Alien in the Family (3)

by Gini Koch

“Great. Have you any idea of how we’re going to manage this?”

  “Give me a minute.” I closed my eyes. ACE, I have to talk to Richard White. Can you help me do that?

  Yes, Kitty, ACE can help. There was a pause.

  Yes, Miss Katt? You never fail to surprise in your ability to communicate at any time and via any source possible.

  Robert and Barbara Coleman and their cronies forced you to make a bad deal, right?

  Yes. Long story I shared with the only person capable of doing anything about it.

  You told James because you knew I’d do what he said?

  And because he would do it with haste, discretion, and accuracy so to speak. How did you find out?

  Serene has a daddy-crush on you. She spent her time when we weren’t fighting for our lives watching over you, so she saw the ‘let’s attack Richard when he’s got a lot more important things going on’ meeting.

  Ah, intriguing. However, you and Jeffrey are racing along, so I foresee no issues.

  This is why you have Alpha and Airborne. We have identified major issues. My question to you—if I have the Colemans and their gang detained and removed from the premises, what kind of problems does that create for you?

  What would your reasons be?

  Suspicion of terrorist activities.

  Sounds nasty.

  Sounds like a trip to wherever the C.I.A. likes to take people.

  We can’t have these people disgraced, harmed, and so forth. The Colemans may be unpleasant, but they are quite vital to our race’s well-being.

  So I keep hearing. And I know only someone you saw as important would have gotten away with this dirty trick.

  And we are speaking in this amazing manner so we can both say you never asked me for permission?

  I have always respected your ability to see through the marketing-speak.

  Then as long as I can be upset and outraged once you and Jeffrey are on your honeymoon, and Mister Reynolds will release the offending parties without problems the moment I request it, go to town Miss Katt.

  No scuff marks on the merchandise. Other than Barbara. I can’t promise there, but I’ll make sure she’s still somewhat presentable.

  Your restraint is admirable. Jeffrey is picking up your distress, by the way. I think we’d best break off so I can keep him under control.

  Tell him I’m handling it.

  He knows Mister Reynolds is with you.

  Tell him Chuckie saw everything I own years ago, and if I weren’t interested in marrying Jeff, I would let the Colemans do their thing. But diplomatically.

  Anything I could come up with would be more diplomatic than that. Best of luck, Miss Katt. I’ll keep the boys in here with me.

  Wise man always does the smart thing.

  Let us hope.

  I sent a thank you to ACE, then looked at Chuckie. “I think we have suspected terrorists, Chuckie. They could be altering themselves to look like people we’d trust.”

  “I could spot tha—” Serene was shut up by Lorraine’s hand slamming over her mouth.

  Chuckie nodded. “Missus Martini, I’m sure they’d disguise themselves as your Diplomatic Corps, who would normally be above suspicion. But since all of Centaurion Division reports in to me at the moment, I’m going to override diplomatic immunity. Could you come with me and point out whom we should be concerned about?”

  Lucinda nodded. “Absolutely. I wouldn’t want to help terrorists disguised as important people in our community.”

  “How many, do we think?” Chuckie asked as he pulled out his phone.

  Lucinda thought about it. “A dozen. If I were going to attempt some sort of terrorist overthrow, I’d only need to imitate the Diplomatic Corps. If they were taken away, anyone following them would likely lose their will to fight.”

  He nodded and dialed. “I need a low-key pickup of about a dozen or so suspected terrorists. They could be impersonating high-level A-Cs, could be mentally controlling them. I don’t want any of the subjects injured, just detained safely far away from where we are. Good. Yes, at least double the A-C operatives. Yes, right away. Yes, I’m very aware it’s your wedding day. I’m also aware you’re the one who knows which of your Field agents are available and which aren’t.”

  Chuckie glanced at me. “Yes, she looks great. A little upset that you’re arguing with me instead of taking care of this so you two can get married, but, you know, otherwise, great.” He rolled his eyes. “Because I need the big, nasty guys, and the imageers usually aren’t. Yes, great plan. Have her call in my human team as well; they need to appear to be in charge. Right. Hate you as well.”

