Journals of the Secret Keeper

by Jennifer L Ray

  Andrik blinked and then blinked again. Laughter rumbled from somewhere deep inside his chest. He laughed until he was bent over with it. He wiped at his eyes and held his stomach in an effort to gain control, but he could not stop laughing.

  Octavia looked on in horror and Olivia looked on passively. Both women felt he had lost his mind, but neither moved a muscle. They waited until he regained his composure.

  "No," he said breathlessly. One could either cry or laugh at insanity for it was both sad and funny. Etta must have been a woman of another world. There was no end to her diabolism.

  Octavia was outraged. "What do you mean, no," she said stonily.

  "It doesn't belong to me. It belongs to Willetta. Didn't your mother say that Willetta inherited the house," he asked and then insulted their intelligence by continuing. "Willetta had Martha, Martha had Stanley, Stanley fathered Willetta. So, this house and everything in it belongs to Willetta. You'll have to ask her. I'll be glad to get her," he finished.

  Andrik took the stairs two at a time and knocked on Willetta's door. There was no answer. He pushed the door open. Willetta was nowhere to be seen. Her bed was made and the room was neat and clean. The suitcase of journals was closed and he couldn't tell if she had read anymore or not.

  He backed out of her room and shut the door. He knocked on Martha's door and there was no answer. She was gone too. With a frown on his face he went down the stairs and looked out the door. Willetta's car was gone. Now where could they be and why didn't they wake him?

  "Willetta is not here. I will tell her you came by and what you wanted. Can you give me a phone number? I'll have her call you." He was eager for them to leave. The last thing he wanted to do was spend another minute talking to Octavia and her deranged daughter. He was very relieved when Olivia pulled pen and paper out of her purse and wrote a number down. She then escorted her reluctant mother out the front door. He watched as the driver helped Octavia into the car and then closed the door behind Olivia. He decided then and there he would have to give Willetta the code to the gate, because leaving it open invited all sorts of riffraff.

  #

  "So, you're Stanley's girl," Ricky said. He and Willetta were sitting on the porch, while Martha banged pots and pans in the kitchen. They'd had lunch and she had shoo'd them out to the porch saying she would clean the kitchen. Willetta was embarrassed by the new happiness and lively spirit Martha displayed. If she didn't know any better, she would think they had done something nasty last night, but the thought was outrageous and virtually an impossibility to her way of thinking, but then she heard Martha humming loudly with joy and a sweat broke out across her forehead.

  "That's what they tell me," she said distractedly. "My momma's name was Maureen."

  "I knew Maureen. She was a quiet, sweetnatured girl. When she got sick the folk in town couldn't believe it," he said reflectively.

  Willetta's heart skipped a beat. Here was another revelation that was in the journals no doubt. She struggled with the strong desire to hear the truth from the warm-blooded lips of a person who knew rather than from the cold-paged diary of a dead woman. She didn't have to make a decision. Ricky wanted to talk.

  "She had cancer. I don't know what kind, but she had to decide what to do with you. She had the wasting away kind of cancer. She didn't want you to see her dying," Ricky stopped and looked down at his hands. The skin was thinly stretched across the bones and it was cracked with dryness. His nails were thick and brittle like fossils. They were hands of an anciently old man. He felt ancient too.

  "She couldn't turn to your daddy, because he was all tied up trying to make amends for something he should have been forgiven for. Jean made a mistake when she made that boy marry Anita," he said.

  Willetta's eyes bore into his and she said sharply, "Do you think you should have been forgiven too, Mr. Ricky?"

  "Naw, child. I ain't even talking about me. I'm talking about Stanley. Anita and Maureen were friends. When Anita married Stanley it near about broke Maureen's heart. I had to tell her what happened," he said quietly. He shut his eyes and continued. "She got on her knees and laid her head in my lap and cried for the both of us. She forgave me. When she finished crying she got up and said something I ain't never forgot all these years."

  "What she say," Willetta asked.

  "She said, ""Well, I guess I gotta forgive you Mr. Ricky, because I'm gone need some forgiveness too.""

