by Penelope Sky
London
Joseph called me. “How’s it going?”
“Good.” I tucked the phone between my ear and shoulder as I carried the grocery bags to the counter. I left the front door wide open because I didn’t have enough hands. “I just picked up a few things to make dinner.”
“Ooh…like what?”
“Nothing fancy. Grilled cheese and rice pilaf.”
“Uh…those don’t go together.”
“Then you obviously haven’t tried it. It’s delicious.” I walked back to the living room and shut the door. “Where are you now?”
“I shouldn’t say things like that over the phone. But I can tell you I’m in Europe.”
“There’re fifty countries in Europe…that doesn’t narrow it down.”
“That’s the point,” he said with a chuckle. “So you’ve settled in?”
“Yeah. I’m working at the hospital again. I’m part time right now, but one woman is going on maternity leave, so I’m gonna take her position while she’s gone. I’m sure it’ll lead to full-time work eventually.”
“Yeah, probably. You need anything? Money?”
Like he hadn’t given me enough already. “I have plenty. Don’t worry about me.”
“You know I’ll always worry about you.”
“Well, don’t.”
He chuckled again. “So…are you doing alright?” He didn’t ask about Crewe specifically, but that’s who he was referring to.
“I’m fine.” Once Crewe said those words to me, I let him go. I’d never forget what we had and how I felt about him, but I needed to move on. I shouldn’t have to fight that hard to be with someone who wasn’t so innocent. He made mistakes too—plenty. But putting all the blame on me was ridiculous. It didn’t matter how much I loved him. I wasn’t putting up with that shit. “I have a date tonight, actually.”
“Already?” he asked in surprise. “Where did you meet this guy? Please don’t tell me you’re using Tinder. That’s how people get chopped up.”
“I met him at the grocery store just now. We both reached for the last bag of bread, and one thing led to another…”
“So you don’t know anything about him?”
“Other than the fact that he’s cute and eats bread, not really.”
Joseph laughed. “I guess that’s all that matters, right? Well, I’m glad you’re moving on.”
“Yeah. Crewe is too stubborn. I’m not wasting any more time with him.”
“Works for me. Never liked the asshole anyway.”
This time I didn’t defend Crewe. “I feel like we’re always talking about me. What’s new with you?”
“Not much. Just work.”
Work that I didn’t want to know anything about. “Do you have a woman in your life?”
“A few. Nothing serious.”
I could tell by his tone that topic wasn’t up for discussion. “Well, I’ll let you go. I’ve gotta get ready for my date.”
“Wait, you said you were making grilled cheese and rice for dinner. So are you meeting him after that?”
“I was planning on eating that after the date.” After we rolled around in my bed for an hour. The guy was hot, and I needed to get laid. It’d been nearly six weeks, and Crewe already had lovers in his bed. Plus, he was never coming back.
Joseph didn’t pry anymore, probably assuming the worst. “Talk to you later.”
“Bye.”
I met Roy at a sandwich place a few blocks from my house. I picked the place because it was cheap and laid-back. I didn’t like fancy dinners that required an expensive outfit and several courses.
Sandwiches were fine with me.
Roy was cute. I could tell he worked out because he had a nice body. He was a firefighter, which was an extra plus. He was easy to talk to and sweet. In fact, he was too good to be true. It made alarms go off in my head. “Can I ask you something?”
“Sure. What’s up?”
“You’re too good to be true, so what’s your baggage?”
“My baggage?” he asked.
“Did you just get out of a relationship? Divorced? Something like that?”
He smiled despite the awkward question. “Actually, yeah. I just got out of a serious relationship three weeks ago. It’s probably too soon for me to be dating, but I thought you were pretty, and I didn’t want to pass up the opportunity.”
He was super sweet. “Well, that’s flattering. I just got out of a relationship too.” It was nice dating a guy who didn’t know anything about my past. He didn’t stare at me like I was damaged goods—not like the guys my friends set me up with. “So that’s perfect for both of us.”
“Yeah, I guess so.”
We finished our meal and just sat there and talked to each other. I already knew the basics and didn’t need any more information. He clearly was a good guy, not a serial killer. And since we were both in difficult situations, I didn’t feel like I was ruining any potential by being forward. “You wanna come back to my place?” I didn’t beat around the bush because I wanted my message to be clear. I wasn’t inviting him over for a drink or a movie.
I just wanted sex.
His eyes lit up at the question. “Definitely.”
Neither one of us had to work the next morning, so Roy and I slept in. When we both woke up, we made breakfast and then watched morning cartoons like kids. The sex was good, and it was enough to get me off.
It’d been so long that it didn’t take much.
I didn’t think about Crewe because I wouldn’t allow myself to.
It’s not like he thought about me.
Roy hung around for an hour or two, and we got to know each other a little better. I didn’t have any expectations of seeing him again, and I didn’t have a clue what he wanted from me. If this was just a one-time thing, that was perfectly fine.
Roy showered and got dressed before he returned to the living room. “So, you wanna go out again sometime?”
After everything that happened with Crewe, I was just looking for a hookup. It would take me a while before I was in a place to actually fall for someone. Roy probably assumed that, but maybe it needed to be clearer. “I’m not looking for anything serious right now. Honestly, a booty call situation would be perfect.”
