Sweet Valley Confidential: Ten Years Later

by Francine Pascal

  It’s nearly twelve now. Todd is in his office working, but he checks on me every fifteen minutes or so. We don’t say much. Mostly I just shake my head. In other words, no, he’s not here yet.

  I’m nervous, and the fourth cup of coffee hasn’t helped, either. When I hold up my hands they’re trembling ever so slightly. Watching them makes them tremble more.

  When I’m being rational I say to myself, It’s not like he’s a nut case or something. Sure, he’s angry that I walked out, or maybe even contrite, like, apologizing and begging me to come back.

  No. His message didn’t sound sorry. It was cryptic with a nasty feel about it.

  So what? Todd’s here. No one is going to mess with me with Todd around. Plus, Elizabeth will be home soon. It’s not like it’s a movie or anything; it’s just a marriage that didn’t work, that’s all. Happens all the time. At least to me.

  I make up my mind, no matter what Regan says it’s finito and that’s that. It was a stupid mistake anyway. And being here for these last two weeks has made it very clear just how wrong it was.

  How come Elizabeth never makes these dumb mistakes?

  At ten to twelve the blue Porsche pulls up in front of the house and my husband, Regan Wollman, steps out.

  “Todd! He’s here!”

  Todd appears in the room like almost instantly, as if he’s been waiting in the hall. Which he may have been.

  Both Todd and I watch as Regan reaches into the car and takes out his jacket. With ultimate cool, no rush, he slips it on and looks around, sizing up the neighborhood. Which doesn’t seem to impress him. I’d forgotten how handsome and elegant-looking he is, too city for this environment. Maybe too city for me, after all.

  He closes the car door, hits the alarm lock, and starts up the front path. Now I’m really scared. He’s too cool.

  “Why am I so scared of this man?” I back away from the window and turn to face the front door.

  I don’t know why, but I am.

  The bell rings.

  “Do you want me to get it?” Todd asks.

  “No. In fact, maybe you shouldn’t even be here.”

  “No way. I’m here. And I’m staying. Unless you really want me to go.”

  I consider it for a moment, and then, thinking I can’t do this anymore, say, “Stay with me.”

  Those three ordinary words take their own sweet time crossing the room. And when they do, they just hang there, heavy in the air, loaded.

  The doorbell rings a second time. Like insistent now.

  I go to the door, look once more at Todd, and open it. Instinctively, I stand back.

  The entrance leads right into the living room, and when Regan steps in he sees Todd first. I can see he’s confused for a moment, so I step forward.

  “Hello, Regan.”

  But he’s still looking at Todd, perplexed. Then recognition hits. “I know you. You’re Elizabeth’s friend, right?”

  “Right.”

  By now I’ve moved to the center of the room, across from Regan, close to Todd, almost touching, within his protective shield.

  Todd puts his arm out across my body, making a wall between Regan and me. His arm is resting against me.

  Regan studies both of us. “Where is she?”

  “Who?” Todd asks.

  I still haven’t said anything more than hello.

  “Your girlfriend.”

  “She’s out on a story. Why?”

  Regan looks at me and then at Todd. He’s taking his time, like he’s studying us. Then he looks back to me. Slowly. “Why the fuck didn’t you tell me? I wouldn’t have wasted my time coming out here to get you.”

  Before I can answer, Todd says, “Take it easy, huh? Nobody asked you to come here.”

  “Look, asshole. She just happens to be my wife, you know.” And then to me, “But it looks like maybe you forgot that little fact.”

  “Hey,” I say. “Look … I’m, like, totally sorry for this whole thing. I really didn’t—”

  “Shut up.” Regan spits the words at me.

  That does it. That’s the key that unlocks Todd’s control. “Get out!” he says, and he starts toward the door, his hand out to open it. Before he gets there, Regan grabs his arm.

  “You get out. I want to talk to my wife. Alone.”

  “No way. I’m not moving,” Todd says, shaking loose of Regan’s grip. “You have something to say to her, go on, say it. She doesn’t mind if I’m here.”