  He hung up and shook his head. “Are you marrying the most contrary man in the universe, or is that merely my impression?”

  “What’s Jeff doing and why did you call him?”

  “He’s contacting Gladys, who is still running all Security operations. She’s sending personnel over right now.”

  There was a knock at the door. An A-C I’d seen around stuck his head in. “Mister Reynolds? Commander Martini said you needed us.”

  “Back in a bit. I recommend you all stay here, other than Lucinda who, regretfully, has to risk herself by identifying those potential terrorists.”

  “I’ll go, too,” Mom said. “Might help in the long run.”

  They all left, and Lorraine took her hand off Serene’s mouth. “While Kitty’s on her honeymoon, Claudia and I are going to teach you two things. When to tell Kitty something the moment you learn it, and when to keep your mouth shut.”

  Jareen chuckled. “Naked Apes really make things exciting. When Neeraj and I were joined, we just went to the head Iguanodon, made a couple of promises, hugged and kissed, and that was it.”

  “I want to get married on your planet.”

  “You don’t have time. The wait list for joinings is ten years. Our little wrinkle is that only the head Iguanodon can join anybody. See? Each planet has its stupidities.”

  “I’ll bet you twenty of my dollars my planet’s winning.”

  Jareen grinned. “I don’t take sucker bets, either.”

  CHAPTER 70

  DOREEN CALLED IRVING, then went off to perform crowd control of the younger A-Cs. We heard a lot of ruckus start. My phone rang.

  “Girlfriend, what did you just start?”

  “You know, you didn’t have to carry the weight of the world by yourself, James.”

  He sighed. “Yeah, I did. It was a specific, personal request.”

  “You are the best, and I love you, you know that, right?”

  “Right. So, what’s happening? Richard won’t allow any of the wedding party to leave the groom’s room.”

  “Good. Keep Jeff and Christopher in there, in particular. That mean Mister Reynolds got a tip there were terrorists disguised as the A-C Diplomatic Corps trying to kill off all the high-ranking A-Cs as well as the head of the P.T.C.U. and the head of the C.I.A.’s ET division. We are very worried about where the real Diplomatic Corps is, of course, and will have to ensure these people tell us what they did with the real A-Cs.”

  He laughed. “I like it.”

  “So you can slow us down a bit.”

  “No. They can hold to the timeline. But I’m guessing you just stopped something I would have no control over.”

  “Yeah. Why is Jeff only in his pants?”

  “I’m not going to ask how you knew that. No nefarious reason. All the rest of his tux is here, and I’m looking at it. He’s just nervous, and I don’t want him sweating in it.”

  “He’s an A-C. They don’t sweat.”

  Reader chuckled. “He’s sweating. Just a little.” I could hear someone in the background say something, then roars of male laughter. “Jeff said I should tell you he’s not nervous at all.”

  “Yeah, the laughter isn’t a giveaway. Anyway, I’d imagine Chuckie will tell you when it’s all clear. The only ones who know are my female Airborne members, Mom, Lucinda, and Jareen. Oh, and Doreen, but she won’t give anyt
hing away. She might try to kill her parents, though.”

  “I’m sure Reynolds can handle it. Okay, you dressed?” The drill sergeant was back.

  “Yes. And unlike Jeff, I’m not sweating. It’s well air-conditioned in here. Not in my shoes or veil yet, but I’m wearing everything else.”

  “Your dad has the veil. He’s in here with us, of course, but it’s safe.”

  “I wasn’t worried.”

  “How’s your hair?”

  “Holding without feeling like it’s plastered. Pierre is amazing.”

  “Yeah, and well-connected, thankfully.”

  “Not as much as you.”

  “I suppose.” I heard more voices in the background. Reader sighed. “Jeff’s doing his jealousy thing where he’s wondering why you seem so much happier talking to me than to him.”

  “We’ll get off. Tell him it’s because I don’t sleep with you.”

  “I don’t know if that’ll help or not.”

  “You get to find out. Enjoy.”