When he smiled, he had a dimple in one cheek. “That’s the answer every guy dreams of.”
“Are you one of those guys?”
He shrugged. “I don’t want to get into another relationship either, but I do like you. I think that’s perfect.” He stuck out his hand.
I shook it. “Works for me.”
“Awesome. I guess I’ll see you later.”
“Yeah, sure.” I walked him to the door and gave him a kiss goodbye. “Until then.”
He crossed the threshold then turned around to look at me. “So…would it be too forward if I came by after work?”
“Not at all.” I gave him another kiss before I let him slip through my arms and walk away.
When I walked back into the apartment, I didn’t feel any remorse or guilt. I was moving on with my life, picking up one piece at a time. I would never find anyone who was remotely similar to Crewe, but maybe that was a good thing.
I needed something new.
I had a long shift in the ER that night. Lots of traumas, lots of ambulances. Every time I went to work, I thought about the night Crewe was shot. His blood had soaked my clothes, and I still hadn’t gotten rid of them.
I had no idea why I kept them.
I stayed an hour over because there were so many patients to see. I didn’t care about the overtime pay, just helping out the physicians on staff. When I finally grabbed my coat and walked out of the automatic doors, I was exhausted. Roy was supposed to come over when he finished his shift, and I knew that was at any minute.
I walked up the sidewalk and headed back to my apartment, noticing the piles of snow on the ground. The snow came early this year, making the air cold and dry. I stuffed my hands in my pockets and walked.
I knew there was someone behind me because I could feel his footsteps. He gradually came closer to me, and when we passed a lone streetlight, I saw his tall shadow stretch across the concrete.
No one was around, and it was a bad side of town. Maybe I was just being paranoid, but after being drugged and taken across the world, any unusual behavior was alarming to me. This guy may have seen me in the hospital and thought I was cute. He bided his time until I got off work to make his move.
I discreetly dug into my pocket and pulled out my keys. I inserted the biggest one between my knuckles, prepared to stab him in the eye if he made a move. I held my phone in my other hand, gripping it tightly by the base, ready to be used as a weapon.
He sped up and came closer to me, close enough to touch me.
I spun around with both of my weapons up and ready. “Get the fuck away from me.” I stepped back when I recognized his face, my hands slowly lowering.
Crewe.
In a thick winter coat and dark jeans, he wore dark colors to make him blend in with the night. His face was cleanly shaven, and his eyes held his surprise at my violent reaction. “I didn’t mean to scare you.”
“Then why did you follow me like a stalker?”
He stepped back and put his hands in his pockets. “I appreciate the way you protected yourself.”
“Thanks…I guess.” I put my phone and keys back in my pocket, but my heart was still beating so fast from the adrenaline. The fact that my stalker was Crewe terrified me in a completely different way. I didn’t have time to think about what any of this meant. He was standing right in front of me, looking at me with those brown eyes I used to find solace in. “Why are you here?” When I said goodbye to him in Scotland, I meant it. I moved on.
He stared at me in silence, his usual response to all my questions.
“What the hell do you want, Crewe? I spent the last month in Scotland waiting for you. If there was something you wanted to say to me, you had your chance to say it. But now you don’t.” I turned around and walked up the street again, wanting to get away from the man who played with my heart like a toy.
“London.” He followed behind me, his voice close against my ear.
“Good night, Crewe.”
He grabbed me by the elbow and yanked me against the brick wall of the insurance building we’d just passed. His body crowded mine until I was flat against the wall, my back feeling the coldness from the bricks.
His brown eyes looked menacing in the dark like this, in the middle of a questionable neighborhood long after midnight. His arms pinned mine against the wall, as if he suspected I might hit him. He pressed his face close to mine, his warm breath falling over my cold skin. “I’m here now, so you’re going to have to deal with it.”
I tried to shove him, but he was too heavy. “That’s not how this works. I stayed there for a month and tried to work this out. I don’t want to be a prisoner again, so I’m starting over here. I started seeing someone, and I like him. You missed your chance.”
That was the wrong thing to say because his expression turned maniacal. “Who?”
“What does it matter? How’s Sasha, by the way?” I didn’t have a clue if that was the woman he was bedding, but I didn’t know any of their other names.
His eyes narrowed, but he didn’t answer. “Honestly, I don’t know why I’m here. I’m still fucking pissed, but I can’t stop thinking about you. I can’t sleep. I can’t get over you. Everything is just so…bleak. I don’t know what to do.”
“You came all the way here to tell me that?” I asked incredulously. “You could have just called.”
“I didn’t call for the same reason you didn’t call. I wanted to see you. Every time you tried to talk to me, I pushed you away. You’ll never understand how much you killed me inside. When I had a bullet stuck in my chest and I was bleeding everywhere…it didn’t hurt nearly as much as what you did.”
My anger died away when I heard the sincerity of his words. I already knew I’d hurt him because I saw his expression that night, the way he looked utterly hopeless. He didn’t even have the motivation to save his own life. That was how much I killed his spirit.