  “I’ll bet she doesn’t. Though her sister might. If she wasn’t out on a story. Or blind.”

  “What’s that supposed to mean?” I’m pushed well past timid into confrontational.

  “You sleeping with him?” Regan asks, moving in closer, paying no attention to my question. “Of course you are, but the real question is, how long has it been going on?”

  Before Regan gets too close to me, Todd shoves him back. And like two bucks in the wilderness, they fall to it.

  “Stop! Please stop!” I’m shouting, but I’m barely heard above the sounds of grunts and expletives, the scuffle of feet and the thud of fists against flesh, of bodies knocking furniture, a lamp crashing to the floor, of action too big for the room.

  Just when it looks like nothing will stop them, from out of nowhere Elizabeth dives between them. I didn’t even see her come in.

  And recognizing something different has happened, both combatants jump apart.

  “My God! What’s going on?” Elizabeth shouts, one hand on the chest of each adversary. Todd and Regan are so stunned they don’t even fight it.

  Of course, neither heard her come in over their own commotion.

  “Lizzie!” I rush to her and she throws her arms around me.

  “I can’t believe this,” Elizabeth says. “This is totally crazy.”

  Both Todd and Regan retreat, embarrassed, chastised. Only Elizabeth could have that kind of power.

  Regan recovers first. “You want to see crazy? Look what’s happening here. Look at them.”

  Elizabeth shakes her head in confusion. “What?”

  “He’s nuts,” I say. And then to Regan I say, “Get out of here. Now!”

  But he’s still talking to Elizabeth. “Look at them. I’m here two minutes and I can see it. What’s with you? Don’t you know what’s going on right in front of your eyes? Or more likely, behind your back.”

  With an unreadable face, Elizabeth turns to look at Todd and me.

  Regan makes an attempt to straighten his jacket. He takes a deep breath, and with his teeth clenched hisses at me, “I always knew you were a cheat. Don’t waste your money on lawyers. That prenup is iron.”

  Lifting his shoulders and jutting out his chin, he shoots me one last nasty look and walks out the door. “Hey, I hope you two will be very happy. Actually, you three.”

  Then he’s gone.

  Nobody says anything. We just stand there, hoping for I don’t know what. Maybe somehow Regan’s words can be misinterpreted. Hoping. After all, he only insinuated. And he was in a fury and not exactly thinking rationally.

  I’m working on that possibility, so I don’t say anything. Todd, I can see, is like too sick at heart to do anything more, so he follows my lead.

  “I don’t even want to guess what he’s talking about,” Elizabeth says to us. “I want you to tell me.”

  Nothing has been misinterpreted.

  I jump to the obvious defense. “Regan’s crazy jealous all the time. That’s one of the reasons I’m leaving him.”

  It hits silence.

  Then Elizabeth turns to Todd. “You’ve been acting weird since my sister got here. Do you hate her that much?”

  He answers Elizabeth, but he’s looking at me. “Of course I don’t hate her.”

  He keeps looking at me as if he’s waiting for me to say something. Like I can save him. I can feel his eyes on me, but I can’t take mine off Elizabeth. I leave him waiting.

  There’s an instant of stillness that holds all three of us in our own des
perate positions.

  Then I see the change on Elizabeth’s face, the realization, and she breaks the frieze, takes a deep breath, and shakes her head. “Oh, my God, it’s true. I must have been blind.”

  “No, Liz, it’s not like that.…” Todd says.

  “Was it funny, my stupidity? Did you laugh about it? Or were you just grateful?”

  “Please, Lizzie…” I start toward her, but she puts up her hand to stop me.

  “I take it back. I don’t want to hear any of it. Go to hell, both of you!”

  Grabbing her purse, she turns and, in a sweep of fury, marches to the door, opens it, and stops. Neither of us moves.

  She takes a moment and then swings around and points to Todd. “I don’t know when this started. Or how long it’s been going on. I only know one thing: You’re both despicable lowlifes!”

  “Liz—” he starts, but she cuts him off.