  CHAPTER 37

  Volume 4, pg. 2 (June 1972): "I asked Anita if she knew anything about Martha and Ricky. She said Martha was the talk of the town. Everybody knew she liked married men. Even Anita's daddy, the righteous Reverend Ferguson Mosley, had fallen under her spell. "

  #

  Time got away from Willetta completely. She was enjoying talking with Mr. Ricky and Martha about old times. She was thoroughly charmed by Mr. Ricky and because of this, felt an acute sense of disloyalty towards Andrik. He would never understand it, especially if he didn't listen to reason. He was deeply affected by his childhood and he had two live people to blame for it. There was no way he'd exonerate them ever in his lifetime, if he ever got wind of the whole truth.

  It was three o'clock in the afternoon before Willetta reached the gate to find it closed. She immediately thought the worse. Had he somehow found out what she and Martha had done? She pushed the button.

  "Is that you, Willetta," he asked. His voiced sounded strained.

  "Yes. Open the gate please," she said.

  The gate immediately opened and Willetta drove through. She got out and walked onto the porch. He opened the door before she could touch the handle.

  It was on the tip of Andrik's tongue to ask her where she'd been, but he thought better of it and stepped aside to let her in. He did not want to appear overbearing, even if he had been burning with curiosity all afternoon. So, he asked the most obvious and most sensible question.

  "Where is Martha?"

  "She decided to stay out at Mama Jean's for a while. Don't ask why. She's a mystery to me too." She stared at Andrik for good measure. She'd always heard that the best liars could look you dead in the eye.

  "Why are you staring at me like that," he laughed.

  Willetta shrugged and headed for the stairs. She was at the top when Andrik called her name.

  "Don't you want to hear about my day," he asked. He'd missed her presence in the house. It had surprised him that she was gone. The last ten days had been filled with one adventure after another, but always with Willetta at his side. She'd never left the house without him but for that one time and then she'd promised not to leave him alone with Martha and she hadn't.

  "What happened? I can see it on your face," she said from the top of the stairs. She wore creamcolored slacks and a chocolate brown blouse. Her hair was down for a change and curled around her neck and shoulders. Andrik's eyes slid to the curve of her hip and he decided she was the finest woman he'd ever seen.

  "Octavia and Olivia came by. They said Aunt Olivia sent them. She thinks the white woman on the screen is her mother and she wants it," he said.

  "What," Willetta said. She turned to walk on up the stairs and into her room. Andrik followed. She flicked the light on and crossed the room to the screen. She turned it into the light and stared at the woman.

  "What do you think," Andrik asked.

  "I don't know. It doesn't make any sense. Why would Etta have a picture of Aunt Olivia's mom and how would she have gotten it?" Willetta asked.

  "Probably the same way she got the woman's child," Andrik said.

  Willetta took a deep breath and dropped down on the bed. "This is so tiring. All these mysteries and secrets and tales from the past. Will it ever end," She groaned and fell backwards onto the bed.

  Andrik watched as she kicked her sandals off and flipped over onto her stomach. "I think we should read everyone of Mama Jean's journals, Andrik. Maybe it will explain some things and give us a different perspective on what we think we know," she said.

  "How about
I let you read the journals and then you can help me gain a new perspective on what I already know," he said.

  "I never took you for a coward, but that's how you're acting," she said. She half laughed and half screamed when he poked one of his long fingers into her shoulder.

  "What you call me," he scowled playfully.

  "I said you a yella belly!" Willetta yelled laughingly.

  "You got three seconds to take that back or I'm gone do something real bad to you," he growled.

  "I ain't nevah been scared of no yella bellies," she cried in a ridiculously high-pitched southern voice. She crawled off the bed and stood before him with her hands on her hips.

  "I should beat the hide off ya for that, but I know how to teach a lady to stay in her place," Andrik laughed.

  Willetta knew instantly that the game had shifted. The intensity in Andrik's eyes changed and his intent was clear.

  "What you gone do, cowboy," she

  whispered bracing herself for the touch of his hands.

  "You layin down a gauntlet, Lettie?" he asked huskily.

