Re:ZERO -Starting Life in Another World-, Vol. 10

by Tappei Nagatsuki

  “In the first place, there’s a lot that rubs me the wrong way, but there’s one thing that’s the biggest. You’re the one who thought you’d get me to hate you. The way you did it was by rejecting school. And you thought, somewhere along the line, your dad would blow a fuse and yell at you… That’s stupid on a fundamental level, you know?”

  “I can’t really say I disagree, but…”

  “I mean, if you want me to abandon you, you’ve gotta be more proactive about it. Who abandons his own kid just because he crawls into his own shell? If you want me to hate you, you should commit genocide on half of humanity for no particular reason. Then I’ll hate you.”

  “That’s a crazy thing to ask for!! You don’t see many villains like that even in shonen manga!!”

  “To me, what you wanted me to do is just as crazy.”

  The blunt retort silenced Subaru.

  “Got it? Even if you were as slow-witted as a snail, a big idiot who can’t even pick a banana hanging in front of his face, or even someone who bragged about harming yourself on some big high-profile blog…”

  “I ain’t that slow-witted or stupid…”

  “But even if you were slow-witted, an idiot, or a moron, I wouldn’t hate you or abandon you. That’s how it should be, right? I’m your father, and you’re my son.”

  Exhaling in exasperation as he spoke, Kenichi made a nggh sound as he stretched his back. When he sat, and Subaru, dumbfounded, gazed up at his father, Kenichi closed one eye.

  “It’s my son’s twisted nature to be just short of dumb, just shy of an idiot, and on a straight line toward being a moron. If you really want, I can smack that out of you by force, but…”

  “…”

  “It seems like you got up again after breaking down to the point that I don’t need to.”

  Perhaps Kenichi had seen something in Subaru’s face. His words made Subaru slowly get up. When father and son faced each other head-on, the son’s expression made the father moisten his lips.

  “This morning, I thought You’ve changed from before all of a sudden. What happened to your face?”

  “…I told you. I found a girl I like.”

  A silver radiance led Subaru Natsuki by the hand.

  “Besides, there was a girl who said she would love even a guy like me.”

  A warm, blue light gently pushed on Subaru Natsuki’s back.

  “Those girls, they don’t know me as the son of Kenichi Natsuki. When I’m with them, I’m just Subaru Natsuki… No…”

  Shaking his head, he gazed firmly at the father before him and went on.

  “I was Subaru Natsuki in front of everyone. All on my own, I worried about being some poster child and ended up crushed by a weight that wasn’t even really there. I finally get that now.”

  “Took ya long enough. I’m the central pillar of the family. A guy who didn’t inherit the job had better not carry any social burdens like that till you’re a full member of society. I’ll slap you silly otherwise.”

  “This coming from a guy who dropped his heel onto my head just now?!”

  When Subaru complained again about the painful blow, Kenichi went “Sorry, sorry,” smiling without a shred of guilt. Then Kenichi’s eyes became tense. “More importantly, you said you found a girl you like, and you said there was a girl who said she likes you… What’s up with that? Are you two-timing them? A guy like you…?”

  “Whaddaya mean, a guy like me?! To be honest, even I think I’m not qualified! But I can’t help it! So I have two number one stars, what’s the big deal?!”

  It was unforgivable no matter how he might frame it, but at the moment, those were Subaru’s honest feelings.

  He loved Emilia. He loved Rem. They had given Subaru the strength to stand, to walk, and to face his own past, even in front of Kenichi.

  The light that the pair gave off rivaled the starry sky Subaru had once had above his head.

  When Subaru was outside his room, unexpectedly invited to another world, he became desperate, suffered pain and anguish, cried out in tears, lamented and raged, laughed in delight, and finally obtained a new sky filled with stars.

  “Well, it’s fine if you can get by without making the two of ’em cry… By the way, don’t make ’em cry. If you can manage that, I won’t object. Looks like you’ve got your own way with people.”

  “If I had that, my high school debut wouldn’t have been such a black stain on my past. I can’t do it like you, Dad.”