“When I sold you to Bones, he brought this collar…”
My eyes concentrated on his face as I listened to every word.
“He wanted to hook it around your neck for the entire trip back to Italy. When I saw it…I couldn’t do it. I didn’t keep you because I had a better idea of how to use you. I kept you because I just couldn’t do it. I couldn’t condemn you to a life of misery when you didn’t deserve it.” He lowered his face, breaking eye contact with me. “I never put that micro pulse inside your brother’s head, I just made you think I did. Because I could never hurt you like that. I would never hurt someone you love. And I don’t know when these feelings began to develop…but I knew they started long before you felt them for me.”
My hands relaxed against his arms, and instead of pushing him away, I began to pull him closer into me.
“When I was engaged to Josephine…”
He was engaged?
“I thought I loved her. I thought we could have a great life together. But being with you has shown me how much of a mistake that would have been. I was so angry when she left me for Sir Andrew, but after I had you… I thought it was the best thing that had ever happened to me. I’ve never felt close to anyone like I do with you. It’s like…I don’t feel so alone.”
Josephine left him? I didn’t know any of this.
“I’ve had a hard time accepting everything that happened because it hurt me so much. When I said I loved you, I meant it. The idea of you not meaning it…hurts me more than I can put into words. The fact that any of it was a lie hurt. But you’re right, I’m not so innocent. I didn’t start off this relationship in the right way. I kept you as a prisoner for most of it. So…I’m just as guilty. You did what you had to do to survive. And I respect that.” His hands released my arms and moved to my waist. His fingertips dug into me the way they used to, with desperate need and unbridled passion. “I know I was an ass to you. It’s hard for me to forgive someone when they cross me…just a mentality I have.”
“But you know I didn’t mean to cross you. I told Joseph not to come—”
“I know. And you saved Ariel when you didn’t have to. You saved me. I know. I’m just a stubborn man.”
“Very stubborn man.”
He didn’t smile, but his eyes lit up slightly. “I thought I could forget about you and move on with my life, but I can’t. That’s why I’m here. I left Scotland without thinking any of this through…unsure what my goal was. But now that I’m here, I know exactly why I flew across the world to see you.” He pressed his body farther into me, sandwiching me against the wall. He rested his forehead against mine and looked down at my lips. It was dark and cold, but the combination of our bodies kept us warm.
“Then what do we do?”
“I don’t know,” he whispered.
“My life is here. Your life is there. It’s already so complicated.” When I was in Scotland, I would have stayed if he asked me to. But I moved on from that possibility and settled in New York, assuming that’s where my future was.
“I know. But we’ll make it work…somehow.”
“How?” I pressed. “Because it can’t go back to what it was. I’m not gonna sit in my room all day until you’re done with work. I need my own life, my own goals. I need to be a free woman, not someone at your beck and call. We need a new start, one where my conditions are met.”
He stepped back so I could see his face. “Start over?”
“Yes. You know, where we go on dates and get to know each other. Not where you boss me around all day. I need to be my own person.”
“So…you would live somewhere else?”
“Preferably.”
“Okay…does that mean you’re giving me another chance?” He looked at me with hope in his eyes.
When I said I wasn’t coming back, I
meant it. But now that I was looking at Crewe, getting lost in his scotch-colored eyes, I didn’t want to say no. I didn’t want to be stubborn. “I’m willing to forgive and forget if you are.”
The smile that was in his eyes finally reached his lips. He came closer to me, his hands gripping my sides once again. He pressed his lips to my forehead and gave me an affectionate kiss, an action that contradicted his nature. “Forgive and forget.”
“It’s not much, but this is what I call home.” We entered my small apartment, and I left my jacket by the door. I was still in my scrubs, so I didn’t exactly look my best. I usually wore a tight dress—exactly what Crewe liked.
He didn’t look around, his eyes on me. “It’s nice. Smells like you.” He slid off his thick jacket and placed it next to mine on the coat hanger. His strong shoulders came into view through his t-shirt, as well as the rest of his powerful physique.
I suddenly remembered I hadn’t even washed the sheets from the night before with Roy. And he was still under the impression we were hooking up tonight. It was three in the morning, so maybe he already went home.
But what if he didn’t?
“You want anything to drink?” I walked into the kitchen to stall, needing to keep him away from my bedroom. Crewe probably wouldn’t know some other man had been there just hours before he arrived, but that felt deceitful. I would never want to hop into a bed another woman had just rolled around in.
“Scotch, if you have it.” He took a seat on the couch.
I didn’t, but I probably wouldn’t offer it to him even if I did. “How about water?”
“I guess that’ll do.” I carried two glasses to the coffee table and sat beside him, feeling my heart race as fast as it did when I spotted him on the sidewalk.
Crewe looked at me, looking like a handsome man I’d found in a bar. He didn’t look like Scottish royalty, like a man who’d inherited a castle and a lifetime of wealth. He just looked like a man I’d given my heart to. His hand moved to my thigh, his strong fingers squeezing my muscle gently. The look he gave me wasn’t nearly as intense as it normally was, but it hinted at the old affection he used to show me. It was the first time I looked at him and didn’t see the anger on his face. “You want to head back with me tomorrow?”