maker. What more is there to tell? Do you think he had something to do with the two million dollars?”

  Silas took the glass of wine out of Granny’s hand. “No, but I had to know what your husband was like. Why in the world do you want to marry Franklin? He seems to me to be a bit like your husband and wants to take care of you his own way.”

  Granny stood up and stomped her foot on the floor. ”Silas Crickett, you are despicable, ornery and old and …deceitful. You lured me over here under false pretenses and then… and then… tried to get me loose tongued by giving me wine and then … insulting my fiancé! Wait till I tell Franklin; he’s dangerous, you know. I can’t believe I fell for your poor detective story when what you really wanted to do was to take advantage of a poor defenseless old woman.” Granny was ready to carry on the rant when Radish flew up out of the basement and knocked Granny off balance sending her forward into Silas’s arms. “Kiss her! kiss her!” the gray parrot screeched.

  Silas was about to oblige when they heard a knock on the door and the door opening. “Dad?” the Tall Guy called as he entered the house. Seeing Granny in Silas’s arms, he stopped short.

  Granny pushed Silas away and walked by the Tall Guy heading for the door. “Arrest this man for luring me here under false pretenses. I’ll be down later to sign the papers and press charges,” Granny instructed, giving Silas a withering look before leaving.

  Silas chuckled as he watched Granny stomp out of the house, “I think she meant it,” he informed his son while grinning from ear to ear.

  Granny stomped across the street and entered her house. She looked at the time. She’d been at Silas’s house for two hours. Her daughters were gone and the house was spick and span. Opening her refrigerator, she saw that her daughters had left it alone. She grabbed a donut and sat down in her easy chair still steaming from her visit with Silas.

  Her girls had left the Christmas tree lit. Granny admired the ornaments that Angel had hung on the tree. Next Christmas she would be a married woman with a new granddaughter. Her other two grandchildren, Penelope and Butch’s kids, were coming for Christmas and the wedding. Franklin’s younger daughter and her husband would be arriving, too. Franklin had told her not to worry about anything, he would take care of the arrangements for Christmas Eve supper and Christmas dinner. Granny suspected it was because her kids had told Franklin about other Christmas dinners that Granny had made. Could she help it if she’d never learned to cook a turkey properly? Ferdinand’s mother had always taken care of the meal
when she was alive and wouldn’t let her daughter-in-law help. Granny had always been better at hunting wild turkeys than cooking them, but as she got older, she was told proper girls cooked and men hunted.

  Hearing the patter of the shysters’ feet and Baskerville’s howl trying to get in the house, Granny checked the time before getting up and feeding her menagerie when they entered. Mavis, for some reason, tried slipping in Baskerville’s big door right behind Baskerville, never mind that she had to turn sideways to use the door.

  “Granny, help, I’m stuck!” Mavis cried in alarm.

  “Mavis, why are you using that door? It’s not a people door. It’s too small and slim for you.”

  “I wanted to slip in before anyone saw me. Get me out of this.”

  Granny quickly turned off the outside lights that had come on now that darkness was approaching. The only lights inside were the Christmas tree lights. Mavis could not be seen from the street.

  “Now what?” Mavis asked trying to unstick herself.

  “Hold still. I have to think. I could spray you with oil so you could slip through.”

  Mavis shrieked at the thought.

  Granny took her flashlight so she could see better and aimed it at Mavis’s body. “Ah, I see what the problem is, your stomach is stuck. Hold in your stomach.”

  “I am holding in my stomach.”

  “Wait a minute; I have an idea.” Granny sprinted to her bedroom. Mavis heard doors opening and closing and soon Granny was back with a long wide belt.

  Mavis looked at the belt and in a whisper asked, “What are you going to do with that?”

  “I’m going to slide it over your head and down your body. See if we can get it in between your stomach and the door and then…I’m going to pull the belt tight and see if we can pull in your tummy and pull you through.”

  “Is this going to hurt?”

  “Mavis, there’s no time to worry about your comfort now; we’re going to be late,” Granny admonished as she slipped the belt over Mavis’s head and Mavis maneuvered it down over her belly, barely able to get it between her belly and the door. Granny pulled in and the belt pulled Mavis. They both came tumbling out of the door landing on the floor by the shysters.

  Little White Poodle licked Granny’s face as Tank licked Mavis’s face. Fish and Furball nudged their fingers, wanting to be petted. Baskerville sighed and marched downstairs to lie on the rug in front of the fireplace. Granny and Mavis giggled and then burst into loud laughter.

  “We should try this for a taping of our reality show. We could call it ‘Belted Window Exercise’.” Mavis kept on giggling.

  Granny picked up Little White Poodle and moved him away so she could get up. “Mavis, we have to go. We’re meeting Delight. We’re going to be late.”

  “Oh, are we going to the Flamingo Christmas Parade together?”

  “Something like that,” Granny assured Mavis before heading for the basement and the underground street door. ”You’re going to love it. I promise. Follow me.”

  CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN

  “What are we doing here? The only thing down here at this dead end is the lift to the mausoleum.” Mavis gave Granny a questioning look.

  “Ah, here’s Delight now.” Granny ignored Mavis’s question and spoke to Delight. “Did you get the code?”

  “Yes, Gravy felt sorry for me and understood when I told him I needed some time alone by my crypt to contemplate my future passing.”

  “We’re not going to the parade?” asked Mavis.

  “No, Mavis, we’re not going to the parade.” Granny moved onto the lift, pulling Mavis on with her. Delight punched in the code and the lift moved up into the mausoleum.