  “Do you really think that? You’re my son, y’know. Besides, seems like you’ve got a bunch of misunderstandings about me, but that one’s the worst, I figure.”

  “That?”

  As Subaru inclined his head, Kenichi wagged a finger atop his crossed arms.

  “Yeah. I’m all bouncy like this in front of you and your mom, but Daddy completely behaves according to time, place, and occasion, okay? Maybe you wouldn’t know it because I’m always in full-throttle family-love mode in front of you, but what, you think Daddy can pull an act like that and it’ll just work on everyone…?”

  “Wait, wait, hold on…”

  “Ain’t it obvious? No one wants to get close to a guy who’s that high tension the first time you meet him. That’s why you’ve gotta keep your collar straight until you get along better. You’ve gotta wait a while before you undo the buttons. If you start in April, gotta hold out until the end of June for that.”

  The Shocking Truth: Father Revealed to be a Man of Common Sense and Appropriate Conduct.

  Ignorant of this until now, Subaru had been shallow enough to believe he could just mimic his father to become a popular guy.

  “Why’d I agonize for all that time, then…!”

  “Aww, don’t worry about it. It’s my fault for not noticing how much you looked up to me because I’m simply that awesome. Sorry that I’m just too big a presence in your life!”

  “Even though it’s true, I really don’t feel like acknowledging it!!”

  Patting the lamenting Subaru on the shoulder, Kenichi did what he always did: step on the naive parts of Subaru and grind them underfoot.

  As he quipped at his father, Subaru felt something hard and heavy inside his heart fade away and vanish. The dark recesses were brightening with the approach of daybreak, and his vision opened to greet the dawn.

  Subaru had confessed that he was conceited and self-serving, and yet the result was only relief.

  Facing his past like that was making a statement: parting ways with his weakness and embracing what he wanted for himself in the future, his current self could walk forward with pride from now on.

  That was why—

  “Ha-ha-ha. Don’t blush so much. You’re still my son with my blood in ya. I’m sure you’ve got it in you to be half as cool as I am.”

  “Only half, eh? Normally, your genes get refined as you spend time in the world, right?”

  “But half of you comes from your mom, y’see. Even if you’ve got my coolness in ya, the Nahoko part cancels it out, so I don’t feel like I can expect much from the final judgme—”

  “Sorry, Mom, he’s got me there!”

  Unable to stand up for his mother, who wasn’t present, Subaru put his empty hands together and apologized. Laughing at the sight, Kenichi let his shoulders sink in exasperation as he moved on.

  “This should lessen the burden on your shoulders a bit. The rest is talk about the future. It’s all ahead from here.”

  “Ahh, yeah. Err, I really am sorry for causing you all that tr—”

  “If you feel sorry for it, just spend a proper amount of time paying us back. You’re the oldest son, so you’d better take real good care of me and your Mom later in life.”

  —When those words were spoken to him, Subaru was unable to move.

  “…”

  He’d had the resolve to apologize for how he had been to date. He’d had the determination to confess his current feelings.

  These things, he had accomplished, finally dissolving that whic
h had haunted Subaru for many long years, making him think he could face his father and mother again with sunny feelings.

  He’d confessed everything about himself to date—

  “Ugh!!”

  But the instant the conversation broached “from there on,” what permeated Subaru’s entire being was—

  “…I-I’m sorry…”

  “Subaru?”

  “I’m s…I’m so…I’m sorry…s-sorry, sorry…shorry…!!”

  From in front of him came Kenichi’s bewildered voice. But Subaru didn’t see his face.

  The flood of tears pouring forth clogged Subaru’s vision, making the contours of the world vague. He covered his face with his palms, desperately trying to wipe the overflowing tears. However, as much as he tried, the tears were unending. They wouldn’t stop. He couldn’t stop them.

  “I’m sorrrryyy… I-I…can’t be together with… I’m so…s-sorry…”

  He’d realized it.

  Somewhere in his heart, he’d realized it long before.