  Willetta knew what he was really asking and she refused to answer. Let the dice fall where they may whispered into her conscience. She tried to shut it out.

  Andrik didn't move. He stared openly at Willetta. His eyes boldly perused the length of her body and he wasn't satisfied. He'd never

  experienced this kind of wanting. It was a novelty that wanting could feel so good. He savored the feeling as his eyes rose from Willetta's bare feet to her lips. He took one large step into her space and slid his arms around her waist pulling her tightly against him.

  "Cat got your tongue," he whispered into her mouth. "Let me have it instead."

  Willetta melted against him and slid her arms up around his neck. The kiss was the same and yet even better than the ones they'd already shared. This added new meaning to getting beneath someone's skin. Andrik was initiating a slow insidious invasion of her skin. She sighed against his lips in resignation. This was going to happen eventually, but not tonight. She pulled away.

  "Andrik, I want you to read Mama Jean's journals. I saw your psychology certificates in your room. You know you need to read those journals," she said.

  "I see my kiss was very inspirational," he murmured. He took his hands from her waist and crossed over to the suitcase. He looked down at it as if it were a snake.

  "I can't get involved with you until you resolve some of your past issues," she said quietly.

  Andrik's whole body stiffened. Her words cut him to the heart. He'd spent his whole life feeling like half a man because of his past issues. His interest in Willetta was far above and beyond carnal; yet her words hinted at possible rejection. He turned and looked at her.

  Willetta saw the hurt in his eyes and opened her mouth to explain what she meant, but he was already walking through the door. He slammed it in her face.

  CHAPTER 38

  Volume 1, pg.1 (December 1981): " Maureen had a little girl. I know it's Stanley's baby. She got word out that it ain't though. This sho is a tangle. I wonder why Maureen denying Stanley his right to know he got a baby? I named the baby Willetta. With a name like that, she sho to end up where she belong. I ain't wanting no more lost babies. " #

  Two days later Andrik was still avoiding Willetta. The house was silent as a tomb. She'd passed him in the hall and on the stairs several times. Each time he'd been cordial, but distant and closemouthed. Willetta wanted to scream, but she hoped he would come to his senses and realize she was right. She was only trying to help.

  She left the house each day for a couple of hours to check on Martha and Mr. Ricky. They were having a jolly good time with each other. Mr. Ricky was laughing more and Martha's sarcasm and cynicism had vanished. She was fairly bouncing and probably would have been if not for the eighty years of life that slowed her down. Willetta was amazed at their transformations.

  Monday morning she asked Martha if she was going with her to meet Gwenneth and Samuel and Martha quickly declined saying she couldn't leave Mr. Ricky.

  "Why don't both of you come," she asked.

  "Ricky we been closed up in this house for days now. Let's go on and go," Martha said. She was standing at the kitchen sink and he and Willetta were sitting at the table.

  Mr. Ricky looked over at Martha and smiled. Willetta's heart skipped a beat. It was like looking into Andrik's face. She looked away because it saddened her to know that two men so much alike would never know each other.

  "We can go, Martha. That's all you been talking about anyway. You got me wanting to see some of Etta's folks," he said.

  "Good. I'll be around at eleven to pick you up," Willetta said.

  #

  Willetta took her time getting reading for lunch with her relatives from Atlanta. After dissolving scented beads in her bath, she soaked for a long time, before dressing carefully. She didn't want to remind them in word or deed of the vulnerable girl they used to know. She was strong and mature now. Her black pants suit with a silk cream colored blouse beneath it would fit the part. She slipped a pair of black pumps onto her feet; pearl studded earrings into her earlobes; a brush of eye shadow; eye liner; gloss for her lips and she was ready.

  When she opened the door to leave, she walked right into Andrik's hard body. He caught her and steadied her with his hands. He was dressed to go out too. The white dress shirt he wore opened at the collar revealing smooth black skin from neck to chest. His slacks were close-fitting and clearly outlined the muscles in his hard thighs.

  "Where are you going," she asked without thinking. She certainly didn't want him asking her the same question.