  We left the dressing room and got a lot of excited comments from the other women in the larger women’s changing room. We waited for what seemed like forever but Claudia insisted was only thirty minutes, and then Doreen came in. “All clear. The situation was unpleasant but handled.”

  I pulled her into the private room. “What’s the plan?”

  She shrugged. “Their children will identify them.”

  “When?”

  “Later. Like, after you’re on your honeymoon later.”

  “Works for me.”

  Went back out and waited some more. My dad came in and sent any females not in the wedding party out, which included my grandmothers. I started to feel a couple of butterflies in my stomach. Dad said Reader wanted me in the shoes and veil now, so he went into the private room to help me.

  “Is Jeff dressed yet, Dad?”

  “He was starting when I left.” Dad was humming softly. The Wedding March, I realized, as I listened closely.

  “You happy I’m getting married?”

  “What? Oh, yes. You have a wonderful world ahead of you, kitten.”

  I waited. Nothing. “Um, Dad? Isn’t this the time for the father-daughter talk?”

  “Huh? Oh, the veil.” Dad pulled the veil out. Undid the tissue paper, spent a little time draping it just right. My hair stayed in place. I had to find out what brand of hairspray Pierre used; it was the best.

  “I kind of meant the father-daughter talk where you give me those bits of fatherly wisdom that will make my marriage work.” Mom’s had been pretty darned brief, but I’d been expecting more from my father.

  “Oh.” He looked a little blank, as though he’d never considered the idea. “Never go to bed angry with each other.”

  “Yes? That’s sort of a bumper sticker by now, Dad. I meant something I couldn’t learn from a quick browse through Cosmo or Maxim.”

  “Oh. Well. Huh.” Dad was clearly out on the high diving board over an empty pool.

  “You know, things you did and do to make sure you and Mom have such a great marriage.”

  “Oh! I gave that advice to Jeff already. Applies to him more than to you.”

  “Share with me anyway.”

  Dad shrugged. “I told him that he just needed to remember three things. First, he doesn’t run your life, and after today, he won’t run his life, either. Second, in any argument, there is your wife’s side and then there is enemy camp; never choose enemy camp in an attempt to be reasonable, because it never works. And third, to remember that a happy wife is a happy life.”

  “Can’t argue with the genius.” I waited. Nothing. “So, any little genius stuff for me? Just asking because Mom was about as hot with the help as you are.”

  Dad laughed. “Kitten, you’re a big girl. You’ve chosen a wonderful man.” He cocked his head at me. “I can suggest one thing.” I nodded. About time. “You had several wonderful men to choose from, and you picked Jeff. When you fight, as I know you do and will, don’t bring up your options, either out loud, in your mind, or in your emotions. Marriage is a lifelong commitment, through good and bad. If you don’t believe you can make that commitment with Jeff, now is the time to run. On the other hand, if you do believe you can, then whatever compatibility you have with the others doesn’t matter, now or in the future.”

  I hugged him. “Thanks, Dad.”

  He patted my back. “Happy to help, if that was a help.”

  “It was.” I was about to say more when there was a knock at the door and Jareen poked her head in. “It’s time.”

  CHAPTER 71

  DUE TO THE SHEER SIZE OF OUR WEDDING, we couldn’t actually get married in the wedding chapel. We’d been able to use the dressing rooms and such, but we had to move to the convention area for everything else. So we’d get married in the Islander Ballroom, shout hurray, and walk through the door to the South Pacific Ballroom, where the tables and dance floor were already set up.

  The men left first and led the rest of the guests to the ultimate location. Then Chuckie, not Reader, came to escort the women, a contingent of A-Cs following him to perform cleanup.

  On the plus side, there were no paparazzi. I thought about it. “Who’s doing our wedding pictures and video?”

  “Exactly who you think.”

  “You and James did another exclusive?”

  “Yes. Reader felt we needed the A-C manpower used elsewhere, and I had to agree. The World Weekly News folks do a great job keeping the rest of the vultures away.”

  This seemed true enough. “Are we doing all the standard kinds of photos?”

  “Doubt it. Reader insinuated we didn’t have the time, and after our little fun with the Diplomatic Corps, I’m sure he’s right. Trust me, Oliver will get all the shots you’ll want and more, I’m sure. He’s got a full video team on hand. And we have our own teams working with and watching each of them.”

