The Three Feathers - The Magnificent Journey of Joshua Aylong

by Bolz, Stefan

  He stayed all night on his branch high up in the tree. His dreams were dark and filled with the small and lifeless bodies of his flock. The two hens cursed him over and over, their eyes dead and their feathers bloody. Several times he awoke in the dark, wishing himself back inside the soft warmth of the coop and the small rustling sounds and familiar features of the others. He could not yet fully grasp that this part of his life was irrevocably over, gone like fog in summer’s sun, erased and not belonging to him anymore.

  At first light, when everything was still quiet except for the wind in the tree tops above, he flew down from his branch and made his way to the meadow. He did not look back. Several times he thought he had to, but he stopped himself each time.

  “The sooner I forget, the better,” he told himself. As he began to cross the meadow for the second time, a cold, steady rain set in, soaking his feathers down to his skin. There was no tree to stand under, no bush to find refuge in. The openness of the seemingly endless field was unsettling. Joshua caught himself looking in all directions many times over, spotting creatures where there were only shadows. He saw a fox in the shape of a distant snow drift, a raccoon in a patch of grass that seemed to move in his direction. His eyes played tricks on him until he thought to himself that there was no use in even thinking this way. If any predator wanted to eat him, there was nothing he could do about it.

  When he finally reached the trees, he was exhausted, hungry and needed water badly. His left talon started to hurt him and he needed a place to rest and eat something really soon. Under a large oak tree he found a couple of worms who had made their way out of the ground during the rain. A small trickle of a stream provided water. He was hoping to come across a large pine tree to find refuge for the night but none of the trees had leaves on them. So he spent the night on a slippery branch in the rain, his body close to the stem of the tree for protection from the wind. He did not want to miss his flock but he did. He missed them all terribly—the ones that were dead, the ones who still lived, and even the hens that had cursed him.

  The next few days passed in a haze for Joshua as he made his way through the forest. The rain stopped for a while, then continued on and off. The cold was his constant companion and except for one night, where he slept in the remnants of an old fallen down barn that smelled like mice and induced the terror of a fox coming for him, he slept in the rain, somewhere high up in a tree out of reach for at least some of the predators. His thoughts circled around his flock and the horrible mistake he had made in leaving them. There was no place for him to go and he saw the remainder of his life before him, extending into infinity in an endless spiral of regret. This wasn’t what he had in mind.

  In the evening of the third day, Joshua saw a patch of blue sky through the trees and, as he reached the edge of the forest, he watched the sun set in the eastern sky, flooding the land before him with golden light. But even as he stood there gazing at the horizon and the gloriously beautiful painted sky over the valley, he could not find peace. He was sure it would elude him until he died.

  4. WOLF

  The next morning, Joshua arose at exactly 4:44 AM and without even thinking, he crowed his wake up call until he realized there was nobody to wake up. He sat on his branch high in the tree and wished himself back into the coop until bits and pieces of last night’s dream came back to him—a dream of feathers so fragile that when he touched them they crumpled until what was left of them was only dust. Of the glorious dream he had, before he decided to make this journey, only a distorted image stayed with him, not reminiscent of the original powerful vision but merely an after image. And he began to question even that. “I’ll never make it,” he thought to himself. “I’ll probably get lost somewhere in the wilderness until I finally become just another meal for a fox.”

  As the light increased, a blanket of thick layered fog appeared, resting in the valley before him. As Joshua followed the fog with his eyes all the way to the other side of the valley, he saw the peak of a high mountain towering above the fog. For the smallest of moments, the shape of the mountain stirred deep inside him the memory of the dream. He thought briefly that he had seen it in his dream somewhere in the cave’s ceiling. He knew suddenly and unmistakably where he had to go. His eyes fixed on the snow covered peak in the distance. Somewhere beneath it lay the three feathers waiting for him in the dim shadows of the massive cave. And perhaps his own redemption lay there as well.

