Navajo Justice

by Aimée Thurlo

  “What are you talking about? You had nothing to do with what happened.” Burke stared at her, trying to understand what was going through her head.

  “I should have insisted Elena go away and stay with relatives in Albuquerque right after the first break-in. I knew there was something very wrong going on, and should have seen it would be too much for her.”

  Now he understood. He’d been there himself. Hindsight could be a devastating enemy. It had nearly destroyed him once. He remembered going over things in his mind, telling himself that if he’d done things just a little differently, his kid brother would still be alive. Burke had driven himself into a downward spiral that had nearly broken him, replaying what-if scenes in his head.

  “Don’t go there,” he said, his voice filled with a rawness he couldn’t hide. “Second-guessing yourself like that will destroy you a little bit at a time. You’ll dig a hole so deep for yourself you’ll never get back out intact. Believe me, I’ve been there.”

  She looked up at Burke, surprised by the pain in his voice. “You’ve suffered a loss, too, one that tore you up inside,” she said slowly.

  “Yeah.” The memory felt like a knife to his gut. “That’s why I’m warning you. Let it go. What happened wasn’t your fault, and deep down you know that.”

  “In a way it is my fault,” she whispered in a broken voice. “There are things I didn’t do…things I should have done.”

  Burke took Laura by the hand, led her to the living room couch and sat beside her. The cry for help he saw in her eyes had ripped through him. He couldn’t stand to see her in pain. He had to help her even if it came at a high cost to himself.

  “I’ve never spoken to anyone about what I’m going to tell you,” he said. The words already left a bitter taste at the back of his throat. “Losing someone you love, someone you feel responsible for, can burn a hole right through you. I lost my little brother when I was seventeen. I was supposed to keep him safe, but I failed. To this day, I still remember every single detail of the day he died.”

  Laura reached for Burke’s hand, deeply touched by his willingness to share his past with her. It was a gift she’d never expected. Although to the world he was tough and hard, he was now letting her see the vulnerable side of him—one he kept hidden from everyone else.

  For a moment, they simply held hands. The gentleness and warmth of that touch bound them and strengthened their broken hearts.

  Laura broke the silence first. “I don’t imagine I’ll ever forget anything about yesterday, not for as long as I live.”

  “In time, you’ll put it in a place inside yourself where it can’t overwhelm you. But if you cling to the belief that you’re responsible, that will trap you in time and you won’t be able to move forward.”

  To help her, he had to tell Laura the whole story, even if it meant letting her see him as he was—flawed. That’s when he felt it—that first spidery touch of fear. He wanted her to accept him—no, it was more than want. He needed her to see him for who and what he was, and to know that she still cared for him.

  Burke gazed at her, wondering how she’d respond to what he was about to tell her. With a burst of courage, he continued. “I remember coming home from high school. I’d just begun my senior year. Hoops, my kid brother, was already home playing basketball—that’s how he’d gotten his nickname. Dad had been drinking, just like every day since our mom died.”

  “Did he feel responsible for her death?” she asked, trying to understand.

  “No, it wasn’t like that. My mom died of lung problems, and no one could have saved her. But his heart was broken. He got through the days by drinking until he passed out. He’d work occasionally, but then he’d spend what he made on cheap booze and leave us to fend for ourselves. Our relatives were on the other side of the rez, so we had no family to turn to.” Burke shrugged. “But Hoops and I got by. I learned to hunt, and got a part-time job after school so we could buy our own groceries. But we never had enough food.” He met her gaze. “You have no idea how hard it is to go to bed and try to sleep when you’re so hungry your stomach hurts. But we struggled through it one day at a time, and we got free lunches at school when it was in session. Then things got worse.”

  “Worse?” She couldn’t imagine anything going downhill from there.