  “Liars! How could you do this to me?” Now the expression on her face is no longer fury. It has collapsed into total defeat, leaving her just enough strength to leave. Not even enough for a door slam. Only the smallest clicking sound as she pulls the door shut behind her.

  I have just destroyed my dearest sister.

  We both stare at the closed door, too paralyzed with horror to turn away. The only way to stop time is to keep looking. But Todd is stronger than I am. He turns first.

  “What have we done.”

  Not a question, a condemnation.

  Todd tries to take me in his arms. I can feel his love, but I move away. I can’t bear the comfort now.

  How can he love me?

  14

  Sweet Valley

  It was only LAX, not Sweet Valley, but the proximity still made Elizabeth tremble. Just the sight of the palm trees and the bougainvillea almost turned her stomach. Why had she ever agreed to come?

  It wasn’t revenge. Will was so wrong about that. It was horrendous of him to accuse her like that. And insensitive, especially since they had the beginnings of a little relationship going. And it was so unlike Elizabeth to lose her temper like that. Maybe that was part of the problem. She was twenty-seven years old and this was the first person she’d ever told to go fuck himself. What was wrong with her?

  If he hadn’t attacked her like that she would have explained that there was no danger with Liam. To be fair, he couldn’t know that if Liam wasn’t attracted to her he certainly wasn’t going to be attracted to her identical twin sister. Identical. If one doesn’t turn him on, the exact same other isn’t going to, either. Liam really was coming as a friend because he was a good guy, and he knew how hard it would be for Elizabeth to face everyone alone. When she’d invited him she hadn’t known about Bruce, and besides, Liam had been planning to go out to L.A. anyway.

  If Will had just given her a chance to explain instead of assuming the worst.

  Yes, there was always the possibility of Jessica’s attraction to Liam, but that would be the old Jessica. Elizabeth had to figure that the new Jessica really was in love with Todd. After all, look at what she’d sacrificed for him.

  Additionally, it wasn’t like old or new Jessica was going to live in a box for the rest of her life so that she would always be faithful to Todd. Anyway, that wasn’t Elizabeth’s problem. The only thing that counted was proving Will dead wrong. She wasn’t purposely setting them up.

  Of course, she wasn’t.

  Elizabeth played the possibilities of how to deal with them over and over in her head. In some she just ignored them completely, stared into empty spaces. In others she told them, quietly but viciously, so that no one heard, “Just stay far away from me.” Although a little unrealistic at a small dinner, it nonetheless gave her more satisfaction than just pretending they weren’t there. But nothing quenched the urgency of the payback she needed so desperately.

  She needed something to wipe out the loser part of herself, the picture of that last day that would never leave her mind. She remembered every minute of it with stinging clarity.

  She had left the house before eight that fateful morning planning to stop at the paper, turn in the story she was working on, and go over to Winston’s to help any way she could. There was a whole house and a life to dispose of. And his entire family was only his father. There were no real friends. The funeral was over, the money had dried up, and the hangers-on had fled.

  Only because she was Elizabeth, the do-gooder, would she be involved in anything to do with Winston.

  Just from the look at all the confusion when I walk into that big white-and-gold McMansion, I know I’ll be stuck there most of the day.

  Around noon I tell Mr. Egbert that I have to go home for an hour or so and see what’s happening, but that I’ll be back this afternoon to help him.

  The man is in such a state that I’m not sure he hears me. Most of the morning he just sits in a chair in the living room, dazed, staring into space, trying to understand why his son, his only child, is not here.

  I leave quietly. He doesn’t move.

  When I get to my house I can’t pull into the driveway because it’s half blocked by a blue Porsche.

  Regan. It has to be. And it’s really not the day I feel like dealing with this. I suppose no day really is.

  Poor Jessica. She’s been dreading this since she got home. Me, too. I know he’s not going to be easy; he never was. I just hope she doesn’t give in and go back with him. I think he’s absolutely wrong for her. Right from the first time I met him, I knew he was wrong for my precious sister. It felt like she was running away—from what I don’t know. Or just Jessica on the move; always looking for something better, more exciting. That’s one gene we don’t seem to share.