  As he made his way through the fog, going from boulder to boulder for cover and glancing in all directions, he heard a howl in the distance. At first, it was far away but as he moved, it got closer. Always to his left, it seemed to hold his own speed. When evening came, Joshua took refuge halfway up a large boulder in a small crevasse. He could not find sleep that night. And when he did, he dreamed that he stood in front of a black hole, frozen in terror. Red eyes peered at him from within the darkness. He couldn’t move, as if his body didn’t belong to him. He tried to scream but no sound escaped his beak. There was a gray shadow coming toward him with immense speed and just before it reached him, he awoke. Joshua realized that there probably would be no moment during his journey when he would be completely safe.

  The next day the fog was gone as if it never happened in the first place. Far across the valley—much further than Joshua thought when he saw it first—stood the snow covered mountain in the distance. Joshua tried to hold it in his line of sight as he navigated his way through the high grass of the frozen fields. Once in a while he fluttered up in the air to get a better look, fully aware that he was exposing himself to everything and everyone around him. When the sun set behind the mountain he realized that he badly needed water.

  Maybe it was because he was getting tired from the constant jumping up and hopping through the grass when suddenly, after yet another jump, Joshua landed right in front of a hole in the ground. It didn’t register at first. But when he saw the grass around the opening pushed flat into a path leading away from it, he realized in terror that he stood in front of a fox hole.

  He froze. Unable to move, Joshua stared into the hole. The small feathers around his neck stood up. He thought it a hallucination at first when two red eyes appeared inside the blackness, staring at him. Never had he seen anything more frightening in his life. He was suddenly certain of his death. Slowly, the eyes came closer until the fox’s head appeared. What occurred next happened so fast he wasn’t sure of the exact sequence of it. He heard a sound on his left, like a fast movement through the grass. The fox, low to the ground, came out of his hole and, without any warning, jumped toward Joshua who, at the same time, flew up in the air. He saw the fox land where he had been standing. While in the air, he could see in his peripheral vision a large shadow moving in and hitting the fox like a battering ram.

  When Joshua landed two seconds later he saw the wolf. Gray, large and holding the comparably small fox in his mouth. The wolf snarled and snapped the fox’s neck in one bite. Joshua, still in absolute terror, thought of a way to escape the wolf and could only hope that the fox was enough food for him for a while. Then the wolf dropped the fox in front of him. They looked at each other for a moment.

  “I have been tracking you for two days.” The wolf’s thoughts reached Joshua easily. “You should be more careful with your cover. From the air you must be an easy target with your red feathers against the grass.”

  Joshua, rather than prolonging this, thought he’d come right out with it.

  “If you want to eat me, do it now. I’m tired, I need water and I can’t escape you anyway. So, if you wouldn’t mind, I’d rather get this over with.”

  Was the wolf smiling? Or was it the thought of a smile that reached Joshua. Either way, it was not at all what he had expected. It was rather unsettling.

  “I’m not here to eat you.”

  The wolf sat down. Even now he was at least three times Joshua’s height.

  “I’m here to help you.”

  “Excuse me?” Joshua thought.

&nbs
p; The wolf lay down.

  “I am here to help you.”

  “Preposterous,” Joshua thought.

  “And yet, you are alive and well and a minute ago you were as good as dead.”

  Joshua could hardly escape the logic of the wolf’s argument. “You might keep me alive until after you have eaten the fox,” he thought, looking straight at the wolf.

  “You make very little sense at the moment.” The wolf replied. “But you are also probably still scared so I will not take it personally.”

  “Thank you.” Joshua wasn’t sure if he meant this ironically or if he just meant it. He was thankful, no doubt about that. A few moments ago, he was certain of his death. Now he was… safe? He couldn’t remember when he had felt like this before. There were vague memories of a warm coop and the closeness of the chicks next to him when he was very young. But since he had been an adult… He realized at this moment that he didn’t even know how very little he had felt safe. Until now. He sat across this scary looking, blue eyed, large wolf who could snap his neck without blinking an eye and he felt safe?