  “Great.” I didn’t think it was great, and my voice clearly showed so.

  Chuckie sighed. “Reader insisted. I do know when not to pull rank, you know.”

  “Where is James?”

  “He’s in the wedding party, remember? I’m not, so I have this portion of Wedding Control to manage.”

  “You don’t mind?”

  He squeezed my hand. “Not at all. I even have an official title. Bridal Majordomo.”

  I laughed. “Right.”

  “He is right,” Claudia said. “It’s a huge position in the wedding, always assigned to someone close to the bride.”

  Lorraine coughed. “We told you about this. A lot.”

  I vaguely remembered someone mentioning this and thinking then it had been a joke. Ah, well, what a shocker, I was wrong. “Well, then they picked right.”

  Chuckie squeezed my hand again. “Glad you think so. Martini even agreed.”

  “Wow.”

  “The Majordomo cannot be considered as an alternate to the groom,” he said dryly. “That’s also in the rules. The job usually goes to an uncle, sometimes a grandfather, occasionally a brother who somehow isn’t in the wedding party. Your Uncle Mort was gracious enough to say that he felt I was better qualified for it.”

  Yeah, Uncle Mort loved Chuckie. Pushed back the twinges of guilt. Uncle Mort loved Martini, too.

  “No need to rush,” Chuckie added, slowing me down a little. “Believe me, from what White told me, we’ve got an easy thirty more minutes to kill.”

  Conveniently, most of the wedding ceremony took place without the wedding party, which was one of the many little quirks that made marrying an A-C fun to explain to the human relatives.

  Once Dad had sent my grandmothers off, they and the rest of the guests had done some weird ritualistic seating rigmarole that involved a lot of walking in between a variety of blessings. I hadn’t been able to see this in my mind’s eye no matter how many different ways it had been explained to me. I was going to remain in the dark, since it had been over for at least fifteen minutes.

  Now th
ey were on to the Statements of Fidelity, which a human would think should come from the two people about to be married, from the clergy officiating, or even from someone in the bridal party, but, instead, came from random people sitting in the audience. Per the little I’d gleaned, this was to ensure the entire community would be focused on the couple’s lifelong happiness. Per what I’d guessed from reading between the lines, it was a great way to make the less beloved relatives and those friends who hadn’t scored a place up at the head table a chance to feel deeply involved.

  Bizarrely but happily, only the groom and his parents had the “privilege” of hearing these little speeches. Again, no guess as to why, but I had to assume it was because everyone knew the bride was going to take longer to get ready. Or they wanted to give the groom plenty of time to run screaming into the street. Pushed back the little twinge of panic. Martini wasn’t going to run off. Right?

  It was quite a hike, and while we got some looks, not the kind we could have. All the Animal Planet attendees had been wearing and continued to wear their cloaking jewelry. Chuckie had requested it, but no one had objected, if only to make the pictures easier to explain. Considering who our official photographer was and that there were undoubtedly other random paparazzi lurking somewhere, it was a brilliant order.

  We finally arrived outside Islander and laid eyes on all the guys. They looked wonderful. Bored, but wonderful. Everyone paired off, and then we waited while the Statements of Fidelity droned on. Chuckie had the unenviable task of being the only one allowed to listen—he had the door cracked and was stuck to it.

  “Glad I have the right career for this,” he muttered while the rest of us fidgeted and my father quietly went over what Kimmie and Raymond were supposed to do. “I think they’re winding down. White, what’s the most likely word cue from your father?”

  “We ask you now to join hands for the final preblessing,” Christopher replied.

  Chuckie sighed. “Haven’t heard that yet.” We waited another ten minutes then he nodded. “Finally. Okay, everyone ready?”

  There were assents from my wedding party. We lined up, and Chuckie opened the door. Alexander and Serene were first, followed by Queen Renata and Kevin, Felicia and Tim, Wahoa and Jerry, Gower and Claudia, Reader and Lorraine, with Christopher and Jareen going last.