  Maybe I’m just selfish, but I want my other half near me, not traipsing off around the world or even just cross-country. But most of all I want her to be truly happy. I want her to find someone she can love the way I love Todd. And I don’t think it’s Regan. In fact, I know it isn’t.

  As soon as I open the car door I hear loud sounds and shouts coming from the house, and I leap out of the car and start running to the front door.

  It’s open!

  I shove it wider and rush in. I can’t believe my eyes. In a flash, a nanosecond, I think some kind of robber has attacked my family. Then I see that it’s not a stranger, it’s Todd and Regan and they’re fighting, pounding on each other.

  I shout, “Stop!” But they don’t, so I bend my head down, raise my hands in front of my face, and charge into them. I know they don’t see me or even feel me until I shove them apart and then they look down at me, shocked.

  “My God! What’s going on?” I say.

  They instantly step back.

  “Lizzie!” Jessica shouts, and runs across the room and throws her arms around me.

  “I can’t believe this,” I say. “This is totally crazy.”

  Everyone just stands there looking horribly embarrassed. I don’t know what’s going on.

  “You want to see crazy?” Regan breaks the silence. “Look what’s happening here. Look at them.”

  I’m totally confused. Jessica tries to tell me that he’s nuts. And she shouts at him to get out of the house.

  But he doesn’t move.

  “Look at them,” he says. “I’m here two minutes and I can see it. What’s with you? Don’t you know what’s going on right in front of your eyes? Or more likely, behind your back.”

  I look at them, Todd and Jessica, like he tells me, but I don’t know what I’m looking for. It’s Todd and my sister. What should I see?

  Regan straightens his jacket, takes a deep breath, and turns on Jessica. And I mean turns on her, baring his teeth like an animal about to attack. “I always knew you were a cheat. Don’t waste your money on lawyers. That prenup is iron.”

  I feel like I’ve stepped into some play where I missed the first act. I don’t know what’s happening. But I know it’s very bad.

  Regan sort of pulls himself straight, like he’s trying to get back some of his
lost dignity. He doesn’t even look at any of us, just walks to the door. Then he turns. “Hey, I hope you two will be very happy. Actually, you three.”

  Then he’s gone.

  Nobody says anything.

  I turn to look at Jessica. And I see something I never saw before. They are standing together, she and Todd. More than just near each other. Together.

  It’s not possible.

  Not possible!

  In that flash that slices through all reason and experience and history, right down to that instinct part of the brain, I know.

  Just like that.

  Blind? How about dumb and deaf, too?

  They just stand there, silent, waiting for it to disappear. Waiting for fucking stupid Elizabeth to save them with some incredible rationalization. To find some reason for it all to go away.

  Or maybe just for me to disappear.

  “I don’t even want to guess what he’s talking about,” I say. “I want you to tell me.”

  Jessica starts on how he’s crazy jealous and that’s why she’s leaving him.

  I turn to Todd and tell him he’s been acting weird since she got here. “Do you hate her that much?”

  He answers me, but he’s looking at her. “Of course I don’t hate her,” he says.

  It’s like he’s waiting for her to save him.

  But she can’t. Nobody can. Nobody can but me. And I’m not going to. Ever.

  Regan’s right. “It was right in front of my eyes and I didn’t see it.”

  “It’s not like that,” Todd says, but I cut him off.

  “Was it funny, my stupidity? Did you laugh about it? Or were you just grateful?”

  Jessica starts to come toward me, but I put up my hand to stop her.

  “I take it back. I don’t want to hear any of it. Go to hell, both of you!”

  I grab my purse and start toward the door in such a haze of fury that I barely see the door. I swing around to Todd, “I don’t know when this started. Or how long it’s been going on.” Then I wave my finger at both of them. “I only know one thing: You’re both despicable lowlifes!”

  “Liz—” He starts to say something, but I cut him off. I don’t want to hear anything from either of them.