  Despite the irrationality of this, there was a brief moment when Joshua decided to trust this feeling, to go with it, to embrace it. Trust. Put your life in someone else’s hands. Trust… Just before he was about to lose the feeling again, giving way to fear once more, the wolf got up.

  “There is a small creek, mostly underground, but I saw where it reaches the surface for a while. We should be able to make it there before nightfall.”

  And that was that. The wolf moved in front of him, leaving the grass slightly bent and much easier to navigate. Joshua followed. To where, he did not know. First he needed to get water and then see from there. One talon stride at a time.

  * * *

  “Grey.”

  “Excuse me?”

  “My name is Grey, in case you were wondering.”

  Joshua was indeed just wondering what the wolf’s name was. He still wasn’t used to the instant communication between himself and the wolf. With the hens in his pen, talking to them was less immediate; the barrier between them thicker, as if there was a wall he first had to penetrate. With the wolf it seemed so clear.

  At the wolf’s suggestion, they were in the process of climbing a rather large hill. Mossy rocks and the long shadows of the dwarf pines gave it an eerie feel. The wolf didn’t seem to notice. Nose on the ground he lead the way through the forest, sometimes stopping in his tracks, ears up and listening intently.

  “Not far from here, on the other side, there is a small cave where we can stay during the night,” he thought to Joshua as the image of a small cave appeared in his mind. It had begun to snow slightly and Joshua was glad when they reached the small cave. It was little more than an overhang in the rock, but it was large enough for both of them and there was a small tree growing under it. Joshua jumped up on one of the low branches.

  “I will be right back,” the wolf thought. “There is a nest of rabbits just below.” And he was gone. Five minutes later he came back with two rabbits in his mouth. He entered the cave, lay down and started to eat them, clearly enjoying himself. Joshua watched from his branch, feeling a bit uneasy.

  “I’ll leave some for you, if you want,” Grey’s thoughts reached him.

  “No. Thank you. I’m… fine.”

  “There were rabbits on the farm you lived in?”

  “Yes. How do you know?”

  “If you don’t want everything around you to know what you are thinking, you will need to learn how to guard your thoughts better.”

  “I didn’t know…”

  “I can see what you are thinking, very clearly. And the answer is ‘no’. I would not eat you, even if I were very hungry.”

  “I’m glad,” Joshua replied, still uneasy about the subject. “There were about two dozen rabbits,” he continued. “Every Sunday one was taken. Sometimes I wondered if I would be next. I didn’t lay any eggs or have any other important functions to fulfill.”

  “You looked out for the hens and chicks. You kept them safe. That’s a function.”

  Joshua’s gaze grazed the moonlit valley below. His eyes stung suddenly. “I guess so. At least until I was silly enough to think I should go and leave and follow a dream. Since then there has been nothing but misery.”

  The wolf looked at him. His blue eyes seemed to penetrate deep into Joshua’s soul. He couldn’t look away. He could sense depth in the wolf and wisdom but behind that he saw sadness also. After a while an image came to him of a snow covered forest. There were icicles hanging from large pines, their branches almost touching the ground thick with snow. He saw a female wolf, her front paw in a trap. There was blood all around the large iron claw that had penetrated the wolf’s skin and flesh deep into her bone. For three days Grey stayed with her, bringing her game for food. But when the hunters came on the fourth day they came to kill her. Grey fought them and killed one of them before he could raise his bow. The second hunter missed Grey by an inch but he was a great hunter from the villages by the wind gorges and his second arrow found the heart of his companion only moments after Grey had evaded the first. He wanted to die right then and there for his life seemed to have lost all its meaning without her on his side. He wanted to just step into the clearing and let the great hunter’s arrow find his heart also. Maybe in death they could find each other again, he thought. But something in him wasn’t ready for this yet. He just couldn’t bring himself to do it. She wouldn’t have wanted this, he realized. Like a warm wind from the highlands where the winds carry the warmth from the wide, sun-flooded valley up into the hills at night, it softly spoke to him of the life she wanted him to have.