  “My dad went from helplessness to anger. Eventually, we learned that the best way for us to stay in one piece was to avoid him when he came home drunk, at least until he passed out. I wanted to run away, someplace off the rez, but I couldn’t leave Hoops behind and I knew we both couldn’t make it living on the streets.” Each memory bit into him, slicing him up inside. “You see, I had to honor the promise I’d made my mother. Before she died, she asked me to take care of Hoops. She said that I was stronger than my dad, so she was depending on me.” He paused, then in a slow, heavy voice added, “I made that promise to her never knowing how hard it would be for me to keep it—or that I’d ultimately fail.”

  “What happened to Hoops?” Laura whispered.

  Burke took a deep breath. Bringing this into the light, baring his soul to Laura, was the hardest thing he’d ever done. But he wouldn’t stop now. If he could spare her one moment of the hell he’d gone through, it would be worth it. “One night my dad stayed out later than usual. By the time he got home, he was roaring drunk and meaner than he’d been in a long, long time. He shoved me into the wall and nearly broke my jaw. I knew Hoops would be his next victim, so I stole the keys to Dad’s pickup and left with my brother. I figured we’d spend the night out with a street gang in Farmington I’d been hanging with instead of going home. One of the guys was bound to let us crash with him.”

  Burke lapsed into a long silence, and Laura held his hand in both of hers. Finally he went on.

  “I pulled up into the shopping mall parking lot where the gang sometimes hung out, and noticed one of the guys waiting in his car for the others. Hoops and I got out and walked toward him. Just then another car filled with guys from a rival gang pulled up between us and our friend.

  “I gave Hoops the truck keys and told him to run for the truck while I held them off, but they had plans of their own. Three of the guys kept me occupied while two others grabbed Hoops and shoved him into their car. My friend came over, but he got decked with a baseball bat. They had me down, kicking me, and I never had a chance. Before I could stop them, they took off with my brother. Without even thinking, I ran after them on foot. They’d slow down until I got close, then speed up again, knowing I’d never give up. I thought they were just having fun with me and, eventually, they’d let him go. But the driver was watching me instead of the road, and ran a stop sign. A truck hit them broadside.”

  He paused. He felt cold all over, but her hands hadn’t left his and he focused on the warmth of her touch. At long last, he continued. “I got to my brother, but by the time the paramedics arrived, Hoops was gone. He died in my arms.”

  “You couldn’t have known what would happen,” she said, tears filling her eyes. “You were only a kid yourself, and you were trying to protect your brother from your dad.” She felt a rush of empathy. Everything feminine in her wanted to ease the pain of that memory.

  “But my judgment got him killed instead.”

  Burke’s voice was flat, but she could see from the rigid lines of his body that it was taking a great deal of effort for him to sound calm.

  “That night I failed my kid brother and myself. The promise I’d made my mother—everything I’d believed in—changed in the twinkling of an eye. I seldom went home at all after that. I sank deeper and deeper into depression because I couldn’t let go of the guilt. I just wanted to die.”

  “You were so young to have to deal with so much,” she said, her heart aching for him.

  He couldn’t bring himself to defend what he’d done, so just kept talking. “Then my dad paid the price for all the drinking he’d done. His body began shutting down. He quit drinking, but by then it was too late. I saw him die a little
bit at a time, like my mom had, and that’s when it hit me. He’d thrown away his life, but I didn’t want to do the same. So I got my act together and finished high school.”

  “Then you went into the military?”

  He nodded. “I was a born fighter because that’s what I’d had to do all my life. I decided to use the warrior side of me to protect those who wouldn’t or couldn’t fight for themselves. As soon as I could enlist I joined the army, and eventually ended up in the Special Forces, specializing in Intelligence. Being part of an elite force suited me for a while.”

  “But you didn’t stay,” she observed. “Was it because you learned to forgive yourself?”

  “That came with time, but it wasn’t the reason I left. I knew I’d been running from myself and that, to square things, I’d have to come back. I’d intended to join the police department, but before I could, I was contacted by Gray Wolf. Handler was interested in my Intelligence background and special skills. I liked the opportunity he was offering me, so I took the job. To this day, I have no idea how Handler knew about my military experience—it was all classified and still is.”