  He’d been invited into another world. The first instant the dazzling light of its sun shone down on him, making him squint, it had been like a revelation, and somewhere deep inside, Subaru had known.

  He’d probably never return to his own world again.

  His parents had raised him well enough for him to find the strength to repent before his father like that, confess the dark emotions roiling inside his chest, and yet gain forgiveness. All that was underpinning his resolve to walk forward once more.

  “But in spite of that, I…haven’t given anything back… I’ll probably never see you again… I’m sorry, I’m sorry.

  “…I’m sorry. I’m shworry. I’m sorry.”

  The tears would not stop. There, that moment, ferocious emotions seemed to churn inside him.

  Yet even so, Subaru remained standing, not crumbling to the ground. Here, there was someone who held Subaru as he cried.

  Supporting his son, now almost as tall as he was, he patted Subaru’s back with his big, strong palms like he would for any crying child.

  “…Goodness. No matter how much time passes, you’re still a high-maintenance son.”

  6

  “You’ve calmed down?”

  “—Yeah, sorry. I really caused you a lot of trouble.”

  “Ya sure did. Look at my shirt. I’ve got tears and snot all over the middle of it. I can’t walk around and have the neighbors see me like this, it’s embarrassing.”

  Subaru was no longer crying when Kenichi flicked his forehead with a finger, the corners of his mouth curling into a smile. With that grin on his face, he gazed at Subaru who, after bawling his eyes out, wore an expression that was equal parts sad and apologetic. Kenichi sighed as he spoke again.

  “I’m not sure what you were sobbing like that for, but it’s embarrassing, so I’ll keep it a secret. Be grateful to me for that at least.”

  “…Yeah. I’m grateful. Truly, from the bottom of my heart, more than anyone in the world.”

  “If you put it that way even I’m gonna blush…”

  When his father scratched his own face with an embarrassed smile, Subaru lowered his listless gaze. Kenichi’s shoulders sank when he saw his son’s demeanor. Then he waved as if shooing a fly away as he pushed on.

  “OK, crybaby, head home already. Daddy’s still in the mood to stroll around a bit, so I’ll head back after a little detour. I’ll get weird looks if I’m walking around with a guy crying like you.”

  “…They’d wonder what in the world that father and son are doing at their age, huh?”

  “Damn right they would. If I go back home with you together now, I’ll get embarrassed by weird rumors between my friends, so…”

  “You know, those are, like, famous last words, so watch out, okay?”

  Poking fun at his father’s statement reflexively, Subaru felt painful nostalgia running through his heart. Gritting his teeth and biting it back down by force, Subaru went, “Later,” raising a hand Kenichi’s way. “I’ll head back first, then. Just make sure the cops don’t stop you for anything, ’kay, Daddy?”

  “Sorry, I ain’t biting on that joke. Everyone round these parts knows me already.”

  “I wasn’t joking.”

  Once again, he was saved by his father’s unchanging demeanor. Subaru hated himself for that.

  Just how much did he crave the chance to depend on and wish to be indulged by others? He really was incorrigible.

  “…”

  He didn’t want to show Kenichi such weakness any longer.

  Taking a single, deep breath, Subaru then turned his back on his father, setting his mind on becoming a stronger person. At that rate, he was set to walk out at a rapid pace, departing as quickly as poss—

  “—Hey, Subaru.”

  From behind, Kenichi’s voice brought his feet to a spontaneous halt.

  “I’m sure you’ve got a lot of stuff goin’ on, so I only have one thing to say to you.”

  “…”

  “Hang in there—I’ve got high hopes for you, Son.”

  Subaru had always clenched a worry of betraying his father’s expectations without ever letting it go. So to Subaru, his father’s expectations were fear itself—

  “—Yeah, you can count on me, Daddy.”

  His back still turned, Subaru extended an arm. He thrust a finger toward the heavens, speaking in a loud voice.

  “My name is Subaru Natsuki. Son of Kenichi Natsuki—I can do anything, and that’s how it’s gonna be. Your son’s hot stuff.”