  “You remembered to bring your key, right, Delight?” They all giggled that again Granny had made a rhyme. She couldn’t seem to help herself.

  “Key? Why do we need a key?” Mavis looked pointedly at both of them when asking the question.

  The lift stopped and the darkness from the mausoleum surrounded them. Mavis jumped closer to Granny and grabbed her arm.

  “Flashlights,” Granny instructed.

  Delight and Granny flicked on their flashlights at the exact same moment, shining them over the interior of the mausoleum. Mavis fumbled in her coat, pulled out her flashlight and melded her beam with the others.

  “Looks safe to me; let’s move.” Granny pulled Mavis with her off the lift and toward one wall of the mausoleum.

  “It’s over here,” Delight informed them as she took the lead.

  “It’s right next to mine!” Granny proclaimed in surprise.

  “Why are we here?” Mavis asked in a timid voice.

  “We don’t know, or at least I don’t know. Granny knows,” Delight answered.

  “I don’t know either,” Granny exclaimed in a loud whisper.

  “Well, if you don’t know and Delight doesn’t know, I’m leaving and going to the parade,” said Mavis.

  “Mavis!” Delight and Granny exclaimed at the same time. “You have to stay; you’re our lookout.”

  “Oh. What am I looking out for?”

  “Mavis,” Granny said in a testy voice. “Make sure no one sees us and let us know if anyone is coming.”

  Mavis carefully moved back over to the lift using her flashlight to guide the way.

  Delight pulled out her key while Granny shone her flashlight on the lock of Delight’s crypt. Delight put the key in the lock and gently turned the key.

  I wonder where the key to my so-called crypt is. No one has it, Granny wondered as she waited for Delight to open the large crypt door.

  Grabbing the round handle, Delight pulled. There was no coffin in the crypt, but it wasn’t empty. Delight looked at Granny in astonishment. “There’s something in there!”

  “See what it is.” Granny nudged Delight.

  “There’s something in the crypt?” Mavis chimed in from across the room, fear in her voice.

  “I can’t reach in there.” Delight moved back from the door. “What if it’s something dead?”

  “If it’s something dead, then it was stuffed with paper because that looks like what it is––lots of paper and documents,” Granny said, shoving Delight aside and reaching into the crypt.

  Delight watched as Granny pulled out rolled bundles of paper. Shining the flashlight on the paper, she half unrolled one. “It looks like plans for a building,” Delight guessed.

  Mavis, hearing it was not anything dead, shuffled through the darkness following her light beam, joining the other two women. “Lay them over the base of Phineas Fuchsia’s statue so we can see them better.”

  “Good idea, Mavis,” Granny complimented, as she unrolled the plans on the base of the tall statue. “They look like plans to different banks and jewelry stores. Check out the names,” Granny surmised in puzzlement.

  “Why would plans to banks and jewelry stores be in a crypt and why would it be my crypt and why would Delbert have told me it is my future?” Delight shook her head not believing what she was seeing.

  Granny didn’t have the heart at that moment to tell her that perhaps Delbert had something to do with all that was going on in the cemetery lately.

  “He was a crook!” Mavis declared in triumph.

  Granny jabbed Mavis in the side while Delight declared, “He wasn’t. He was my dear sweet delectable Delbert.”

  “Delectable?” The other two women asked at the same time.

  Granny picked up a smaller folded paper and opened it. All that was on the paper were three large XXXs with a circle around them. “I’ve seen that somewhere before.”

  “Do you remember where?” Mavis quizzed.

  Granny lifted her head into the air, sniffing. “Smell that? The last time I smelled something similar to that I had found the kidnapped girls in the underground room at Gram Gramstead’s.”

  Granny no more than had the words out when she slipped to the floor and was out like a light. Mavis and Delight tried to grab Granny as she fell, but they, too
, slipped to the floor and lay unconscious.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT

  The sound of sirens brought Granny out of her vision of donuts dancing in her head, or maybe it was the feeling of someone tapping her cheeks. Groggily, she opened her eyes to see Silas leaning close. “Breathe, Hermiony, breathe.”

  She pushed his hand away from her cheek and sat up on her elbows. “I am breathing. What are you doing in my house?”

  The sirens seemed to be getting closer. “Is my garage on fire again?” Granny asked in confusion.

  “Hermiony, you’re in the mausoleum. You were passed out on the floor when I found you.” He helped her to her feet as she looked around.

  “Where are Delight and Mavis?” she asked, now, remembering what had happened. “Did the perfume get them too?”

  “George has them outside, getting some air.”

  “Silas? Why are you here? How did you find us?”

  “George asked if I wanted to go and watch the Flamingo Christmas Parade with him. He said Mavis was helping you with a recipe. I ran into Franklin earlier and he was going to the Flamingo Parade with Heather and Angel because you were going to help Delight. I stopped in at the Pink Percolator and Ella said Delight wasn’t working tonight. Now, George and Franklin might have believed all of you, but I know with you what you say isn’t always what we get. You need a lot of watching and so I watched. I watched Mavis squeeze through Mrs. Bleaty’s door. I saw the lights go out and I figured you would get yourself in trouble again and I didn’t want your lights to go out for good. Who would irritate me then? Somehow I guessed the mausoleum figured into your plans.”

  “How did you get in here?”

  “Your son-in-law. I know what he’s been hiding and I threatened to tell before he did if he didn’t give us the code.”