  “But you found your calling.”

  “You can say that. My mother used to tell me that a Navajo could only find peace by ‘walking in beauty.’ That meant living life in a balanced and harmonious way. But my life still wasn’t balanced—I had to make amends for the life that had been lost while under my care. So I made it my mission to fight for others who had the odds stacked against them.”

  “Until I make sure that the ones who came after my godmother are in prison, I’ll have no peace,” Laura murmured. “I can’t even try to move on and let go until that’s accomplished.”

  “We will find them,” Burke said firmly. “But in the meantime, you have to protect yourself. You can’t continue second-guessing yourself.” He drew her into his arms and held her against him. “I’ve been to the hell that you’re just starting to know. If you don’t fight it, Laura, it’ll destroy you.”

  “I’ll try, but you know what? I sure wish I could run away from the terrible pain inside me, if only for a little while,” she said. “Too bad I could never go fast enough or far enough for that.”

  He tugged at her hand and she stood. “Where are we going?”

  “To greet the wind.” Leaving Wolf to protect her, Burke asked her to wait at her door with the lights out as he jogged over to his house.

  Wondering what he was up to, she remained where she was. There was a full moon tonight, and the soft silver light dappled the ground in shimmering hues. It was late and the neighborhood was quiet. She liked listening to the breeze rustling through the tree branches, and taking in the scent of burning piñon logs from neighborhood fireplaces.

  Hearing the roar of a powerful motorcycle engine, she smiled, suddenly realizing what Burke had in mind. Making sure Wolf had a fresh bowl of water and a biscuit, she left him inside the house. The dog didn’t protest, almost as if he’d understood, after hearing the sound of the motorcycle engine, that he wouldn’t be going.

  Burke pulled up in front of her a few moments later. He was wearing his leather jacket and had another one over his arm. “This one’s for you. Leather blocks the wind and you’ll stay warm.”

  The jacket held that powerful sexy scent that seemed to define him—and excite her.

  “Let’s go,” he said, putting on his helmet and handing her his spare.

  They left the neighborhood quickly, then he turned and headed down a deserted road at the edge of town. Taking advantage of the lack of traffic, he pushed the motorcycle to top speed.

  She felt the power of the bike and his control over it. It was freedom, pure and wild, and as they raced into the night, the speed was exhilarating—and the rightness of the moment intoxicating.

  Her body was pressed to his, her hands wrapped tightly around his waist. The leather jacket he wore was open; he hadn’t bothered to zip it. She worked her hands beneath the smooth leather. His shirt was light and she felt the muscles of his chest as she tightened her grip.

  She would never forget this moment. For now, they were simply man and woman with nothing to guide them but the road before them and the night.

  A long time later, when the night air turned icy, Burke finally headed home.

  As they pulled into her driveway, Laura felt a twinge of disappointment. Wordlessly, she handed him the helmet he’d loaned her.

  Their eyes met for one moment and he glanced into her broken heart. On the road, when she’d rested her head against him, he’d felt a wave of tenderness and protectiveness that had caught him by surprise. When she’d slipped her hand beneath his jacket, showing him that sharing the taste of the night wasn’t enough—that she needed to touch him and feel the warmth of his flesh—it had nearly knocked him senseless. He’d wanted to stop the bike, to love her, and push back the pain that was breaking her in two.

  Following an impulse he couldn’t resist, he leaned over and brought his mouth down on hers. Her lips parted easily and her soft sigh of surrender tore right through him.

  “Make the sadness stop for tonight, Burke,” she said, drawing in a breath. “Make me feel alive. I’ve wanted you for so long and I can’t stand feeling so alone.”

  The words slammed into him, making the fire inside him grow. His need for her never stopped—but knowing she needed him, too, sealed his course. Before he knew it, he was kissing her again and carrying her inside.

  Wolf gave them one look, then went to lie down again on a throw rug across the living room.