  "With you. I remember being invited too," he said.

  Willetta was speechless. She nervously hitched her purse strap further up on her shoulder to bid for time. Andrik hadn't had much of anything to say to her for two days. She couldn't believe he even remembered. Now what was she going to do? She couldn't let him go anywhere near Mama Jean's house. It would ruin the whole day. Andrik would go crazy if he found out Mr. Ricky was in Mama Jean's house. She couldn't very well leave Martha either. History was in the making as far as Martha was concerned. She was about to get to know the names and faces of people in her blood line. A line she and her mother both had been alienated from because of Etta's crime.

  "Okay, great. Well, we'll see you at Western Sizzlin. I'm going to get Martha," she said and tried to ease past him.

  Andrik reached out and wrapped his hand around her forearm. "Willetta, you were right. I do have some past issues to work out, but I'm still capable of having this relationship with you."

  She took a deep breath to steady herself. Andrik's face was filled with an emotion she could not define. She knew he had given his words a lot of thought and needed her full attention.

  "Andrik, I didn't say you were incapable of handling a relationship. I just want everything out in the open. I want the mystery of the past gone. We both have a lot to work through. There are some things about me you don't even know," she said.

  Andrik looked down into the face of the woman before him. Everything about her impressed him. She was still strong in the face of being raped, Damion Racy's abuse and finding out the tangles of insanities and lies surrounding their family. He viewed her as a woman among women and she was nothing but whole and complete in his eyes.

  "I'll read the journals," he said.

  Willetta smiled widely and held her arms out to hug him. Andrik wrapped his hands around her waist instead. He lifted her up against him. Willetta didn't feel she would ever get used to being handled so easily by this big man, but she put her hands on his shoulders and waited for the searing kiss she knew would come. He did not disappoint. By the time he slid her down his body and to the floor, she had completely forgotten the dilemma she was in.

  "Ride with me," Andrik whispered.

  Willetta's head cleared immediately and she felt a sense of doom rush in on her as she realized there was nothing remotely sensible she could say to convin
ce Andrik she and Martha should ride in her car instead of his.

  CHAPTER 39

  Volume 1, pg.1 (February 1981): "Maureen told me to stay out of her business. She don't want Stanley no more. She say Willetta is enough now and she done let Stanley go. She say he can't be two men at once. He still thinking that baby is another man's baby."

  #

  Just as Willetta thought, Martha and Mr. Ricky were waiting on the porch. She thanked God that Andrik had not read the journals yet and didn't know the full truth about those two. Willetta felt sorry for both of them. When they realized Andrik was in the car, the smiles on their faces vanished and they looked resigned for a confrontation.

  Willetta looked at Andrik as he sat behind the steering wheel. His eyes narrowed dangerously and his jaw clenched. "I don't believe this," His voice sounded strangled.

  "Andrik, please. He was drunk and he thought Anita was someone else. She had on the same coat as the other woman wore," she said rapidly.

  "Oh, so you've heard his excuses and decided to believe him and forgive him for raping my mother," he said with heated sarcasm.

  "Andrik, nobody is asking you to forgive him. If you can't do this, then take me back to get my car. That man is seventy-six years old and Martha is eighty. You can't be mean to them," she pleaded.

  "Relax, Willetta," he said soothingly. "I'm not about to fall apart, here. I'm just not ready. You should have told me," he said.

  Willetta didn't wait to give him an answer. As soon as she realized he was in control of his emotions and there would be no scene, she got out of the car. She walked up to the porch and saw the distressed expressions on Martha and Mr. Ricky's faces.

  "It's okay. He's fine. Let's just get in the car and say very little. I'm so sorry. I couldn't convince him to go ahead without us," she said quickly.

  "Willetta child, don't worry about us. We too old to be duckin and dodgin," Mr. Ricky said.

  It was too late. Willetta had already seen the worry on his face. He and Martha held on to each other a little more than necessary as they slowly made their way to the car. Under different circumstances it would have been comical how quiet they were in the back seat. Not a sound passed their lips on the ride from the country into Clarksdale, Mississippi.