  “Yeah, I know. I made half of ya, after all!”

  “Hee-hee,” went Kenichi, his faith-filled, laughing voice showering Subaru from behind.

  When he heard this, Subaru’s own lips broke into a smile.

  Back still turned, he set off.

  His knees weren’t shaking. His heart wasn’t wavering. He simply stared straight ahead as he walked forward.

  Behind him was the man he had looked up to for so long. This time, Subaru would let that man watch his back as he walked on.

  He did that while thinking to himself how much strength he had needed from others to achieve that one simple thing.

  Then Subaru Natsuki continued walking forward, never to stop again.

  7

  With his arms through the sleeves his freshly ironed white shirt, Subaru put his legs through his good-as-new slacks. Waging a difficult battle, he tied his deep-green necktie in front of the mirror before finally putting on his navy-blue blazer.

  “Student Subaru Natsuki, complete… Man, it’s been around three months, huh?”

  Checking his completed version reflected in the mirror, Subaru breathed out, his face proclaiming that one task was done.

  There hadn’t been a Subaru wearing his long-sleeved student uniform reflected in the mirror for quite a while. He recalled that tying the necktie of his blazer-type high school uniform every morning had been a real pain in the butt. Flicking a finger off the flat knot of the necktie, he turned his back to his reflection and picked up his schoolbag.

  For all appearances, that much, at least, looked well within the realm of perfect preparation by a student preparing to attend high school.

  “Unfortunately, it’s about time the third homeroom period started. Ain’t well within at all.”

  Scratching his head with a bitter smile, Subaru stretched his hand out a little on his way out of the room. Stopping just before he left, he looked back.

  To Subaru, who’d never experienced a change in residence, that room was the only place he could call “my own room.” Since entering middle school, he’d spent over five years in that room.

  It would be the last time he saw that place, too.

  “”

  Subaru said nothing. He merely lowered his head in silence.

  That single gesture contained five years’ worth of feelings in it.

  When his long, long period of bowing ended, Subaru lifted his head and departed the room with sunnie
r feelings. He proceeded to head down the stairs to the first floor, pushing open the living room door. And then—

  “Oh my, when you asked me where your uniform was, I thought you might burn it, so I made all kinds of preparations…all for nothing, it would seem.”

  “Your son asks where his uniform is and the first thing you think of is burning it? Wait, when you guessed I’d burn it, your ‘preparations’ meant getting sweet potatoes and sausage skewers ready…?”

  The reclothed Subaru was met by his mother, Nahoko, who seemed quite disappointed her off-the-cuff prediction had not borne fruit. Behind his mother, he saw that she was done preparing for a barbecue in the cramped kitchen.

  After parting ways with Kenichi, Subaru had returned home and asked Nahoko where his uniform was.

  Having shaken free of his past, her son had made the statement with a sunny look on his face—and this had been his mother’s reaction.

  “I give up on whether it’s good guessing or bad, but this angle is definitely not what I expected…”

  “Yes, yes, it looks very good on you. The outfit cancels out the foul look in your eyes. You look rather calm…”

  “Mom, your current approach is taking all my serenity away from me!”

  “—? What are you all riled up about? Hey, want to glug down some mayonnaise with Mom?”

  With a mystified look, Nahoko presented the mayonnaise she’d placed on the table. The mayonnaise in the Natsuki residence was somewhat famous to all local mayo lovers.

  Kenichi, Nahoko, and of course Subaru employed various mayonnaises, and glugging mayo was a daily sight during mealtime, getting out of the bath, and sometimes even in the middle of the night. Indeed, when Subaru fell into distress from lack of mayonnaise in that other world, he’d used modern knowledge to successfully re-create mayonnaise on that end.

  Mayonnaise was inseparable from the Natsuki family. It was a must-have item.

  “But right now, I don’t feel like…”

  “I suppose not.”

  The mayonnaise had SU written on the lid, marking it as belonging to Subaru. When he gently pushed the mayonnaise offered to him away, Nahoko gave a knowing nod.