  So he stayed hidden until the night gave way to dawn and the hunter was gone and so was her body. He looked at the area where she had lain for three days but couldn’t see any signs of her. The snow had covered everything. The blood and even her scent were gone. It was as if she had never existed.

  The wolf ran for ten days crossing the Tundra, barely stopping, barely eating, and barely feeling anything. He had wished that he could just leave his loss and run away from it and never face it again. But it followed him like a hunter stalks his prey and on the eleventh day he slowed down and let his grief catch up with him. He sank to the ground and wept until he fell into a dreamless sleep. And when he woke the next morning the emptiness in his heart was as vast as the Tundra, and as cold.

  “I’m sorry,” Joshua thought. “I’m so sorry.”

  “Thank you,” the wolf replied.

  “You did all you could to help her.”

  “I know,” Grey thought.

  “You didn’t leave her there. You stayed with her.” Joshua was surprised about the bitterness that accompanied his thought.

  “No. I didn’t leave her. That doesn’t make me feel less responsible. For it should have been me who died there in the cold, not her. I would have given everything for it to have been me. Everything and more.”

  There was no answer to that and Joshua felt the emptiness that enveloped the wolf at that moment and he realized that this emptiness was in his heart as well.

  5. KRIEG

  Over the next few days, Joshua and the wolf walked the land, crossing streams and climbing one hill only to walk down on the other side and up onto the next. Both stayed within their own thoughts for the most part until, on the third day, they were coming over yet another hill, when they saw an old barn amongst a small settlement of buildings.

  “Do you feel this?” Joshua thought.

  “No. What is it?” Grey answered.

  “I have felt this before. In my pen. We were two roosters at first. But the other one was almost twice my size and he picked at me and the other hens constantly. One morning the door to the pen opened and the farmer came in and grabbed the other rooster and brought him to a spot next to the house. He laid him on a large block of wood and, at that moment, a wave of fear and terror reached me… from him… like nothing I have ever felt before.”


  “I felt the same from you just before I took the fox.”

  They looked at each other for a moment.

  “There is something down there. It’s a large animal and I think it’s afraid for its life. We have to go help him!” Joshua replied. And without any further thought he flew down the hill and toward the large barn. Grey had no choice but to follow. “We should probably avoid settlements like this,” he thought to Joshua.

  “I know,” Joshua answered. “We can’t avoid this one.”

  Waves and waves of fear came from within the barn and Joshua had to muster every ounce of his strength not to be overcome by the strong feeling of terror.

  He flew up to a window sill and peered inside. There were three men. Two of them held the rains of a huge horse. It must have been a war horse at some point. It was massive, dark brown with a black mane, white markings and extensive feathering. The third man held something that looked like a bolt gun. Joshua had seen this before on the farm. It had been used to slaughter pigs and cows. It was usually held to the animal’s forehead and a bolt came out penetrating the scull and killing it instantly.

  “They are going to kill him!” Joshua thought. “We have to do something!” He flew off the window sill and ran around the barn and through the open door. When he saw the horse from down here he was even bigger than before. He stood on his hind legs, fear clearly showing in his eyes. Joshua flew up in the air, screaming loudly while trying to lure the men’s attention toward him. The one with the bolt gun tried to kick him several times and Joshua evaded him each time but barely.

  “Let’s get this over with!” One of the other two men said. “I don’t have all day! Get my rifle.” He gestured toward a shelf on one of the walls. The man with the bolt gun turned towards it.

  At that moment, the wolf stepped quietly into the barn. Everything slowed down. Joshua could see the dust particles in the air around Grey’s head who stood in a beam of sunlight coming in from a gap in the barn siding. The man with the bolt gun saw him first. He was so stunned that he completely froze. The two others saw the man stop in his tracks and, following his gaze, saw the wolf as well. With a low snarl he stood, teeth bared, the coat at his neck standing up.