  “I’ve never felt this way about anyone else, Laura. You’re in my blood.”

  He took her down the hall, set her down on her bed and held her close to him. Tonight would be an awakening and a healing. For her. For him.

  Her breathing was unsteady as he mated his tongue with hers, teasing her, drawing her into his mouth, then plunging into hers. The little catch in her breath as he rained kisses down her neck, and the way she clung to him, drove him wild.

  “We’ll be a part of each other tonight. You’ll feel me inside you, touching your soul, loving you. Ask for whatever gives you pleasure, and take whatever you want.” He caressed her, opening her blouse and kissing the softness of her breasts.

  She shuddered and whimpered, bathed in impossible sensations she didn’t want to fight. Needing even more from him, Laura tugged open his shirt and ran her hands over his skin, feeling his muscles bunch and tense as she caressed him. She loved the hardness of his chest and the way his heartbeat pounded against the palm of her hand.

  With one impatient tug, he stripped off his shirt and tossed it aside. Her hands felt like silk, and the trail of fire her touch left in its wake made it impossible for him to think.

  “I want to be gentle with you, to take all night and beyond, but if you keep touching me like that—” He sucked in his breath as she slipped her fingertips beneath the waistband of his jeans. Before he could try and cool the heat that tore through him, she shifted and positioned herself over him. With slow and deliberate intent, she drew a long line with the tip of her tongue down the center of his chest.

  He brought her mouth to his. The way her body pressed against him, the moist, scorching trail she’d left on his chest, made him crazy.

  With a groan, he eased her back. “I want you too much…I need to cool off. I want to be gentle with you.”

  Still straddling him, she slipped off her shirt and bra, then leaned over until the tips of her breasts touched his chest. “Don’t hold back,” she whispered. “I want tonight to be wild, with no rules. Just us—needing, wanting, taking…and loving.”

  She whispered the last word and he suddenly knew that the strength of the feelings flowing through her scared her just as they did him. But there was no turning back. This was love—nothing else could be so powerful, so encompassing.

  Rolling over, he positioned her beneath him, then murmuring her name, he took one of her breasts into his mouth. He ravaged her softness, loving the w
ay she arched back, begging for more. Instinct and need drove him, for his mind was drugged with passion.

  He unfastened her slacks and pulled them down over her hips, baring her, his gaze greedy as he kissed and tasted the areas he exposed, like a man who’d gone hungry too long.

  Then suddenly and unexpectedly, he lifted her to her feet.

  “No, don’t stop,” she pleaded.

  “Never.” With his hands firmly on her waist, he steadied her as she stood naked before him. He wanted her to remember tonight—remember him—always.

  “More,” she begged, her eyes smoky.

  In answer, he trailed long, wet kisses down her body.

  She gasped as he found the core of her womanhood. “I’ll fall.”

  “I’ll hold you. You won’t be hurt. Fall…in love,” he murmured, his hand parting the moist petals he’d tasted. “Lean on my shoulders,” he said, then knelt before her.

  It was magical, this mind-rending pleasure. She couldn’t think. She could only feel.

  He felt her shatter as pleasure rocked her with unrelenting intensity. Nothing had ever been sweeter or more satisfying. Burke pulled her back down onto the bed and kissed her lovingly.

  When he drew back, she whimpered softly.

  “No more waiting,” he murmured.

  Standing by the side of the bed, he peeled off his jeans, and for one breathless moment let her gaze at him. There would be balance and harmony between them. Then, his body aroused beyond imagination and his blood raging, he parted her legs and lowered himself over her. “And now hold on to me.”

  The night became a journey of discovery for them both. He filled her completely, loving her and letting the power of their lovemaking rebuild her broken heart. He held nothing back from her. He took her higher than she’d ever been, and in endless cycles of gentleness and roughness, showed her pleasures she’d never tasted.

  At long last her body arched and she cried out his name. He followed her a heartbeat later and, with a cry ripped from his soul, collapsed against her.